Pajiba Love 08/13/09

Remember That Time Fox Ruined That Show You Really Liked?

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (45)

Here are the 20 greatest shows cancelled by Fox before their time. You’d think most networks would have learned their lesson after 10 or 15 or so, but Fox somehow manages to just keep shitting the hell all over everything! (Topless Robot)

Apparently Kiefer Sutherland is the highest paid actor on TV. Huh. I could have sworn it would have been Jim Belushi. (Yeeeah!)

Eww… Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are getting all TMI with it in Playboy. (Webster’s)

If you fall asleep on the set of a Quentin Tarantino movie, he will stick a dildo in your face, take a picture, and then hang it on the wall. I hear that’s like the same thing nuns do in Catholic school. (Film Drunk)

Turner Classic Movies released a series of 32 reimagined movie posters, and they’re pretty rad, so check ‘em out. (Rope Of Silicon)

Animals + Live television = Always a good idea. It’s times like this that I thank baby Jesus that we have the internet. (Warming Glow)

I know Disney wants Hannah Montana’s name on literally fucking everything, but at some point a line should be drawn. (DListed)

Perez Hilton is launching a new website called “Coco Perez,” which aims for a more “mature” 20-something female audience. Perez Hilton? Mature? Good luck with that. (Evil Beet)

Although she’s now denying it, Jamie Pressly almost definitely peed in broad daylight outside of a bar earlier this week. I can see now why she fit in so well on that redneck show. (Superior Gossip)

Anyone else feeling excited in their down-theres for District 9? Well here is an interview with director Neill Blomkamp. (AV Club)

In addition to Julia Child, here are five other PBS hosts who deserve their own movie. I would totally want to see what was going on behind the scenes with Mr. Rogers. (Screen Junkies)

What’s the point of an “anti” energy drink that relaxes you instead of giving you energy? I thought that was like, the entire point of alcohol. (Impulsive Buy)

And now, here are public service announcements … Of the future!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Tru Calling? are they fucking serious? Not only was that show a complete smoking turd of a series, it also had the dumbest show name in all of history. And Elisha Dushku! You don't get turdier than that. So, that list loses all credibility.

And of course that's their #1. Yep. Of course it is. BLARGH, I say.

Posted by: figgy at August 13, 2009 1:07 PM

Wow those posters are gorgeous. The Jekyll and Hyde one is beautiful. And the Guess Who's Coming to Dinner!! Aah!

Excuse me while I go have an artgasm.

Posted by: figgy at August 13, 2009 1:10 PM

I would totally want to see what was going on behind the scenes with Mr. Rogers.

Henrietta.

Are doin it.

Look at their flustered bullshit whenever Betty knocks on his door, Henrietta trying to meow-meow her way out of it while she fixes her dress.

Posted by: Jay at August 13, 2009 1:10 PM

What figgy said.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 13, 2009 1:11 PM

I can forgive FOX a lot for the simple fact that The X-Files managed to escape cancellation despite having initially low ratings and a really weird premise. As far as what they did to it later, well, that's a conversation for another day.

Besides, I *ahem* never really could get into Arrested Development or Family Guy. THERE, I SAID IT.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 13, 2009 1:11 PM

And yes, I'm proud that the Star Hustler was a local show.

Posted by: Jay at August 13, 2009 1:13 PM

Every time someone brings up the cancellation of Firefly I get sad again. Also, glad you're linking to Topless Robot, I've been reading that site for a long time. It's where I get most of my nerd news.

Posted by: Snath at August 13, 2009 1:18 PM

I loved The Tick. Patrick Warburton was perfect. And Batmanuel? MMMMMMmmmm!

Posted by: Chickaboom at August 13, 2009 1:19 PM

Me too, Rusty.

Posted by: figgy at August 13, 2009 1:19 PM

Brisco County Jr., Keen Eddie and The Tick. Yep, yep and yep.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 13, 2009 1:23 PM

That Magnificent Seven poster is the balls.

"Remember That Time Fox Ruined That Show You Really Liked? "

Yeah, well. It's Fox. It's what they do.

Posted by: TK at August 13, 2009 1:25 PM

Arrested Development. Canceled too soon. The world is ending. Blah, blah, blah.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 13, 2009 1:29 PM

That poster collection seriously brought a smile to my face. It's like a middle finger in the face of Hollywood when you see classic movies advertised in a more modern light, and they STILL kick the shit out of their more contemporary counterparts.

And Fox can go to hell for all its evil deeds...where it shall be manhandled by John Glover for all eternity.

Posted by: DoctorControversy at August 13, 2009 1:51 PM

Hmm. I think I liked the teaser posters better. I like conceptual, more than the ones featuring people's faces.

I want the Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? one on my wall. Right now.

Posted by: figgy at August 13, 2009 1:51 PM

Oh, Rupert Murdock, why is it you must spend all your spare time giving Satan a rimjob? I couldn't hate anyone more than I hate you.

