Following the tremendous response for the need for some kind of Zombie Threat Level Advisory System, our own Sarina has taken it upon herself to start a website dedicated to keeping us informed. (ZombieForecast)
In the longstanding dispute as to who popularized the trucker hat, there are no winners — only douchebags who need a the shit kicked out of them. (WIMB)
Texting-related deaths? A serious societal problem or Darwinism at work? (QuizLaw)
Who wants to win a Lost Boys 2: The Tribe DVD? Really? Nobody? Not a single one of you? Oh, look! A tumbleweed! (Film Experience)
Kate Hudson and old One Nut McGee are calling it quits. (Yeeeah!)
Propaganda it ain’t: HBO’s “Generation Kill” goes beyond the patriotic feel-goodery and anti-war sermoning. (wweek)
Holy crap. Did Madonna actually ghost-write her own expose? Maybe Scientology isn’t the crazy, manipulative religion we all need to be watching out for. (IDLYITW)
Thanks to reader jbag, it’s a shame we already have a mascot here at Pajiba, because otherwise this little fella would have been perfect. (BBC)
And thanks to reader TWOP Fan, what would God hate more? The fact that one of His shepherds wanted “adult toy personal entertainment devices” in the first place or the fact that he stole them? (Shakesville)
Here’s a hypothetical question: If a vegan got liposuction and used his own lard to bake a cake, would he be allowed to eat it? (WIMB)
The girls of “The Girls Next Door” make their relationship work by actively avoiding each other, as well as sex with the old guy, I presume. (Celebitchy)
Awww, how sad. Bennigans, the American cultural landmark eatery, is closing it’s doors for good. Now you’ll just have to resort to Applebees, Chilis, and Ruby Tuesdays to get your platters of lard covered in Jack Daniels sauce. (Galley Slaves)
After all the drinking and multitasking I do on a regular basis, I really don’t think I want to know how old my brain is. But you guys knock yourselves out. (mental floss)
Here is a somewhat old, albeit valid reason why Kristen Bell was most definitely worthy of a coveted spot on our most bangable list, after the jump.
My brain is 28. I am 33. So, hey, I got that going for me.
And we actually DID have a texting-related death here in MA... some genius was driving and texting and SMACK! hit and killed a pedestrian. Which is why I'm trying to get "catapulting into space as means of punishment" through the State House.
I don't get it. I played a few times. Went from 29 down to 22 (my actual age). Do you want your brain to be younger? Does that mean it's degenerated less? What would happen if you score a 7? Wouldn't that indicate a lesser-developed brain? According to the comment thread on mental_floss you can't score below a 20...so I guess that makes sense. Kinda makes the game less fun though.
Definitely dig the clip, too. I didn't realize Kristen Bell had such stellar pipes! One more reason to love the gal.
Posted by: jbag at July 30, 2008 4:08 PM
I scored a 27 and I'm 28, so...that's about right I guess. I agree though jbag, if it were possible and I were told my brain was 5 years old I would have laughed hysterically and then gone home, watched Follow that Bird, and built a fort.
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 4:12 PM
Goddammit, now I gotta go find my old VCR and hook it up so I can watch fucking Follow That Bird on VHS, which is somewhere in a box in my storage room. If I can't find it, then I hafta put it on my queue, and the wait might KILL ME.
Just a quick note: Both WIMB links lead to the trucker hat story.
Posted by: Samuel Erikson at July 30, 2008 4:16 PM
wow...for an extra-special treat click on "english version" at the very bottom of the page the game is on for savory morsels like this: "It is a memory and a brain tray that can be easily done momentarily to forge eyesight momentarily." Oh the wonders of (mis)translation.
Posted by: jbag at July 30, 2008 4:17 PM
I agree with Julie. What if it told me I was 1? I would have to start eating food from a jar and pooping myself... and not just recreationally anymore, but full-time.
Posted by: I Love Beets at July 30, 2008 4:19 PM
A: I held up an ad on the back of a magazine yesterday to a coworker and said "....really?" It was an ad about promoting safe driving to teenagers having text wrecks. The idea that people would try to do that while driving floored me. "Sounds like Darwinism to me", I said. So I certainly agree there.
B: Now you'll just have to resort to Applebees, Chilis, and Ruby Tuesdays
This is where you, and others, are and will be short-sighted. Bennigans IS unique, and now where am I gonna get my most indulgent of sandwiches??? MONTE GOT A RAW DEAL!!!
