Pajiba Love 09/04/09

Look, Prisco... Snowbuddies!

By Agent Bedhead | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (36)

This is absolutely horrible stuff, but I only mention it so we can ready the Murder Tank. A 4-year old kitty in Indiana wandered away from his yard and limped home with a 13-inch arrow through his head. I used the above photo for discretion purposes (that, and you people were whining for puppies), but there’s video footage of brave kitty at the link. (Huffington Post)

Keanu Reeves decided to indulge that crazy woman who claims he fathered her four babies. Bogus! (Webster’s Is My Bitch)

Daniel Craig is slowly turning into William H. Macy. Hey, that doesn’t mean he’ll start doing Robert Rodriguez kiddie flicks, does it? (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

Gerard Butler and his moobs have absolutely no interest in playing a shirtless James Bond, thank you very much. (Celebitchy)

Between semi-ironic appearances in Bridget Jones films, Colin Firth feeds his crack addiction with yet another period piece. (Film Drunk)

Top 10 Spike Jones Directed Movie Videos: Hey, nothing ever aired on MTV even comes close to beating his Beastie Boys video. Listen all y’all, it’s a sabotage! (Revivi)

TK re-introduces us to his much badder gang of thieves at the new-old digs and also reviews Collective Soul’s 8th (really?!) album. (The Music is the Message)

Diane Kruger takes a swipe at commando starlets as well as those insufferable actresses who complain that they’re too gorgeous to get good roles. (Agent Bedhead)

10 Disney-Marvel Crossover Movie Ideas. Actually, I wouldn’t mind seeing Iron Man beat the crap out of Joe Jonas. (Spout)

Mike Judge’s comedy formula Extract. Pending FDA approval. (Screen Junkies)

Madonna dresses up 12-year old daughter Lourdes in the “Like A Virgin” wedding dress and veil. Oh Madge, adopt me too! (Yeeeah!)

The Daily Show’s Most Godless Athiest Moments: Because Jon Stewart should be remembered for something other than Elmopalooza. (Comedy Central)

Ten Steps to Erotic Possession: Is that Sister Ruth or Nurse Ratchett? I did a bit of a double take there. (Rope of Silicon)

Well, I know that many of you aren’t crazy about Dave Letterman lately, but, honestly, I totally dig the guy. One of Dave’s upcoming guests will be a dying comedian who will fulfill his life-long dream of performing 5 minutes of stand-up comedy on his idol’s late-night show. It’s gonna be sorta like Funny People only, you know, with funnier jokes. Documentary footage below: (Daily Fill)

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at agentbedhead.com.

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Comments

OH MY GOD I LIVE IN BLOOMINGTON INDIANA! THAT POOR KITTEN! oh I could just kill whoever did that.

Posted by: buttercup at September 4, 2009 1:16 PM

Holy shit, I watched Elmopalooza on Wednesday with my daughter. That is so hilarious. Jon Stewart is like a curly-headed baby in that thing.

Posted by: Snath at September 4, 2009 1:21 PM

So why'd they dress Diane Kruger in a bunch of crazy fug? Sad.

Posted by: Jay at September 4, 2009 1:21 PM

Clarification: Elmopalooza is not hilarious, just the coincidence of you mentioning it. Elmopalooza is horrible.

Posted by: Snath at September 4, 2009 1:22 PM

SKITZ!!

Swing the M.T. by Portland and pick me up will ya? I'll be the one looking pissed off and holding my killlin' stick waiting by the curb.
Oh, that might not narrow it down enough.
Hmm.
OK, I'll wear a red carnation and a sweater vest.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at September 4, 2009 1:27 PM

Is part of that kitten missing? I only ask because Dustin's got some spare parts floating around in a tuxedo pocket...

Posted by: Skitz at September 4, 2009 1:29 PM

Isn't it amazing how a little facial hair can make one of the hottest guys on the planet look like a skeevy kiddie-toucher. Here's a tip: If you are not Tom Selleck, do not grow that thing. If you are Tom Selleck, come over to my house. NOW.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at September 4, 2009 1:32 PM

Yay! Bedhead! And there's puppies and manboobs and Disney and drugs and erotic possessions. That's more like it.