Posted by: George at August 13, 2009 1:54 PM

That list doesn't have The Sarah Connor Chronicles - which is the only one that mattered. Fuck you Fox.

Posted by: Cindy at August 13, 2009 1:57 PM

Figgy, I'll give you that. Some of the teasers were even more impressive. Especially the Strangelove, High Society, To Catch a Thief and Magnificent Seven ones.

It all just serves as a reminder of one of the coolest movie going memories I can think of. I was going to a showing of 300 in IMAX with a buddy of mine, and it was at the Lincoln Square theater. Anyone who's been there knows that on the way up, there's a HUGE vinyl banner for Lawrence of Arabia. Upon seeing it for the first time, I thought to myself "Christ, it's like they're advertising it as a summer blockbuster". I don't know what it is, but old movies with new ad tricks seem to be a nice little art project.

Posted by: DoctorControversy at August 13, 2009 1:58 PM

mandingo, how I grock your mouth music!

Posted by: summerteeth at August 13, 2009 1:59 PM

Cindy, TSCC is on the list; I don't know how you missed it.

People: The TMC movie posters are FABULOUS. Click! Don't miss them!

Posted by: Jerce at August 13, 2009 1:59 PM

Fantastic read - that interview with Neill Blomkamp - but I think there's a spoiler toward the end. The interviewer warns, so I was able to stop before reading.

Posted by: Cindy at August 13, 2009 2:04 PM

I want the the posters and teasers for The Magnificent Seven and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? post haste. And the teasers for Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and The Letter are WAY better than the posters they ended up with.

Posted by: jM at August 13, 2009 2:09 PM

I don't know how you missed it.

I r dumb. Page 2!

Posted by: Cindy at August 13, 2009 2:10 PM

You can download the posters and the teasers if you go to the Turner Classic Movie website. It directs you to the Summer Under the Stars website and you can get them there.

Posted by: jM at August 13, 2009 2:14 PM

I can't honestly say that I think Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was cancelled before its time. The show had a good season and a half to establish itself and completely wasted its potential. All the Summer Glau in the world can't change the fact that the second season was painfully boring.

I enjoyed Wonderfalls a hell of a lot, though. And of course I still -- still -- contemplate suicide every time I think about what might have been on Firefly.

Posted by: Todd at August 13, 2009 2:19 PM

It just makes today's posters look even more depressing.

Like how ALL posters for romantic comedies are fucking exactly alike. There's full body shots of the male and female leads. They're usually standing side by side. The guy is smirking, the girl is standing with a hand on her hip, giving the guy the eyebrow. There are scarves and high heels and skirts. One or the other has a foot in the air. It's a white or gradient background, big block letters for the names of the leads and the title in similar, but smaller letters.

And they usually have Matthew McCounagheyheyhey.

See:

http://www.impawards.com/2009/posters/ugly_truth_ver2.jpg

http://www.impawards.com/1999/posters/runaway_bride.jpg

http://www.impawards.com/2003/posters/how_to_lose_a_guy_in_ten_days.jpg

http://herecomestreble.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/fools_gold_poster.jpg

(what the FUCK is wrong with Hudson's body there?)

http://z.about.com/d/movies/1/0/P/C/8/failuretolaunchposter.jpg

etc, etc, etc.

Posted by: figgy at August 13, 2009 2:20 PM

John Doe? Yep.
Brimstone? Hell yes.
Keen Eddie. Keen goddamn Eddie. Dumped and replaced with that bullshit The OC? Oh so fucking YES.
As well as the other default fuckups.

Yeah, Fox is run by assholes. Not people, mind you,, but actual sphincters. The slightest bubbling sound emanates from the orifice, and another show is put on the kill list.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 13, 2009 2:20 PM

Apparently Todd and I were watching different shows.

Posted by: Cindy at August 13, 2009 2:23 PM

http://www.impawards.com/2002/posters/two_weeks_notice_ver2.jpg

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/2007/11/08-15/pretty_woman-cc.jpg

Jeebus. They're ALL THE SAME.

Posted by: figgy at August 13, 2009 2:24 PM

Perez Hilton is launching a new website called “Coco Perez,” which aims for a more “mature” 20-something female audience. Perez Hilton? Mature? Good luck with that.

Perez Hilton's existence is an insult to every gay person alive. Why can't we send him to the Middle East, and finally take a start at restoring our culture?

Posted by: George at August 13, 2009 2:37 PM

What a coincidence! I'm having my new Hannah Montana Best of Both Worlds Stripper Pole (TM) (wig included) installed in the bedroom at this very moment.

*pops another Hannah-Montana (TM) cherry in mouth*

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 13, 2009 2:40 PM

that Fox list was missing two entries:

Ned & Stacey with Thomas Haden Church and Debra Messing (God how I miss Greg Germann as Rico)

and

Flying Blind with Corey Parker and Tea Leoni.

