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Pajiba Love 08/04/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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This Could Be the Messiest Thing Since That Time Comic-Con Ran Out of Corn Dogs

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | August 4, 2009 | Comments (43)

Although nerds could technically debate and argue this for years and years on end, one brave website has decided to put together a list of what it considers to be the 100 best sci-fi movies. (Total Sci-Fi Online)

And while I’m on a nerd kick, here are the seven nerdiest butlers in all of Nerd-Dom. (Topless Robot)

Remember how Jill Sobule was the first person to have a song called “I Kissed a Girl?” Yeah well, she remembers too, and has some words for Katy Perry — such as “fucking,” “little” and “slut.” True story. (Webster’s)

Say what you want about Michel Gondry, but one thing you can’t accuse him of is not being a good sport. (Film Drunk)

IFC has put together a lost of the 50 greatest movie trailers of all time. Via ASWOBA! (IFC)

Orphan groups are all up in arms over that new horror movie, The Orphan. Oh, whatever. Aren’t orphans still as easy to adopt as scoring a liver on the black market? If anything, it seems like less of a demand would be helpful. (Celebitchy)

You know how we had that review up recently that said how boring golf was? Well if you ask me, all the sport really need was more flatulence. (Yeeeah!)

Here’s a list of the best worst action movie one-liners. With video! (mental floss)

Jennifer Love Hewitt was photographed playing tennis in a bikini and high heels. You know, like most people do when they play sports, not because she really wants attention or anything. (Superior Gossip)

Oh noes! Mr. Belding’s feelings were hurt because he was excluded from People’s “Saved By the Bell” pretty-people-only reunion cover. (Warming Glow)

Because “He-Man” was chock full of life lessons, here’s what a few celebrities in particular could stand to learn from watching. (Screen Junkies)

Here’s a video of Ed Helms and that other guy and some guy I don’t know performing in a fake boy band called “The Big Ups.” I think it’s for a movie or something. Oh wait, I just checked and it is, and it’s starring Jeremy Piven, so nevermind. But the clip is kind of cute anyway, so enjoy:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

To be fair, nobody owns titles.

Posted by: Jay at August 4, 2009 1:08 PM

Well, that Sci-Fi list should help me to fatten up my relatively new Netflix queue. And give me something to do this afternoon vis a vis the Instant Play.

So, basically, see you all later. I'm off to the movies.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 4, 2009 1:16 PM

Golf is still boring
Even when Tiger Woods farts
All the rest is 'Meh'

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at August 4, 2009 1:20 PM

God, that Sci-Fi list fails on soooo many levels. If you're going to include Eternal Sunshine, you have to concede that it's better than a lot of the movies that precede it. If you're going to include each individual Star Wars movie, Empire has to be ranked highest. Seriously, they clearly are doing this thing that I hate when people do with these lists; they're listing the most INFLUENTIAL Sci-Fi films, clearly, but calling them the best, which is total bullshit. Every Rolling Stone list ever made is the same way. If it were really just the best, it would probably fit certain criteria. Blade Runner is only in contention for number 1 on that list if it's the Director's Cut, and then if you're thinking logically about what the best film actually is, it'll probably lose out to something that has better plot or pacing (or a better female lead).

Posted by: Christian H. at August 4, 2009 1:21 PM

Um That He-Man article was funny for the most part, but the Margot Kidder entry was kinda stupid. And the Macaulay Culkin one too, now that I think about it.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 4, 2009 1:27 PM

God I still remember how fucking excited I got watching the Watchmen trailer. Hell, I just watched it on that countdown thing, and I STILL got excited. Check out my erection!

Posted by: Christian H. at August 4, 2009 1:32 PM

That sci-fi movie list is massive awesome. The trailer list is also great.

Two terrific finds, Nosek. Thanks!

Posted by: Jerce at August 4, 2009 1:34 PM

Oh, that is going to be a mess. All over the place.

You know, when the Katy Perry song came out and got huge, in spite of the fact that Jill Sobule's was better and did nit get huge, I wondered how that was going to play out. Now I know.

