Sorry, but when you’re 10 with a five-year-old sister who wants to watch The Wizard of Oz 24 hours a day, seven days a week — it causes the permanent ruination of said movie forever. Because, because, because, because! (FilmExperience)
Tara Reid has a new clothing line out, perfect for people who, much like Tara, spend 95% of their waking time wearing skanky bikinis. (WIMB)
No Seth, if you name your daughter Brandi she’s going to grow up to be a stripper. If you name your daughter Ruby she might grow up to be an indie rock singer… Or, a stripper. (QuizLaw)
Marcia Cross goes where no woman has ever gone before. Except probably Britney, and maybe some transsexuals. (IDLYITW)
Boo reaches out from “old fart land” to lament the lack of decent music nowadays, and also to get off her lawn you god-dang whippersnappers! (MiTM)
I am almost positive that Hayden Panetterie is actually the product of a garden gnome and a human lady. (Popoholic)
David Beckham is helping Tom Cruise with his squats and lunges. (Celebslam)
Just so you know, it’s not just the highly-strung Republicans and fundamentalist Right-wingers who like to get their freak on. (SlowlyGoingBald)
However, as not to exclude the fundamentalists who like to get their freak on segment of our readership… (all 0.0008% of you) May I suggest this handy item? (YBNBY)
Oh hey, look! A football joke that even a football-hating girl like myself can understand! (KSK)
Shameless plug for Sirius listeners: catch Chez today at 5PM. (Deus Ex Malcontent)
With the ongoing DNC, I’ve decided to get all patriotic up in this bitch, with this moving rendition of Stars & Stripes Forever, after the jump.
I KNEW it was going to be THAT Muppet clip. Why do they always make me smile? Thanks!
Posted by: BWeaves at August 26, 2008 4:03 PM
I fucking ADORE Sam Eagle. "You are all weirdos!"
Posted by: Julie at August 26, 2008 4:04 PM
man, i miss the Muppets. a lot.
being the manly man that i am, i quite often find it difficult to show emotion. once in a while, it builds up inside so much that i need to release it. this is where WofO (and to a lesser extent Mary Poppins) comes in. once every couple of months, or so, i pop in WofO, smoke a big a joint, and spend the next 100 minutes bawling my eyes out. i don't what it is about Judy Garland, but every time she opens her freakin' mouth (even for happy songs) i'm in tears. and not the sentimental-one-tear-running-down-the-cheek type either, but full-on blubbering sobbing.
Posted by: causaubon at August 26, 2008 4:12 PM
although afterwards i feel so refreshed. it really is cathartic.
Posted by: causaubon at August 26, 2008 4:13 PM
I love Beeker! and also Lew Zealand. And Statler and Waldorf (the "old guys") were always my favorites, I think 'cause they were my dad's favorites (he was always right there watching the Muppets with us. I think this was the main reason he had children).
*sigh* Oh, Tara Reid.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 26, 2008 4:20 PM
They should show *that* version of Stars and Stripes Forever EVERYWHERE. Sam the Eagle rocks.
causaubon--I'm a chick who can't show emotion and I feel the same way about Mary Poppins. I also always wanted Mary Poppins to be my grandmother (and, weirdly, Michael Caine to be my grandfather) since I never met them and my relationship with my parents is less-than-stellar. Weird what a movie can do to ya...
Posted by: em at August 26, 2008 4:22 PM
I've never cried at a movie before. Well, unless you count documentaries about horrific stuff where actual people suffer and die. But never at, like, a normal movie. Not even when I was little, and not even the ones where they kill the dog. I think it's because I'm dead inside.
The Muppets still make me smile every time I see them though, because they're the goddamn Muppets, and NOBODY's that dead. Statler and Waldorf were my favourites, too.
Pajiba when I first came upon your site I was delighted because I had been on a journey looking for a place where a person like me could express my views and not be subjected to the usual scorn that has been an unfortunate part of my life. For a while it was a marriage made in heaven, I could spend my days reading your columns and spend my nights writing my manifesto. But somewhere along the way pajiba stopped being a place of pleasure, and has now become a place where I'm being tormented by a few undesirables. I'm starting to question if it's really worth it?
Posted by: Pookie at August 26, 2008 4:25 PM
If they replaced the Senate, Mayors, Governors, Democrats, Republicans, Nazis, Racists, Postal Carriers, Reality Show Contestants, Terrorists, Rachel Ray, Brett Michaels, Satanists, Right-Wingers, Conservatives, the Liberal-Left, Douchebags, and Bill O'Reilly with Muppets, the world would be a million times more awesome than it already is.
That and if I had the power of flight.
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at August 26, 2008 4:28 PM
Sorry, but when you're 10 with a five-year-old sister who wants to watch The Wizard of Oz 24 hours a day, seven days a week -- it causes the permanent ruination of said movie forever. Because, because, because, because!
