Pajiba Love 08/25/09

Susan Boyle Dream Casting?

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (37)

Robin Williams is supposedly being considered for the Susan Boyle biopic. Like, to play Susan Boyle. That’s just mean. But also, really, really goddamn funny. I approve. (Gordon and the Whale)

Michael Jackson’s death has been ruled a homicide, and his doctor is being brought up on manslaughter charges. I don’t know about you guys, but I think this case kind of sounds like bullshit. (Yeeeah!)

This just in! Jessica Biel is now the internet’s most dangerous celebrity. (Webster’s)

If you liked the post featuring everything Don Draper said in Season One of “Mad Men,” you’re going to love this post of everything Don Draper said in Season Two of “Mad Men.” (Unlikely Words)

American Apparel has reached a new low by actually trying to sell bags of their scrap materials on their website. Ah, who am I kidding. I still love that store. (Frothy Girlz)

Since most hippie movies, much like the stupid smelly hippies they’re made about, suck — here are five that don’t. (Screen Junkies)

Megan Fox is going to be showing off her comedic chops when she hosts “Saturday Night Live” this fall. And by “comedic chops” I mean boobs. (Warming Glow)

I don’t know if any of you have been following the “Legend of Neil” web series over at atom, but Felicia Day apparently has a part in it, and in this new episode she’s even got a musical number — which just so happens to be awesomely filthy. (atom)

Cookie Crisp has a new sprinkles flavor, but more importantly, here is the burglar man and the criminal dog? Who is that pussy wolf-looking thing! I want answers! (Impulsive Buy)

Shipwreck from G.I. Joe would like to know why he was left out of the G. I. Joe movie. My guess would be that fruity parrot. (Mighty God King)

What?? A model who’s a size 12 and it’s not the fucking Renaissance? I don’t understand what’s going on here! (Celebitchy)

In case anyone happened to miss this in the comments section yesterday, yes, yes, here is the Twilight dildo. You can even put it in the fridge for that “authentic” feel. Gross. (Tantusinc)

Oh look, the magic of “As Seen on TV” marketing has found yet another way to humiliate our beloved canines:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Magical. Poo. Trap. The beta testing on that must have been a real bitch.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 25, 2009 1:12 PM

Williams is SPOT. ON. he's got the looks and the can convey the "full retard" needed for playing that stupid idiot.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 25, 2009 1:13 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA MAGIC POOP COLLECTOR HAHAHAHAHAHA

*passes out from laughing too hard*

Posted by: figgy at August 25, 2009 1:26 PM

The PooTrap. Because making your dog look like it's walking around with a prolapsed colon is much more dignified than making you bend down to pick up after it.

Why not just feed them balloons so that the poop comes out prepackaged? We could call it the Balloop (patent pending, vet surgeries not included).

Posted by: branded at August 25, 2009 1:32 PM

The girlfriend spotted the bit with the Cookie Crisp mascot switch when we were in the grocery store the other night.

Girlfriend: I want my fat dog in a prison costume back on that box!

Myself: But the wolf is fresh, and his popped collar is what the kids like these days. Whereas, the prison costume suggest that crime is cool and the fat dog promotes childhood obesity.

Yep, she's a grade A keeper. :)

Posted by: Doctor Controversy at August 25, 2009 1:33 PM

I hope that next week sometime you'll feature a video of some asshole having his throat ripped out by his dog after trying to saddle it with that stupid thing.

Posted by: Sean at August 25, 2009 1:35 PM

The wolf looks like a pedophile. No like.

Posted by: figgy at August 25, 2009 1:36 PM

I can't believe I just watched a video of dogs pooping over and over.

Posted by: MM at August 25, 2009 1:42 PM

Ass Swiffers and Poo Traps...

I......'ve lost... the... will to keep... breathing...

Posted by: Rykker at August 25, 2009 1:44 PM

When compared to the rest of the US what does a manslaughter charge in California equate to in the celebrity crime equivalency matrix? Jaywalking?

Posted by: John W at August 25, 2009 2:08 PM

Can I get me a Magic Poop Collector?

Oh, not for my dog. Fuck my dog. It's for myself. Wasn't there a whole article posted here a while back about the art of taking a shit at the office without being noticed? With my own Magic Poop Collector, this would no longer be an issue. It would be the solution.

Posted by: whatBENwatches at August 25, 2009 2:11 PM

I believe the Magic Poop Collector for humans is called a colostomy bag.

Who was it around here that was calling for switching from calling people douchebags to colostomy bags or c-bags or something?

Posted by: MM at August 25, 2009 2:18 PM

whatBENwatches, why yes there was, thanks for remembering. Now I think I will pass that torch, or match, to you. See what I did there? Ha!
Poop is funny! Even just the word is funny!
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at August 25, 2009 2:19 PM

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPIE CRISP?

Posted by: PissBoy at August 25, 2009 2:25 PM

I am ready for the day that a size 12 model gets a big part in a fashion magazine and the world DOESN'T make a big deal about it.

Posted by: Amy at August 25, 2009 2:29 PM

Like regular Cookie Crisp, except without the light chocolate chip flavor.

'the fuck's the point then? What's a vanilla cookie?

Yeah, that's pretty useless.

Posted by: Jay at August 25, 2009 2:31 PM

Is it wrong that the first thing I thought of was how much the Poop Collector looks like some sort of bondage harness used for a suspension fetish? Or at the the very lest...assless dog chaps?

