Robert Rodriquez film adaptation of his faux trailer short for Machete might be involving — wait for it — SEA-FUCKING-GAL. (Gordon and the Whale)
Congratulations to HBO on winning the “most gay television network” award! (Warming Glow)
Anyone wonder what Kevin Federline’s been up to lately? Peanut butter and bacon sandwiches, by the looks of it. (Webster’s)
And in other news of people you forgot existed, Tara Reid is still up to pretty much the same thing. Looking like a cracked-out burn victim. (Superior Gossip)
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile. Even though we are in a crippling recession and all, apparently there are still jobs out there to be avoided. Thanks Pistachio! (Avoid This Job)
Because I know you’ve just been itching to know what Richard Moll is doing there days, here’s a where-are-they-now on the cast of “Night Court.” (YBNBY)
If you were even remotely looking forward to the “Smurfs” movie — and I admit that I kind of was, shut up I was born in the 70’s — prepare to be disappointed. (Film Drunk)
Hey, anyone remember the Peter Pan Guy? Well, he finally settled down and got married. To a woman, no less! Congrats to the happy couple. (urlesque)
REM were totally right in that song where everybody got out of their cars and walked. Here’s a review of It’s Beginning to Hurt: Stories by James Lasdun. (Second Pass)
Tobey Maguire’s mom and brother are for some reason getting their own reality show, but you can pretty much guarantee that Tobey Maguire won’t ever appear on it ever. (DListed)
And now, the most amazingnest, awesomest thing ever: William Shatner reads Sarah Palin’s resignation speech. Thanks, Admin!
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
(disclaimer: Shat-man is in no way related to Shit-man, past or present.)
Posted by: Cindy at July 28, 2009 1:17 PM
Ahhhh, so much made me happy!
K-Fed...way to go lard ass. How does he even have a girlfriend? Ohh wait, right, he uses the money he gets from Britney. Wonder how he gained that weight, what was it McDonalds that he rapped for? Wonder if they gave him free burgers.
Tara Reid...bless her heart. If I could cut her in half I would have some fun with the upper half, but that lower half. What the fuck is wrong with her stomach? and her legs?
Tober Maguire...someone please, please, tell me that's a combover. Spiderman has a combover? That, is badass!
I get where the guy over at "Avoid This Job" is coming from, but as someone who is currently desperately seeking employment so I don't have to use my student loans to cover ALL my living expenses (like food) I can't say that I'd turn all of those down.
I mean, I'd make a really bad drug dealer. And I'm too picky to be a prostitute. So, you know, legal employment would probably be best.
They'll get Danny Devito to star as Gargamel the "billionaire industrialist who learns of the smurfs existence and wants to exploit them for his own dastardly deeds."
I smell an Oscar... no... wait... that's smurf shit... blue, lumpy, smurfing smurf shit.
"The [reality] show will follow Wendy Maguire as she makes 'sacrifices to shield her children from the downside of the entertainment industry.'"
________________________
GRRRR!!!!!!
You can't put your kids on TV to shield them from the entertainment industry because PUTTING THEM ON TELEVISION EXPOSES THEM TO THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY YOU CRAZY, FAME-STARVED, CUNTBRAINED FUCKFACE!!! Goddamnit! Child Protective Services needs to be called on this bitch. NOW! Why aren't the courts stepping in on these assholes? Aren't there thousands of former child actors walking around with heroine needles jammed into their crotches? What makes anyone think that exposing a child's real life will be any better?!
Um… note to self: Should you attend any other Pajibacons, don't ever allow yourself to be left alone with TK. Also, should he happen to ask "does this smell like chloroform to you?" start running.
I'm not even sure if I should be creepily flattered by that statement or not.
Costumed as Pan and Tink, "Sire Randy" and "Princess Dorothy," the happy couple exchanged vows in front of other beautiful eccentrics, cross-dressers, and super-duper geniuses (or, in their own words, "friends and fair-ees"). The ceremony was officiated by King Henry VIII.... The self-proclaimed "fairy princess" and "pixie boi" exchanged vows with lyrics from a Led Zeppelin song, and then pinky swears.
*throws away wedding planner* Damn it! Every time I think our wedding is gonna be original, someone steals my ideas!