*sits back contentedly and clicks on trashy links*

Posted by: figgy at September 4, 2009 1:34 PM

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, Lindsey with...

Wait. Portland?! Really? Is there like, anything to do there? I mean, I'm all good for a proper stoming and all - MurderTank just had a Baby-Chucker attached - but... Well, I usually like to get out and stretch my legs after a MurderDrive, you know?

Portland, huh?

Posted by: Skitz at September 4, 2009 1:42 PM

Wait! Give me a couple of days to get the CanaMurderArm attachment ready for the MT. Thanks to Skitz, it's got an Everclear powered flame thrower, a taint-punching extension, an Ass Swiffer (for when you have to go but can't stop the killin') a chainsaw for zombie eviscerations, a maple syrup dispenser, an automatic poutine oven and a baby throwing device (go long!)

It will be available at your local StabbyMart just in time for the holiday season.

Posted by: admin at September 4, 2009 1:44 PM

Hey! Just because the fucker lived doesn't mean I shouldn't get my arrow back. Bastard ate one of my pit bulls, he did, and he got what was coming to him.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at September 4, 2009 1:52 PM

that 'dying to do letterman' clip totally made me weepy. when did i get so soft?

Posted by: gem at September 4, 2009 1:54 PM

A baby-throwing device? I think you'd do more damage if you just threw the used diapers. Also diapers wouldn't make a noise. Anybody you chuck a baby at is going to be alerted by the wailing, and will probably have time to duck. Just sayin'.

I know where I'd like to stick that bloody arrow - right up the pee-hole of the moron who fired it! Damn, that kitty was lucky, though.

Posted by: Tarn at September 4, 2009 2:00 PM

Oh, sorry Skitz, I should have specified:

It's Portland, Oregon. So of course there's stuff to do here! The astonishing variety of Brewery's alone should lure you here post-haste.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at September 4, 2009 2:03 PM

The baby-throwing device is just a way for us Pajibans to help eliminate our sudden influx of babies. There are a lot of babies 'round these parts, some of whom could use a good chuckin'.

Posted by: Snath at September 4, 2009 2:04 PM

Who the fuck doesn't like Dave? Communists.

Posted by: Cindy at September 4, 2009 2:10 PM

that 'dying to do letterman' clip totally made me weepy. when did i get so soft?

I can't speak for you, gem, but I've been soft ever since Dustin posted the human centipede earlier this week.

Posted by: branded at September 4, 2009 2:11 PM

That Diane Kruger interview also has a link to an
interview of Dave Gahan by Chloë Sevigny.

Posted by: Cindy at September 4, 2009 2:16 PM

As my Vietnamese friends would say, those are some sweet looking puppies.

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 4, 2009 2:26 PM

What, no mention of Megan Fox's current bitchery?
http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/access-hollywood-megan-fox-michael-bay.html
I figured that between hating her skankosity and loathing McTinydick Bay, you guys would be all over that story!

Posted by: Patty O'Green at September 4, 2009 2:44 PM

I just want to know if that kitty caught the arrow on the move or sitting down. Cause if it was on the move I am very impressed.

Posted by: EricD at September 4, 2009 3:14 PM

Wouldn’t it be ironic if that kitty was one of those anti health insurance reformers?

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 4, 2009 3:29 PM

thanks for the puppies, agent bedhead! if you stop by harvard liquor, i'll buy you some alcohol!

i refuse to read any further about that kitten though. after reading that 'most of a kitten' comment from earlier, i've had about enough. and i don't even like cats!

Posted by: gp at September 4, 2009 3:34 PM

Of course you don't pussy cats, gp.

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 4, 2009 4:02 PM

gp is a nuff! gp is a nuff!

Posted by: Snath at September 4, 2009 4:16 PM

I really can't stand mistreatment of cats. Human suffering doesn't bother me so much. Is there something wrong with me?

In any case, I'm not looking at that link about the cat. It'll ruin my day.

