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Pajiba Love

Since I know how you all LOVE (I mean, really, really love) the American Apparel ads which occasionally run on our site, here are the 30 Porniest American Apparel ads. Now quit yer whining, OK? (BWE)

Did you know that if you publicly drag somebody’s name through the media, you can just call it “comedy” and not “slander?” We have much to learn from Jerry Seinfeld, oh wise dickbag. (WIMB)

And speaking of dickbags, Bill Clinton is still a crappy husband. (QuizLaw)

Really, we could all use a little more Pee Wee in our lives these days, so here’s 10 cool facts about our favorite bow-tie wearing weirdo. (mental floss)

Daaaaamn. Beyonce’s sister, mini-Beyonce something or other, is a huge word that starts with C and rhymes with “hunt.” (IDLYITW)

“Because these days, when it comes to politics particularly, the truth is negotiable — and there’s value in the lie.” This campaign is going to be an effing nightmare. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

You know, there just aren’t enough tampon-related products on etsy these days. (I’m lying, I did no such etsy search.) (YBNBY)

Axl Rose will cut a bitch for putting his music on the internet. (Agent Bedhead)

I am always endlessly amused by the fact that the fortune cookie is completely an American device. (Serious Eats)

Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth do Entertainment Weekly. And somewhere, Tori spelling is throwing one humdinger of a piss party. (Celebitchy)

Anyone familiar with the “Harriet Carter” catalog? (IBBB)

I can’t tell 2004 Scarlett Johansson apart from 2008 Scarlett Johansson. (Popoholic)

Because I’m feeling lazy, and I don’t think I’ve actually posted the clip itself yet, today you’re getting leftover spaghetti cat. And you know how I feel about whining.

Pajiba Love | August 18, 2008 | Comments (27)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

thanks for posting the American Apparel bestweekever site. Made the rest of my day.


"Sup"

Posted by: Jordan at August 28, 2008 3:50 PM

Wow. Those are porny. Damn. Is that even legal? I think I need a shower. Of bleach. In my eyes.

And I feel like 2004 ScarJo (that's what the kids are calling her these days, right?) is ever-so-slightly less empty looking than the '08 model. Maybe it's just me, though.

Really? Pee-Wee's Playhouse, the movie? Huh. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Pee Wee, and I love Paul Reubens.... I'm just apprehensive. Can any good come of this?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 28, 2008 4:00 PM

The idea of Gene Shalit getting laid just dries me up like a desiccated prune. Yeesh.

Posted by: em at August 28, 2008 4:05 PM

Damn. DAAAAAMMMNN. Those were some dirty dirty ads. Who came up with that ad campaign? Vincent Gallo? Larry Flynt? Mister Rogers Mister Rogers' perverted zombified corpse?!

Posted by: Julie at August 28, 2008 4:06 PM

Okay, ummm...wow. Why didn't they just say "American Apparel: Because You Want To Have Sex With Beautiful Strangers".

But then they'd be taking the tagline from my new PajibaPorn series, and I'd have to sue em.

ScarJo is Marilyn Monroe's clone, given a life to live on her own wit just enough free will to be her own person. She's pretty to look at and maybe give you a handjob or boobjob but that's about it. She is three movie travesties away from doing Skinemax NC-17 nudie flicks.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 28, 2008 4:17 PM

It's refreshing to come across a new strain of bitch....especially when it comes out of nowhere. I was just minding my own business, looking at Pajiba for the umpteenth time today and I came across the clip about Beyonce's little sister (don't know her name, don't give a shit). I don't blame someone for not wanting to be associated with Ashlee Simpson or Latoya Jackson or whoever the little girl in the Partridge Family was....but it takes titanium balls to call someone unprofessional on a live interview. Especially when you do it in a monotone voice while not looking at the camera. Especially when you are calling them out on something that happened off camera and the audience has no idea of. Especially when they are doing you a favor by having your talentless ass on in the first place.