Also, peanut butter... and bacon... sandwiches? Are they good? I like both ingredients, but together? Sounds kinda gross.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 28, 2009 1:45 PM
Am I the only one happy for Peter Pan Guy? It gives me hope that there's a matching freak for everyone. I met him once at a Ren Faire (of course), and he was a really nice guy. A wee bit odd, obviously, but a nice guy.
Posted by: CinnbarriGirl at July 28, 2009 1:47 PM
I didn't say I was gonna make a Gennylamp because, I mean really, who's got the time?
Also, peanut butter and bacon sandwiches were sent here from Godtopus as reward for living righteously. Moreso if you include sliced bananas.
If you find them gross, well, let's just say I need a new lamp, and it doesn't have to be a redhead.
Could this day get any better? Is it raining cold beer inside my office? No?
Then no, it doesn't get any better.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 28, 2009 1:49 PM
Okay, listen. I have NEVER complained about any ads on Pajiba. I stoically ignore the exploding Anderson boob. I heroically averted my eyes from those vile meat ads that ran for months. I tell myself that Dustin has to feed himself and others. But I just can's sit here and watch ads for White Castles. It's been three years now since I stood up and said, "My name is PaddyDog and I secretly crave White Castles". If I break down now, there's no going back.
Posted by: PaddyDog at July 28, 2009 1:54 PM
Paddy -- No joke, I tried White Castles for the first time in my life this weekend. The boyfriend made us take a detour on the way home from Maine to hit one outside of New York City.
I thought it was totally, absolutely, disgusting. And then I wanted more of them. And then I ate like five. Something just isn't right there.
I've never had White Castle, and never really felt tempted to either.
Posted by: Cindy at July 28, 2009 2:10 PM
You add a dill pickle to that peanut butter and bacon sandwich and you've got yourself a little piece of heaven right there.
There is just no way that Rodriquez can contain the pony-tailed might of Segal. The set peices would explode from limb breaking awesome.
Posted by: admin at July 28, 2009 2:14 PM
I made a pilgrimage to White Castle while driving a friend back from DC to MA. Gorged myself rather unhealthily on their subpar, yet addicting food. I still don't understand what happened, nor how it was possible that I didn't spend the following 3 days in the bathroom.
But chicken rings are the shit.
Posted by: Venture82 at July 28, 2009 2:22 PM
Peter Pan guy got married on my birthday. I'll never be able to forget him now.
Posted by: appwitch at July 28, 2009 2:23 PM
Stacey:
I feel your pain. I was first dragged to White Castles almost 20 years ago. I was visiting the US for the summer as a student. I thought they were the most vile thing I had ever tasted and refused to go back during that trip. I went back to Ireland and resumed my studies. One night I woke up at 3am craving White Castles and have had to fight the beast ever since. I have friends who haven't been to the US in years who still have cravings. There's definitely something very dodgy going on. No way is that just steamed "meat" with a pickle, a few onions and sauce on top.
Posted by: PaddyDog at July 28, 2009 2:23 PM
Damn you,
damn you straight to hell for putting the idea of Peanut Butter and Bacon sandwiches in my brain.
There is a place here in Portland (OR) called Voodoo Donut that has a maple bar with bacon on it. It is the stuff of legends and was featured on Anthony Bourdain 'No Reservations'.
That too haunts me.
Also: As, ummmmmm, 'unconventional' as the Peter Pan wedding is, I guess it just goes to show: There is someone out there for everyone.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 28, 2009 2:38 PM
.....She really said that?
I almost love her now for making it possible for Shatner to deliver that most glorious of readings
almost.
She's still a dipstick
Posted by: Nadine at July 28, 2009 2:39 PM
Vile is a good word. I called them "repugnant," myself. Ugh, the fact that they're steamed. Steamed!! That's only like, the second most disgusting way to prepare ground meat other than boiling it.
There are still some down in the fridge because he bought "the crave pack." And the only thing keeping me from them is the massive shit explosions I suffered yesterday, since I was not as fortunate as Venture82.
Stacey, because you're a braver woman than I, could you please tell me if it's true that Octomom is getting a reality show? Or was that just one of those terrible, terrible nightmares I have where I'm flipping through channels and they're all showing say, reruns of Chaotic interspersed with announcements of new horrible shows for horrible people?
