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Pajiba Love

You may have noticed that I’ve been quietly avoiding Christian Bale may or may not be a Mommy Beater-gate all week… However, it now looks like everything is coming up Bale! (WIMB)

Check out the latest “Stuff ____ People ____” site, brought to you by a good friend of mine. (StuffJPEndure)

Here’s a great idea for a movie guide — shame Rich beat us to it: The Guide to Point of View Horror Films. (FourFour)

So much for calling any possible future offspring of mine “Goddamn Ineffective Birth Control Pills.” (QuizLaw)

Video surveillance has been leaked for Kid Rock’s infamous Waffle House brawl, and it looks like the only part missing were the hooded capes and noose. (Celebslam)

Get acquainted with the best abs of 1993 all over again. (FilmExperience)

Hey gals! Something else to learn from the ladies at Jezebel: embarrass yourself, your company, and womanity in general? Get promoted! I can’t wait til I’m given an opportunity to humiliate Pajiba. (Jezebel)

I luuuuurve Fizzy Lizzy soda pop! (TIB)

Pffft. Sienna Miller doesn’t even have enough dedication to her film roles to grow out her bush. (Yeeeah!)

The redneck version of Funny Or Die gets axed. In related news, there was a redneck version of Funny Or Die. (CC Insider)

McConaughey has plans to finally give the “Drum Circle” genre the mainstream credibility it’s always richly deserved. (AgentBedhead)

Speaking of “credibility” and “richly deserved,” The Jonas Brothers make the cover of Rolling Stone. Which we will now be referring to as Get Your Head Out of Your Ass Magazine. (WIMB)

I don’t know what Dustin is on, but he made me add this video today as punishment to all of those who insisted on telling him it was “Aruba” and not “Bermuda.” But really, no one noticed the song is from Cocktail and not Top Gun? For shame.

Pajiba Love | July 24, 2008 | Comments (27)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

I kinda had a feeling (and no, that's not just my bias towards everything Christian Bale speaking) that it would come to this in the Bale family fiasco thing. I love how all of a sudden, when asked for comment, his mom/sister say "it's a private family matter". Oh, really? Who called the fuzz, then? And did it *have* to be right when TDK has the biggest opening ever? C'mon.

My love for Kermit actually died a bit with that clip. Kokomo? Kermit? Really?

And the Sienna Miller thing...we really didn't have to know that about her pubes. I haven't really followed the other stories about her lately, but kudos to Bathazar f'ing Getty for getting his name back out there. Granted, it's for something whory and homewreck-y, but since his character on that Brothers and Sisters show (yes, shut up, I watch it...for that hot-ass younger brother Justin) is the cheating douchebag, I guess he had to live up to something.

Posted by: em at July 24, 2008 4:04 PM

Even my 59 year old step-dad had speculated that Christian Bale's clown mother was a greedy leech and that the problem would probably boil down to what was described in that tabloid. Vindication!

Posted by: lux at July 24, 2008 4:24 PM

That's post-Jim Henson Kermit. It doesn't count.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 24, 2008 4:38 PM

Ah glory be, in the Case of the Bale Beatings- I was just coming to terms with my shameful, shameful realization that mother-rougher or not, I would still fuck the living daylights out of that boy, and now I can pretend I never had to put my horrific little excuses of "morals" in a box and tape that shit up tight, scrawling "Kitchenware" on the side.

Posted by: soyousay at July 24, 2008 4:43 PM

Kokomo is not only THE worst song by the Beach Boys, but may be one of the worst songs EVER. To be lumped in, for sure, with anything by Air Supply, We Built This City, and anything by REO Speedwagon post 1981.

The rest we already knew: Bale is cool, Miller is forgettable, Kid Rock kicks ass, Ferrell is better than Foxworthy, Marky Mark is awesome, McConaughey is weird, Rolling Stone lost all credibility about 25 years ago, and I'll never call my daughter by her real name, Chardonnay, in front of a judge. We always use "NayNay" in public.

Posted by: wsapnin at July 24, 2008 4:53 PM

Ooo, that video is on YouTube now?! That's wonderful news; I used to have to break out my copy of "Hey! Cinderella!" whenever I needed a little Beach Muppet goodness.

Posted by: Geetch at July 24, 2008 5:03 PM

OK, that Kermit video doesn't count because they changed some of the words of the song.

They left in "afternoon delight, but where's the "tropical contact high?"

Posted by: BWeaves at July 24, 2008 5:19 PM

I actually went to high school with a guy that names his son Optimus Prime. Seriously.

Posted by: SR at July 24, 2008 5:51 PM

I have a friend who was wearing an Optimus Prime t-shirt the day I met him, so I've always called him Optimus Prime. That's even how he's listed in my phone. It's since been shortened to OP, which then became Opey, and everybody just thinks I call him that because of Opey Taylor on The Andy Griffith Show, which really makes no sense since he looks nothing like Ron Howard and that show was on, like, 50 years ago. His actual name, however, is Dan, because his parents had the good sense not to legally name him after a talking cartoon robot alien that turns into a car.

Posted by: Sarina at July 24, 2008 6:15 PM

But really, no one noticed the song is from Cocktail and not Top Gun? For shame.

What do you mean? I just figured it was understood. Everyone knows that, right?

Have you all just suckered me into feeling old again? Hell, I only know I'm younger than Ted, for all I know I've got a few years on Dustin (even though I picture him looking like Wm. Steven Humphrey of the Portland Mercury, who looks like a slightly older Simon Pegg. No reason, and I know it's inaccurate, I just do).

However, I imagine Dustin eventually thought "how do you know that and why are you so proud to proclaim it??"

