Pajiba Love 08/10/09

Real Vampires Kick Ass and Get Laid

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (49)

Someone finally asked Joss Whedon who he thinks would win in a fight between Edward Cullen and Angel, and he answered as graciously as possible — well, assuming that Angel would kick that sparkly fairy’s motherloving ass. Obviously. (Webster’s)

As you’ve probably heard by now, Billy Mays loved him some blow. And here this whole time I thought he was naturally like that. (Yeeeah!)

It’s inconceivable for me to imagine the John Hughes era of film as “the olden days” and not just as something that’s a common ground which everyone still has universally experienced. (NY Times)

And while I’m at it, here’s a great tribute to The Breakfast Club. (Gordon and the Whale)

Science has proven that winos are having better sex. Well, not that I would know or anything, but duh. (Zelda Lily)

Oh, what a shocker. It turns out the guy behind the idea of making movies out of Candyland and Monopoly is a “geyser of stupid.” (Film Drunk)

What’s this now? Even the President of mothereffing NBC is slamming Katherine Heigl now? Jeez, even I’m starting to feel kind of sorry for her. (Celebitchy)

The trailer for the new Guitar Hero: Van Halen pretty definitively answers who the best lead singer was: David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar. (The Flickcast)

No. There isn’t a Dark Crystal 3D CGI remake in the works. But yes: There is a sequel in development. (Reelloop)

Elizabeth Hasselbeck popped out a baby or some crap, and not that any of you watch “the View” or anything (do you?) here are some horrifying possible replacements while she’s on maternity leave. (Jezebel)

Since some of you complain that Pajiba Love is a little too “vaginaey” sometimes, here’s a little testosterone for ya. (Boobs and Explosions)

One of the greatest things about being a kid were toys that actually served as weaponry that you could effectively whale on your younger siblings and/or neighbors with. (Topless Robot)

Here are some little-known facts about IKEA, which as 10% of Europeans were conceived on a IKEA bed. Well I know people aren’t sleeping on those uncomfortable-as-shit mattresses. (mental floss)

Since so many of you loved my “Duck Tales” clip on Friday, here’s a retooling on the “Full House” intro. I think I like it better this way:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

Follow @pajiba

← Music News 08/10/09 | Cold Souls Review →

Comments

Those were some nice boobs and explosions!

Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 10, 2009 1:06 PM

OMG that header pic made me so happy. As does Joss Whedon.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 10, 2009 1:06 PM

Boring. Can we get Hips and Spaceships?

Posted by: Jay at August 10, 2009 1:09 PM

Man, those Olsen twins were ugly babies.

Posted by: jimbob at August 10, 2009 1:12 PM

Also, that NYT article is a fine example of why I really like AO Scott.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 10, 2009 1:12 PM

You guys!!! They killed Uncle Jesse!

Posted by: Sofía at August 10, 2009 1:13 PM

Science has proven that winos are having better sex.

Note to self: Buy more wine. Oh, wait, that says "better" not "more". Never mind.

And I fucking love IKEA. I'm of the opinion that if you can't put together IKEA furniture, it's because you didn't play with LEGOS enough as a child. I have a Scandinavian bias, apparently. And I still occasionally play with LEGOS.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 10, 2009 1:15 PM

That picture up there? Yum. Yum. Yum.

Posted by: Lee at August 10, 2009 1:20 PM

That Wolfenstein advertisement is very annoying, but I'll say this much for it: it prompted me to see if any early reviews of the game were posted.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 10, 2009 1:20 PM

I'm pro IKEA for everything except beds and sofas. Uncomfortable as shit! But oh so pretty.

And fuck webster's for getting blocked by my employer's internet chastity belt last week. I need to know what Joss Whedon has said!

Posted by: Marra at August 10, 2009 1:21 PM

Here you are Marra -

"Asked who would win in a brawl between Robert Pattinson and his own vampiric creation, Whedon shot back, "I think Robert Pattinson is really cool. Angel would kick the s**t out of him. He's Angelus. There's no Edward Cullunus. He just gets shiny in the sun. Boreanaz would have him down in a heartbeat. No offense, cause he's hot."

Posted by: Jilly at August 10, 2009 1:27 PM

Jilly saves the day!

Posted by: Marra at August 10, 2009 1:29 PM

But could Angel out brood Bill Compton?

Posted by: Lee at August 10, 2009 1:31 PM

I also want more of the funny show with the little things hitting each other. That's what I LIKE! HIPS, SPACESHIPS AND LITTLE THINGS HITTING EACH OTHER!

Posted by: Jay at August 10, 2009 1:31 PM

What’s this now? Even the President of mothereffing NBC is slamming Katherine Heigl now? Jeez, even I’m starting to feel kind of sorry for her.
---
Hey, now, let's not get ridiculous.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 10, 2009 1:32 PM

But what's goofier? The True Blood fangs or the Buffy vampire face?