Help me. You're my only hope.
And wow...KBalls rage is epic up there.
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 2:39 PM
Octomom is getting a reality show. But, the courts have appointed a guardian to protect the kids assets so she can't get her grubby little tentacles on them. (Get it? Because she's Octomom!) And, apparently this displeases her, so ha ha ha.
Oh, Stacey, that made my day. That crazy bitch knows she isn't going to get paid shit and she's not getting any gravy from that train.
Also: Paddy, I have it on good authority that the 'sauce' on those burgers is made with a black tar heroin base. It's all part of a larger government conspiracy.
Posted by: admin at July 28, 2009 2:48 PM
SWEET. Thank you, Stacey. You are a true hero. Octomom freaks me out more than just about anyone else in the world. And Godtopus I can just imagine hordes of other batshit crazy famewhores wanting to pop up more kids than her (9! 10! 15 at once!) just to get a little bit of money to support their maniacal dreams.
*shudder*
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 2:56 PM
Peanut butter and bacon sandwiches.........hm. That sounds kind of......good, actually.
But this is what I am really curious about - chocolate bars with a bacon center. Opinions? Experiences? Should I try one?
Sarah Palin's resignation speech makes so much more sense when read by William Shatner. Now I know, no matter what, as long as there's a single person in the Rep- ublican party who wants the nomination, and their name's not Sarah Palin, I'm completely and totally behind them.
Posted by: George at July 28, 2009 3:02 PM
Next Octomom surgery? Sew that fucking hole up and remove her money-grubbing claws from those kids.
Bitch.
I hate parents (mothers especially) that use their children for any kind of leverage. What kind of soulless freaks are we creating around here? Who wants to jam cameras in their kids' faces and expose them to endless worldwide scrutiny? I just don't get it.
But don't worry about this gentlelady starving. She can still earn money with those fake lips after we slam that ATM shut between her legs. Actually, that probably wouldn't work because she would get surgery to attach her stomach to her uterus and swallow every time.
Posted by: Kballs at July 28, 2009 3:09 PM
RE: Peta Pan gets married. (This would be in Florida. My neck of the woods.)
Scroll down to the bottom to see the couple that gets married while COVERED IN BEES.
RE: White Castles. They are the very first fast food hamburger. They started in 1921 and they're still on their first cow. That's because each burger is 2" square, 1/16" thick, and has 5 large holes punched into (like the number 5 on dice). There's a big, fat, hairy guy in the back that slaps each burger under his sweaty armpits, gives it a good squish and then slaps it on the steam table, where it is only cooked on one side. That ensures the sweaty, addicting goodness that is a White Castle belly bomber. (P.S. I'm a vegetarian and I STILL crave these suckers. They must be mixing opium into the ground beef to make it go farther.)
Posted by: BWeaves at July 28, 2009 3:11 PM
oh sad, it's gone. Quick, another link! I must hear Shatner!
Posted by: ziggy at July 28, 2009 3:12 PM
Godtopus and Octomom...
Shit, I hope there's no relation.
And Stacey, it was a certified miracle that my innards didn't explode, but my friend wasn't so fortunate.
Posted by: Venture82 at July 28, 2009 3:30 PM
Stardust Savant:
According to the molecular gastronomy people (you know, the ones who cook with foams and vapors and base all their recipes on matching of flavors at the chemical-level ), chocolate and bacon are a match made in heaven. I have never tasted it because I'm very picky about where my bacon comes from, but I have heard it works.
Posted by: PaddyDog at July 28, 2009 3:35 PM
Stardust: Bacon is good in everything. EVERYTHING. I'm serious. Name a food that wouldn't be good with bacon. I dare you. Ice cream? Fuck it, I'd eat it. Cereal? Part of the natural order of things, if you ask me.
People who resist bacon's power are anti-life. They deserve to spend the rest of their days in the pit of despair. By which I mean - my basement. Not because of the zombies, but because my fucking cats puked fucking everywhere this morning.
Little fuckers.
I'm sorry, what the hell were we talking about again?
