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You're Not That Cute Anymore

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | July 31, 2009 | Comments (52)

Michael Cera reportedly dumped girlfriend Charlyne Yi just as Paper Heart was premiering, which was pretty much the dickiest, douchiest move anyone has ever done to anyone ever. (Webster’s)

And if you needed a reminder as to how absolutely frigging adorable Charlyne Yi is, here she is reenacting a scene from Dirty Dancing with Channing Tatum. Woo! Team Charlyne! (Cinemash)

Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow finally opened up, on Stern no less, about Katherine Heigl throwing Knocked Up under the bus — as well as made fun of her shitty new movie. Ha ha ha ha. (Celebitchy)

This Universal Studios Florida souvenir tape from 1991 doesn’t adequately capture my experience at Universal Studios in the early 90’s of standing in two hour lines to look at animatronic crap. (FourFour)

Larry David talked about the upcoming “Seinfeld” reunion on next season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” I’m kind of excited about this but kind of wish they could do it without actually involving, you know, Jerry Seinfeld. (NJ.com)

For no other reason than it’s Friday and I’m lazy, here’s a gallery of nerds. (Holy Taco)

Speaking of nerds, presumably the reason why Screech didn’t appear at the “Saved By the Bell” reunion is because he’s writing a tell-all book about the cast. But Zack Morris isn’t going to be intimidated by that asshole. (Evil Beet)

Do you hate your dog as much as you hate yourself? Well then, the makers of the original Snuggie® have invented the perfect product for you! (DListed)

An abortion-themed episode of “Family Guy” is getting aborted. I guess you care, since so many of you watch the show and all. *shakes head in disgust* (Zelda Lily)

I dare you to take this quiz of quotes that Andy Rooney may or may not have said. The fact that this man is still on television never ceases to astound me. (mental floss)

Thanks to everyone who sent this in, because we here at Pajiba all share the mind of an eight-year-old. Heheh heh heheh heh heheheh:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

First.

Posted by: OldSchool60 at July 31, 2009 1:05 PM

Team Cera. When you gotta break up, you gotta break up. She probably shouldn't have prematurely ejaculated her love on to the big screen.

Posted by: Lucie at July 31, 2009 1:14 PM

Dynamic inertia makes me so hot.

Does the Shake Weight include a reservoir tip that splooges the chick's face when she completes a set?

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at July 31, 2009 1:14 PM

Michael Cera reportedly dumped girlfriend Charlyne Yi just Paper Heart was premiering, which was pretty much the dickiest, douchiest move anyone has ever done to anyone ever.

What the fuck? Bug eyed, emo muppet, motherfucker. Couldn't he have done this before the movie was announced, or years after? He'd still be a douche for it, but at least he'd be a normal level douche, as opposed to a Mencia-Cook level douche.

Posted by: George at July 31, 2009 1:17 PM

RE: The Shake Weight. Wouldn't it be more effective in this recession to have guys pay you to give them a hand job?

Posted by: BWeaves at July 31, 2009 1:17 PM

I loved the nerd in the lighted TRON outfit and the moose knuckle.

Posted by: BWEaves at July 31, 2009 1:22 PM

Eh, I've got a personal grudge against Michael Cera ever since I walked in on my spiteful roommate crying over the recorded orgasm scene in "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist."

Posted by: Mandy at July 31, 2009 1:23 PM

this one time this girl was all like, buy me dinner, i've got some DD's, a B.A in Creative Writing, and i'm really horny (so, a typical pajiba commentator) and I was like BITCH PLEASE.

Have you seen your arms? You call that a fucking tricep? I bet I can't even see your delts when you flex in a tank top. You shouldn't even call yourself a woman.

Thank god for the shake weight. Now, someone might date her.

Posted by: "Luker" the barbarian at July 31, 2009 1:26 PM

Frankly, I'm slightly more impressed with Channing Tatum after that Dirty Dancing parody. He shows more range in it than I've seen out of him so far. And I appreciate his willingness to look slightly absurd. Also to act opposite a female co-star who is not stereotypically "hot". Basically, he just scored a whole lotta points with me.

