Did anyone else know that Gob was on “Sesame Street?” No, not Will Arnett — vulgar, amoral, gloriously offensive Gob. On “Sesame Street!” I know, right?! (FunnyOrDie)
It’s been awhile since I posted anything negative about Katherine Heigl, which means it’s also been awhile since we had a comment melee debating the merits of posting negative stuff about Katherine Heigl. (WIMB)
Here’s a bit of unexpected celebrity news: Winona Ryder broke up with the dude from Rilo Kiley and is now said to be dating Tom Green. Huh. (Agent Bedhead)
Oh my God, you guys, it is totally not Jessica Simpson's fault that she looks like the bastard love child of a retarded linebacker and a defective blow-up doll!
...although it is totally her fault that she looks like the discount version of Butt-Chin Barbie come to life and covered in petroleum, a nylon wig, and the wardrobe leavings from a community theatre production of "Dallas: The Musical".
Godtopusdamnit! Now I want a fried Hostess Cupcake, and I don't even like those things unfried.
I guess I'll just have to do the next best thing, when the Three County Fair is in town next weekend and have my usual fair dinner of french fries, fried dough, and cotton candy. Assuming I can convince the Main Squeeze to go.
Posted by: tamatha at August 22, 2008 4:12 PM
Re: Katherine Heigl. I'm comlpetely neutral on her, but it's your blog and if you wanna hate on Heigl then YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD AND HATE ON HER. Everyone's gotta have some kind of object of irrational, totally over-the-top hatred. I save mine for Cindy McCain.
Posted by: Sarah at August 22, 2008 4:13 PM
Why you gotta diss on community theater like that, yo?
Posted by: boo at August 22, 2008 4:13 PM
Why you gotta diss on community theater like that, yo?
I want to have Will Arnett's babies. I think I could take Amy Poehler. I went to the gym yesterday.
My kid's school has "haystacks", which are (no lie)a pile of fritos with chili and cheese on top. They feed them this shit and then only give them 20 minutes of recess a day with gym class once a week. Did you know that they can consider ketchup a vegetable?
Posted by: wsapnin at August 22, 2008 4:24 PM
Hey now, let's leave the innocent cleft chins outta this! I happen to like them.
Long ago....1992 in fact....I worked with an Irish girl with red hair and a cleft chin. Her name wasn't Molly Parker, but it was close enough!
I'm still out here, girl! You know....if your first marriage is falling apart or something. I've always been a 30s second marriage kinda guy, I've known that for years. I'm in my prime!
Well, community theatre is a beast whose characteristics vary widely, depending on the specific community. As Jessica Simpson is the backwater illiterate Bible-humping (not a typo) community type of girl, well, her kind of theatre would probably involve speaking in tongues, making out with her own father, and showing her boobs (for the glory of God, naturally).
There's nothing wrong with community theatre in a community where the majority of people don't lose their virginity to a member of their own family.
Wouldn't it be awesome if you could fry cotton candy?
mmmmmmmmm fried everything...
Wait, did that person have a fried Bloody Mary? ...and is that a pickle in there??
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 22, 2008 4:29 PM
Fry, Mary, fry!
Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 4:37 PM
As always Katherine Heigl is what women should aspire to be, she's hot and she's smart. I would hope that one day pajiba would take the initiative and produce a Women of Pajiba calendar, so I can have something other than my porno websites to pleasure myself with. I will be more than happy to be the first to donate funds to get this long overdue project off the ground.
Posted by: Pookie at August 22, 2008 4:38 PM
mmmmmmmmm fried everything...
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 22, 2008 4:29 PM
The fried Snickers bars at our county fair will quickly disabuse you of this quaint notion.
Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 4:39 PM
Pookie, are you suggesting that Katherine Heigl is representative of the Women of Pajiba? You're confusing me here...
Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 4:41 PM
mmmmmmmmm fried everything...
I think that's the official Glasgow motto, and I really want to visit Glasgow.
Speaking of cotton candy, as much as I love the original flavors (pink and blue), I especially love maple sugar cotton candy. Drool. I knew that there was more than one reason to go to a sugar shack during maple syrup season last year--and dammit, I missed out. Note to self--make going to a sugar shack a priority this year!
Posted by: tamatha at August 22, 2008 4:48 PM
...and now that I've read everything, I had to go to the breakroom and get Pop Tarts. Ooh, ooh! Deep-fried Pop Tarts!
Posted by: Three-nineteen at August 22, 2008 4:52 PM
What I'm saying Che, if that's your real name is that Heigl is hot and women should become hot. And my second point is that pajiba should produce a calendar of all the women of pajiba because women should want to please men. And they can please us by showing us their treasures. Now have I made myself clear?
Posted by: Pookie at August 22, 2008 4:54 PM
"Dallas: The Musical"
Oh HELL No. Assica Simpson would not even be involved with something that has as much potential at trashy-awesome as "Dallas: The Musical". For starters, Joan Collins would likely take the bitch out with a turban on her head and a martini in her hand. Assica would not have the first idea on how to play anyone that ever appeared on Dallas. She doesn't even have enough talent to be an assistant to someone like Joan Collins or Heather Locklear.
Besides, she is trying to become a "real" actress now, don't you know?
I still maintain that she is going to be the thing that destroys the Cowboys and Tony Romo this season. I can't wait.
Posted by: Melody at August 22, 2008 5:03 PM
if that's your real name
That which we call a rose, by any other name..."Pookie".
Heigl is hot
She has her moments -- but egomania and self-absorption cast an enduring chill.
Now have I made myself clear?
Crystalline.
Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 5:06 PM
"What I'm saying Che, if that's your real name is that Heigl is hot..."