Great! Looks like Pepper, my black lab, is gonna need himself some alone time. Walking around in that thing all afternoon at the park. The lipstick pops out and then I have to get him home. Down the basement we go so i can clip him up to the ceiling so he can get the full satisfaction of his doggy hard-on.

Coming soon...Poop Collector harness with choker collar attachment...for your poopie-suspension-oxygen deprivation fetished dogs (usually some sort of asian breed).

At least I know what to send David Carradine's dog for christmas. The dog's that like INXS will save money though because they just need a plastic bag.

Posted by: PissBoy at August 25, 2009 2:33 PM

The Poo Trap...comes in 3 colors? Dear God, why? Why draw more attention to that embarrassment? Is the poo less gross when encased in a purple-hued bag? What color sets off your dog's poo the best? WHY, Pajiba, do you expose me to such horrors that lead me to ponder such questions?

I mean, I giggle a little when I see owners walking their dogs with baggies in one hand. Until I go downstairs with my own baggie and sift through litter for cat poo like I'm panning for gold. Smelly, worthless gold. But the poo trap will stop traffic. People will point and call animal control and attempt to intervene on the poor dog's behalf. And has the tensile strength of that elastic band been thoroughly tested with exceptionally gassy dogs? I can see fart-propelled poo-laden bags hurtling through the air at dog parks everywhere.

Posted by: DeadBessie at August 25, 2009 2:37 PM

Leave it to PissBoy to take it even darker than anyone dared imagine. Kudos to you, sir.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 25, 2009 2:43 PM

I've got so many questions about the poop collector. First of all, it's magic? Is this for the people unable to understand the concept of diapers? And is that velcro or magnets holding it on? Because doggie ass magnets would allow you to use your dog as a metal detector in the park. AS he's scooching along the grass you'll pick up rare coins and discarded jewelery! Which you can use as barter when the dogs revolt for this and those little outfits with the hats.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at August 25, 2009 2:45 PM

Damn you, Lizzie, damn you to hell for raising the self-esteem of fat girls. NOW what are non-jock, non-cool guys supposed to do for blowjobs?

Also, I'd do you in a heartbeat. Just take it easy when you're on top, 'K, baby?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy), at August 25, 2009 2:52 PM

/ hears sound of steel on sharpening stone

// edges slowly away from tcfkab

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 25, 2009 3:05 PM

Usually it's just wearying single entendres, but it's good to change things up once in a while.

Posted by: Jay at August 25, 2009 3:18 PM

I called BS on the American Apparel S(Crap)s months ago.

Perhaps both the trends should be married, hipster poo-pooch-pouches made of American Apparel fabric.

At last! Eurotrash with wedgies doing the world a favor.

Posted by: Stacy D at August 25, 2009 3:20 PM

Okay, I'm going to watch the poo video as soon as I stop laughing at the Twilight sparkle-douche dildo.
This either means that tweens are using sex toys (I hope not!) or many more adult women than I could have realized want to fuck Edward Cullen.

My favorite part: "But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle."
Hahahahahahahaha.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at August 25, 2009 4:07 PM

Poop catcher.
Is that a "collie-ostomy" bag?

I am so fucking hungover.....

Posted by: Odnon at August 25, 2009 5:00 PM

A Twilight dildo? Could someone please steak Stephanie Meyer and put an end to this madness?

Posted by: George at August 25, 2009 5:54 PM

steak Stephanie Meyer

best typo today.

Posted by: gp at August 25, 2009 6:17 PM

I look a lot more like Susan Boyle than Robin Williams does, and I am also a dude. The hair especially. I have a feeling our eyebrows could be similar as well, but hers are undoubtedly sculpted. Mine have been overgrown since I divorced my Aesthetician wife.

Posted by: imk at August 25, 2009 6:33 PM

That picture of her looks like Sloth in drag... GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!

Posted by: Tammers at August 25, 2009 6:42 PM

Just hearing Felicia Day say dirty sanchez made my day better.

Posted by: EricD at August 25, 2009 7:01 PM

Pussy wolf... Heh. Heh.

Posted by: SaBrina at August 25, 2009 7:34 PM

mysharona there is a seriously large contingent of middle-aged women who love the fuck out of Twilight. It's really just beyond disturbing. So I imagine they're the ones gladly buying this toy and fulfilling their love of the perfect guy who is...forever 17. ICK.

Posted by: figgy at August 25, 2009 7:50 PM

You know what? You can get one of those poo traps for free. Just hook a fucking plastic shopping bag around their legs. Come one people: reduce, reuse, recycle!

Also works for children and the elderly.

Posted by: admin at August 25, 2009 8:27 PM

THE FUCK?

The blogroll is gone?

Dude. I've had free Pajiba ads on MLW for, what, 5 fuckin' years, and you guys ditch the goddamned BLOGROLL?

Who do I have to blow around here to get a fuckin' LINK?

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at August 25, 2009 11:25 PM

Calm the fuck down, MScott. It's under the "About" tab on the banner. Egads, woman. Shrill much?

Posted by: I Love Beets at August 25, 2009 11:34 PM

Yummm, Felicia Day as a sex crazed fairy...nice.

That gives me an idea:

Merry, Fuck or Kill Red Head Edition: Felicia Day, Isla Fisher and Christina Hendrickson (though she was already done but too hot not to mention)

Merry: Felicia
Fuck: Christina
Kill: Isla (sorry but you are fucking Borat/Bruno)

Now your tunr my fellow redheadophiles!

Posted by: yocean at August 26, 2009 3:47 AM

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Susan Boyle Dream Casting?

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