Hee. Sarina, when I drove cross country me and my friends were positively giddy with all the haystacks in Nebraska, because we kept imagining Miss Finch jumping out from behind them and yelling "BUUUHHHHD!" That feathered bitch.
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 4:22 PM
I would have to start eating food from a jar and pooping myself... and not just recreationally anymore, but full-time.
Ha!
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 4:23 PM
Yeah, where's the cut off point when your brain is "too young"? I believe that's when the highlight of your day is when Fred the Orderly comes wheel you to the rec room for Wheel of Fortune.
I scored 29, and I'm 33. Chemo hasn't nuked too many brain cells at least.
Actually I'm in a pretty good mood today, as my cable TV and internet got installed just in the nick of time before I had to abandon waiting and get to work so someone else could leave for a meeting. The guy was quick and friendly and even for broadband the connection seems pretty damn fast.
My violently emotional commenting is more due to the fact that I'm processing ILL and purchase requests right now.
All right, that's it. I'm fucking tired of vegans being mocked. I can't even figure out why the mocking continues. For refusing to participate in the mass slaughter of animals? For not dying prematurely of heart failure? For not being obese?
Also: There is plenty of calcium in leafy greens, just like in milk, but, you know, without the pus and estrogen.
Sorry. I know you probably don't really hate vegans, but Goddamn! vegan hates are fucking stupid.
That aside: Generation Kill is fucking awesome. My boyfriend refuses to watch it because it's too real for him. He doesn't want to acknowledge that these blood-thirsty, everything-hating types actually exist. I myself prefer to live in the real world.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 4:30 PM
Jay, I'm with you, I will be mourning Bennigans' baked potato soup for years to come.
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 4:31 PM
*haters
An unfortunate typo.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 4:31 PM
Perhaps people mock vegans for their occasional sanctimonious preaching. Just a thought.
Posted by: hawkeye at July 30, 2008 4:33 PM
I mostly mock vegans because I know they just get so darn riled up. And since they're not eating all that cholesterol, we have to find other ways to get their blood pressure up. Level the playing field and all that.
I've only been to Bennigans a couple times, but one of those times I ordered some sort of pasta and when it was brought out I had to check a menu to make sure I didn't order off the children's menu. The portion was so small it took me about five minutes to finish it all and I was still super hungry afterward.
Die faux-Irish food chain, die.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 4:40 PM
interesting juxtaposition within that comment, Ophiyuki. The mass slaughter of animals is inhumane, granted...but watching gruesome violence on a show that is ostensibly realistic is preferred? To each his/her own I reckon.
Posted by: jbag at July 30, 2008 4:40 PM
But it's not real.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 4:42 PM
Ophiyuki, you do realize that plants get their nourisment from the remains of dead animals, don't you?
Pus and estrogen bother you? I don't think you want to know what those greens grew up on...
Posted by: Jerce at July 30, 2008 4:42 PM
But it depicts real events. They may not be mutually exclusive opinions, I just think their juxtaposition was amusing.
Posted by: jbag at July 30, 2008 4:44 PM
The S.O. made me rent "The Tribe" yesterday. Because he cannot resist a bad sequel (other awful sequels I have been forced to try and watch: Underworld 2 - "It could be better than the first", Hollow Man 2 - "it has Christian Slater, that means it has to be good right?", the Fly 2). But he had to banish me from the room because I was making it too hard for him to ignore how very terrible it was (He always tries to share the pain, and I always get out of it by being obnoxious).
Posted by: s. pisaster at July 30, 2008 4:47 PM
I believe Mufasa explained the circle of life best. Eating plants that are nourished from decayed plant and animal matter is not the same thing as eating meat. You will not find gross shit like pus or estrogen or antibiotics in vegetables.
Really, it all comes down to the animals. All the other stuff is secondary. I can't advocate the killing of animals. Never ever ever.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 4:48 PM
"You will not find gross shit like pus...in vegetables."
What the fuck do you call that shit on the inside of okra?
Doesn't matter how old your brain is. When your the patient of Dr. Zombie's unnecessary lobotomy, your brain is five kinds of fucked. That being said, it's still good to know your brain is still in peak physical condition, Alabamapink!
Okra is guh-ross. It's so gross that that gross needed two syllables.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 4:53 PM
No cajun friends want to come to aid of poor okra! Hooray for gumbo!!! Granted, the idea of good gumbo is that okra is pretty much unrecognizable as such.
Posted by: jbag at July 30, 2008 4:56 PM
I really, really need one of those tree shrews. Someone get on that.