Really? Fictional movie The Orphan is dissuading people from adopting children? REALLY? Then perhaps those people are too stupid to adopt a child, and the child is better off waiting to be adopted by someone who doesn't confuse fiction with reality.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 1:35 PM

Eeeeeeh, Repo Man, THX-1138, Children of Men, Empire Strikes Back and Brazil should be in the Top 10. Independence Day shouldn't even be there.
No Southland Tales!? yet they go and put fucking Cocoon in there? Steve Guttenberg? ugh.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 4, 2009 1:39 PM

That He-Man list made me think that Christina Hendricks looks a lot like Teela.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at August 4, 2009 1:41 PM

And where the fuck is Brainstorm?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 4, 2009 1:43 PM

No shit, AVB! Perhaps The Orphan was actually financed by adoption agencies in an effort to weed out all the dipshits before they wasted their time with paperwork.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at August 4, 2009 1:45 PM

The "no shit" should be interpreted as "I agree with you on the matter and thank you for posting it" and not as me being an asshole.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at August 4, 2009 1:47 PM

Dude, has anyone asked how fucking SCREECH felt at being excluded? Or is everyone just ignoring him and pretending he never existed?

Posted by: figgy at August 4, 2009 1:50 PM

The Sci-Fi list has
issues with ranking and such
But I am erect

Katy Perry is
annoying so I want to
do her in the face

On fields of green
A Tiger waits in the breeze
His mating call sounds

OK I'm done.

Posted by: admin at August 4, 2009 1:51 PM

Who's Screech?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 4, 2009 1:51 PM

Ladies, please. There is MORE than enough room for ALL of you to kiss girls. Please don't fight . . . On second thought, fight. Here's some olive oil.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 4, 2009 1:55 PM

Ew. Girls have cooties.

BSlim: Touche.

Posted by: figgy at August 4, 2009 2:00 PM

Genny, you know what else Netflix has on their insty-watch thinger? Why, they have both Season 1 and the first half of Season 2 of iCarly, that's what they have! I can't imagine why you'd want to fritter away precious time on quality sci-fi cinema when you can rot your brain with a show designed primarily for the enjoyment of the average 11-year-old.

...but seriously, iCarly is awesome and I can not stop watching it.

Posted by: Sarina at August 4, 2009 2:04 PM

Hee. I gotcha, Pinky.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 2:04 PM

Barbado, I swear I thought I was the only one here with any kind of affection for Southland Tales and even I was likely to allow others to write it off as a product of my overwhelming desire to take advantage of The Rock. I'm glad to find there are others who enjoyed it on something other than a carnal level.

Unless you also want to touch Mr.Dwayne Johnson inappropriately in which case, get in line.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 4, 2009 2:06 PM

Sarina and my 5-year-old have similar taste in television. I have no idea what that says about either of them.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 4, 2009 2:09 PM

I hate hate HATE Katy Perry and her stupid song, because Jill Sobule's was so much better in every respect.

And isn't there some overtone in the Katy Perry song that she really shouldn't kiss girls because it's bad and wrong and un-Christian, or something?

Ugh! Hate HATE STAB STAB!!!!!

Posted by: MM at August 4, 2009 2:10 PM

Glad I'm the first to get to say:

JLH looks much less impressive in a bikini than I would have expected.

Also: I'm finally beginning to understand all the Katy Perry hate, although I still don't understand why anybody cares that much.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 4, 2009 2:11 PM

Unless you also want to touch Mr.Dwayne Johnson inappropriately in which case, get in line.

*waiting*

Damn, this line isn't moving AT ALL.

*peeks ahead*

OK, who is that ginger who's spending way more than her share of the time?

*still waiting*

Shit, is she giving a slip-n-slide followed by a Hamburg Pinwheel? Dammit, there's not going to be anything left for me to touch!

Posted by: Drake at August 4, 2009 2:36 PM

If you're going to include each individual Star Wars movie, Empire has to be ranked highest.

Nah. One day, I asked mom what her favorite Star Wars movie was, and she said it was the first one, but she didn't give some bullshit reason like "most influential," she said it's the best because it stands on it's own.

Think about it, the original Star Wars is the only film in the series that tells a complete story without the aid of further films. Yes, there's more story to tell, but if Star Wars never made it big, that movie would have still completed everything. It could be inferred that Vader was killed, and that the empire fell after the Death Star was destroyed. Besides, Star Wars is far greater whole than the sum of its parts, every other film had much more at it's disposal, but with Star Wars they did more with less. For those reasons, Star Wars should be considered the best.

The list still fails at life.

Posted by: George at August 4, 2009 2:43 PM

I dunno. I've always thought the Star Wars series is vastly overrated, since the acting, script, and directing is all relatively poor. At least Empier wasn't directed by George Lucas. So, that's something. But I suppose it's all personal opinion.

Posted by: Christian H. at August 4, 2009 2:53 PM

Oh, Drake, if I do get my hands on Mr.Dwayne Johnson (the chances of which, while still infinitesimal, have increased since my move back to Miami) y'all might as well abandon the line.