And I never really liked Michael Cera, so whatevs. And Lucie, I don't know if it's "prematurely ejaculating her love" if, when Cera met her, he was aware that she was filming a documentary about love and that, by hanging around with her, he'd be in it. I don't know, the more I hear about this the more I start to wonder if it was a calculated career move on his part, because I'm a cynical bitch.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at July 31, 2009 1:28 PM

People do realize that dogs and cats regulate their own body temperatures, right? I mean, do people seriously not know that? With the fur, and the panting, and the different physiology from humans... They really don't need sweaters. Or Snuggies. I feel like they'd get too hot.

P.S. Cats are hilarious in sweaters. Mine, anyway. They just freeze in place. Hi. Lar. I. Ous.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 31, 2009 1:29 PM

Ditto on being impressed with Channing Tatum.

"One month I'm eating Jujubees to stay alive, and the next women are shoving diamonds down my pants!"

That made me laugh. A lot.

Posted by: eat my shorts at July 31, 2009 1:32 PM

Cera is surely a douche. But what the hell, people break up all the time, 'specially the youngsters. I'm giving this a big "eh".

Posted by: sansho1 at July 31, 2009 1:32 PM

Did they site "scientific studies at a prestigious California university"? I had no idea the School of Hard Cocks was now conferring graduate degrees.

Posted by: branded at July 31, 2009 1:34 PM

I'm looking forward to the Seinfeld reunion specifically for what I hope will be a completely scathing, rip-roaring vilification of Michael Richards. Really, it's the one thing Larry David has to do.

I know the dude that invented that shaking thing is sitting in a corner, laughing his ass off.

And people, please stop dressing up your pets! They look like fucking idiots. You look like a fucking idiot. It's fucking idiotic!

Posted by: Cindy at July 31, 2009 1:37 PM

Cera is precisely the kind of guy I steered my friends away from in our youth. You're pretty and fun and you think the "Bug eyed, emo muppet, motherfucker" (genius, George, genius) realizes that he's lucky to be dating you. Nope - that mofo will dump you on your ass and actually think you're torn up about it. Go for the hotties, ladies. They're more secure.

Posted by: samantha t at July 31, 2009 1:37 PM

Thanks samatha, but I want to give credit where it's due. The "emo muppet" phrase is something that's been used on this site for a long time, everything else was my idea, but I don't want to pull a Dane Cook, and take credit for ideas that aren't mine.

Posted by: George at July 31, 2009 1:44 PM

Samantha T, I think the same way. At least it doesn't shock your system when the good looking guy turns out to be a narcissistic asshole.

Posted by: Mandy at July 31, 2009 1:52 PM

I'm going to have to come to the defense of dressing pets. Not always, and definitely not in cute little costumes, but...

My new puppy had a form of hereditary mange when I got her. She was almost completely bald. That totally ruined any hope of her regulating her own body temperature, and while she was going to work (because she required medications at times when I wouldn't be able to get to her if she wasn't with me), I had no control over the temperature of the room, which was bloody freezing. So she got to wear sweaters, because spending hours and hours freezing while your immune system is already compromised does not do good things for you.

So she wore sweaters while we were at work, and I gave my air conditioner a rest while we were at home.

Now she's almost got all of her fur, and she's staying at home during the day, so the sweaters are gone. But there was a definite time period where those stupid sweaters were necessary.

That said, she never needed a freakin' Snuggie.

Posted by: Tyburn Blossom at July 31, 2009 2:06 PM

You're pretty and fun and you think the "Bug eyed, emo muppet, motherfucker" (genius, George, genius) realizes that he's lucky to be dating you.

http://www.lamebook.com/confidence-reeks

Posted by: Jay at July 31, 2009 2:12 PM

Good one! Cera isn't a dickhead for not wanting to go out with someone anymore. Whatever.

Posted by: Caspar at July 31, 2009 2:14 PM

I always thought Michael Cera was a prick. An unfunny, awkward fake-dork. I hate that guy. He's the same character in every fuckin' movie! Get some range you spastic tard.

