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Pajiba Love 08/12/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | August 12, 2009 | Comments (47)

Here’s a six-pack of films advertised mostly virally. I admit, I bought into that Blair Witch bullshittery. I’m also really, horribly gullible. (PW)

I’m sure some kind of freaky, human-alien sex fetish exists out there somewhere, so here are the greatest human-alien banging scenes in movies. (Spout)

Ha ha! Channing Tatum used to be a stripper, and better yet — there’s footage! Mostly safe for work, but annoying auto-play horseshit. (Webster’s)

I have no idea what was going on in these pictures, but OH MY GOD almost the entire “Full House” cast reunited! Gibbleriffic! Noticeably absent, the ones who actually stayed kind of famous after “Full House.” (DListed)

Thanks to jamiepants, here are 11 Accidentally Racist Product and Company Names. The Target one totally made me laugh, because that’s what you get for outsourcing web programmers. (11 Points)

I love the idea of “Golden Girls” themed cocktails, but I don’t think these even have any booze in them. I think we can do better. (Buzzfeed)

They’re making Twilight Edward and Bella Barbie Dolls? Now that is just retarded. Unless of course they ever made Buffy and Angel Barbies, in which case I would totally want them. (Agent Bedhead)

The Wolverine sequel will not only be darker, but sexier than the original. One thing it can’t be? Worse than the original. (The Flickcast)

Because horror movies don’t get no respect, here are 16 notable Oscar-worthy horror movie acting performances. (Bloody Disgusting)

Here’s a review of That Old Cape Magic, by Richard Russo. (Second Pass)

It was inevitable that somebody finally put together a website with nothing but the local news fuck-ups which are constantly floating about the internet, but it doesn’t make it any less hilarious. Thanks, Melody! (Probably Bad News)

Here are ten of the most unforgettable book covers of all time. (mental floss)

The latest YouTube meme of the internet is bikini girls reading lines from classic cult movies. Sure, why not. So without further ado, here is Star Wars getting butchered. But hey, at least there’s boobs:


Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

So this IS unofficially Boob Week on Pajiba Love? Man, this is better than Shark Week.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at August 12, 2009 1:24 PM

I said hips, Nosek! Hips!

I don’t know if it’s the darkest, but I’m going to go out on a limb right now and say I think it will be the sexiest,”

Oh hell. Okay, so they have totally left me behind then. Very well.

Posted by: Jay at August 12, 2009 1:28 PM

I watched that Channing Tatum stripper video and had some thoughts:
1. I am SO GLAD that we have moved away from the "everything 5 sizes too big" school of men's fashion
2. Boy's not a bad dancer
3. Why the socks?
4. There are naked pictures of Channing Tatum on the internet. I have seen them. Unfortunately, I could not direct others to them. Sorry.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 12, 2009 1:28 PM

I love a well done book cover. I have an edition of "Everything is Illuminated" with this gorgeous all-yellow cover and little red embossed letters that has to be one of my favorite ones of all time. And the Catch-22 one is iconic. I'm glad they've never changed it.

And on racist names...there's an actual reggaeton singer called "Nigga". It's...very weird hearing his name.

Posted by: figgy at August 12, 2009 1:30 PM

Genny, I think maybe now you've brought it up, you need to get on *finding* those pictures. Yes.

You know, I swore to god they made Buffy & Angel Barbies, but A) I don't have them, and if they were made, I would have them, and B) I checked out both ebay and the Barbie collector's site and don't see them at all, which means C) I'm totally making it up in my head. Maybe I'm thinking of Mulder & Scully. I know they made those.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 12, 2009 1:40 PM

The Wolverine sequel will not only be darker, but sexier than the original. One thing it can’t be? Worse than the original.

That seems....optimistic.

Posted by: Lee at August 12, 2009 1:41 PM

Boobs, what boobs?

I could go to any middle school right now and find ten girls with bigger boobs than that YouTube hooker

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 12, 2009 1:47 PM

I want Spike and Buffy Barbies. They would destroy the Dream House.

Posted by: Lee at August 12, 2009 1:48 PM

McDonald's promotion for Tarzan? Jungle Fever. I nearly hit a highway divider when I heard it and I don't think they ever ran that ad again.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 12, 2009 1:50 PM

Oh, Channing! You can find really saucy pictures of him on the webternet (I'm told, by people who aren't me), but this really pushes the boat out.

Posted by: Caspar at August 12, 2009 1:51 PM

The Sophia - sambucca, vodka and Baileys, over ice. You won't remember what you had for breakfast, but Sicily in 1935 will be clear as a bell!