Posted by: Lucas at September 4, 2009 4:44 PM

Actually, I wouldn’t mind seeing Iron Man beat the crap out of Joe Jonas.

That reminds me of my new Disney screenplay, The Jonas Brothers 3D Dissection Experience. Directed By Eli Roth.

Squeal as Joe Jonas is suffocated in a vat of boiling pig fat. Watch as one of the other superfluous Jonas' is eaten alive by zombie puppies. Clap while the last Jonas is blended alive, and the mixture is dumped into the coffin of special guest Miley Cyrus. Clap as Billy Ray Cyrus commits sucicide with a staple gun after being locked in a room and forced to listen to "Achy Breaky Heart" on a loop. Behold the incredible finale as director Eli Roth is eaten alive by leaches.

*****************************************************************************

"This movie has renewed my will to live. Behold the majesty of a Jonas/Cyrus free world."

-Roger Ebert

"If you set Nick Jonas's hair on fire, it would burn for months before it got to the scalp."

-Agent Bedhead

"Sorry."

-Zombie Walt Disney

Posted by: George at September 4, 2009 4:47 PM

Oh Tarn, obviously you haven't met the Pajibabies, they're silent killers. They make not a sound when launched from the MurderTank's fetapult. You just don't know they're coming until one smacks into you and sinks it's minature talons of death into your cartoid. In fact, they have specially designed armour a la Thibbledorf Pwent's Gutbuster Brigade. They just kind of latch on and spazm until there is nothing left of you but a bloody pile of juicy ground chuck and a sneaker.

Oh yes, my friends, they are little gurgling, cooing, pooping balls of adorable demise.

Posted by: admin at September 4, 2009 5:05 PM

Xavier's School Musical

No. No no no no NO. But an X-Babies movie? Yes please! And I'll totally buy all the stuffed dolls. Who wouldn't want a lil' Wolvie?

...I never claimed I had any taste.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 4, 2009 5:31 PM

I don't know if there's anything wrong with you, Lucas, but you sure as hell aren't the only one. Thanks for the warning, Bedhead--I'll pass on reading that one too.

Now, the Disney-Marvel crossovers, on the other hand....

Posted by: meaux at September 4, 2009 6:24 PM

I don't care what Madonna dresses up Lourdes in but she finally had time free from ~~kidnapping~~ adopting African kids to pay attention to her own daughter long enough to get rid of the unibrow and impending handlebar mustache that Lourdes has been sporting for the past couple of years.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at September 4, 2009 6:51 PM

You ever watch a cat fuck with a mouse? If cats had opposable thumbs, they would have long ago learned how to use automatic weaponry and brutally slaughtered and devoured us all.

Cute, my ass.

The kitten, I mean. My ass IS cute!

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at September 4, 2009 7:06 PM

Admin, that was ... beautiful ... just beautiful.

It needs to be a movie, with swelling violins, and lots of soft focus and until the Pajibabies, strike. Then, mindless but urgent destruction. Seriously. That bit reads like something out of the Elric saga.

So beautiful. *snif* Excuse me, I have something in my eye.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 4, 2009 7:30 PM

Well, I didn't look at the kitten clip because... Why would I have to explain that? I don't want to see that. At any rate, Canada and Arrows have a history.

I'm too dehydrated from that story about the kidnapped baby in Winnipeg to fret over some cat. I like cats well enough, kittens are better. But I have allergies and I'm just trying to find out how this thing in Manitoba is going to play out. I have to re-hydrate before I pass out.

Great, now the special birthday dinner I'm making for my sisters is going to be full of my fluid essences. Happy Snot-Day, alright?! That's what they get for letting their birthday fall on Labour Day. And they couldn't think of two different ones, huh? Had to be twins, huh? Lazy.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at September 4, 2009 11:01 PM

The video of the arrowhead cat made me throw up

Posted by: Meg at September 5, 2009 12:57 AM

My friend tole me a great place ____ W E A L T H Y S O C I A L . C O M ____. The best club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs..I think everyone need to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy.——____——

Posted by: MJ at September 8, 2009 12:46 PM

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Look, Prisco... Snowbuddies!

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