Posted by: chenry at July 31, 2009 2:15 PM

Eh, give the kid a break. First, he's young, and he's gonna have more relationships in life and do more shitty stuff, probably. Second, he didn't string along a relationship with someone he was no longer into just to look better in the public eye.
I don't take issue with clothing dogs (or whatever) as long as they're not uncomfortable. If I'm going to take my punkin for a walk when it's 16 degrees outside, that boy gets a sweater. I read up on his breed and they tend to be more sensitive to extreme temperatures, so there.
I'm not one of those douches that dresses up her dog for fun, with the exception of maybe Halloween (which lasted all of 30 seconds). What I don't like is when I see a dog dressed up on a hot day, when you know that poor little guy is suffering under all that synthetic material just so his Paris Hilton worshipping owner can get attention.
That being said, my dog apparently likes to be warm at night, as he dives under the blankets with me at bedtime. He sure as hell doesn't need a Snuggie.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at July 31, 2009 2:26 PM

I will say, while I enjoy Family Guy like crazy, the last couple seasons have become preachy and offensive for the sake of being offensive. In many ways, they're becoming South Park, which is highly ironic because of the intense feud between the two shows. But they have the same problems. They both need to calm down and return to what made them funny instead of trying to shock us or educate us.

Though, with both of these shows becoming preachy at opposite ends of the political spectrum, this could become interesting.

Posted by: Christian H. at July 31, 2009 2:28 PM

Jay, that link is awesome yet horrible at the same time! It's one thing to be confident, totally another to be a bitch looking for free stuff and flaunting how pretty you think you are!

Posted by: wooky at July 31, 2009 2:33 PM

I'm kinda torn. On the one hand, I'm with the girl here, because all men are evil bastards who will tell you you're amazing in one breath and rip out your heart in the next one, before drop-kicking it into the nearest wastepaper basket and sauntering away like the pathetic, cowardly scum that they are. But on the other, less project-y hand, I'm with Whorish Mouth; it'd be worse to string her along if he's really not into it any more. There's nothing worse than someone breaking up with you telling you "I've been wanting to do this for a while", because you immediately flash back to every time you've told them how much you love them in the past few weeks and die a little inside with the knowledge that they were retching a little in their heads. Ooh, would you look at that, this hand's projecting too. Hmm. Some vodka should fix this...

RE: The Shake Weight. Wouldn't it be more effective in this recession to have guys pay you to give them a hand job?

BWeaves, I thought that too til I realised you're meant to use it for 6 minutes at a time. Ridiculous though the Shake weight looks, at least it won't explode in your face after 4, then roll over and light a cigarette.

Posted by: Shay at July 31, 2009 2:38 PM

Whorish Mouth, my dog does the exact same thing, tunneling under the covers at night. She's also got blankets to snuggle in on the couch, which kind of negates the need for a Snuggie.

When it gets really bitter cold outside, Rhapsody is probably going to be getting a sweater for trips outside, but she'll get them off once we're in the warm again, too.

Posted by: Tyburn Blossom at July 31, 2009 2:44 PM

Yeah Stacey! You totally called it! Getting dumped by your mopey boyfriend right before premiering your movie is the worst thing someone can do to someone else.

Waaaaayyyyyy worse than:

Getting kicked in the testicles
Kidnapping a child
Setting someone on fire
Getting raped by a guy dressed as Goofy
Defecating in someone's mouth
Burning someone's house down
Getting a part of your body eaten while you watch
Having a life grenade shoved up your ass
Having anything forcefully shoved up your ass
Forcing someone to watch the Disaster/Date/etc. Movies Clockwork Orange style
Incessantly bending someone's ear about your shitty relationship
Being stabbed in the neck with a axe

So fuck Michael Cera! Burn him!!! He's a witch!

Posted by: Kballs at July 31, 2009 2:54 PM

Andy Rooney's Twitter account is amazing. I don't know if it's actually him, but I love a curmudgeony old man. You can see him shaking his fist, telling those damned young'ns to get the fuck off his lawn.

http://twitter.com/Andy__Rooney

Posted by: beingclear at July 31, 2009 3:01 PM

Also, thanks for the video Stacey. I now have a raging hard-on at work.

