Pajiba Love 08/06/09

Down With "Fraggle Rock"

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (61)

Jim Henson’s son Brian Henson gave an interview about the possibility of a “Fraggle Rock” reboot and Dark Crystal sequel. With a Henson at the helm, I say only good can come of this. (Gordon and the Whale)

With Julie & Julia hitting theaters, here are ten television chefs who also deserve their own movie. (Spout)

Even though he didn’t get jail time, the judge in Chris Brown’s assault trial is postponing sentencing until she gets it in writing that he’ll be doing hard labor in lieu of regular old community service. Haw haw! (Webster’s)

Oh. My. GOD. Rita’s Water Ice has a brand new Swedish Fish flavor of water ice. I need to make this happen, like ASAP. (Impulsive Buy)

Paris Hilton is going to be guest starring on an episode of “Supernatural” this season? I don’t like this. No sir, not one bit. (Bloody Disgusting)

Today is “Least Surprising News Ever” news, Dr. Phil allegedly had a history of sexual abuse. Gross. (Celebitchy)

Gwyneth Paltrow is starting to reach a Heigl-esque level of fever pitch hatred around here, but I can’t help pointing out when she does something like, say, refer to photographers at a charity event as “roaches.” (Agent Bedhead)

Charlyne Yi and Jake Johnson talk about Paper Heart. I don’t care how fake she’s claiming their relationship to be now, I remember hearing about them dating a couple years back, so there. (AV Club)

Someone took upon the daunting task of transcribing, completely out of context, everything Tracy Jordan said on “30 Rock,” a season at a time. (Via Pop Candy) (Unlikely Words)

Sookie and Bill from “True Blood” are getting married in real life. This is almost definitely a good idea. (DListed)

A few brave men decided to go ahead and put together this list of “25 Rules for the Modern Woman.” Ladies? Want to likewise go ahead and come up with some rules for the modern man in the comment section? (YBNBY)

Susan Boyle got a fancy makeover for Harper’s Bazaar magazine. Really? Still, with this woman? (Yeeeah!)

This is the BEST THING. Zooey Dechanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt made this bank heist homage video to Zooey’s “Why Do You Let Me Stay Here,” directed by 500 Days of Summer’s Marc Webb. It will give you the squisheys. Thanks to Mook for first bringing this to my attention!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

Follow @pajiba

← Alexa Woodward - Speck Review | Eloquent Eloquence 08/06/09 →

Comments

That video put a smile on my face.

Zooey put a smile in my pants.

Have a nice afternoon...

Posted by: Skitz at August 6, 2009 1:08 PM

"water ice"?

And that video's auto-playing on two pages now!

Pajibaaaa!!!!!

Posted by: Jay at August 6, 2009 1:10 PM

After hearing ~~Bill~~ Stephen Moyer speak in his natural voice, I've decided Anna Paquin should marry Alexander Sarsgard instead.

Posted by: Cindy at August 6, 2009 1:13 PM

NOOOOOOOOOO! Kripe, don't do this to me! Not Paris Hilton! WHY??!??!?!

Fuck it all, I quit.

Posted by: Kathleen at August 6, 2009 1:16 PM

I want to see Nigella Lawson starring in a movie called Nigella Lawson and Tracer Bullet Violate Each Other in Obscene Ways.

Any list put together by a goofball who makes multiple references to his love for Entourage is a list worth ignoring.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 6, 2009 1:20 PM

Paris Hilton is going to be guest starring on an episode of “Supernatural” this season? I don’t like this. No sir, not one bit.

Padalecki, reservation for one at the STDeli?

Posted by: branded at August 6, 2009 1:25 PM

I've decided Anna Paquin should marry Alexander Sarsgard instead.

But then how will he marry me??!!

Posted by: Julie at August 6, 2009 1:26 PM

I will say, while Gwyneth Paltrow is full of herself an annoying, she's been a part of some great movies. Proof, Iron Man, The Royal Tennenbaums, Shakespeare in Love (it didn't deserve Best Picture, but it's a good movie). And frankly, I've always thought she was a good actress, which is one thing I've never thought about Katherine Heigl.

Posted by: Christian H. at August 6, 2009 1:26 PM

Susan Boyle looks lovely in the new photos. The lady deserves a style makeover.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 6, 2009 1:30 PM

The Deschanel thing was already posted on another column. Don't get me wrong; it's cute and all, but maybe y'all should, I dunno, communicate with each other or somethin'?