You really think so, Pookie? Are you seeing something I'm not seeing when you look at her? Because... I mean, her face is pretty enough I guess, but here's the rest of what I see:
- Jacked up teeth
- A walk like a duck in a dirty diaper
- Little to no muscle tone
- Overhyped, kinda saggy boobs
- Constant scowl which will soon cause unsightly wrinkles
- The opressive stench of her insufferable cunt personality
As the world is chock full of hotter, far less annoying women, I can't think of a single reason why Katherine Heigl shouldn't fuck right off.
By gross people out you mean she grosses women out, because she doesn't gross men out. Most men wouldn't mind banging her cigarette scented c**t. I was tempted to spell out the word cunt, but that would have been crass.
Posted by: Pookie at August 22, 2008 5:37 PM
By gross people out you mean she grosses women out, because she doesn't gross men out.
Posted by: Pookie at August 22, 2008 5:37 PM
Wrong. Katherine Heigl is a skinny little pig. L'Oreal and the airbrush are her best features. The "stink of sanctimony" is a wonderfully accurate turn of phrase in this case -- thanks, Sarina. But nothing wrong with wanting to hit that, Pook. I'm not one to judge such things, especially when the person in question is so utterly disinteresting to me.
I am so done typing on this topic.
Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 6:08 PM
Oh shit, Che did you just go to the L'Oreal card? Most straight men wouldn't know a thing about L'Oreal. I'm not judging you dude, but I think you just made my point.
Posted by: Pookie at August 22, 2008 6:18 PM
Most straight men wouldn't know a thing about L'Oreal. I'm not judging you dude, but I think you just made my point.
Posted by: Pookie at August 22, 2008 6:18 PM
I believe my masculinity has been challenged! Whatever shall I do?
An overly aggressive response -- say, "fuck you, dirtbag" -- would convey deep-seated insecurity (and perhaps excite the antagonist), so that's out.
An overly effete response -- say, "takes one to know one" -- would effectively corroborate the insinuation, so that too is out.
The truth is that everything I know about L'Oreal I learned from Project Runway.
That didn't come out right, either. Fuck it.
Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 6:41 PM
Che I do not question your manhood, your manhood is in tact, as well as your hymen. I kid, I kid.
Posted by: pookie at August 22, 2008 6:54 PM
Joan Collins and Heather Locklear were on "Dynasty," not "Dallas." Although either of them could wipe the floor with Jessica Simpson.
Posted by: rlr260 at August 22, 2008 6:57 PM
Che Grovera meerly took over a Street, not a country...Pook, you are probably thinking of another dissident who is less covered in blue fur.
Posted by: popejenn at August 22, 2008 8:25 PM
Thanks for the correction Popejenn, fucking Wikipedia told me he took over a country.
Posted by: Pookie at August 22, 2008 8:33 PM
Dear Godopus I love Will Arnett. When Elmo says "Come on!" in that clip? Beautiful.
And Pookie, I think your point on straight guys not knowing jack about L'oreal just went moot the second you brought it up. But if your idea of treasure is Heigl, well all I can do is whisper "Do. Not. Seek. The. Treasure."
Posted by: Vee at August 22, 2008 9:16 PM
No probs, Pookie. You just can't trust Wikipedia. It tells me that I'm not a real pope and that shagging feral mongeese is wrong. I beg to differ.
Posted by: popejenn at August 22, 2008 9:27 PM
Funny you should mention that Jenn, Wikipedia lists me as the 5th Chinese Emperor of the Quin Dynasty when really, I was the third from the Han Dynasty.
True Story
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 22, 2008 9:34 PM
BSlim the only thing Wikipedia had right about me is that I'm a descendant of the Hung Dynasty.
Posted by: Pookie at August 22, 2008 9:46 PM
tamatha, did you say *maple sugar* cotton candy? Because if you did, I think I will need to be sending you my address so you can mail me some. I may die if I do not get to experience this heavenly sounding item.
P.S. Che Grovera, thanks for the warning, but honestly, I exxagerated a little when I said "fried everything". I should clarify:
mmmmmmmm fried (almost) everything....
Although it's no longer the official motto of Glasgow then. Well, you can't please everyone all the time, I suppose.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 22, 2008 10:06 PM
At times like these, I generally reiterate this awful, horrid, tasteless joke about "that time" that Old Dirty Bastard visited Sesame Street and took a bath with Bert and Ernie.
Inevitably, someone always takes the story as fact, and I've just had a few glasses of wine, so I'll wisely avoid that little argument tonight.
just to back to a safe subject (?):
STACY, YOU GODTUPUSFORSAKING WENCH, CHECK YOUR EMAIL ONCE IN AWHILE! love you, kitten, mrroarrr.
have i mentioned my southern roots? my son will eat A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. if it's fried. i swear to the great 'opus, if i seasoned and fried a dishtowel just right, he'd eat it.
i've been dieing to try a fried snickers, twinkie any of those semi-impossible things. i do my own pickles, chicken, okra, any of the normal stuff, but haven't figured out how to do the sweets because i don't DEEP fry.
lord have mercy on my soul.
the L.A. county fair is coming REAL soon, the av fair i think is already here (o.boy. weird al yankovic for free!). if i JUST didn't have to lose another 20 lbs by the time we take out cruise.....
Posted by: bionic bunny at August 23, 2008 3:36 AM
KEEP BEHOLDING PAJIBA!!!
Posted by: brownribbon at August 23, 2008 4:25 AM
KEEP BEHOLDING PAJIBA!!!
Posted by: brownribbon at August 23, 2008 4:26 AM
Yet Wikipedia neglects to mention your formidable limbo-ing legacy, BSlim? For shame.
Yay! That horrible pic of Jessica Simpson is gone. I swear every time I saw that I thought it was man-faced howler-monkey-throated Fergie.