Posted by: Kballs at July 31, 2009 3:03 PM

There might be something wrong with me. The first though that popped into my head when I saw the nerd pictures was "man, I need to nerd out more often." Like, I am wondering what I have in my wardrobe that I can wear tomorrow to look extra nerdy. Ooh, I wonder if I still have those little boy's batman pajamas I bought at Walmart ages ago.

Posted by: s. pisaster at July 31, 2009 3:11 PM

Eh, I say we cut emo muppet some slack. When I was in college, I broke up with my long distance girlfriend the day before Christmas. Because a) I wanted to do it face to face, and b) I didn't want to string it along after we were back in our hometown.

People gave me a ton of shit for it, although to this day, she's the one who says that I did the right thing. So yeah, his timing sucks, but then again, it's probably better than the alternative.

Posted by: I Love Beets at July 31, 2009 3:31 PM

Stacy, what's the Family Guy hate?

You need some love in your life. May I introduce to you Stewey although this pairing might not work because I "secretly" think he's gay...

Posted by: bignick at July 31, 2009 3:40 PM

Apparently I am one of the few people who love the Snuggie! I LOVE THE SNUGGIE! Who cares if it's just a robe turned backwards? It's a blanket...with sleeves! Completely genius. The only thing that would make it better is a pocket at the bottom to stick my feet into.

Also, I don't care what anyone says, I would totally get a snuggie for my dog. At least I would if I was fairly certain that he wouldn't eat it and then shit snuggie-bits all over the floor for a week. He's malicious like that.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at July 31, 2009 3:51 PM

So, what I am hearing is this: there is a ridiculously cute, quite curvy, geeky Asian chick with glasses running around ON THE REBOUND just begging to be stalked approached in a nonthreatening manner?

I am supposed to be SAD about that?

Posted by: samantha t at July 31, 2009 1:37 PM

Thanks a lot. It was already damn near impossible to meet a woman, now I gotta put up with them thinking I am faking my crippling low self-confidence just to end up dumping them later. That really helps.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 31, 2009 4:03 PM

". When I was in college, I broke up with my long distance girlfriend the day before Christmas. Because a) I wanted to do it face to face, and b) I didn't want to string it along after we were back in our hometown."

You know, I used to be all about the face-to-face breakup and now I'm realizing that may have more to do with the breaker-upper feelings than with the breaker-uppee's. I'm curious to hear people's thoughts on this. I'm thinking a phone break-up is merciful to the person being broken up with.

Posted by: samantha t at July 31, 2009 4:09 PM

All I know is, the girl before that I broke up with over the phone, and she was furious over it.

Of course, this was when I was 18/19, almost half a lifetime ago. Shit's different at that age.

Posted by: I Love Beets at July 31, 2009 4:17 PM

i'm, uh, inertia-ing dynamically with one hand even as i type this.

Posted by: gp at July 31, 2009 4:20 PM

I love the Paper Heart premiere photo with Charlyne & Bai Ling. The expression on Charlyne's face is priceless - you just know she's thinking "WTF is Bai Ling doing here??"

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 31, 2009 4:25 PM

OK, OK guys, I got it. I'm being a bit hard on the lil' guy. But you have to respect the unfortunate irony of him doing it just as their documentary about love for chrissakes hits theaters. That said, it's probably just overall a bad idea to make a documentary about love when you're in your early 20's. Lesson learned the hard way.

(I still heart Charlyne.)

Posted by: Stacey at July 31, 2009 4:29 PM

So... Michael Cera makes a 'documentary' about love... 'falls in love' during the making of the 'documentary', thus 'coincidentally' making 'the couple' the subject of said film... and then, just in time for the 'documentary's' premier, 'the couple' breaks up?

Seriously - is there no-one else thinking the whole thing is just an enormous publicity stunt?

And even if I'm being amazingly cynical, why is it encumbent upon people who have no fucking clue whatsoever about the details of the relationship (should it even have existed in the first place) to pick sides?