It was Poppins for me. Everyday, while my parents ate dinner after work, I had to watch it with my younger siblings. I now hate it and wish horrible things on all of the people involved
Posted by: Brian at August 26, 2008 4:31 PM
Sarina, I'm the opposite, I cry so easily at movies. I cry when people die, when they're embarassed, when they're disappointed, I cry when I watch a scene that evokes memories of childhood, I cry during scenes when a father acts loving or generous to his kids because it reminds me of what an asshole mine has become. Jesus, I was rewatching The (motherfucking) Abyss the other day and I cried when Bud finally brought Lindsey back to life, even though I've seen the movie at least 3 times and I know what fucking happens.
Posted by: Julie at August 26, 2008 4:32 PM
Muppets. Rule.
WHY OH WHY didn't they make the 20 Best 20? Oh yeah. Those silly rules. God, I'm old. The Muppet Show always came on around dinnertime at our house -- that was one night we got to eat in front of the TV (a habit I detest today save for the eternal Muppet pass). Then Dad would get really drunk. And things would break. Like plates, and bones. Good times. Thank Godtopus for the Muppets!
Pookie, don't go! Maybe not everyone would be quick to admit it, but we'd miss you. All of us. We need you. We need our commenter version of Hancock. Balances out the Pajiverse and all.
Ben can go fuck himself, though. (The mean one, not the friendly, Harry Potter-bashing one.)
I think Ben DID go fuck himself. He hasn't been around in ages, has he? Whatever, who gives a shit about that jackhole, anyway? Pooks, I second what Stace said. We love you like crazycakes, you adorable weirdo.
Jesus, I'm being alarmingly nice this afternoon. I think it's all the fuzzy wuzzy stuff with the Muppets and that sweet story Kolby told about making me puke.
Thanks for the kind words Stace and Sarina, it's gals like you that make getting up in the morning worth while. I was about two cunt hairs away from leaving for good, but my work must go on.
Posted by: Pookie at August 26, 2008 5:16 PM
+1 for Muppets love. When I grow up, I want to be Statler. Not Waldorf, you understand. Just Statler.
Posted by: Shay at August 26, 2008 5:24 PM
Thanks, Jerce. That was...thoughtful? Except my old man was a lean, dapper drunk. People who only knew him during daylight hours -- at least until he retired -- thought he was just swell. Turning out just like him was the biggest, baddest practical joke I've ever endured! Well, maybe not so much like him anymore...but for a while there I gave it a pretty good run.
Ahem. One should not mope in the presence of Muppets! *how does one convey the voice of Sam the Eagle?*
I'm with you, Pink, on Sam's voice being just a smidge off. Statler and Waldorf are still as sharp as ever, though! Why do they make me think of Sarina?...
Posted by: Che Grovera at August 26, 2008 5:32 PM
The last I heard from Ben was on WIMB, and I told him to go kill himself. Perhaps he listened? If he did, I'm sure it was only to try to spite me.
Oh, sure, he's usually friendly....but I don't need him gettin all A.S. Byatt on me! (speaking of artists one won't go near, as the trade roundup did) (and look how we went back to "why are adult watching silly superhero movies?" today)
My favorite Statler and Waldorf bit is their introduction in "Muppet Treasure Island".
My dad was a very nice functioning alcoholic. Maybe that chemical arrangement passed on. I'm a mean sober. Can't be an alcoholic though, I've neither the head nor the stomach.
Julie, I'm the same way you are... i cry at EVERYthing, though. Catch me at the right (or, I guess, wrong) time, and I'm bawling like a child for those Kodak commercials. Brokeback, Princess Bride, 10 Things I Hate About You (when she reads the poem); Buffy season 5 episode 16 (The Body) gets me every. Single. Time. I. Watch. It. Which is probably at least a dozen times now, maybe closer to a dozen and a half. Reediculous.
Pookie, would it help if I said I have a little crush on you? I know you don't know me from Adam and all, but I find you quite charming, in a twisted sort of way...
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 26, 2008 7:53 PM
jay, i had a friend like that. sober, he was a whiny, intolerable sonuvabitch. get even a little alcohol in him (which was his favorite pastime. his days off, we'd talk on the phone while he got plastered) and he became the most charming, funny, generous, even sexy- fella you'd ever meet. women fell all over him. even men liked him. yet he still managed to ruin every relationship he ever got into, i don't even know where he is now.
muppets, yay! i remember crying with a guy at work the day jim henson died. i used to put my baby son in front of the t.v. in his little carry/rocker seat and he'd be enthralled for those 30 minutes. i had the john denver christmas w/ the muppets tape and i played it to death, literally. i really should replace that.
Posted by: bionic bunny at August 26, 2008 7:58 PM
i had the john denver christmas w/ the muppets tape and i played it to death, literally
.....BA-DOM-BOMMMP-BOMP!!