Posted by: JH at August 13, 2009 2:50 PM

They're usually standing side by side. The guy is smirking, the girl is standing with a hand on her hip, giving the guy the eyebrow. There are scarves and high heels and skirts. One or the other has a foot in the air. It's a white or gradient background, big block letters for the names of the leads and the title in similar, but smaller letters.

Figgy, how the hell did you get the script to my art porn project, "Coming Soon to a Theater Near You(r pants)"?

Posted by: Doctor Controversy at August 13, 2009 3:14 PM

Autoplaying adds are the fucking devil. It's like Pajiba is trying to get me fired!

Posted by: Patrick C at August 13, 2009 3:15 PM

Look again, Cindy, they included TSCC. I'm still very angry over that one.

Not a Fox show, but I'm also really upset at the cancellation of The Unusuals. Such a great show.

Posted by: LowSlash at August 13, 2009 3:47 PM

Wait, I don't understand. There's a three strikes rule for the dildo wall? Does that mean you get fired? Because that one stagehand said he was concerned because he likes to nap.

What if you're Brad Pitt? They can't fire you, can they?

Posted by: John Darc at August 13, 2009 4:30 PM

HOLY SHIT!!HOLY SHIT!!HOLY SHIT!!HOLY SHIT!!HOLY SHIT!!

I was just a youngster when Briscoe County was canceled, but our local fox station would occasionally run episodes as Sunday afternoon filler. So, for literally years now, I have had nothing more than a positive impression and a half memory of the show. I could not for the life of me remember anything about it except The Orb and horses. And so I could never find anything about it. The memory of that orb has been driving me crazy for years. For the longest time, I thought it was part of a movie.

Holy SHit! I knew there was a reason I loved Bruce Campbell. Come to think of it, I've loved everything I've ever seen him in. Jack of All Trades, anyone?

Posted by: alphawhiskey at August 13, 2009 4:54 PM

Perez Hilton being mature? That's an oxymoron right?

Posted by: Melody at August 13, 2009 5:03 PM

There's a three strikes rule for the dildo wall? Does that mean you get fired?

I believe that the three strikes are for napping i.e. get caught three times, you get put on the wall.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 13, 2009 5:04 PM

Brimstone was like crack to me after one hit. Too bad I could never watch more than two weeks in a row thanks to schedule changes (I assume, since it's Fox) and inconsistent promotion. I loved it more than Buffy, Angel, and The X-Files combined. What a fantastic idea for a dark fantasy/horror show.

Now I'm depressed again. Fuck me.

Posted by: Robert at August 13, 2009 5:36 PM

OH! Those posters are all kinds of awesome!
Magnificent 7
Mogambo
Only Angels Have Wings
Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde
LOVE!

Posted by: Chickaboom at August 13, 2009 5:59 PM

There's a three strikes rule for the dildo wall? Does that mean you get fired?

I believe that the three strikes are for napping i.e. get caught three times, you get put on the wall.

Actually, I believe it's after three stikes, your asshole gets penetrated by a giant dildo. Then if you're still sleeping, you get fired. Or you're probably dead. Either way.

Posted by: Christian H. at August 13, 2009 6:32 PM

Is it just me, or is that the robot suit from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?

Posted by: Foilwrapper at August 13, 2009 7:30 PM

Flying Blind with Corey Parker and Tea Leoni.

You watched it too?!?!?

Damn, even less people remember that one than "Jennifer Slept Here"! High five!

Posted by: Jay at August 13, 2009 8:52 PM

Those PSAs really, really...sucked. I laughed all crazy at the adpot-a-dog clip and all the other funny clips everyone posted upstream of this thread.

Talk about tasting reconstitued meat after a fantastic dinner course centered on prime rib.

To go from "He hates these cans!" to the utter crap of those PSAs was not pleasant. Buzzkill.

These "funny" future PSA clips are what you get when someone with no idea how to make something funny has money, equipment and desperate actors at their disposal. Whoever you are, please retire from ever making anything, anything ever again.

So, in the last one, a jerk gets killed, then terrifies an innocent little girl. The funny would be if he had terrifed other jerks by dying with arrows in his back.

Damn, Pajiba. I mean, damn.

Posted by: fredbronski at August 14, 2009 9:00 PM

How to improve the last PSA:

Jerk is making his way to a group of other obvious jerks on their cell phones.

Jerk does all the same jerky things in the video.

Jerk goes through time machine, comes out with arrows in his back, dies in front of other jerks.

Other jerks scream, look at their phones, drop them and go nuts. Some also go through time maching, come out with swords, spears, etc. in their backs, while all nonjerky people shake disaproval, sigh and walk away. Pan away with chaos among the jerks, everyone else being normal and nice.

I mean, right?

Posted by: fredbronski at August 14, 2009 9:07 PM

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Remember That Time Fox Ruined That Show You Really Liked?

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