Just because you fell out of the same vagina as someone with talent doesn't mean you yourself are talented. Oh, I can see you are skilled at getting knocked up at 16, having a shotgun wedding and getting a divorce, but that should only get you a spot on Maury, not a record deal.

It's like when you are a kid and your mother says, take your little brother with you to go play ball and you have to drag them along and even though you know they suck, you are obligated. Well, Beyonce was going to the studio to cut a record and her mom said..."let your little sister cut an album too"

"But Mooommmmmm, she's a talentless self involved little cunt"

"I don't care...take her with you...let her sing some old soul songs and overproduce the hell out of them...that way no one will know how much she sucks"

"Yes Mother"

I didn't like Beyonce too much in the past, because I thought she was a diva. But she has grown up some and now she's not so annoying and she is definitely talented vocally, even if she can't act. This little See You Next Tuesday isn't worth pissing on if she was on fire. I hope to Godtopus that her death is a quick and painful one. Maybe her, Ali Lohan, Rumer Willis and Ashlee Simpson can form some type of talentless relative murder suicide team...I'd add Brooke Hogan, but bitch ain't got no one talented in her family.

Posted by: Rubble44 at August 28, 2008 4:23 PM

Just curious - has anyone actually heard the leaked GnR tracks?

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at August 28, 2008 4:23 PM

Skittiums, I've heard most of the album, in one of its iterations, anyway. There are a couple of intriguing tracks, but overall?

Meh.

Double Meh, even.

Posted by: TK at August 28, 2008 4:29 PM

Um, wow. WOW, AMERICAN APPAREL. I don't think I've ever seen any of those ads before. That one shot of the guy with his legs spread open reminded me why I don't like looking at hairy old-man balls (like I did last night on the bus, no joke. I love Portland-fucking-Oregon) and why I would never buy anything from a store that sells ridiculously expensive plain t-shirts and spangly Spandex. $30 for a glorified Hanes v-neck? Anyone who shells out that much is a douche.

Posted by: Corinna at August 28, 2008 4:36 PM

Piss... I suppose he can always take another fifteen years to record a follow-up, huh? Though somehow, being fifty and purchasing a GnR album don't seem to go hand in hand too well. Goddam you Axl Rose...

For anybody interested, Chuck Klosterman (sp?) did an awesome April Fool's review of the album for SPIN... I don't know how to do the link thing so tough shit, pally.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at August 28, 2008 4:41 PM

Darn good Lovin' today Stacey. Funny junk, indeed.

Jeepers. Those American Apparel ads. Guh. Thank the Godtopus I've got ad blocker so I'm not subjected to the ones inflicted upon Pajiba.

Posted by: Alabamapink at August 28, 2008 5:24 PM

I personally called and canceled the future deliveries of Harriet Carter catalogs to my grandmother's house when the special customized bonus pages were all various sex toys, sex pills, and sex products with punny names. Where's the run down of THOSE models, huh?

Posted by: Robert at August 28, 2008 5:43 PM

She is three movie travesties away from doing Skinemax NC-17 nudie flicks.

So, who's complaining? I'm looking forward to the inevitable - we all know she can't act but damn that is some good eye candy, I'd love to see more of it!


Of course, if she felt the urge to finally step up and do a good show sometime, where she's not wooden, I could respect that (even more if she's in a tight top).

Posted by: lordhelmet at August 28, 2008 5:53 PM

Holy crap! I was unable to watch the Solange Knowles interview thing at work before so I just looked at it when I got home. What a fucking little bitch! Not only do I not want to buy her album (not that I would have to begin with), now I want to actually physically injure her. Like choke her to death with her stupid horse tights and ram one of those fugly furry shoes so far up her ass she's blowing fur out her nose for a week.

C to the U-N-T indeed.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 28, 2008 5:58 PM

Shadows, just the other day I was bemoaning the fact that with all the celebrity sex tapes that have wormed their way into public consumption, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds is not one of them. Hell, I'd PAY to see that.