And I gave up on that friggen mind game after I screwed up the first time - it was maybe 6 or 7 stages in, though, so maybe I'm not so much dumb as much as just lacking in patience.
Posted by: Kolby at July 30, 2008 4:58 PM
Ew! I hate goopy shit in vegetables, that's why it took me years and years to eat a raw tomato. Okra is now on my "Never EVER" list, along with vanilla flavored soft drinks, watching a single second of American Idol, and sex with animals.
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 4:59 PM
I was the same way about raw tomato, too. Even now I can only eat tomato when it's either diced or sliced really thin.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 5:01 PM
That's why you eat okra fried.
Seriously, I shouldn't even be having to tell you this.
(as a gumbo component is a respectable secondary role however)
Hee, it takes me FOREVER to cut up a tomato. I made bruschetta the other day and my roommate just watched in horror as I slowly and painstakingly "removed all of the goopy." It was delicious though, and goopy free.
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 5:04 PM
Jay, I would try okra in gumbo...I've never had gumbo though. I need to visit the south, lately the northeast is making me itchy.
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 5:06 PM
Y'all are some picky motherfuckers.
Posted by: TK at July 30, 2008 5:08 PM
You don't eat Okra, you don't eat raw tomatoes. What the fuck do you eat, vegan? Dirt and self-satisfaction?
But I do agree with you. Most food has nasty chemicals and preservatives. in it. That's why I only eat vegetarians. Plus, when you corner them with your spear, the tears make the meat extra salty.
Nom nom nom.
Posted by: hatemail at July 30, 2008 5:09 PM
The only way I've had okra was fried, and even then it was yuck.
My grandmother loved okra, though. It's one of the things I think about when I think of her. When I was little she and I would often go to that Southern bastion of guilt, Luby's, and every time, without fail, I would get macaroni and corn and she would get some kind of fish and okra. I used to think it was a generational thing, because no one I know now likes okra.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 5:10 PM
I actually really like tomatoes, just not in their natural state. Baked tomato slices on top of a salad... amazing.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 5:12 PM
Jules sorry make that Colonel Cleavage/C4, you're more than just a little bit nuts. The goopy's the best part of tomatoes! Taking a bite of one raw I was able to direct a stream of tomato juice across the table onto my dad's shirt with minimal effort! Juicy, messy, delicious - what's not to like?? Now, pumpkin guts, yeah, that shit's disgusting.
Posted by: lordhelmet at July 30, 2008 5:12 PM
[throws tomato goop at TK]
My mother just shakes her head, she recently yelled at me because I raved about an eel appetizer I had at a sushi place..."You'll put raw FISH in your mouth and not lunchmeat?!" Oh how I love to make her crazy.
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 5:12 PM
I only played it once, but I scored a 27. Not bad for 49 and holding. I bet I could get it lower now that I know how it's played, but I'm already bored with it.
Posted by: BWeaves at July 30, 2008 5:12 PM
I can't advocate the killing of animals. Never ever ever.
But the killing of plant life is perfectly okay? In fact, taking the lives of plants instead of animals gives vegans some kind of moral superiority?
That is nothing but species bigotry and hypocrisy.
I am so not joking.
Posted by: Jerce at July 30, 2008 5:14 PM
I think I speak for all when I say...
FOOD FIGHT!!!
[throws a vegetarian at hatemail]
Posted by: lordhelmet at July 30, 2008 5:14 PM
That's why I only eat vegetarians. Plus, when you corner them with your spear, the tears make the meat extra salty. Nom nom nom.
Hatemail, I am crying at my desk. Oh my god, that made me laugh so hard.
Ophiyuki, I want to try fried green tomatoes. But...because of the movie. Ahem.
Helmet, I never claimed to be otherwise. :p I'm an adventurous eater, but if I dislike something I dislike it with the fire of a thousand burning marshmallow men.
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 5:17 PM
In fact, taking the lives of plants instead of animals gives vegans some kind of moral superiority?
Yes. Poo on you!
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 5:18 PM
Awesome. I'll eat what I can, and turn the leftovers into vegetarian scrapple. And a decorative hat.
[swings eels like nunchauku]
KAMEHAMEHA!!!!!!
Posted by: hatemail at July 30, 2008 5:20 PM
Well, the phytoestrogens in soy really phunked with my mom, exacerbating (Why can I not even type this word without thinking Shaun of the Dead.) the problem she has with cysts in her breasts. Her OB-GYN told her to ix-nay the soy products. She's never had the same issue with consuming dairy in any form.
