Pajiba Love 07/30/09

The "No Screeches Allowed" Club

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (25)

The “Saved by the Bell” cast has reunited, and traveled back to 1989 to make sure that Screech no longer exists. Ha ha! (DListed)

I thought Jonas Brothers fans were terrifying, but here Shia LaBeouf’s fans have devoted an entire religion to him. Yeeeesch. (Webster’s)

Paris Hilton’s “documentary” Paris, Not France, premiered on MTV last night and as expected, was filled with contradictions and hypocrisies. (FourFour)

Here’s a list of ten kick-ass movie preachers, and once again I expect to hear some whining that Shepherd from Serenity was left out. (Screen Junkies)

Anybody remember Simon Rex? The MTV VJ? Yeah. He’s starring in a TV pilot. (OMG)

Since Judd Apatow is kind of impossible to escape this week with the impending release of Funny People, here is an A.V. Club interview with him. (A.V. Club)

In honor of one of my favorite Pajiba Love clips ever, here is the three keyboard cat shirt. Thanks to Anna von Beaverhausen! (Threadless)

The viral marketing campaign for I Love You, Beth Cooper somehow managed to be an even bigger failure than the actual film. (Film Drunk)

This is a new one on me: London Fog has photoshopped out Gisele’s pregnancy belly in their new ad campaign to “respect her privacy.” Not because “nobody likes a pregnant chick.” (Yeeeah!)

Megan Fox is inexplicably getting more exposure over the fact that people want her to have less exposure. (Agent Bedhead)

If anyone was following the very funny web series “Legend of Neil” on atom, in which a guy gets trapped in his favorite video game — season two has now launched, so go check it out. (atom)

Here’s the second issue of Internet Commenter Wkly, the only magazine exclusively by and for internet commenters. (Holy Taco)

Aww, how considerate. Gwyneth Paltrow is worried that we’re not reading enough. I on the other hand, am worried that she’s not getting punched in the vagina enough. (Celebitchy)

Thanks to Anne Marie, here is one of the most difficult movie quizzes I’ve come across online. Yeah … I’m not even going to attempt this. (mental floss)

And for more of the SBTB reunion, here is Tiffani ~~Amber~~ Thiessen, who was apparently able to fit it into her busy schedule after all:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Screech lives a couple blocks from my parents in Port Washington, Wisconsin. He's an asshole.

Posted by: Drew Morton at July 30, 2009 1:04 PM

I actually guessed 6 on the quiz. For some reason my mind drew a blank for the years between 1939 and 1977.

Posted by: Jeni at July 30, 2009 1:13 PM

Simon Rex? ...will he be masturbating in said pilot? Otherwise, I'll just stick with internet videos.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 30, 2009 1:14 PM

Screech lives nowhere near me and I know nothing about him. He's an asshole.

Posted by: Cindy at July 30, 2009 1:17 PM

Stacey, seriously, stop posting things about Paltrow. It increases traffic to her site and encourages her infuriating behavior. It would be cool if her rants were entertaining, but they aren't. We all know she's a condescending cuntwat. Just stop.

Posted by: Kballs at July 30, 2009 1:24 PM

Paltrow is obviously not very well read, or she would be familiar with "Goops and How to Be Them" by Gelett Burgess. Ahem!

The Goops they lick their fingers,
And the Goops they lick their knives;
They spill their broth on the tablecloth-
Oh, they lead disgusting lives!
The Goops they talk while eating,
And loud and fast they chew;
And that is why I'm glad that I
Am not a Goop--are you?

(It was my favorite poem as a kid.)

Posted by: BWeaves at July 30, 2009 1:37 PM

They left out my favorite preachers:

Peter Cook: MAWWAGE!

Rowan Atkinson: In the name of the father, the son and the holy goat.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 30, 2009 1:39 PM

I would still do all kinds of nasty, speakable things to Tiffani Thiessen.

Screech lives in mt toilet. He came from an asshole.

Posted by: admin at July 30, 2009 1:40 PM

*my

Posted by: admin at July 30, 2009 1:41 PM

Posted by: BWeaves at July 30, 2009 1:37 PM

I have never heard that before. And yet, I can state with utter certainty:

Best. Poem. Ever.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 30, 2009 1:44 PM

Dustin Diamond is a butthole.