Also, referring back to twig's comment in the original thread, I don't particularly hate "I Touch Myself", but I don't need to hear it karaoked ever again.

"Assault with the attempt to alarm". Oh, you eloquent English people. I'm okay with anything pineapple flavored, and I endured not getting any Jewish holidays off from school when I moved to Georgia. I was all like "'the FUCK?! We're not off on Rosh Hoshanah?!?" And they're all like "yeah, cause there's only 50 Jewish kids in the county!" and I'm like "Bogus!!".

Eventually I found the Bagel Palace and Bakery at at Toco Hills (proper big ass black & white cookies...that you must eat in one sitting, pussy) next to the Kosher Kroger. I was home again.

Posted by: Jay at July 24, 2008 6:25 PM

With your logic: Jezebel is as relevent to feminism as Pajiba Love is to relevency in general. I mean, seriously? A "Rolling Stone is irrelevent" joke? I can't wait for your brilliantly timed expose on all the husbands Liz Taylor has had.

That must have been some layover on your way here from 1995.

Posted by: Mike at July 24, 2008 7:07 PM

jay, i wonder where you were in georgia, i remember a jewish friend with the same issues :)

loving the muppet vid, before or after jim, may he rest in peace, i actually have a bunny named jamaica and another named kokomo.
THEY don't know that, of course, but that's their official names.
and everything henson counts. it's still in the family. and frank oz still rocks.

Posted by: bionic bunny at July 24, 2008 7:15 PM

I fucking hate the jonas brothers. They squint their eyes like they need contacts, or they smell something really, really bad. OR! maybe they are seconds away from crying over the fact that they will be the 98 degrees of 2008 in about 6 months.

Posted by: adam at July 24, 2008 7:16 PM

That was at North Spring HS in Sandy Springs, but it's the same all around the Atlanta area. Decatur's got the Jewish concentration, but they couldn't overpower the Fulton county school board on their own I imagine.

I'm not actually Jewish, but growing up in south Florida I was pretty much an honorary Cuban Jew, so I still took personal offense (including the offense of not having a day off).

Posted by: Jay at July 24, 2008 7:21 PM

I didn't know Christian Bale's mum was still alive, I thought both his parents got killed by a mugger.

Posted by: Pookie at July 24, 2008 8:31 PM

I didn't know Christian Bale's mum was still alive, I thought both his parents got killed by a mugger.

Oh, she's alive. And she wants $300,000. Or she'll call your wife a whore.

P.S. Pookie, has anyone around here told you lately that we love you?

Posted by: Jerce at July 24, 2008 9:01 PM

Mike: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe this is the first time you've used Liz Taylor as a foil to suggest that my jokes are lame. So just think, I have to think of all these different witty things to write every day -- yet you can't even come up with more than one way to heckle me?

See? It's not as easy as it looks, now is it?

Posted by: Stacey at July 24, 2008 9:18 PM

I didn't know Christian Bale's mum was still alive, I thought both his parents got killed by a mugger.

Oh, she's alive. And she wants $300,000. Or she'll call your wife a whore.

So all I have to do to get Christian Bale to lay his hands on me is ask for money and call his wife a whore?

Posted by: jM at July 24, 2008 9:33 PM

I didn't know Christian Bale's mum was still alive, I thought both his parents got killed by a mugger.

Oh, she's alive. And she wants $300,000. Or she'll call your wife a whore.

So all I have to do to get Christian Bale to lay his hands on me is ask for money and call his wife a whore? Done. And DONE. I've been doing that to ex-boyfriends for years.

Posted by: jM at July 24, 2008 9:38 PM

Double post = Bluuuurgh

Posted by: jM at July 24, 2008 9:40 PM

Wait a sec. You mean Cocktail and Top Gun aren't the same movie? OK, which one is the one about a cocky hotshot who has everything going for him but loses it all only to come back after learning valuable life lessons to win the end, in part because a trusted friend dies and he realizes what's really important, which also allows him to reconcile with his shallow love interest from act one?

Posted by: Blair at July 24, 2008 11:27 PM

Dude, Mike. Um, you kind of being, you know, a dick.

Posted by: Megan at July 25, 2008 1:13 AM

Also, referring back to twig's comment in the original thread, I don't particularly hate "I Touch Myself", but I don't need to hear it karaoked ever again.

Obviously I need to start hanging out in karaoke bars with an air rifle more often.

Posted by: twig at July 25, 2008 7:22 AM

Jay: "I endured not getting any Jewish holidays off from school when I moved to Georgia."

When I was in high school in central Florida, they scheduled the SATs on Yom Kippur. I was the only Jewish kid who had gone to the school in 30 years. My mom complained, and they all said, "Huh?"

Posted by: BWeaves at July 25, 2008 10:38 AM

I've wanted to bring up the Bale thing all week but stupid work got in the way. Here's my initial take: who hasn't at least once had a screaming fight with ones mother and sister(s)? When I lived at home I did this about once a week. Many times have I threatened (although never intended to follow through) to kill one of my sisters. And I have one attention-seeking sister who would have called the police for the hell of it if it weren't for the fact that the polic chief of our town lived next door and would have ignored her.

Posted by: PaddyDog at July 25, 2008 10:55 AM

By the Power of Heathus Christ, the Bale shall be vindicated!
Ha! I KNEW Momzo the Clown was a money-grubbing backstabbing two-faced bitch. Sweet, sweet vindication.

Posted by: Nevermore at July 25, 2008 1:06 PM

A guide to POV horror that doesn't include "Behind the Mask?" I mean, I know they mix it up with non-POV footage, and it's a parody, but still.

Posted by: s. pisaster at July 25, 2008 3:08 PM