So anyway, I have no love for the inhumane treatment of any animal, but veganism is too extreme for me. Use nor comsume anything that uses any animal by-products, even if the animal wasn't killed or harmed in its making is far too restrictive and irrational for my tastes. Its adherents tend to flout their zealotry, and zealotry in any form is annoying to the point of inspiring a good bludgeoning.
No honey? For real people. Honey bees are very much necessary in the successful growth of fruits and veggies and flowers. Beekeepers and their hives are helping out the ecosystem. Without them, no squishy-innarded okra (Fried, definitely) or tomatoes.
I eat honey. I think the vegans that don't are a little extreme. There's nothing cruel about the way honey is collected.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 5:24 PM
Ophiyuki, if I can tell you one thing about this particular website it's that you do NOT question the supremacy of carnivores on it. I'm pretty sure that Verse One, Chapter One, Book One of the Gospel According to Godtupus states: "Vegetarians are pussies." And we might be! But our cholesterol is lower. Not that I'm worried about cholesterol. According to that mental floss thingie I'm only 29. I wish someone would tell my ass that I'm only 29.
It's very interesting to me how many meat-eaters are immediately offended/threatened by vegetarians and vegans. Usually it doesn't take more than, "I'm a vegetarian/vegan," to get them going. I mean, obviously there's nothing I can do to change their lifestyle, so I don't get the anger.
I don't understand how choosing not to eat animals makes one a pussy.
Posted by: Ophiyuki at July 30, 2008 5:29 PM
Speaking of things to put in your face:
Today is Cheesecake Factory's anniversary! $1.50 per slice of cheesecake on all flavors at their restaurants! Consume! Consume!
Why am I always the harbinger of food? It's like I'm the Herald of Fattening. If you need me, I'll be the diabetic globe they're rolling out of the Glendale Cheesecake Factory.
One of my best friends is a vegetarian, and another is a vegan. I don't care what they eat, and they don't preach about not adhering to their lifestyle. When they throw parties I eat the crap out of the delicious vegan cake and veggie quesadillas and such, and when I throw parties I make sure to have food that will befit the needs of those who eat the flesh and those who simply enjoy the sins of it (well...human anyway. I hope.) It's a nice balance.
Posted by: Julie at July 30, 2008 5:39 PM
tomatoes are probably my favorite food in the world, and i'm so pissed i can't grow them! and okra? oh, yum! admittedly, i don't like cutting them up, but fried or in gumbo, or even pressure-cooked just right...
i would imagine vegans are a bit smooshy and yucky inside, though.
and isn't that clip from " reefer madness" ???
Posted by: bionic bunny at July 30, 2008 5:39 PM
Cheesecake is totally one of the two kinds of cake I actually believe in! And I totally have $1.50! What I do not have, however, is sufficient ambition to go all the way to Edina for a slice of cheesecake.
Sarina, my poor dessert-deprived pie atheist...I'm totally with you on the cheesecake love, however am sadly bereft of any local high-quality fix anywhere near that price range. What else does your sweet tooth allow you to indulge in?
Way to be the tolerance and balance, Colonel.
Posted by: lordhelmet at July 30, 2008 5:48 PM
Hells yeah! That's right, that's MY NAME up there, right next to adult toy personal entertainment devices, on the FRONT PAGE of Pajiba. Yeah, who's making fun of the seven hours a day I spend on the internet now, Mr. TWoP Fan?
If this is what it feels like to achieve a goal, maybe I'll set some.
Eh, on second thought, I think I'll just bask in my glory for awhile. Ahhhhhhhh.
Posted by: TWoP Fan at July 30, 2008 6:21 PM
woo im 21 and have a 35 year old brain. stupid lack of reflexes means i can never do these games. wii play has me at about 65 for fitness. i figure im like a bizarro flash.
woe betide me why cant dr kawashima promote a non speed way of testing brain age.
Posted by: jim at July 30, 2008 6:21 PM
OK, I'll ask. Sarina, what is the other type of cake you believe in?
I'm totally in for cheesecake. I wasn't going to go get my friend's weddings shower gift tonight, but since there's a Cheesecake Factory 2 miles from the Linens 'N Things I've changed my mind.
Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 30, 2008 6:32 PM
I don't believe in not liking foods. Not eating something because of a philosophical reason? Never gonna be me, but I respect any decision as long as you're consistent and have good reason.
But I will eat anything. So much so that the few foods that I don't like, I force-feed myself in an effort to make myself like them.
Which is why I've managed to get the foods I don't like down to only a couple of things. Once I'm done with olives, I'm moving on to plastics, selected non-ferrous metals, and still-beating human hearts.
