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Pajiba Love 08/07/08 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Pajiba Love

Bill O’Reilly may have gotten secondhand syphilis from Flavor Flav. So, OK. I’m embellishing, but it’s still hilarium. (WIMB)

You can’t just kill an IRS agent! Don’t you know, for every tax man who eats it, another two will grow in his place? (QuizLaw)

Following yesterday’s chat with Seth Rogen, today we have an interview with James Franco, who says he doesn’t want to do movies like Annapolis anymore. Halle-fucking-lujah. (LA Times)

The federal investigation into Heath Ledger’s death is officially closed, and Mary Kate is off the hook. Until she starts getting anonymous notes which read “I know what you did last summer,” anyway. (IDLYITW)

Charlize Theron turns 33rd today. Damn, can you believe she’s only 33? I mean, not that she looks old or anything. OK, just shut up now. (Film Experience)

John Edwards might have a secret child out there, so says The National Enquirer. Yup, the upcoming election is officially turning to schadenfreude. (Evil Beet)

Did anyone ever stop to consider that internet trolls might not just be crazy losers — but crazy evil losers? I’m looking at you, “Ben.” (HuffPo)

Sad songs to get your weep on with. (MITW) And if they don’t do it, here’s something sure to get the snot flowing. (urlesque)

Something tells me that the Shia Labeof’s pinky finger or lack thereof isn’t going to have much of an effect on Transformers sucking. (The Blemish)

Scarlett Johansson acts like tongue-kissing Javier Bardem was no big deal. Because I don’t have enough reasons to be annoyed with her lately. (Popoholic)

The Weinermobile and its six marketing vehicle inbred cousins. (mental floss)

OMG! Anyone remember the old video game “Burger Time?” I loved that stupid game. (Serious Eats)

After the jump, Triumph the Comic Insult Dog vs. ComicCon nerds.

Pajiba Love | August 7, 2008 | Comments (32)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Hi Stacey - how do you submit Pajiba Love suggestions? NPH has a good interview and delicious pictures for an article at Out.com, and I wanted to share.

http://out.com/detail.asp?id=24000

Posted by: Three-nineteen at August 7, 2008 3:44 PM

Also - see the guy in his undies in the American Apparel ad? Can't really tell how tall he is, but he's thin, has a full head of hair, and makes me want to puke.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at August 7, 2008 3:46 PM

Three-nineteen: which guy in the American Apparel ad? I see at least two, and maybe a third in a stringy wig.

Posted by: Kolby at August 7, 2008 3:55 PM

That article is wrong, James Franco wasn't the Green Goblin...
And also, I thought Annapolis was going to be about the Navy. ...It was about boxing...

Posted by: Kash at August 7, 2008 4:03 PM

Has American Apparel found a way to be even More unpleasant? I think the one in the middle is trying to be Ryan Gosling in Lars and the Real Girl.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at August 7, 2008 4:09 PM

Two things. 1) The urlesque article was so sweet! It did indeed bring a tear to my eye.

2) I think the guy (the one in the middle) in the AA ad, is supposed to resemble the founder/owner of AA, whatever his name is. At the very least, the model reminds me of the version of the owner in that music video with the guy from KITH that was linked here ages ago.

Posted by: tamatha at August 7, 2008 4:22 PM

Man, I love James Franco. I will have a crush on Daniel Desario until the day I die.

Re: the American Apparel add. I'm becoming weary of the "ironic mustache." Hated it when Spencer Krug did it a couple years ago. Still hate it. Stop trying to make mustaches happen!

Posted by: HB at August 7, 2008 4:25 PM

Didn't Franco's character in Spider-Man take over being the Green Goblin when his dad, the original GG, got killed?

Kolby, I think there's too much side boob on the leftmost one for it to be a guy....

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatzhausen-jr.-in-defer...what-the-hell?! at August 7, 2008 4:37 PM

OH MY GOD BURGER TIME IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE LOVE OF MY LIIIIIFE!

...Ahem. Seriously. You get to be a fat chef that runs around and motherfuckin' salts mutant-living-human-size-food to death. And the music. Good God, the music. Two or three summers ago some of my friends and I decided to fire up the ol' NES. After excitedly bringing Burger Time and forcing us to play (they were giving me some skeptical looks) we played probably every night for a month.

Oh, and Bubble Bobble, anyone? Goddamnit, I wish my NES didn't need repairs.

Posted by: Noxbu at August 7, 2008 4:38 PM

Aw, son of a bitch. I managed to cheer myself up momentarily for five minutes thanks to Sarina's Tequila idea, and then I go and listen to MITM weepfest and now I'm back. Nutsack.

Posted by: Jeremy at August 7, 2008 4:48 PM

I needed that weepfest. It's been a weird day of jerky boys (fine, ONE jerky boy) and lots and lots of jerky things that I shouldn't have put myself through. (That damn Damien Rice song!)

I still haven't figured out the deal with American Apparel. I'm out of touch with what "people" are wearing nowadays, apparently. All I saw when I went to my first AA store in Huntington Beach were a shitload of boring hoodies and gold lamé "swimsuits". It seems like a store for swimming superheroes who need coverage from rain every now and again.

Posted by: em at August 7, 2008 4:56 PM

OMG I feel old--I LOVED BurgerTime! I played it ALL the damn time. It was awesome.

And now I see that it was....totally stupid. What was wrong with me?

Posted by: Anastasia at August 7, 2008 5:11 PM

Oh I know about American Apparel, because I have a 13 year old daughter. Wait. No, I'm thinking of American Eagle. Nevermind.