Wow, Channing - who knew? Nice... er, pants!

Posted by: Tarn at August 12, 2009 1:58 PM

AvB, I found it again. Here's the link
http://www.loganotron.com/tag/channing-tatum/

So, um, that's NSFW, obviously, but if you scroll all the way to the bottom you get a full frontal shot, though it's got some kind of weird "arty" filter on it. There's other partial nudity shots, including some of him wrestling around with another dude.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 12, 2009 1:58 PM

Although my friends just call me "pants"...and thanks for the capital "P" and all, but in Pajibaverse, I am not the real Pants. I am just a jamiepants.

Posted by: jamiepants at August 12, 2009 2:07 PM

Posted by: BWeaves at August 12, 2009 2:08 PM

Genny, you're my best friend.

Is it 4:30 yet?

BWeaves, I'd seen all most of the "action figures" (there's a Prophecy Girl one?! And an Illyria?! EEEEE!), but there's no actual Mattel-approved Barbie version, which is what the Bella/Edward dolls are.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 12, 2009 2:18 PM

They’re making Twilight Edward and Bella Barbie Dolls? Now that is just retarded. Unless of course they ever made Buffy and Angel Barbies, in which case I would totally want them.

Even I'd want those.

I'm totally making it up in my head. Maybe I'm thinking of Mulder & Scully. I know they made those.

???

How could the Barbie company make something so awesome?

Posted by: George at August 12, 2009 2:18 PM

Second the socks query. That is a hard look to pull off, barely accomplished by Tom Cruise in Risky Business, but he completed the look with tighty whities and a youthful innocence.
This guy, not so much.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at August 12, 2009 2:21 PM

Apropos of nothing, I just want to say that after seven weeks out of town working on a show, I am finally going home! Yay! My computer! No more horribly slow blackberry browsing, and annoying typing with small keys fiasco shit! Hooray!

Oh, and I am all for the idea of 'boob week'. Better than Shark week indeed. Unless they're sexy sharks. With boobs.

Posted by: Odnon at August 12, 2009 2:21 PM

I don't know, George, but they did.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 12, 2009 2:22 PM

I'm gonna have to get the Illyria doll for the boyfriend. She's his dream girl, he settles for me.

Posted by: Lee at August 12, 2009 2:25 PM

Oh, and I am all for the idea of 'boob week'. Better than Shark week indeed. Unless they're sexy sharks. With boobs.

I ... love you people. *snif*

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 12, 2009 2:25 PM

Unless they're sexy sharks. With boobs.

Posted by: Odnon at August 12, 2009 2:21 PM

-----------------------------------------------

I like where you are going with that.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 12, 2009 2:27 PM

With those moves, the Vanilla Ice hair, and those oversized clothes, nudity is way down on the list of things Tatum Channing needs to be embarrassed about!

Posted by: jimbob at August 12, 2009 2:40 PM

Confession - I used to work in the merchandising department for furniture at Target.com, and it was one of my coworkers that named that table. I realized it shortly after it went online and passed it around the company email for about a week before I had her change it.

When you're adding 10,000 new skus to the website a month, things like that tend to slip by. My favorite was when they moved to auto loading product info and a stool marked "sample" for our departments' purposes went live as Stool Sample.

Posted by: ernesto at August 12, 2009 2:50 PM

Boobs, what boobs?

My thoughts exactly. Also, I have the feeling that Pink Bikini Skank actually gets boarded quite often.

Posted by: TryScience at August 12, 2009 4:10 PM

As a somewhat modestly boobed girl, y'all are hurting my feelings.

They always told me anything more than a handful was a waste! Lies! Damned lies!

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 12, 2009 4:20 PM

Stool sample... heh heh heh... that made me LOL.

Posted by: Slash at August 12, 2009 4:59 PM

Okay, I was already laughing after looking at 11 Accidentally Racist Product and Company Names, but that bikini girl video cracked me up. The greedo girl going down was classic.

Posted by: EricD at August 12, 2009 5:42 PM

I love the local news thing and nothing says hard core white trash better than a very pregnant lady smoking while complainining about something as innocuous as noise. So much for community advocacy.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at August 12, 2009 5:58 PM

They always told me anything more than a handful was a waste!

Well, "waste" is very subjective. Personally, I find it impractical though.

Posted by: Jay at August 12, 2009 6:14 PM

That girl in the red gave at least as good a reading of the "No! That's not true! That's...impossible!" line as Hamill did.