Also, now for the second time: AUTO-PLAY GETS PEOPLE FIRED FROM JOBS. Thank you for your attention.

Posted by: Jerce at August 6, 2009 1:30 PM

Biut, ah lahv ya, Sookeh!

I don't really care. I just wanted to say that. Also...oy. I am so sick of 500 Days of Summer. OVERKILL. I never want to watch this movie.

Posted by: figgy at August 6, 2009 1:32 PM

Also, Susan Boyle does look very cute but...why is anyone still paying attention to her? She didn't even win!

Posted by: figgy at August 6, 2009 1:34 PM

Julie=, I had the exact same question. Only about me. Seriously, I will fight you for the right to hypothetically marry someone neither or us has met.

Posted by: Alice at August 6, 2009 1:34 PM

I want to see Meryl Streep do Julia Child during her SPY years.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 6, 2009 1:35 PM

I have this to say: I will get whatever haircut I goddamn well please, since I'm the one who has to fuck around getting it to look like something approaching a head of human hair for the rest of my life. If you don't like my haircut, well that's too goddamn bad.

Oh, and if there's a millipede that needs killing? I don't care what's on the TV. You can bloody well stream the episode later, or watch it during one of the seven kajillion times it plays again before the next episode. Because those things are not of the lord and need immediate attention. Spiders can wait, much as I hate them, but those billion leggers gotta go NOW.

And one more thing: If you want a blowjob so goddamn much, instead of making me out to be the bitch because I'm not in the mood that day, how 'bout if you learn to do it your goddamn self? P.S. You're still not getting anal. Been there, done that, over it.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 6, 2009 1:37 PM

Oh, and that video didn't auto-play on my comp on either page....

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 6, 2009 1:39 PM

Alice, I've been known to pull hair and set people on fire. THAT'S how hot Skarsgard is.

I don't understand why I can buy a god damned shotglass of the Liberty Bell on every corner, and yet there isn't a Skarsgard readily available for me to molest. It's just not fair.

Posted by: Julie at August 6, 2009 1:40 PM

I think that list of 25 rules forgot one:
If you willingly date a guy like me, you really can't be surprised when I start banging that hot waitress from the restaurant where I take you and then make you pay because I "forgot" my wallet.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 6, 2009 1:42 PM

charlyne and michael cera were for sure dating, i was sitting next to her at a restaurant in la last month and she was talking about how she was newly single. lies, all lies.

Posted by: letsspoon at August 6, 2009 1:42 PM

Gordon Ramsay in Inglourious Custerds
---
Well done.

(See what I did there?)

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 6, 2009 1:46 PM

But then how will he marry me??!!

You and I could be his mistresses. He'll get tired of the wife in about five weeks, and we'll get the hot sex.

Posted by: Cindy at August 6, 2009 1:48 PM

Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are two of the most unappealingly sexy actors I've ever seen. Like, my eyes recognize that they are incredibly beautiful, attractive people; but my brain says meh.

Posted by: Marra at August 6, 2009 1:50 PM

I don't get how people are sick of 500 Days of Summer. This site is the only place I ever hear about it.

Posted by: TSF at August 6, 2009 1:55 PM

Marra: Unappealing is an understatement. Stephen Moyer suffers from a freakishly acute case of short-dude-with-huge-head syndrome. I read somewhere that a normal person's head size to body size ratio is 1:6 and for big headed actors it's more like 1:5. I think Moyer is 1:4, esp. when standing next to Norse god Skarsgaard.

Posted by: icecreammang at August 6, 2009 2:00 PM

Is it me or is Joseph Gordon-Levitt starting look like Heath Ledger??

Posted by: Jennifer x at August 6, 2009 2:06 PM

25 Rules?
So let me get this clear...
Put out, shut up, feed me,and let me watch what I want WHEN I want.

We need the names of the guys ( not men) that compiled this list so we can post there pictures next to it on the internet...Women BEWARE!

Posted by: amylou at August 6, 2009 2:06 PM

I think it's possible that AvB and I were seperated at birth. Or, I'm in love. One of the two, Sibling or Soul Mate.

I have to add just this:

You can go to Las Vegas or Amsterdam alone just as soon as I get back from my trip to either without you. How does that sound?

You should only be singing Bon Jovi with me. Seriously. When we're drunk and reminiscing. Otherwise, no.