Aye, it might've even been better than "Christmas In The Stars". Okay, okay, it definitely was. But still...it was nice to have them both.
I don't think I have quite the swaggering commannding presence to be a sonuvabitch, unfortunately (and I have no javelina). I just get irked at people willfully putting magazines back in the wrong place a lot. It's alphabetical, people. Alphabetical. Not that I've heard stories about library conventions like bartenders saying "they tip well and drink more than the Foreign Legion".
Okay, I have heard that, exactly. But I haven't gotten to go to any conventions yet.
Sarina you're not alone! I've never cried over a movie/TV either- my sentimental fools of friends call me "glacier heart"
I'm more likely (but not much more) to cry watching the world news or you know, over a death in the family or something.
Posted by: soraya at August 26, 2008 9:10 PM
Ummm...what the hell is that thing in the Wizard of Oz picture? Is it only on my screen? It looks like the Geico Cavemen, but as a chick, and kinda porny. Why hasn't anyone mentioned it? Doesn't it bother you? Can't you see it? Is it just me? Get it off, get it off!!!
Posted by: isabelle at August 26, 2008 10:31 PM
I take umbrage! - This Brandi has kept the nani in the pants! (for the most part).
Posted by: BizzyBs at August 26, 2008 10:42 PM
Im so relieved Obama picked Biden so now its looking more and more like another Republican administration. This only intensifies the disunity of the Democrats and supporters of Clinton supporting for McCain. Im all for a McCain and Romney White House and if McCain says one term for him only he will bring more votes.
Posted by: trinity at August 27, 2008 2:34 AM
Anybody old enough to remember when Jim Henson died and there was a picture of Kermit with a tear running down his face on LIFE? Kill me now. So sad.
Posted by: samantha t at August 27, 2008 6:26 AM
A baby Jesus butt plug?!! Oh, my...
Is this part of a bigger collection? Like, a whole Adult Toy Nativity Set? With Vibrating Mary? Ribbed-for-your-Pleasure Joseph? Is there a Three Wise Men Three-Ended Dildo? What about the farm animals..."Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to have a sheep inside of you?"
Posted by: MO(meaux) at August 27, 2008 8:03 AM
Anybody old enough to remember when Jim Henson died and there was a picture of Kermit with a tear running down his face on LIFE? Kill me now. So sad.
See, now you've reminded me of the Kermit version of "Hurt", which means I'm going to have to pour more bleach in my ear to try and rinse out my brain. Thanks a bunch, samantha t.
Posted by: Shay at August 27, 2008 9:28 AM
What about the farm animals..."Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to have a sheep inside of you?"
MO(meaux), does this mean you're against the rabbit? 'Cause that little dude is a good friend to have.
Poor Kermie. I remember that cover too, samantha t. I still have the TV guide issue, somewhere. And I still cry every time I watch the beginning of the first Muppet Movie... Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection; the lovers, the dreamers, and me.
La la la la de de dee
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 27, 2008 9:36 AM
It looks like a fantabulous toy, AvB, but I had a pet bunny once, so that'd be a little weird (you know, unlike the Adult Nativity Set...yeah....). I do have a nifty little thing that I won at a Fantasia party, though, called "I Can't Believe It's Not Lipstick." It looks like a tube of lipstick (duh), and when you twist it, it vibrates. Too funny.
Hey, have you noticed that the other Anastasia Beaverhausen hasn't been around much (at all?) since you changed your name? Whatever happened to her? Was it some sort of Highlander thing, where you offed her ('cause there can be only one!), and then you had to change your name so that no one would find you? I'm on to you, chickie!
*sigh* Muppets are awesome, and I do recall the sad loss of Jim Henson, though not that particular magazine cover. Always liked Gonzo, myself.
Posted by: MO(meaux) at August 27, 2008 10:09 AM
I've noticed the lack of Anastasia Beaverhausen, but there has also been an Anastasia, I wondered if that was her. Or if she just changed her name altogether. Or maybe went to jail. Eaten by a bear? Tied up in TK's basement? No idea. I certainly did NOT off her, and there's nobody that can prove that I did.
I can see where the rabbit would be weird for you. There's one with a beaver, though. The little faces are what gets me....
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 27, 2008 1:05 PM
Hmmm. Interesting.
The great Pierre Berton once observed that "A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe."
Well, now I must make it my mission to prove that a TRUE Canadian makes love in a canoe with a beaver vibrator.
Posted by: MO(meaux) at August 27, 2008 1:34 PM
HA! I completely forgot you were from Canadia. Awesome.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 27, 2008 3:17 PM
ANNND American beer is like making love in a canoe.
If you DO get tired of the Wizard of Oz...and God knows, I do, maybe you should try this alternate ending, if only for the phrase "You psycho glitter bitch!"
Muppets: always a welcome sight.
Especially Animal and Beeker.
And Swedish Chef. And those chickens.
And the old guys.