Posted by: Dill The Devil at July 31, 2009 4:31 PM

samantha t, I'm definitely more of a phone break-up fan now. I dated this guy long distance for a few months while I was away to college and he was still living in my hometown. After barely talking to me for a month, he dumped me the day after I got home for summer break. He said he had wanted to break up for a while but wanted to wait to do it face to face. I really wish he had done it over the phone so that I could've just known why he was ignoring me instead of stressing out about it all the time (I know, I should've seen it coming. It was my first relationship and I was an idiot, so I chose stress over seeing the writing on the wall).

Also, another positive aspect of using the phone is that the dumped person can more easily fake being okay. You could have tears streaming down your face, but maybe you can keep your voice steady and make the person on the other end think that you don't give a shit at all.

Posted by: tbean at July 31, 2009 4:35 PM

I dare you to take this quiz of quotes that Andy Rooney may or may not have said.

Done! I got 60%. Do I win a prize? A sad prize?

Posted by: Lauren at July 31, 2009 4:39 PM

I got 67% - and I've never even heard of Andy Rooney until today. I made all my decisions in that quiz based on the photo of the guy at the top of the page.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at July 31, 2009 4:41 PM

My last ex dumped me at her nephew's 2nd birthday party last April. This was after she put us on a "break" for a week, which was after she ignored our anniversary to stay home, which was after she'd been seeing someone since Feb and told him we'd been done since Christmas. Throw on a couple months of distance, isolation, and her being a boring, lying c**t; and I think you can see how I'd lack any standing in this latest celebrity clusterfuck. Still...I can't stand either of them, so even without the scars I'd probably still say "meh".

Wow...that's the most bitter I think I've ever been on here. Now I KNOW I'm a regular.

Posted by: DoctorControversy at July 31, 2009 4:46 PM

I don't see what the big deal is over this break-up. Is the premiere of a movie supposed to be equivalent to her birthday?

Posted by: DD at July 31, 2009 5:00 PM

No lie, I made a version of that dog snuggie for my Whippet-Chihuaua mix this past winter. We play a fun game of her hiding it when I'm not looking. If I find it, I put it on her and enjoy a hilarious half-hour of her struggling to get out of it.

Who needs kids when you have entertainment like this?

Posted by: doomcow at July 31, 2009 8:43 PM

Agreed on Channing in the video. That was actually pretty good.

Posted by: Katie (KP) at July 31, 2009 10:39 PM

a life grenade
---
Where can I get one of those? My life has been kinda meh lately.

Dynamic inertia ... IN MY PANTS!

Just wanted to say that.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 1, 2009 2:34 AM

I don't see what the big deal is over this break-up. Is the premiere of a movie supposed to be equivalent to her birthday?

--

Ah, the birthday break up. That happened to me in college once. I never tell people about my birthday, so this guy had no idea what he was doing (nor did he care enough to know that sort of thing on his own). And I wasn't about to let that gem out while he was making me all teary! When someone made a reference to it in passing, the horrified look on his face was priceless.

It was actually pretty great. Since I've always hated birthdays, and haven't had a good once since my strep throat sweet 16, the timing didn't matter to me at all. But it sure as hell mattered to everyone else, only calling attention to how terrible he'd been to me (for other reasons) through the entire break-up process.

When you gotta break up, you gotta break up. I guess it can look worse from the outside sometimes.

Posted by: Manda at August 1, 2009 5:25 PM

I thought everyone knew this was fake. It's a mockumentary, not a documentary.

And no offense, Verm, but if you think Charlyne is cute and curvy... yikes.

Posted by: Midnight Monkey Madness at August 1, 2009 6:24 PM

I don't get the internet. If I wanted to send my friend a letter, I'd buy a stamp for two cents. And what's all this dialing for? I'm not making a phone call.

Does anyone really like grapefruit? Grapes are already a fruit. Do we really need grapefruit?

Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick.

Posted by: Lucas at August 1, 2009 8:48 PM

@MichaelCeraBreakup

Agreed. Definite marketing ploy...

Posted by: higglypiggly at August 3, 2009 3:05 PM





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