Posted by: Eyvi at August 6, 2009 2:11 PM

Guys, sorry about the double post. I try to be aware of everything else that's posted on Pajiba, however more often than not, Dustin and I are writing posts at the same time and sometimes if an item isn't clearly defined in the title of the post I miss it (and vice versa).

As much as we try to avoid this from happening, well, it's a big site and we cover a lot of material so every now and then there are bound to be discrepancies. So in summary: Deal with it.

No seriously though, I am sorry about the auto play thing. That is effing annoying.

Posted by: Stacey at August 6, 2009 2:13 PM

An episode with Paris Hilton could be clever. I guess. But I just...I just, don't want to see her on the show. Okay? Just...I don't want to. Maybe if she doesn't speak. Or move. Or maybe if she's always half-hidden behind a bookcase or a plant or something.

Posted by: babaz at August 6, 2009 2:14 PM

The best response to the so-called 25 Rules on YBNBY?

"I've gotten funnier e-mail forwards from my father-in-law".

I am in full agreement.

Whatta doosh.

Posted by: Spender at August 6, 2009 2:19 PM

Oh thank god that guy wrote that list. I mean, here I was trying to get guys and all I had to do was be a submissive sex slave. Whew, load of my mind. Thanks internet man, for saving my god forsaken love life.

oh by the way, you're have a pronoun/noun disagreement in your rule about playing golf. you see, "especially when we're sure he thinks we're a pussy" isn't correct, because "we" is plural and "pussy" is singular.

Oh. whoops. Did I just reveal that I have a college education? Is being smarter than you against the rules? Damn. Guess I'm a lost cause.

Oh, and if you could kindly go blow yourself and choke on your own semen, that'd be really terrific. I'll be sure to have dinner on the table by 6. have a super day sweetie.

Posted by: buttercup at August 6, 2009 2:22 PM

The only rule for modern women:
Don't date guys who make up rules for women, those guys are turds.

Posted by: Inaras at August 6, 2009 2:32 PM

...and now I have a crush on buttercup. I think those "25 rules" have turned me into a lesbian. (I hope that wasn't the evil plan all along!)

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 6, 2009 2:32 PM

MelBiv: it's working! Boobs!! NOM NOM.

Posted by: Julie at August 6, 2009 2:37 PM

I've never seen Entourage, nor do I care to.
My girlfriend is perfectly capable of drinking me under the table and I am perfectly fine with that.
We agree that both oral and anal, if practiced, should be reciprocated and we are fine with just practicing the first one. Certainly until we get it right.
We will watch entire seasons of TV shows together. Sometimes we just watch. Sometimes we yak. Sometimes we fall asleep. And we are fine with that.
I only cite old girlfriends when I consider what I did wrong. Not how great/awful they were. She does the same. Or at least we try to anyway.
I like her family just fine. They are as funny as she is and a part of who she is. My family is important to me. Why shouldn't hers?.
She tells me when she has her period and I tell her when I fart. And how cranky we both get when 'relief' is not forthcoming. And we both know I still got the better deal, stomach cramp wise.
She is more interesting than any TV show or movie I have seen. Although she does understand and forgive my need to shoot Stormtroopers online with my distant brothers.
If I need time to stare at a brick for an hour, I ask and she graciously complies. I do the same for her. We often talk into the wee hours about all topics. We never argue, but we do love to rant. And often we find ourselves laughing our heads off like a couple of idiots.
She calls me on my bullshit and I call her on hers.
We could do better of course, but I think we are doing well. We take each other seriously and we both appreciate it and let the other know it.
In short, it seems to me that if you need 'rules', either gender, then you are probably not even getting along in the first place. Requests, yes. Rules? Fuck no.

Posted by: Odnon at August 6, 2009 2:49 PM

By the way, if you guys are wondering why I'm not apologizing for the "Rules for Modern Women" post, it's because I totally did that on purpose. I'm glad you all are enjoying it as much as I expected you to.

Now excuse me while I drink my boyfriend under the table and fart in his face.

Posted by: Stacey at August 6, 2009 2:51 PM

Could we PLEASE get a break from Zooey Deschannel!!!

Everywhere I go.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 6, 2009 2:52 PM

Cindy, how can you not like Stephen Moyer's real voice? I think it's charming. He's so British and funny. When he was on Conan I was on the computer and was trying to figure out who it was without looking at the TV, and I couldn't do it. Then I turn around and I was like "WTF, IZ BILL!"