CHEESECAKE!!! I'm conflicted on whether to tell Mr. Pink about the $1.50 slices because he might drag my ass out to the hellishly overdeveloped part of town where the only Cheesecake Factory in RVA is.
Ah shit people, in the undead apocalypse when you're infected with the zombie virus all those personal tastes and moralities will just go right out the window. The only thing on your menu will be BRAAAAAAAAAINS. Which is why I will shoot you in your rigor mortis face without a thought.
Maybe I'm just a little touchy at the notion of having somebody accuse me of being a animal murderer if I need to eat eggs and yogurt for the protein to help keep my blood counts up. Grrrrr.
If anyone in this mob deserves some cheesecake, it's you 'Bama. Have at it.
Posted by: TK at July 30, 2008 7:03 PM
Alright TK, I'm now imagining you as a sweater-vested zombie-summoning priest from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom tearing hearts out of chests, putting them on a stick, seasoning them with assorted spices (and sneezing when the pepper gets up your nose) and searing them quickly before chowing down with a bottle of whatever's closest. Nicely done. This list of foods remaining is rather short - is that why there's a gerbil shortage in your area?
Pink, remind me not to piss your touchy cancer-patient ass off. Cheesecake can only help you - make the Mister bring you some! Get your strength and counts back up, then clean your shotguns...I feel a ZOMBIECALYPSE coming on..
Posted by: lordhelmet at July 30, 2008 7:10 PM
On the Kristen Bell video: While Romeo AND Juliet is great, I think Pajibans would much prefer her in Little Mary Sunshine
, another song from the same film. How can I entice you to watch? Kristen Bell + S&M. Enjoy.
Posted by: Bistro at July 30, 2008 7:30 PM
OK, I'll ask. Sarina, what is the other type of cake you believe in?
Lemon chiffon. Because it is delicious and tastes like magic.
Cheesecake is totally one of the two kinds of cake I actually believe in!
OH HELL NO! I believe in cake of all forms. I love cake. I don't understand not believing in cake. Cake is one of the greatest things on earth. I adore cake.
Vegans irritate me if they get all jugde-judgemental. I eat what I want when I want.
Pink, if I lived near you, I'd bring you some cheesecake.
I agree whole-heartedly on the okra hate. My grandmother used to boil it. It looks like slime.
Posted by: Elaine at July 30, 2008 9:09 PM
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cheesecake
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Jersey beefsteak tomatoes
(Julie, totally with you on scooping out the goop... I never liked tomatoes until I learned to do that. It makes them delicious!!)
Now, where do I get me some zombie lego people!?!?
Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at July 30, 2008 10:26 PM
oh, also, I got 25 on the brain game thingie, and i'm 37. I'm not really sure if that's bad or good, though... am I dumber than my real age? or is my brain still as quick as it was when i was 25?
Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at July 30, 2008 10:28 PM
Pen-tailed and a heavy drinker.
Are you sure Godtopus doesn't have a long-lost herald or harbinger?
Only one creature worthy of having part of himself dipped into the ink of Godtopus, to bear his inscriptions for all to behold?
Posted by: Recondite at July 31, 2008 3:06 AM
Fun Fact: One of the guys who co-wrote Reefer Madness is a bigshot on the writing staff on Desperate Housewives...his involvement in Reefer Madness is the one thing that makes me able to forgive him. (Well that, and they both went to my university.)
I've got nothing against every vegan, only the ones who tend to hang out with groups of non-vegans, and then when everyone wants to go to a restaurant, the lone vegan stands with their hand on the veto button.
Or when they go to a restaurant, only to discover that they can't eat anything?
Yeah, sit in the corner and nibble your crackers and iceberg lettuce, while I enjoy any number of meat-based dishes.
I figure, hey. Humans are animals. Some animals eat other animals. Not all the time mind you, but often enough.
Bears, for example. You think if you found a bear then taught it english and how to reason, and then tried to persuade it to give up eating meat by consisting solely on greens, berries and honey, it wouldn't stand there for a moment before swiftly feasting on your sweet innards in an oh so ironically delicious schmorgasborg of flesh?
You know it would because bears are smart. They know what's up. It's called moderation.
Posted by: Some Guy at July 31, 2008 12:56 PM
Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
My brain is 28. I am 33. So, hey, I got that going for me.
And we actually DID have a texting-related death here in MA... some genius was driving and texting and SMACK! hit and killed a pedestrian. Which is why I'm trying to get "catapulting into space as means of punishment" through the State House.