free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 07/31/08 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Pajiba Love

OH. EM. GEE. A golden retriever nurses a litter of tiger cubs. Seriously, have you ever seen anything so adorable in your life? (DListed)

OK, and now that I buttered you up with the adorable creatures: what in the fucking fuck is this thing?! (Gawker)

What’s more wrong here: Lindsay Lohan’s girlfriend wearing a shirt out in public with explicit wieners all over it? (WIMB) Or Bill Belichick starring in a sex tape? (WIMB)

Seth Rogen almost got kicked out of a Comic Con party for smoking pot! (Celebslam)

John McCain tries his hand at relevancy; fails. Or in other words, “Kiss my grits, Johnny Apeshit.” (QuizLaw)

This is precisely why I’m not into big, muscular types: there is nothing quite so unattractive to me as a veiny, glistening man boob. Barf. (FourFour)

Babies are so hot right now. (MixTapeTherapy)

Nerdly admission: Just the thought of Ray Charles’ “Georgia On My Mind” gives me the goosebumps, thanks to “Quantum Leap.” (MITM)

Before I even read this post, the first word that came to mind when I saw a picture of a sleek tin of mints equipped with a frigging mirror is “douchebag.” (TIB)

Check out the brand new web series, “The Legend of Neil” — in which basically, this guy gets drunk and wakes up in the Legend of Zelda game. (atom)

Thanks to Jeremy: here’s a list of the most mancrushinest bloggers; another popularity contest Pajiba has lost, despite of all of our hot-ass male contributors. (urlesque)

Photoshop of Horrors: Creepy, disembodied hand edition. (Jezebel)

I know most of you don’t partake in the televised smut that I enjoy on a regular basis — but I couldn’t help posting this spoof of “Living Lohan,” after the jump.

Pajiba Love | July 31, 2008 | Comments (32)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Um, the Montauk Monster. Ok, just, ok.... wait...

What the FUCK is that thing???

Get the MurderTank. 'Cause shit just got real.

Posted by: boo at July 31, 2008 3:49 PM

SHUTYOURGODDAMEDMOUTHJESSLY!!

In regards to the Gawker thing... I don't wanna name any names, but there's a certain... um smaller, less developed person that I... that a friend of my cousin's neighbor knows that maybe might have have got drunk with his broth... uh - this guy he's really close with and well, they - I mean he might have had "relations" with an animal at the zoo and...

uh...

Wow, that Seth Rogan guy has some nerve, huh? Ha HA! Wow, what a character! Smoking drugs... Whadda goof! Hooo boy...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at July 31, 2008 3:51 PM

I am fucking outraged that I didn't make that mancrush list. I mean, I'm a good looking guy, aren't I?

Jerks.

Posted by: TK at July 31, 2008 3:57 PM

I likes me some muscle, but YEESH. NO. DO NOT WANT. Though TK is definitely sexy in a very "I puke blood" sort of way. And Andy Towle? That is one sexy homoblogger.

Posted by: Jeremy at July 31, 2008 4:06 PM

That McCain ad?! Holy shit. Britney, Paris...really??? What a total fricken' jackass.

Posted by: Megan at July 31, 2008 4:08 PM

Awww, now there's a metrosexual version of the cute little pink mint tins Target sells at the checkout counter. Lip gloss checks and oral hygiene go so well together; why not fresh breath and eyeliner?

Posted by: Kris at July 31, 2008 4:17 PM

That's the fakest looking dead animal I've ever seen. The head is sewn on, and the body is made out of rippled plastic. Have you ever seen a real dead animal. If it hasn't been gutted by scavengers, it's bloated and swollen beyond recognition.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 31, 2008 4:17 PM

I really don't know which is more frightening, the monster or those beefy, veiny freaks of nature. The muscle men are definitely more disgusting though.

McCain's new line of rhetoric affirms that he is now completely nuts. If he ends up elected I'm going to gain 150 pounds, start smoking again, watch shitty reality TV, dine at Applebee's, shop at Walmart, get a sub-prime mortgage, run-up thousands of dollars in debt with my first purchase being an SUV, and join some sort of mega-church. Because hey, why not go with the flow?

Posted by: katy at July 31, 2008 4:35 PM

...I'm going to gain 150 pounds, start smoking again, watch shitty reality TV, dine at Applebee's, shop at Walmart, get a sub-prime mortgage, run-up thousands of dollars in debt with my first purchase being an SUV, and join some sort of mega-church...

Wait, you're not doing that already? You're behind the curve...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at July 31, 2008 4:41 PM

I was also going to add something in there about breathing through my mouth, but that probably goes without saying.

I refuse to believe you SoD. For now I will continue to live in my sheltered little blue enclave.

Posted by: katy at July 31, 2008 4:46 PM

Just out of curiosity, and maybe this has something to do with me skipping lunch, but does anyone know the whereabouts of the freak-creature? And if so, how would one go about cooking that thing on the grill?

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at July 31, 2008 5:56 PM

Psssst! TK (and anyone else with a fondness for zombies)! Have you seen this yet? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd1Ws9QnmZY

As for the McCain video... what WAS that???

Posted by: PaleoLithchick at July 31, 2008 6:10 PM

Here I am, starting to get annoyed at the sudden surge of food comments, and along comes Katy, re-diverting myself from a subject that had nothing to do with the first subject (of which I have completely forgotten, not even gonna bother scrolling up to see), and just gotta say in response, that level of insanity would be completely congruent with the mindset of today: let's use all our shit up, keep killing soldiers, spend/borrow money like there's no tomorrow- because that's what gonna be happening if that dumbass McBush gets in the White House.