I wish he spoke in his real voice on the show instead of his "McGruff the Crime Dog Goes to Arkansas" voice. It wouldn't make sense with the character, but it would be infinitely more pleasing to my ears.

Posted by: Snath at August 6, 2009 2:55 PM

"Put out, shut up, feed me,and let me watch what I want WHEN I want."

You know, this ain't a bad short list for the official "Rules for Men", and you know it needs to be a short list because the stupid fuckers can't handle many more than 4 concepts at a time.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at August 6, 2009 2:56 PM

Back off ladies, Echowood is MINE!

I wonder if he'll let me put my finger up his butt during "blow job week?" I mean, that "exit only" tattoo on his ass is ironical and spoofy, right?

Also:
echowood (n.) The phantom feeling of once being able to obtain and sustain an erection without the use of prescription drugs, such as Viagra and Rohypnol.

Posted by: bev rage at August 6, 2009 3:02 PM

A) Awwww! I have such a crush on Odnon right now! I think I'd like that needlepointed on a pillow. Where's Rusty Genny?

2) Did someone think you should *apologize* for that, Stacy!? That thing is friggin' hilarious, and you didn't write it... why in heaven's name would you apologize?!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 6, 2009 3:06 PM

OK, that Rita's ice is just cruel. I found one of those places when I was back in my hometown at Christmas. I then snuck away from my relatives twice to go back and get some.

Now, they have a Swedish Fish flavor, for a limited time! And they don't have any locations west of the Mississippi (except now they've added Texas, I see. Jump on that shit while you're there, figgy)? That is CRUEL!

Posted by: Drake at August 6, 2009 3:14 PM

A man who doesn't have sex with a woman just because she has her period isn't a real man. Period.

Posted by: samantha t at August 6, 2009 3:22 PM

Samantha: I let my husband have sex with me once, while I had my period. Unfortunately I didn't take the tampon out first. It took me an hour to fish that slippery stringless puppy out. In the end, I think I had to use a tool of some sort. Believe me, I'm fine if a man doesn't want to have sex when I have my period. Just fine.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 6, 2009 3:34 PM

Thanks Anna. It's only taken me four decades to get my head out of my ass and realize that the view is actually much better out here.

Posted by: Odnon at August 6, 2009 3:39 PM

Those naked photos of our ex-girlfriends? We only keep them around to remind us how great you are. No need to freak out and threaten decapitation.
We are to go to Las Vegas and Amsterdam alone.
Urge to kill...... rising........RISING....

If your boyfriend writes a list of 25 new rules for the modern woman and publishes it on a pop culture blog - the rules apply to other women. Not you. You're perfect. And I'll make sure to pick up your dry-cleaning this afternoon.

Oh, a sense of humor. Huh. Nevermind.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at August 6, 2009 3:41 PM

Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are two of the most unappealingly sexy actors I've ever seen. Like, my eyes recognize that they are incredibly beautiful, attractive people; but my brain says meh.

Ha, so true. Moyer does fuck all for me. he's all...just...completely fucking bland. He's good looking, but as attractive as a slice of stale bread.

Gonna go find me some Rita's. Fuck, I love Texas.

Posted by: figgy at August 6, 2009 4:24 PM

10 rules for modern women (non-douche bag edition)

1. If I am in someone's house with at least one woman present, I always leave the toilet seat down. That said, if you are the only woman in a house of at least 3 or more guys, it'd be courteous if you left the seat up for the next guy. We'll leave it down when we're finished

2. Part of me getting to know you is finding out the kind of music you like, and not shitting on it. I'll keep my trap shut listening to nothing but Bjork on a four hour car ride, so could you not scoff when I get excited that Gwar's playing a show near us?

3. I'd fist fight unstable UFC fighter Rampage Jackson (and die), if it'd keep you safe and defend your honor. Doesn't mean I WANT to actually do that though, so when you're drunk, please don't talk a bunch of bullshit to people we don't know and then tell them i'm going to kick their ass

4. It's "What do you think?", not "How does this make me look?". "How does this make me look" tacitly combines the look of the clothes with the way you look. You look beautiful. That shirt looks weird.

5. Speaking of which, one hour of clothes shopping with you = 20 minutes in a comic/video game store and that is DAMN FAIR, and you know it.