Posted by: Jay at August 10, 2009 1:33 PM

404 on Topless Robot link. Now I can't find out what it means to "whale" on someone. Is it hitting them with a jet of saltwater from your quivering blow hole?

Posted by: laredo at August 10, 2009 1:33 PM

I see only one explosion, not "explosions." Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

Them's some nice boobies, though.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 10, 2009 1:35 PM

Much as I'd like to actually see the fight between Edward Cullen and Angel, I think Id much rather watch Joss Whedon beat the shit out of Stephenie Meyer for loosing such inferior material on the world. And wasn't it Bianca Regan who taught us all about Joss Whedon's tendencies toward beating on some bitches? You know he'd take her down proper.

Posted by: MG at August 10, 2009 1:40 PM

NBC's President slamming on Heigl..... whaaaaaaaaa?

Jesus fucking Christ, get your shit together Nosek.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 10, 2009 1:43 PM

Eric (TB) would kick all their asses and look hotter at the same time.

Also, I'd like to see him in a suit of lights.

Posted by: Cindy at August 10, 2009 1:46 PM

Cindy, seriously. You're going to have to fight me and Kolby for the rights to Eric :p

Posted by: Julie at August 10, 2009 1:52 PM

How many boobs/explosion pairings can YOU identify?

I've got: laleita castia and mushroom cloud (generic nuclear bomb stock footage)

Posted by: apple face at August 10, 2009 1:56 PM

I'd like to see him naked.

Posted by: jM at August 10, 2009 1:56 PM

Put up your dukes girls! I'm gonna get me some of that Swedish meatball.

Posted by: Cindy at August 10, 2009 1:56 PM

Ha ha ha!!

Posted by: Julie at August 10, 2009 1:59 PM

Ever notice how the toys from a movie aren't as cool as the stuff in the movie? It's because the stuff in the movie is designed by artists, filmmakers, and designers in order to assist in the storytelling process. The toys are watered-down versions of these ideas, designed to fit in a box and hit a price point. It turns out that this is also what you get when a toy company makes a movie, albeit with a bigger box and price point.

If they can't make a decent movie out of Transformers or G. I. Joe, there's not a chance in hell that they'll deliver anything worthwhile from a board game. I might...you might...but they won't. You might have a shot if you skipped the toy company and made a film out of a novel about a board game, but it would have to be a much more interesting game than the toy companies are capable of creating. And you'd need someone like Favreau or Johnston to direct it, and even then it might only be...ok.

Instead we may get adaptations of these dialtone boardgames from Hasbro. Even when they make a movie out of an interesting board game, like Dungeons and Dragons, they'll stick someone like Marlon Wayans in it.

Hell, it could get so bad that one day they could make a movie from a toy or game and Marlon Wayans would end up being the least embarrassing thing about it. Shudder.

Posted by: laredo at August 10, 2009 1:59 PM

jM, you'd like to see who naked? (Just trying to keep up...)

Me, I'd like to see all of them naked trying to kill each other.... with wrestling moves. In a big pool filled with oil. Oooh, slippery!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 10, 2009 1:59 PM

In a big pool filled with oil.

In a big pool filled with...me.

Posted by: Cindy at August 10, 2009 2:05 PM

Thank you, Joss, for reminding me why I love you so much.

Despite all this, I do admit I respect Robert Pattinson. The guy confessed that he's terrified of Stephanie Meyer, because he's convinced that the woman's insane after reading Twilight, and he only did Twilight to get laid. I have to admire that kind of honesty, and I love it that even Edward Cullen thinks Twilight sucks at best, and is the work of the criminally insane at worst.

Posted by: George at August 10, 2009 2:13 PM

I was just there yesterday and I just have to say: Motherfucking IKEA just plain old motherfucking RULES. It's like my heaven. You have no idea how much I love home furnishing stores. It's bizarre and weird, but there it is. I was fucking OVERJOYED.

But, yeah...their couches and beds are NOT comfortable. No wonder Europeans are always so stiff necked and angry. They can't sit or sleep or be comfortable or have sex.

And...dude, I could beat up Bill Compton. Just make him feel very very sad about something and stake him while he's busy whining like a little bitch.

SOOOKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!

Mmmmmmmmm....Eric. You girls can have him. He's gorgeous, but I'm not into blondes.

AvB: Kung-fu Panda?

Posted by: figgy at August 10, 2009 2:17 PM

RE: Toys that served as weaponry.

When I first got my period, my Mom asked me not to throw my tampon applicators in the bathroom trash can. She wanted me to walk them out to the garage and throw them away in the bulk garbage can. I didn't understand why. Then I found out.

Apparently my little brother's GI Joe's all had brand new, battle bloodied, rocket launchers and bazookas in Platex Pink.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 10, 2009 2:21 PM

Oops, sorry guys -- link is fixed!

