Pajiba Love 08/31/09

Time to Hit the Star Trek Convention Circuit, Buddy

By Agent Bedhead | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (28)

After 26 years on the air, “Reading Rainbow” is getting shut down because no one will put up the money to renew broadcast rights. At least we still have “Between the Lions,” or there’d be a rumble. In my pants. (NPR)

Megan Fox loves sucking face with chicks, and when she kissed Amanda Seyfried, the prettier one giggled nervously. Watch next week for Megan’s “I’m Single, Boys!” announcement. (Websters Is My Bitch)

Demi Moore swears she hasn’t had any plastic surgery. In related news, I can clap my boobs together. Golf clap, natch. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

“Dirty” Harry Callahan and Travis Bickle From Taxi Driver were real guys, but they weren’t quite as badass and had far less interesting names. (Cracked)

What, exactly, is a “disaster boner,” and, more importantly, do they last longer than ordinary, run-of-the-mill boners? (Film Drunk)

Tom Cruise’s former Scientology auditor says the Poison Dwarf abused parishioners. Also, David Miscavige talked Tom into divorcing Nicole. Hark… is that porno music I hear? (Celebitchy)

What, like Brad Pitt actually sold all of those Basterds tickets all by himself? Think again, and, yes, it’s come to this. (Agent Bedhead)

Is it acceptable to use a movie to air personal grievances against a filmmaker? Well maybe, especially if we’re speaking directly of Michael Bay. (Rope of Silicon)

If horror movie adverts went political, then the Slasher Party would have ruled the weekend. (Screen Junkies )

Why isn’t it surprising that La Lohan may have used her robbery as an excuse to lose $2 million in borrowed jewelry? Also, never loan $2 of anything to Lohan. (Yeeeah!)

Who doesn’t wanna see Tori Amos selling breakfast cereal? Here’s 10 “Before They Were Stars” Commercials. (Liquid Generation)

As you can see, Agent Bedhead can tell dick & fart jokes nearly half as well as Stacey does. You can find AB at agentbedhead.com.

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Comments

Those pictures and "open mouth with Fire Engine Red lipstick" make Megan Fox look like cheap blowup doll.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at August 31, 2009 1:17 PM

Aha! Finally someone explains the popularity of all the end of the world movies. I should have known it would all come down to a dick. Doesn't everything?

Posted by: Cindy at August 31, 2009 1:19 PM

Is it acceptable to use a movie to air personal grievances against a filmmaker?

We'd better ask Mr. Carlson.

Posted by: Cindy at August 31, 2009 1:23 PM

Oh, Megan Fox. Stop trying so fucking hard. The more you insist on this crap the more you're looking like you're a shit kisser and shit in bed. Just stop it.

Posted by: figgy at August 31, 2009 2:01 PM

That Demi denial is pretty ambiguous. She says she never had "it" done, as in a specific procedure. If she is referring to a facelift than she is probably truthful, but there is no effing way she hasn't had those tits done.

If more women did the titty golf clap, the PGA wouldn't need Tiger Woods so badly. What I'm saying Stacey is it's time to share your talents with the world. You could be the Yoda of titty-clapping.

Posted by: ed newman at August 31, 2009 2:08 PM

I really try not to hate on Megan Fox, I really do. It's a pain in the ass to express an opinion and be lampooned for it b/c people think you're jealous of the pretty girl.
That being said, I am really sick of this poor man's Angelina shtick she's got going on. This "I'm going to be shocking and crazy and say sexy things like I love to kiss girls and everyone will think I'm irreverent and cool" BS is getting really old. When Angelina shocked us at least it was because she was really a tad on the freaktastic side. When Megan does it, she reminds me of those girls in college who would get drunk and make out with another girl at the party to get attention from the frat guys.
Show me something worth talking about, Megan, like a decent acting job in a movie role. The respect I had for you when I read a really cool and candid interview with you a few months back has left the building.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at August 31, 2009 2:14 PM

Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high
Take a look, it's in a book...Reading Rainbow.

I can go anywhere!
Friends to know and ways to grow...Reading Rainbow.

I can be anything!
Take a look, it's in a book...Reading Rainbow.

*walks away crying*

Posted by: Deistbrawler at August 31, 2009 2:23 PM

Seriously Whorish Mouth. I read an interview with her in EW (I wonder if that's the one you read?) and I actually thought she was kind of funny and honest and sarcastic. But I'm so tired of her discussing how much she loves girls. YOU ALREADY HAVE THE ATTENTION MEGAN. We GET IT.

Posted by: Julie at August 31, 2009 2:24 PM

My sad little bookworm world is crashing down around me.

*runs to join Deist with tissues and vodka*

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at August 31, 2009 2:30 PM

Julie, yup, that was the one.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at August 31, 2009 2:30 PM

That clip of Marty Rathbun talking about scientology is jaw dropping. David Miscavige has got to be mixing up the kool-aid about now.

Posted by: EricD at August 31, 2009 2:35 PM

mysharona & deistbrawler....can i hang out with you guys? i'm fresh out of tissues...and that's some devastatingly crappy news...my heart breaks for kids these days. :(

Posted by: gem at August 31, 2009 2:40 PM

By the by DC, I am an avid fan but I couldn't resist after the comment feeding frenzy of your Basterds review.

