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Don LaFontaine and Disaster Movie, Both Gone to a Better Place

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | September 3, 2008 | Comments (30)

In a world … Where all movie trailer voiceover artists totally sucked ass … *Sniff* We’ll miss you, Don LaFontaine. (HuffPo)

Do you care where the most vegetarian-friendly drug and alcohol centers in the US are located? If so, you’re probably some skank who got naked for PETA. (WIMB)

Congratulations to Disaster Movie, which has reached the exceptionally rare echelon of a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. (BestWeekEver)

The Sarah Palin circus continues. And oh, what a beautiful, trash-tastic circus it is. (Deus Ex Malcontent) & (Celebitchy) & (QuizLaw)

Almost as beautiful as Sarah Palin’s mullet. (cityrag)

David Duchovny went to sex rehab for a porn addiction? Unless this is a compromise due to some questionable files the Geek Squad found on his laptop, I don’t see what the problem is here. (IDLYITW)

Henry Rollins and Charles Manson used to totally be penpals. (Agent Bedhead)

Where have all the manly men gone? Has Hollywood run out? I blame emo music and “Queer Eye.” (Variety)

If you thought craiglist ads couldn’t be completely hilarious without some kind of gross sexual deviancy, then think again — pervert. (Craigslist)

Helen Mirren used to be a cocaine user, but at least she was conscientious cocaine user. (The Blemish)

McCain doesn’t just want to outlaw gay marriage. No, he wants to turn our country’s gays into zombies. Makes sense, doesn’t it? (Zombie Forecast)

Back in the olden days, they used to call cigarettes “fags” and let bears in the army. (YBNBY)

But you know what they didn’t have back in the olden days? Gummy bears the size of your head. Let’s hear it for modern society! (Serious Eats)

Calling Cindy McCain a C-word is not only acceptable, but required:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Helen Mirren should be tapped furiously aaaand repeatedly:

by...one man, from one Caribbean paradise, they thought they could control him, THEY were wrong. He will show her, just, how hard he can be *EXPLOSION*


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

this summer...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 3, 2008 12:23 PM

*sigh* Don LaFontaine, we hardly knew ye. Rest in peace, my friend. I'll never feel the same way about a movie trailer again.

Meanwhile, I'm in need of a bike, but I'm kind of (hilariously) terrified of that guy...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 3, 2008 12:26 PM

Oddly, I'm a little sad about Mr. LaFontaine. Will all movie trailers suck from now on? Will everyone try to sound like him and fail miserably? These are important existential questions, people.

Posted by: Sharon at September 3, 2008 12:35 PM

I want that bike. I know I'd feel more manly with it.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 3, 2008 12:39 PM

Don LaFontaine has done so many trailers and commercials, the technologically savvy adman could probably just cut and paste clips of his voice-over work to fit with any subject.

They did it for Brando and Oliver Reed...

Posted by: Macafee at September 3, 2008 12:50 PM

How about a moment of silence for the Snowman, Jerry Reed?

Posted by: Rubble44 at September 3, 2008 2:31 PM

Hear hear, Rubble, hear hear.

And going to Conyers is a shitty job.

Posted by: Jay at September 3, 2008 2:35 PM

If Hollywood is looking for a ruggedly masculine American actor they needn't look any further than Josh Brolin. Shame all that unbridled testosterone is being wasted on a Bush biopic.
Also, I'm pretty sure if surfing for internet porn were an issue requiring treatment, the majority of the population would be in rehab. That is so embarrassing. He isn't even screwing around? Jesus H., David Duchovny, if you're going to have a sex addiction, do it right.

Posted by: Lannie at September 3, 2008 3:13 PM

Is there supposed to be a link for the McCain thing? I know Johnny-boy likes to call her that; is he up to his old tricks again?

Posted by: Cindy at September 3, 2008 3:15 PM

Shadows, I don't think it's possible for you to be more manly.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 3, 2008 3:23 PM

Cindy, the C-word thing was leading into today's clip. Now that everything is all one page, I can't say, "Blah blah blah, after the jump" anymore.

Can you view the clip, though? I've heard of some people having trouble with 236 videos.

Posted by: Stacey at September 3, 2008 3:43 PM

Geez, if they are looking for manly men, why aren't more of them hiring Nathan Fillion. It don't get more manly than that. Either that, or hire the bike. It sounds plenty manly.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 3, 2008 3:50 PM

Man, Christian Slater looks like shit.

Posted by: lana at September 3, 2008 3:51 PM

oh, crap, jerry reed, too? i hadn't heard that. thanks for the info, rubble.