(Not necessarily stumping for Obama here, but what other fucking choice does an American with a 3-digit IQ have?)

Hey, I figured if some of you guys can go completely off-subject, let me throw my own irrelevance in, whilst I'm here.

Posted by: TMax at July 31, 2008 6:18 PM

Sirs,

I am going to ask that you remove the link to that "story" about Bill Belicheck having a sex tape. That is vile, gross and will give me nightmares for days. Who would spread such a story? Who would hate America so much? Who would have sex with Coach Belicheck?!? Go on, take it down.

I'll wait.

Posted by: greer at July 31, 2008 6:20 PM

...meekly returning...

So's I finally DO scroll back up & find out I missed the latest 'Pajiba Love' columns since I left work early today; my entire point was that we'd gone off-subject, and I realize now there was no specific subject to get off of.

Please excuse my early inebriation- I wanted this comment to be so totally Pixar, but I couldn't even manage a 'not-so-extraordinary nutsack' comment that slaps me right back in the face.

Another example of why I'll never make the 'Eloquents'. exaggerated sigh

Posted by: TMax at July 31, 2008 6:30 PM

TMax, once you make Eloquents it's all downhill. You eventually find yourself a rundown hasbeen, with a bottle of King Cobra in one hand and a suspiciously fuzzy looking container of taco dip in the other, trying to broker a Behind the Pajiba deal so you can potentially reinvigorate your internet forum posting career -- or at least make enough scratch to stay in a hostel for a few nights. Sure, it's great at first -- noteriety, fame, internet groupies -- but the ending of malt liquor, expired taco dip, and pathetic Behind the Pajiba attempts is inevitable.

Posted by: PaleoLithchick at July 31, 2008 6:40 PM

Paleo,

I had such a long, appreciative comment for you for setting me straight in my foolish ideas of grandeur; however, it was somehow lost after I spent 15 goddamn minutes writing it, so I'll just leave it at a simple "thank you" and wish you find your own 'extraordinary nutsack' of happiness very soon.

(Yeah, I'm gonna wear that fuckin' phrase into the ground)

Posted by: TMax at July 31, 2008 7:10 PM

Those before-and-after pictures remind me of the weight loss adds in the back of women's magazines. Those women not only lose weight and firm up, but suddenly their hair is styled, they're tan, and their make-up is expertly applied. Those are some real miraculous weight-loss agents.

And don't try to tempt me with shiny mirrors. I'm an Altoids woman. I already know what I look like.

Posted by: rlr260 at July 31, 2008 7:55 PM

When did you guys start linking to the likes of Gawker and Jezebel?

Seriously. Is this new? We used to semi-poke at them round these parts. Now they're links?

Posted by: Anastasia at August 1, 2008 12:29 AM

The phrase "explicit wieners" led me to believe I'd be checking out a t-shirt depicting erotically-posed hot dogs. I was disappointed.

Posted by: Lauren at August 1, 2008 2:35 AM

lol. She is really sexy!!! I have ever seen her hot video at **:::M e e t i n g W e a l t h y.c o m:::** that is a celebrity da ting sit e for wealt hy or sexy singles. She is really hot with bikini in that video. You will know how passionate it is after seening it!

Posted by: lucy at August 1, 2008 8:09 AM

STACE!

We have "hot-ass male contributors" here?

Hmm. Maybe I should have a look around...

Posted by: agent bedhead at August 1, 2008 9:59 AM

LUCY, I KILL YOU. Bam bam.

I think that the montauk thing's a turtle. The head kind of looks like one. Maybe it fell out of it's shell?

Neh. It's a mutant.

Let's clone it and make an army.

Posted by: Jaci at August 1, 2008 11:31 AM

Speaking of wieners...has anyone heard of a twiener? Is this thing any good? Miss Dakaron went to camp this week, and they were offering them. She was thoroughly disgusted...but I'm somewhat intrigued, and was just seeing if anyone had any experience with em.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 1, 2008 11:39 AM

A twiener? I could look it up, but I'm scared to.

Posted by: Snath at August 1, 2008 12:43 PM

I heard that Montauk monster is a turtle without a shell. Which is really what it looks like. I was hoping for something Toka-sized... or was the turtle Razar? Ah, whatever, if you know what I mean, you know what I mean.

Posted by: Jen Diff at August 1, 2008 12:51 PM

Sure AB, at the very least, Phillip has got it going on... Am I right or am I right?

And Anastasia: I think that's the first time I've linked Gawker not ironically, only because I didn't feel like looking elsewhere for that story. And I link Jezebel on occasion, albeit now less on occasion, since you guys mostly hate them. Point taken!

Posted by: Stacey at August 1, 2008 1:20 PM

I think the "monster" is Lenny the Fiji Mermaid from the X-Files.

Posted by: wsapnin at August 1, 2008 1:32 PM

Twiener = a hotdog wrapped in a twinkie.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 1, 2008 1:47 PM

I just threw up in my mouth a little, Shadows.

Posted by: Snath at August 1, 2008 2:04 PM

So that's a no, then?

Hahahaha...I still wanna try it. But then again, I'm the weirdo who puts bologna on his peanut butter jelly sandwiches.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 1, 2008 2:07 PM

Monster is a quite dead ex-hirsute raccoon with the delectable nosy bits nibbled off.
Nothing more to see here, move on....

Posted by: Lindsey at August 1, 2008 4:07 PM