Though in that unlikely event I do believe I've promised Jeremy I'd share details, so I guess I can offer you the same consolation ; )

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 4, 2009 3:27 PM

George: I kinda disagree with your Mom on the "stands alone" thing. I remember first seeing Star Wars Episode IV (i.e. the first one) and being pissed off at the end when Vader wasn't killed, but went flying off in his little sport coup. It was the first time I'd ever seen a movie that didn't kill off the bad guy.

After that, it seemed like every movie I saw purposely didn't "get" the bad guy. Young Sherlock Holmes was particularly abhorent in that regard. Thank goodness there wasn't a Young Sherlock Holmes: In My Pants produced, (or is that the Robert Downey, JR. movie that's finally coming out?)

Posted by: BWeaves at August 4, 2009 4:10 PM

Aaaaaaand just when I thought Ed Helms could not get sexier...

I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Jessica at August 4, 2009 4:11 PM

G (a R n), I do understand. Try to get a cellphone snapshot at least.

Posted by: Drake at August 4, 2009 4:15 PM

JLH looks much less impressive in a bikini than I would have expected.

See what happened when you made her feel fat??

SEE WHAT HAPPENED?????

THANKS A LOT!

At least Empier wasn't directed by George Lucas.

What was that, the French knockoff?

Posted by: Jay at August 4, 2009 4:21 PM

Any idiot that decides not to adopt an older child because of what happened in a campy horror film is an unfit parent to begin with. I say show Orphan as part of the adoption process with a simple one question response sheet:

Does this film make you reconsider adoption?
(circle one) Yes/No

If they circle yes, they have their privates ripped off right there and shoved on a stake in front of the orphanage to ward off future unfit parents. If they circle no, a child will have a wonderful new home with a family that knows the difference between fiction and reality.

Posted by: Robert at August 4, 2009 4:48 PM

Admin- Haiku Bitchiness!
Well done!

Posted by: Odnon at August 4, 2009 5:21 PM

Considering how often Stacey talks about having a Charlie from It's Always Sunny clone for a boyfriend, I'm surprised she mentioned the alleged fart and totally missed out on the appearance of GREENMAN.

http://deadspin.com/5328732/the-legend-of-green-man

Posted by: Homeless J at August 4, 2009 7:01 PM

I nearly cried when I first heard KP's "I Kissed A Girl". It is so completely the antithesis of Jill Sobule's cleverer song. Have to say I'm overjoyed to see she's smacked the bimbo down.

On a side note - life goal of meeting Jill happened for me in February when I met her at TED in Palm Springs (came all the way from Australia for it).

So, attended TED and met Jill Sobule in the one trip. Two goals met. February was good!

Posted by: trib at August 4, 2009 7:17 PM

I'm surprised she mentioned the alleged fart and totally missed out on the appearance of GREENMAN.

It's because I don't normally read sports blogs. That clip from from a gossip blog. Otherwise, I totally don't care what happens in sports.

Posted by: Stacey at August 4, 2009 7:18 PM

Why are Jennifer Indifferent Hewitt's eyebrows vertical now? It's like her face is folding into the shape of a freeze dried taco shell.

And this is coming from a Fat Hobbit, out of gin-uwine concern. That the same thing will happen to me.

Posted by: Stacy D at August 4, 2009 7:52 PM

Didja know JLH has a "greatest hits" album? A PLATINUM COLLECTION, no less?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cool_with_You:_The_Platinum_Collection

Weep with me.

Posted by: ziggy at August 4, 2009 9:51 PM

I'm loving what appears to be haiku week on Pajiba. It is admin we have to thank for it?

He-Man speaks the truth
Orphan is just a movie
Please let dumb folks die.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at August 4, 2009 10:06 PM

I liked Katy Perry's song. It's really fucking catchy. Anyone who thinks that ridiculous '95 is better is... old. And that sci-fi list was excellent, basically it reminded me to re-watch some of my favourites as well as check out some I hadn't heard of. And watch some I own but haven't gotten around to watching yet (like THX1138). Nice Love today.

Posted by: ben at August 5, 2009 1:04 AM

How many theatres
will 'Moon' show in, in Melbourne??
Is Sam Rockwell God?

Posted by: ben at August 5, 2009 1:07 AM

I liked Katy Perry's song. It's really fucking catchy. Anyone who thinks that ridiculous '95 is better is... old.

And your point is...??

Here's how that sentence should read:

I liked Katy Perry's song. It's really fucking catchy. But, anyone who thinks that ridiculous song is better than the '95 is... stupid.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 5, 2009 10:05 AM





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