Posted by: bionic bunny at September 3, 2008 5:17 PM

You know what always makes me feel more manly? A crisp white button-up shirt, smooth skin, a splash of Old Spice and enough mustache wax slathered on my soup strainer to choke a goat. The ladies can't get enough of the mid-morning sunlight reflecting on a heavily-waxed mustache! No sir! And nothing draws attention like belting out one of your favorite show tunes while strolling through the lower-class part of town! Rowr!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 3, 2008 5:42 PM

The Campbell Brown/Tucker Douchebag interview was the shit. I love it when he gets to the point of the hole he's dug and knows he can't climb out of it. Yeah, she really overstepped her bounds by trying to get a straight answer. You know that guy threw his headphone down and stomped off afterward. pussy

Posted by: wsapnin at September 3, 2008 6:56 PM

Since YBNBY mentioned it, and I castigated someone elsewhere for the same words:

I am not going to stand for this likening of Sarah Palin to Tina Fey. "He didn't pick Tina Fey, he picked Joyce Meyer!!!" I shouted at my colleague.

Tina may not really need her glasses, sure, but they're not ugly rimless-with-opaque-arms-and-bridge-jobbies-that-make-your-face-look-weird.

Dammit, I don't care if it's just talking about a superficial resemblance, don't you tarnish my woman! Hell, people call me Buddy Holly and Clark Kent for superficial reasons, but those are respectable people and the comparison doesn't offend me. If I were Tina, I'd feel more like the cases when people call me Drew Carey, sometimes adding, "you know, but better looking and not fat". Then why didn't you pick someone else, asshole??

So, yeah, that idea bothered me.

Campbell Brown's clip certainly earns a place alongside the Chris Matthews "appeasement" spectacular. So are all guys named "Tucker" dicks? I've never met a Lauren I didn't like, for instance. There's something there.

Posted by: Jay at September 3, 2008 7:01 PM

This has been up all day and not one soul has commented on the 13-pound homemade rainbow gummi bear? Let's see Sarina go down on that! Sigh. It wasn't like this before THE CHANGE...

Posted by: Che Grovera at September 3, 2008 9:50 PM

Stacey, no I can't view the clip. Any tricks?

Posted by: Cindy at September 3, 2008 10:51 PM

I had an ad blocker on and turned it off, then it worked.

Posted by: Jay at September 3, 2008 11:07 PM

Thanks Jay. Now I can see it but the damned thing won't play. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Posted by: Cindy at September 3, 2008 11:17 PM

Hmm. You should see a toolbar with a Pause and Play button on the bottom too, which I didn't see with the blocker on. Maybe try an alternate browser? Something's holdin it back.

Posted by: Jay at September 3, 2008 11:37 PM

"This has been up all day and not one soul has commented on the 13-pound homemade rainbow gummi bear? Let's see Sarina go down on that!"

No thank you. I don't believe in gummy bears. They make my teeth hurt, they're so sweet.

Besides, they always pull your ears when you go down on them. Ears are not handles, assholes!

Posted by: Sarina at September 4, 2008 12:07 AM

Ears are not handles, assholes!

Don't even get me started, Sarina. I now look the illegitimate love child of Ben Stiller and Dumbo. Thanks a whole fucking lot, douchebags!

Posted by: Jeremy at September 4, 2008 7:06 AM

I'm genuinely surprised to learn that something could be too sweet for you, Sarina. I can understand not liking them over the ear thing, though. I imagine your ears would also be pretty sticky afterwards, and who needs that?

Posted by: Che Grovera at September 4, 2008 8:10 AM

Owww, who uses ears as handles for that?!!

Remind me to reward my husband thouroughly for not doing so.

Posted by: meaux at September 4, 2008 8:56 AM

Sad, sad news about LaFontaine.

I'm thinking GOB could fill in though. With club sauce.

Posted by: that bees chick at September 4, 2008 11:53 AM

Jay - is it really worth it? I did see the play button but upon clicking, I was treated to exactly nothing. I'm on Firefox, but I can try Safari.

Posted by: Cindy at September 4, 2008 11:59 AM

OK, question self-answered - that was a treat. Safari did the trick...though Pajiba looks like shit.

Posted by: Cindy at September 4, 2008 12:02 PM

"I'm genuinely surprised to learn that something could be too sweet for you, Sarina."

Hardy har har. Look, I don't hate all sweet foods, I'm just super crazy and weirdly picky about them. I'm sorry that this freaks people out. I guess you will just have to get used to being afraid of me. I am incredibly terrifying, after all.

Posted by: Sarina at September 4, 2008 12:21 PM