Damn you, American Apparel, I want to buy your ethically produced yet overpriced and increasingly spandex oriented products but I don't want to support you forcing hapless models to lick hairy balls.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at August 28, 2008 6:21 PM

American Apparel: Clothes for undergraduate dropouts who want to pursue STDs instead of finishing their BFAs.**


**To be fair, STDs are probably more lucrative than a BFA ever could be. Hooray for theater school!

Posted by: Tammy at August 28, 2008 6:23 PM

Is it wrong that, upon seeing Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty together with lips only inches apart and hinting at backstage catfights, my mind went to a filthy wonderland of debasing images and thoughts involving those two and various phallic instruments taht would make even the hardiest of Pajiban pornsters scream in horror?

Because if it is wrong, I don't want to be right....

Posted by: Vermillion at August 28, 2008 7:18 PM

Wow I completely missed Pee Wee's Playhouse, I think I'm too young, or maybe my mum was one of the parents who didn't like having to put up with it and so I missed out. Or maybe it wasn't so big in Australia? Anybody know?

I'm aware of Pee Wee Herman, but I guess it's because of the movie, which I also don't think I've seen.. So in short, I think I'm gonna go track it all down and have a Pee Wee-fest cause it's looks quite entertaining! Yippee! :)

Posted by: BrisVegasBec at August 28, 2008 8:07 PM

Oh.my.Godopus. I'm dying here. I guess he's not aging as poorly as I'd thought.
David Duchovny Enters Rehab for Sex Addiction

Posted by: Cindy at August 28, 2008 8:24 PM

David Duchovny Enters Rehab for Sex Addiction

Posted by: Cindy at August 28, 2008 8:24 PM

The thing that's so great about this so-called addiction is that there's no way he's in rehab if he's "addicted" to sex with Tea Leoni...so sex addiction is really just code for philandering asshole.

Posted by: Che Grovera at August 28, 2008 8:41 PM

Actually, sex addiction is code for porn addiction.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 28, 2008 8:45 PM

Exactly, Che.

Actually, sex addiction is code for porn addiction.

Or ho addiction.

Also, I don't get giving a tabloid "the exclusive" and then asking for privacy.

Posted by: Cindy at August 28, 2008 8:51 PM

Oh good grief, and the headline below: Barack Obama Reveals How He Popped the Question to Joe Biden. Yeah, that People.com sure has some hard-hitting news....

Posted by: meaux at August 28, 2008 9:45 PM

Why yes, yes I did know that Magic Johnson and the Magic Screen are cousins.

Fact: "The Magic Screen and I Are Cousins" is the name of my family's blog.

Posted by: Lucy at August 28, 2008 11:33 PM

Frankly, I'm glad David Duchovny's addicted to sex. Or hos, as the case may be. If it's a ho he wants, a ho he'll have, once I find him.
He can put it in my X File. My TRIPLE X File... ;)

Posted by: Noxbu at August 29, 2008 12:22 AM

Why is that american apparel girl humping Moshe Safdie's Habitat? (Yes, I know Dov is related to him)

Bad architecture porn?

Posted by: dutchmodernist at August 29, 2008 2:32 AM

the clip reminded me for some reason of the WKRP in cincinnati episode where johnny fever and venus flytrap keep drinking on air while being monitored by a cop. anybody else remember that show? damn, i miss that! plus, i had a cat that ate avocados.

nothing compares to harriet carter, but for a completely different experience, you guys MUST check out archie mcphee (mcphee.com). special zombie section and everything! every christmas we order the "mystery box". it's tacky, it's weird, and (mostly) fun for the whole family!

and, re duchovny:, we're setting up a queue over at yeeeeah to help him in his hour of need, i'm third in line. anyone else interested, come take a number.

Posted by: bionic bunny at August 29, 2008 8:52 PM