Posted by: Stacey at August 10, 2009 2:28 PM

I'm becoming irritated by IKEA. It's my own fault, but I purchased six picture frames of various sizes and when I was ready to place an order for my photos I realized that the frames are of weird proportions. Two are for a square 11 1/2" picture...OK then, I'll order a photo in 12 x 12. But two others are 11 1/2" by 15 1/4". What kind of fucking size is that?! I can't find a popular photo website that offers prints in 12 x 16.

Has anyone had this problem? Know of a place I can get my photos developed in "IKEA size"? Goddamn centimeters!

Posted by: Agent Scully at August 10, 2009 2:35 PM

BWeaves:

EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at August 10, 2009 2:49 PM

Eric (TB) would kick all their asses and look hotter at the same time.

Goddamn't you stole my line...I hate getting to threads late. Then again...since we're saying it...Blade would still kill all of them. You can't fuck with the daywalker...that ahem...doesn't sparkle like a drag queen.

Posted by: Deistbrawler at August 10, 2009 3:00 PM

Bahahahahahah! BWeaves, that is the best story OF MY LIFE.

Figgy, I don't know what you mean by that.... Was there an oil-wrestling scene in that movie that I repressed?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 10, 2009 3:03 PM

Posted by: BWeaves at August 10, 2009 2:21 PM

I don't know whether to puke or give your brother a high-five.

Posted by: Marra at August 10, 2009 3:08 PM

AvB, I don't know either. I just read jM and sexin' and my mind just went there...

Posted by: figgy at August 10, 2009 3:15 PM

Hey, A Real American Man (tm) ain't squeamish.

Posted by: Jay at August 10, 2009 3:21 PM

"He's Angelus. There's no Edward Cullunus. "

I read that as "There's no Edward Cunnilingus."

Posted by: BWeaves at August 10, 2009 3:40 PM

A story featuring The Hulk Hands:

My daughter, 4 years old, was playing next door with our neighbor's son and his buddy. The buddy told my Monkey that he and Neighbor Kid were going to play fight, so she should just back off because if they hit her, she would cry, since she was a girl. Monkey pulled on the Hulk Hands, slammed them against the ground and yelled, "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!" She then proceeded to beat the boys with The Hulk Hands until the buddy cried.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at August 10, 2009 4:23 PM

I was talking to a friend the other day and we were discussing the recent string of celebrity deaths.

Up until Hughes death, I really wasn't affected by any of the deaths except for Billy Mays'. Being the insomniac that I am, I really felt like I lost a friend. I mean it was a friend that would only hang out with me at 4 A.M and was constantly yelling at me, but a friend nonetheless.

RIP Mr. Mays, I will miss your crazy coked out ass.

Posted by: ashes at August 10, 2009 4:45 PM

It's the president of ABC, the network for which Heigl works, not NBC. As for why she hasn't been fired yet, she probably wants to be "fired," and they just don't wanna give her the satisfaction. My guess, anyway. Plus, the more bitchy she is in public, the more free PR they get for the show, and from what I understand, they need all the help they can get. Would her appearance on Letterman (on a competing network) have gotten nearly as much attention if she hadn't talked shit about her employers? No. So in a way, she's doing them a favor.

Also, I hated Billy Mays. Hated the very sight of him, because of those goddam commercials. Before, I didn't want to admit that I was kinda glad he died, because at least it meant he wouldn't be making any more unbelievably annoying TV spots. Now that we know he probably fucked himself up and wasn't the victim of a cruel, random twist of fate, I can come out of the closet and say: Good riddance. I hated that fucker. Maybe Oxyclean and all those other assholes who employed him will pull those spots off TV forever rather than be associated with a drug addict. Now if only those dickweeds in the free credit report spots would die screaming. Not rhyming or singing.

Posted by: Slash at August 10, 2009 6:48 PM

Excellent Bitching and Scathing, Slash.
Well done.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at August 10, 2009 8:13 PM

Hi guys, Here is not Youtube. Here is the hope and help for u. If u are still single or lonely, if u want to seek a Soulmate or close friends, and now congratulations! You meet the chance******** www.mixedmingle.com ******** will give u much happiness!! Wish u a nice time!!!

Posted by: william at August 10, 2009 10:03 PM

It's so funny. I often watch some funny videos and photos on ****/**tallloving.c om****/*** . It said that there are some hot star such as Britney's photoes and videos there.

Posted by: kate at August 10, 2009 10:31 PM

Hahaha Pinky, your daughter rocks.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 10, 2009 10:33 PM

I had the phaser. Age 22. Went as 7of9, did my own latex/plaster cast for the hand and face gadgets. So awesome. (but required actual bags of cotton to do the boobs, sadly).

Just bought the mental nephew the new iteration of the Optimus Prime head and it.is.awesome!

Posted by: replica at August 10, 2009 11:20 PM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

Real Vampires Kick Ass and Get Laid

Comments