Posted by: Cindy at August 31, 2009 2:41 PM

Am I the only person who kind of feels sorry for Lindsay Lohan? Whenever I see her, I just want to say "Bless your heart" and hand her a cookie.

I have very little doubt that she brought her current situation on all by herself and really has no one else to blame, but it's gone way past schadenfreude. She just seems so pathetic. It's like she's shit her pants and she doesn't even realize it.

I don't know, I can't really fully explain what I mean. I just feel sorry for her bony, coked-out ass. She makes me sad.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at August 31, 2009 3:17 PM

ZombieNurse, you're probably the only one.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at August 31, 2009 3:40 PM

Nah, that's how I feel about her too. It's just like Britney Spears; it's no fun laughing at person who really seems like she's spiraling the drain. She got rich and famous way too early and her parents are monsters. I want to give her a hug and a sandwich and some clothes that fit properly and a quiet place to enjoy a stack of good books. Oh, well. Drew Barrymore was a 9-year-old alcoholic and she eventually recovered. Maybe Lohan will pull through too.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 31, 2009 3:56 PM

When reading "Miscavige", am I the only one who hears it in the voice of the bishop in The Princess Bride trying to pronounce the word "miscarriage"?

Posted by: icecreammang at August 31, 2009 3:57 PM

icecreammang - not until you said that. But now? Absolutely! It's fun.

Posted by: tamatha at August 31, 2009 4:18 PM

that scientology business gives me the creeps!
i want stacey back.

she has puppies.

Posted by: gp at August 31, 2009 4:19 PM

Miss Lohan has become a sort of latter era Dirk Diggler, albeit without even the giant schwang to fall forward on.

Posted by: Stacy D at August 31, 2009 4:39 PM

Now, now, Stacy D. That's "giant schwang on which to fall forward."

Posted by: icecreammang at August 31, 2009 5:06 PM

Are you saying her Diggler preposition was dangling?

Posted by: Jay at August 31, 2009 5:13 PM

You are correct, sir/madams. But it is impossible to use good grammar, Lohan, and Diggler in the same sentence.

Posted by: Stacy D at August 31, 2009 5:22 PM

Demi Moore did nudes for the Playboy magazine Oui and was pretty much naked throughout Blame It On Rio which is playing on Hulu and she was definitely an A cup in both of those oeuvres. Fast forward 12 years to Striptease when she was a D or a DD cup and you really can't believe she went through puberty in her late 20s to early 30s but she was born in Roswell so maybe she's an alien.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at August 31, 2009 6:28 PM

I do not understand the whole argument for requiring PBS to teach kids how to read in order to be eligible for funding.

Isn't teaching them how to read (besides the fact that PBS isn't school, hello?) kind of pointless if they never learn how to like it?

Obviously I'm exaggerating for argument's sake because of course I know that reading is a necessary life skill even if it's one you don't enjoy or excel at, but shouldn't that kind of basic teaching be expected of, you know, schools? So institutions like PBS can handle the entertainment (and yet still educational!) side of it?

I'm just disgusted by the reasoning.

Posted by: neurotica at August 31, 2009 7:31 PM

Movie reviews against filmmaker: I would say it isn't cool, at least as far as critics are concerned. Non-critics can feel how they wish, but reviewers are expected to give a reasonably objective opinion of a particular film. Yeah it is difficult and just not as fun not too, but unless they insist on making the same film over and over again (the Movie Movie guys), it is unfair to let prejudices blind you like that.

If they want to complain about the filmmaker in whole, then just do a separate piece about them (like the QT pieces here).

Lohan: Yeah, put me down as a hug-and-cookie person. Yeah, it may not mean shit, but neither does spewing vitriol, and I just feel better with the niceness.

READING RAINBOW: Fuck. 26 years. That is freaking amazing. And I agree: parents and school should be teaching kids how to read, not the television. RR not only showed why kids should read, but encouraged them to talk about the books as well. I actually picked up some really good books because of the end-of-show reviews. But no. Nowadays, schools are babysitters and parents are ATMs. And if what they said was true, we can blame Bush for this as well. Yeah I said it.

Plus, LeVar Burton was THE. MAN.

Damn. If PBS ever comes out with a compilation DVD, I am so on it.

Posted by: Vermillion at September 1, 2009 5:38 AM

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for the link to that brilliant disaster movie spoof of 2012. "What are we supposed to do? Stop time? Wear a helmet?" And the music and captions were hysterical. I'm watching that at least ten times today.

I don't really give a crap if Demi or anyone else had plastic surgery, but I can believe her when she says she hasn't. My sister is 50 this year and doesn't look anywhere near it. I'm 36 and still get carded when I go into bars. What's OUR secret? Unbelievably oily skin. Like, "Exxon should set up a drilling platform on our faces, they'd make a fortune" oily skin. So we don't wrinkle, but we'll still have zits when we're 80.

Posted by: DeadBessie at September 1, 2009 9:22 AM

I aboslutely get why all those people think Eli Roth is hot in Basterds. He was certainly the one I found myself looking at, even when he was sharing the screen with Pitt.

Posted by: Tarn at September 2, 2009 10:51 AM

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Time to Hit the Star Trek Convention Circuit, Buddy

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