6. Talking about and/or making out with other women does not make you cool or interesting. So knock it off.

7. And on a similar note, could you show the slightest bit of disapproval when your gay friend is practically raping you in front of me instead of laughing hysterically? If I pulled half the shit he does to you on a regular basis the first time we met, I'd have to walk around the neighborhood telling people that they should keep their kids away from me. Unless you're ok with my lesbian friend grabbing my balls as a funny in-joke.

8. Please stop asking me to choke you during sex. It's creepy. I can do rough stuff, but...no, just no.

9. If I say I love you, I really mean I love you. It's not fair to suggest otherwise during a fight. I'd really prefer to be called a stupid asshole then to hear you say I don't love you enough to do something.

10. I love spending time with you. I wish I could spend all day with you. that's why I call or text you from work just to say hi. If for some reason you don't want to be around my friends though, you have to understand that I still do. It's not like you're not invited.

There.

Posted by: A. Biro at August 6, 2009 4:43 PM

Can A. Biro win EE for next week already? That was fantastic.

Posted by: Snath at August 6, 2009 5:33 PM

A. Biro,

That was magnificent. Bravo. And I'm stealing your list and making it mine.

A. Mouse

Posted by: annoyingmouse at August 6, 2009 5:59 PM

Btw AvB what/who is Rusty Genny. And the needlepoint ref. Wasn't a 'mocky' kind of thing was it? (I get paranoid)

Posted by: Odnon at August 6, 2009 7:42 PM

Odnon, that's Genny (also Rusty), the lovely and vivacious commenter/Eloquent. She sews and also does some needlework (which I do as well, but I'm very, very lazy). And I wasn't mocking at all, I think it's a lovely sentiment you've expressed there. Pseudo-Mr. vB and I have a similar "philosophy", if you will, to our 'ship, and that's why we've been together 14 years and counting, and are still happy to be together.

P.S. Just to clarify for everyone, though I'm fairly sure everybody knows: I do enjoy blowjobs, I just don't like being *expected* to do things.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 6, 2009 8:23 PM

1. We both have cell phones. You shop for what you want, I'll do the same and when you're ready for lunch call me and we'll meet at a restaurant.

2. It's illogical to think that a pair of pants, shorts or whatever makes your ass look fat. Your ass fat makes your ass look fat. If the concept is unclear look at Kevin Smith before and then after he gained that 150 pounds and turned into Orson Welles. Or look at Jennifer Love Hewitt, that is not the ass she had when she was making movies and I doubt it's the fault of those bikinis.

3. I have friends who you think are dicks, you have friends I think are cunts. We don't have to spend time together with them but you have to do quid pro quo with the dicks if you want me to spend time with the cunts.

4. Both Entourage and SATC kill neurons.

5. I know you're not stupid enough to think that the gay actors and lesbian actresses in those romcoms are in romances off screen so don't insult my choice of popcorn movies whether it's zombies, spies or street racing. It doesn't happen in real life, that's why there's a movie about it.

6. You watch reality TV, I play video games there's no defense for either one and we both realize it.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at August 6, 2009 8:41 PM

Thanks again Anna. I eventually did work it out. (I get confused sometimes with all the double names people have now. All I could think was 'Rusty Genny- is that like Steely Dan?) I didn't know about her needlepoint acumen though. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

And cheers to you and your fella! It's grand, ain't it?

Posted by: Odnon at August 6, 2009 8:49 PM

It is a delight. Seriously. Amazing, every day. We still crack each other up and occasionally surprise each other. And we never take each other for granted.

Rules are for sports and federal institutions.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 6, 2009 9:21 PM

Apologies if this has been commented on previously and I know it's off-topic, but I have to say this - surely, surely the woman in the weight-loss advertisement to the top right of the page is pregnant, not fat? It's been annoying me for days!

Posted by: Ali at August 7, 2009 1:08 AM

Holy fuck. You have the same auto play video on more then one post? Tards. Zooey Deschanel just lost another 11%. Now I like here 29% less then I did before. So there.

Posted by: EricD at August 7, 2009 1:49 AM

And btw, having acknowledged that the autoplay crap is in two posts and is annoying, but still not having fixed it, makes it that much worse.

Posted by: EricD at August 7, 2009 2:00 AM

It is great, Anna. It is truly great indeed.
Cheers!

Posted by: Odnon at August 7, 2009 2:29 AM

Hooray! Something I said finally garnered attention!

Posted by: A. Biro at August 7, 2009 4:27 AM

Let the men have their dreams, I say.

Posted by: replica at August 7, 2009 4:49 AM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

Down With "Fraggle Rock"

Comments