And I know he's not all broody or intellectual or anything, so he's never going to make the Pajiba Bangables list, but sweet almighty Jesopus Channing Tatum is hot. I'd actually overlook the the socks, the crappy underwear and the undoubtedly atrocious music/dance combination and be on that like Rowles on Reynolds. Genny, major kudos for the linkage!

Posted by: Shay at August 12, 2009 7:42 PM

That girl in the red gave at least as good a reading of the "No! That's not true! That's...impossible!" line as Hamill did.


Say it again. Say it one more time. Say it again. Repeat what you just said.

Have you seen the audition tapes? Have you seen William Katt and Kurt Russell try to pull it off? Well they didn't.

I'm almost distracted by my enjoyment of just hearing the lines...except they got several wrong. What the hell "script" are they reading? And those bones keep poking me in the face!

"He may only talk to your ship". Oy vey es mir.

Posted by: Jay at August 12, 2009 8:16 PM

Firefox + Flashblock = no auto-play, ever.

Just FYI.

The Wolverine sequel will not only be darker, but sexier than the original. One thing it can’t be? Worse than the original.

For the love of Godtopus, Stacey, don't tempt them! Remember a little movie called Transformers? How about its sequel? Yeah, worse is ALWAYS an option.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 12, 2009 8:33 PM

Say it again. Say it one more time. Say it again. Repeat what you just said.

Have you seen the audition tapes? Have you seen William Katt and Kurt Russell try to pull it off? Well they didn't.

I'm gonna level with you, Jay. The answer is no. No, I have not seen Star Wars audition tapes featuring either of those actors, or any Star Wars audition tapes for that matter. While I'm generally appreciative of the Star Wars movies (the original three at least), and believe that they have inspired some truly exceptional video games (X-Wing for the PC was a thing of beauty), I've never bought into or particularly understood the widespread love for them. I'd go so far as to say they're over-rated. So I'll say it again - that bikini girl, right there, was at least as believable and natural at delivering Luke's ridiculous lines from TESB as Hamill himself was. There. I said it. Are you happy?

Posted by: Shay at August 12, 2009 8:36 PM

I just wanted to see if you had the guts.

Posted by: Jay at August 12, 2009 8:48 PM

Oh, I have the guts. I have...lots of...guts. Or something. I dunno, it's nearly 2AM, the "getting stroppy on the internet" part of my brain normally shuts down by midnight. Gentleman's handshake seem to you like a good way to settle this?

Posted by: Shay at August 12, 2009 8:52 PM

I'll never join you!!

Posted by: Jay at August 12, 2009 8:58 PM

If you only knew the power of the gentleman's handshake. With our combined strength, we can end Rowles and bring order to Pajiba!

Posted by: Shay at August 12, 2009 9:10 PM

Hi guys, Here is not Youtube. Here is the hope and help for u.
******** www.mixedmingle.com ******** will give u much happiness!! If u are still single or lonely, if u want to seek a Soulmate or close friends, and now congratulations! You meet the chance. Wish u a nice time!!!

Posted by: soulmatefinder at August 12, 2009 9:21 PM

I so want this to end in mud wrestling. That's not going to happen, is it?

Is it...?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 12, 2009 9:36 PM

Oh, such filthery, Ms. BP!

Posted by: Jay at August 12, 2009 9:59 PM

My frickin' MOTHER told me about the viral campaign for Blair Witch a good six months before anyone else in my target age group even whiffed it. To this day I haven't a clue how she sorted that action out. She told me it was a viral campaign. This is the woman who keeps 'breaking her internet buttons'.

Some things just perplex.

Posted by: replica at August 12, 2009 10:18 PM

It finally opened at one theater, and I didn't wanna deal with the crowds. A week later there was another movie I wanted to see. You've failed, Your Blair Witch Highness!

Posted by: Jay at August 12, 2009 10:27 PM

They always told me anything more than a handful was a waste! Lies! Damned lies!

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 12, 2009 4:20 PM
---
Whoever told you that IS a liar. The saying is, "Anything more than a MOUTHful is a waste."

You have at least that much, don't you? Lemme see ...

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 12, 2009 11:56 PM

I found a great dating site_____W e a l t h y D a t e r. C O M_____. .where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true! u dont have to be a millionaire.but u can meet one. I thought everyone needed to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy .-----------------------------------------------

Posted by: k.lucy61 at August 13, 2009 4:27 AM

Technically it's "more than a handful is a mouthful wasted".

Posted by: Jay at August 13, 2009 9:30 AM

So...no mud-wresting then? (Damn GMT. I miss all the interesting suggestions)

Posted by: Shay at August 13, 2009 9:53 AM





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