Heh. I once read a story about a convenience store that was putting a little opium in the coffee to keep people coming back, so perhaps that *is* what they're doing at W.C. ...
Was I the only one who saw the title of this post and thought it would contain something about an awesome Steven Segal Sega game? For a minute I was very excited about a Genesis game.
Posted by: DemonWaterPolo at July 28, 2009 4:04 PM
TK: I came home from the 1 weekend I actually got away last year and found my cat had SHAT a ring around the basement. Perfectly spaces shit piles all around the perimeter. The 2 litter boxes seemed to be used only as urinals(thank Godtopus for that at least).
I have been scared to leave home overnight ever since.
Also: Bacon Rulz.
In Mexico I once had jumbo shrimp, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon, and deep fried. MMMMMMM.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 28, 2009 4:05 PM
jumbo shrimp, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon, and deep fried.
I believe they were Camarones Empanezadas. I am sure Figgy or Sophia will correct me. Anyway, yes, they were THAT good. 20 years ago and I still remember them.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 28, 2009 4:16 PM
wow...I didn't actually watch Palin's speech, so I thought there's no way she said what Shatner read, they must have just made something up to make fun of her....and then I looked up the transcript, and yes, she really said those exact words. Just...wow.
Posted by: s. pisaster at July 28, 2009 4:17 PM
I have it on good authority that eating a lot of bacon makes a man's happy juice actually taste like bacon.
I'm on my third plate, ladies. The line forms to the left.
Posted by: Kballs at July 28, 2009 4:17 PM
TK, I swear that while I was in Boston I got ice cream from a place that had bacon flavored ice cream advertised. It was called Christines? Something like that. I was horrendously sick for a big portion of that trip, but I don't think I hallucinated that. I'm pretty sure it was real.
Y'all know what else is good? Making a grilled cheese sandwich with white cheddar, green apples, and bacon. It takes a while, because you have to pre cook the bacon to get it nice and crispy but it's totally worth it.
So it's settled. I will be trying a bacon-filled chocolate bar. I'll give you my verdict next week after I get back to that store.
TK, I think your cats might be related to two of mine. Kali (yes, really - my husband didn't know what the name meant when he gave it to her) loves to puke right outside our bedroom door. Her brother Tonka retches up hairballs IN the food bowl. There is something wrong with both of them.
People! Cats do these things because they fucking well know it pisses you off, grosses you out, etc. They are the purest form of evil next only to turkey bacon and Dick Cheney.
Get a dog, at least when they shit on your carpet, you know they're too dumb to do it intentionally.
Posted by: admin at July 28, 2009 5:32 PM
Sorry about the clip, guys. It's back... But I don't know for how long. Catch it in all its glory while you can!
I'll have to try a pb & bacon sandwich. Chocolate covered bacon sounds good. And so does baconnaise. But I draw the line at bacon-flavored vodka: Bakon Vodka. Of course, I don't like Bloody Marys, so I suppose I wouldn't use it.
Get a dog, at least when they shit on your carpet, you know they're too dumb to do it intentionally.
I do have two dogs. At this moment they are trying to cram themselves between my butt cheeks to hide from the thunderstorm. Sad when you consider one is a pit bull/chow mix. Real fucking tough dog, that one. Wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, they keep the cats in check. The pit bull/chow mix plays with the kitten so it doesn't annoy the living shit out of the older cats and the cattle dog polices them when they try to get out the matches and burn down the house.
My cat crapped on my bed today.
True story.
I think he was pissed that I told his crapping around the basement story upthread.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 28, 2009 8:03 PM
jumbo shrimp, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon, and deep fried.
I just had a spontaneous orgasm
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 28, 2009 4:06 PM
---
That wasn't the shrimp etc., that was me. Check the time, I was just letting you cash in your frequent-flicker minutes.
Glad you enjoyed it. Tell all your friends.
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Posted by: william at July 29, 2009 5:39 AM
You steered me to YBNBY for the first time, and I have to ask, is English their first language over there? The site is sub-literate, even by blog standards. It appears to be written by Sarah Palin.
Also, they don't seem to know that Selma Diamond was first a great comedy writer in the Golden Age of TV.
Posted by: Ned at July 29, 2009 10:20 AM
Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Looks like K-Fed has officially given up.
Yikes.