By the way, just while I'm on the subject, Hollister and abercrombie are both the devil incarnate. I hate those stores. I'd rather run hot piano wire through both my eyeballs than ever go in there again. But go in there I will. Sigh. (See 13 year old daughter reference above. It will get worse before it gets better.)

Posted by: Anastasia at August 7, 2008 5:14 PM

Anastasia - Burger Time love does not an old person make. Of course, the only reason I may have known about it was having siblings a decade older than me...

Posted by: Noxbu at August 7, 2008 5:21 PM

Anna, you're right. I guess I get confused with him being the second GG. For some reason I always think Hobgoblin, but that's a different character entirely.

So did anyone else miss the bit at the end of Iron Man with S. L. Jackson and The Avenger Program? Because I sure as hell did.

Posted by: Kash at August 7, 2008 5:36 PM

Enquirer. National EN-quirer. Not IN-quirer. Jesus. I know they're the asshole of journalism, but it's not like they're new on the block or anything.

Posted by: tommytimp at August 7, 2008 5:45 PM

Noxbu--thanks, I think?

LOL.

Posted by: Anastasia at August 7, 2008 6:09 PM

I have never wanted to stab anyone in the face as badly as I want to stab ScarJo right now.

Posted by: june at August 7, 2008 7:03 PM

American Apparel ad: notice that the only person not smiling is the girl being spooned by the creepy undies guy while shielding her crotch with both hands.

I'm almost willing to give to ScarJo all the hatred that I usually reserve for those who design parking lots or that SheDaisy group that sings on that Sleep Number bed commercial - but that would mean I was giving her the attention that she craves like a psychic vampire. Lust after her or give into the dark side, it's all the same to her.

Posted by: mfg at August 7, 2008 7:33 PM

Three-nineteen: Sorry for the late response, but you can send your tips via the email address above!

And Tommytimp, cut me some slack, I grew up reading the Philadelphia INquirer. It's a natural mistake. Come on!

Posted by: Stacey at August 7, 2008 7:57 PM

People are shocked that John Edwards is out somewhere fucking. I ain't shocked at all, he's so smooth with them four hundred dollar haircuts, and them thousand dollar wing tips. Trust me, he fucking out of both draw legs.

Posted by: Pookie at August 7, 2008 11:40 PM

DUDE! Bubble Bobble is KING! I have the aracade version. Forget Super NES...come on over play and hang out with me!

Posted by: popejenn at August 7, 2008 11:40 PM

All you motherfuckers think it's cute that that Olsen bitch tried to get out of telling what she knows about Ledger's death, and she succeeded. She got that man on that raw and now he's dead, it's so sad.

Posted by: Pookie at August 7, 2008 11:47 PM

Are you looking at me? I said 'Are you looking at me?' There ain't... eh. I'm too lazy to finish that sen -

Posted by: Ben (The Harry Potter-Bashing Troll) at August 8, 2008 2:10 AM

Oh man, that MITM link is totally worthy of an Afternoon Comment Diversion. Immediate nods to Sarah McLachlan's "Full of Grace" (because that song + BtVS = immediate massive depression, possibly some weepage) and Damien Rice's "Volcano" (or "Delicate", or "Cheers Darlin'" as mentioned, or...well, most of his first album, actually), but god, there's oodles more if I actually thought about it.

And I just can't hate ScarJo. I don't know why. She irks me from time to time, but I just have this deep all-abiding liking for her. I think I may be too forgiving and optimistic to really fit with the appropriate levels of blind hatred around these parts.

Posted by: Shay at August 8, 2008 7:09 AM

Shay- p'shaw! Blind hatred is totally overrated (yep, socalled I used that word). On Wednesday, I rented the dvd of a thoroughly Pajiba-despised movie (I am keeping the title to myself, so people don't go around demanding my Pajiba card back) and it was exactly was I was looking for. I truly enjoyed it.

So, you know, it takes all kinds, as they say.

Posted by: tamatha at August 8, 2008 11:08 AM

Love, LOVE, LOVE, Burger Time.

It paved the way for such wonderful offerings as Eggsplosion/Short Order (goddamn, that nintendo power pad was the stupidest and most wonderful thing ever to grace my childhood home--our poor dog nearly had a coronary trying to chase us while we were on it).

Posted by: MadameUgly at August 8, 2008 12:45 PM

I like milk. Just thought I'd throw that out there...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at August 8, 2008 1:30 PM

I like milk. Just thought I'd throw that out there...

Skittiums is stuck...someone bop him on the head a couple times.

Either that, or Mimimus has learned the copy/paste function of his keyboard...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 8, 2008 1:44 PM

"Skittiums is stuck..."

I'm guessing he's just a little over-excited for the State Fair, which starts in like two weeks. They sell these buckets of cookies (which are totally awesome, and I don't even particularly like cookies) and they have a milk stand (called the Gopher Dairy Club, cuz what the fuck kinda fair would it be without nerdy names for everything?). That milk is the most delicious stuff in the whole universe. I could probably drink it 'till I puke so hard I almost turn inside out.

Goddammit. Now I really want some milk.

Posted by: Sarina at August 8, 2008 1:53 PM

Jesus Christ, Sarina, don't you know that the Gopher Dairy Club serves milk that's been milked outta a gopher's milkhole? DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT?!

Jeezum Crow people, NEVER drink milk unless it's been milked by a professional milkperson in a cow place that they keep cows in.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at August 8, 2008 2:49 PM

"Jesus Christ, Sarina, don't you know that the Gopher Dairy Club serves milk that's been milked outta a gopher's milkhole? DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT?!"

[pausing to contemplate]

Yup, still delicious. More gopher milk, please. Mmmm... does a body good!

Posted by: Sarina at August 8, 2008 3:00 PM





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