Pajiba

As an X-Filiac, I must say I am torn. My love for Fox Mulder knows no bounds, but really, after the last frozen fuckery to pass itself off as an X-Files movie, I just don't know if I can get behind this.

Maybe they should have sent Mulder and Scully to District 9! THAT would have been awesome! Maybe they would have found little Scully/prawn babies from the eggs she had stolen, and their son would have been the Nigerian guy who was trading them all cat food for weapons, and they could have this touching reunion before things started going to shit, and they had to team up against angry prawns/evil government asstards, led by Alex Krycek and the re-animated head of the Smoking Man, and Skinner steps in to protect them.......

Or, maybe they should just stop.

Whoo-hoo! Suck it, Christians! With your . . . Christianity and whatever. You're going to get it now. We're gonna embarrass the hell out of your for . . . your . . . loving Jesus and stuff. Hey, fellas? I don't think we thought this one all the way through.

That gif on Warming Glow was horrible. Considering the likely cleanliness of both, I'd lick a stripper's asshole before I'd lick a stripper pole.

And I really felt the same way TB. Can someone ask Jeremy about the cleanliness of those things? The pole, that is. Not the assholes.

Don't knock it until you've tried it Tracer, the asshole that is.

Make no mistake, I appreciate a little well-timed analingus. But, depending on the size of the club, there could be two-dozen women or more grabbing the same pole on a given night, to say nothing about rubbing themselves all over the thing. Assuming "Merlot" took a shower before work, I'm certain her butt is much less likely to give me some sort of mind- and/or bowel-collapsing infection than that disgusting pole.

I noticed the Jack Burton poster has been sold. Rowles, it might be time to check the Pajiba books and have someone posted at the Logan airport international terminal, if you know what is good for you.

With a name like “Merlot” I’m sure she’s clean and tasty, Tracer.

And oh man, she DOES look like Willem Defoe in drag and plastic tits. AWESOME.

AHhahahahah! OH, god, Jerce, that killed me.

Oh, John Krasinski. You don't know what you do to me. I'd nail you like a board over a broken window during a zombie invasion.

Soooooooo, "The Vamp" (TM) dildo sparkles in sunlight? And here I thought I was supposed to stick it where the sun don't shine.

I'm actually enjoying the Schadenfreude that Murderer Guy has killed not one, but TWO reality shows. And we just thought he'd killed his wife

With Mr Murder (ironically?) killing himself in Hope B.C. and the recent "Mr Bus Murderer" I am really beginning to question my fellow Canadians and the whole "we're a peaceful people, eh?" thing we always brag about. This is the dark passive aggressive side of this country. Seriously, people. Do not piss off this country. We will decapitate you into a bag.

As for the Reality Show he was on getting cancelled, I wonder how long it'll be before it actually does get aired, on TV or the Internet? I suspect they only cancelled it because he got booted in an early round and wasn't on the show long enough to warrant airing it.

You can also put the Vampdildo in the fridge to get that real vampire experience!

oooh yeah nothing sexier than fucking yourself with an icicle.

Love 'The X-Files'. I mean HUGE fan. Have all the dvd's, went to XF related chat rooms back in the day, have all the action figures, etc. etc...

But, please. Make it stop. Make it stop NOW.

Why, Jerce, you are full of all kinds of goodness today!

Oh! and that "Be Safe" Shadow sticky? Fuckin' creepy. People need their damn heads read.

"I'd nail you like a board over a broken window during a zombie invasion."

Posted by: ZombieNurse at August 24, 2009 2:15 PM

I'm seconding the stealing of this line. ZombieNurse, I salute you.

Wouldn't vampire dick be ambient room temperature?
Why refrigerate the sparkly dildo? Just leave the thing laying around the house until you feel the need to jump on it.
That's what I do...
TMI?

Jerce, I am going to be fired because of that link.
See, during a batch of Cull Day drunkeness, my co-workers and I were discussing That Book, in our own special way ('Are her vampires like other vampires and can't be seen in a mirror? Hey, do you think that would apply to cameras as well? What if they did porn?' Eventually, we decided vampires would be great at porn. Think about it). Anyway, someone uttered the words 'sparkling manhood', and the post-doc squealed like a seven year old girl seeing a slug. It was gorgeous. Turns out 'manhood' is her version of 'moist'.
I really, REALLY want to send her that link. But the Sexual Harrassment Panda won't like that. Sooo going to get fired.

The only conceivable reason to have another X-Files movie is that Krycek wasn't in the last one. COME ON! When I was but a precocious 11 year old who read Entertainment Weekly and watched X-Files I read an interview with Chris Carter and he said something along the lines of "when everything finally collapses in flames, Krycek will be the last one standing. It may be on one leg and missing an eye, but he'll be there" and I WANT TO SEE THAT. It's not like Nicholas Lea is doing anything important, and he's still kind of hot! Thus justifying my misguided childhood crush that always made me feel kind of uncomfortable.

Speaking of uncomfortable; thank you, Jerce.

The last installment of X-Files was pointless. So I'm guessing the next movie will be just as pointless.

Um, Krycek is massively dead. Bullet in the head, courtesy of Skinner, although he did manage to come back and counsel Mulder as a ghost. Chris Carter didn't come through on a lot of his statements (all will be revealed, Scully and Mulder will never be a couple, Krycek will be the last one standing, etc.).

The show began tanking once Mulder was forced to go on the run, and Krycek's death was utterly pointless--he was no threat at the time, and besides, the guy was seriously hot. I had to watch that crappy John Woo Canadian series just to get my Nick Lea fix.

I rented the latest movie only a few weeks ago, and I was surprised that I didn't totally hate it. I didn't like it either. Plot was lame as hell, Mulder sports a hobo beard for way too long, and Scully came off her usual icy and dull self in the doctor scenes. No one who wasn't already a fan would see it. Plus, the usual chase scene in the usual industrial setting, with metal pipes, scaffolding, steam and catwalks everywhere. Yawn. And that shot of the agent falling to her death was the worst CGI I've seen in a movie ever. It was bad even by TV standards.

I had to rewatch that vampire episode where Scully and Mulder both review a case from their own point of view (in Scully's version, Mulder is an obnoxious egomaniac who can't even remember her name; in Mulder's version, Scully is a sarcastic, whiny bitch more interested in nailing the local vampire sheriff than in solving the case) to remind myself why I ever liked the show in the first place.