Posted by: Rykker at July 30, 2009 1:44 PM

I've gotta say, asshole though the guy may be, Photoshopping him out of the 1989 cast picture is *harsh*. Hilarious, but harsh. I assume, then, that there's no mention made in the article itself of the fact that he, too, was a regular on the show, for longer than any of the other 5?

Posted by: Shay at July 30, 2009 1:58 PM

Think THAT'S great kid poetry? Hah! Everyone sing along with me now ...

Great green gobs of
Greasy grimy gopher guts ...
---
I could look at Gisele ALL naked and still wonder what the big fucking deal is. I could go park in front of the WVU student union at any class change in about a month and see 100 better-looking girls in an hour, and only 95 of them will slap me across the face when I say ...

Hah! Bet you thought I was just going to GIVE away the secret of my success. That'll cost you, boys.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 30, 2009 2:02 PM

Damn Lark Voorhies is looking good. Damn good. I think she might be feeding off the same virgin's blood fountain Stacey Dash does.

Aw, there goes my pants again....

Posted by: Vermillion at July 30, 2009 2:05 PM

I can't believe I'm this hungover and that I just bought that Keyboard Cat T-shirt.

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at July 30, 2009 2:12 PM

Lark Voorhies.
Immortalized in a Ludacriss song. forever in my heart

I want there to be an Internet Commenters Wkly magazine. for reals

Posted by: VinKong at July 30, 2009 3:57 PM

Yeah, but Book from Serenity sucks the big one. Such a poorly developed one-note character.

Posted by: -tom at July 30, 2009 4:20 PM

-Tom: I agree. I kept waiting for Whedon to give the shepherd's backstory, and I never got it. He never really seemed to be a part of any of the episodes either. He was just there.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 30, 2009 4:49 PM

OMG Screech lives about a 2 hour drive from me!!!!!!! Oh wait, that is in no way a good thing, sorry.

Posted by: emzmcgee at July 30, 2009 5:19 PM

I never watched MTV growing up (Canada represent!), so I don't really know Simon Rex in the VJ kind of way. I may however watch his show based on my deep and unexplainable love of Dirt Nasty (limewire it).

Posted by: canaux at July 30, 2009 5:30 PM

Tom: I agree. I kept waiting for Whedon to give the shepherd's backstory, and I never got it.

Really? I mean, it was never outright said, but I thought it was fairly heavily implied that he was a former Operative (much like Early from "Objects in Space" or Chiwetal Ejiofor's character)? I mean, he was a former bigwig in the Alliance ("Bushwhacked), he was a crack shot ("War Stories"), strong hand-to-hand fighter ("Objects in Space"), knew exactly what the protocols for an Operative would be (though didn't think to clear out Haven, which was a bit stupid all things considered) and implied that he had killed plenty of people in the past before he became a Shepherd. Given limited time to actually tie everything up, I figured Whedon just left it as subtextual rather than an OOC scene where Book breaks his usual reserve and spills his entire past to Mal for his one scene of the movie. Now, to be honest, I found him quite boring and without a doubt my least favourite regular character, but I don't think that's because they didn't flesh out his backstory enough, so much as "redeemed preacher man who sits around judging the crew and being as unhelpful as possible 90% of the time" is a stupid character to begin with.

Posted by: Shay at July 30, 2009 5:50 PM

Jesus, Allah and Cthulhu ...

I read just now that Johnny Depp is planning on playing Barnabas Collins in a remake of Dark Shadows. I don't know whether to cheer or weep uncontrollably as yet another childhood fave gets put in the stocks and lubed for a right jolly buggering.

Posted by: The Wanderer at July 30, 2009 6:48 PM

Well that Shepherd Book comic has been on the backburner for over a year now, if not more.

Posted by: John Darc at July 30, 2009 7:16 PM

I don't know whether to cheer or weep uncontrollably as yet another childhood fave gets put in the stocks and lubed for a right jolly buggering.

Oh Wanderer. You think filmmakers bother with the lube before painfully violating our childhoods? How adorable, and yet terribly, hopelessly naive. Nope, I'm afraid it's nothing but dry docking and a few months of painful anal leakage for your treasured memories once a filmmaker gets ahold of it. On the plus side, no santorum! Positivity ftw!

Posted by: Shay at July 30, 2009 8:58 PM

Another Sphincter Shrink (R) customer.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 30, 2009 11:10 PM

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The "No Screeches Allowed" Club

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