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Fox is Ruining "Futurama"

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (64)

Futurama_characters.jpg

This is some shit right here. Remember how we all got really excited that Fox was bringing “Futurama” back? Yeah, well, it’ll be back all right, with totally new voice actors — because the network is refusing to meet “salary demands.” (Agent Bedhead)

Paula Abdul might be getting kicked to the curb of “American Idol.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t her slurring basically the most entertaining part of that show? (Webster’s)

When the time cometh, what do you plan on adding to your Nerd Apocalypse Survival Kit? Thanks, Lainey! (The Park Bench)

Jennifer Love Hewitt wrote a list of the “Top Ten Things You Don’t Know About Women” for Esquire, reaffirming my faith that Jennifer Love Hewitt is really just a blithering, goddamn slack-jawed idiot. (Zelda Lily)

Here’s a list of the creepiest movies kids: Modern edition. Oh sweet Jesus, even a picture of that kid from The Orphanage makes my heart pound. (Screen Junkies)

Yeah! Fuck you, jerk who’s too “good” to use his turn signal! I love open letters to annoying people. (Holy Taco)

Here’s a list of the kings of squirm-inducing comedy. I don’t know if it counts though, Seth MacFarlane, if we’re squirming because we’re embarrassed at you rather than with you. (Film School Rejects)

Oh noes! The Wienermobile crashed into somebody’s home in Wisconsin. It would have been a better story if hot dogs spilled out all over the place. (Serious Eats)

Here’s a quiz for all of you bibliophiles: Can you identify your favorite books based solely on a vertical strip of one page? (mental floss)

Do you suffer from the “Angela Chase Syndrome?” I think I definitely do, even though I never really cared for “My So-Called Life.” (Jezebel)

Here are 21 comic book artists who changed mainstream comics, and not necessarily always in a positive way. (AV Club)

This clip might literally be the most retarded thing I’ve ever seen on the internet, but holy shit did it make me laugh:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.







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Comments

No, no, fucking no! I knew there was a catch! You can't have some regular jagoff doing Bender's voice! And what about Zoidberg?!?

This is not good news.

Posted by: Brie at July 20, 2009 1:07 PM

I think it would have been better if the Wiener Mobile crashed into a tunnel ....

Posted by: Odnon at July 20, 2009 1:11 PM

If I learned only one thing from "The Crush" (and I did), it's that a good punch to the face solves all your creepy kid problems.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 20, 2009 1:12 PM

Is there anything Fox won't fuck up?

I say no.

Posted by: TK at July 20, 2009 1:12 PM

This is how it's going to be:

I will NOT watch any "futurama" that has another voice cast. So they might as well just scrap it right here and now. And this is the same Comedy Central that was going to pay $40 million to Dave Chapellle?

Broke ass nickel and dime mo'fuckas.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 20, 2009 1:13 PM

Oh yeah- and fuck you Fox. Fuck you right in the eye.

Posted by: Odnon at July 20, 2009 1:15 PM

OOPS!

File under: That's a paddlin'

For some reason I thought it was Comedy Central that was bringing Futurama back. Anyway, I can find no justification for the no money excuse from Fox when they are willing to shell out 45 million to the Seacrest and double that to the Cowell douche for a declining show.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 20, 2009 1:20 PM

"Hey Upsetter! Which would you rather do, watch Fox or smash your penis against a pile of broken glass with a rubber mallet and then pour scotch over all over the resulting bloody mess?"

Ummmmm....

What kind of scotch?

Posted by: TheUpsetter at July 20, 2009 1:24 PM

The Wienermobile crashed into somebody’s home in Wisconsin. It would have been a better story if hot dogs spilled out all over the place.

The Wienermobile never made it far enough into the garage for that to happen. Sounds like someone's going to be parking on the street for a while.

Posted by: branded at July 20, 2009 1:26 PM

I love how the Survival Kit includes "One Martin Sheen". Hee. That dude is the awesomenest and he can make pancakes with our spatula. But just no on the Horrible soundtrack.

JLH says:

6. No, we can’t take it.

That's good to know about you. It's a fucking lie, but if it's true about you, here we go:

Fuck you you worthless slag. You make the rest of us look bad. Jesus. I want to punch you in the ovaries. Leave our sex. Leave it. You're fucking fired you SLAG.

Posted by: figgy at July 20, 2009 1:27 PM

Worst News following Best News in a long while.
There is NO other Bender, NO other Zoidberg and dammit, NO other Fry and Leela. Period.
My insane hatred of the Fox network suits has just been ratcheted up to "Robo-Butcher" mode, so be aware Fox that the casualties will be massive.

Posted by: Spender at July 20, 2009 1:28 PM

That's fucking bullshit. There's no way Futurama can meat it's old quality without proper voice actors. Cheap ass, FOX network fuckers.

Posted by: George at July 20, 2009 1:28 PM

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

FOX!!

Okay, now I'll read the rest of today's Love.

Posted by: Jerce at July 20, 2009 1:29 PM

And thank you Jennifer No-Love Spewitt for making me feel like a cross between a child and a dog. Idiot.

Posted by: Odnon at July 20, 2009 1:30 PM

"Cause I'm a prom night dumpster baby, and I'm taking a stroll."

Finally, something to knock "Rock Lobster" out of my head today....

Posted by: sansho1 at July 20, 2009 1:31 PM

Dude! 9 out of 10 on the books quiz, and I only had to guess two, got one right. Awesome.

Posted by: figgy at July 20, 2009 1:32 PM

Well. The Holy Taco letter to the California State tax board hits uncomfortably close to home.

Jennifer Love Hewitt, I can no longer think of you without slamming my head into the nearest hard surface. So, thanks for that. Look for my neurologist's bill in your daily mail.

For what it's worth, a friend of mine on the inside insists that the Futurama travesty is just a nasty rumor. Knocking on wood and keeping finger's crossed.

And I've decided I want that Hall and Oates song played at my wedding, but only if Keyboard Cat is somehow involved as well. Make it so, powers that be! I demand it! Hrumph! Do you hear me? I said, Hrumph!

Posted by: shinykate at July 20, 2009 1:32 PM

The only card we have to play is Matt Groening, the man is worth more money than God at this point, and the only person more powerful than him are... those fucking bastards at FOX and that Australian fucker Rupert Murdock!

Fire up the murdertank, and change it's name to Serenity, we're going to those executives. NONE shall be spared!

Posted by: George at July 20, 2009 1:34 PM

Really? Esquire still does those list things? Wow, I bet they pull in a lot of ad revenue for that feature, because it's all so true! I HATE having to pump my own gas when there's a man around to do it. And PMS? Whoo, that makes me a crazy bitch! It's always good to get sweepingly generic advice from actresses. You know they're super qualified, because their job entails reading words off a page written by someone else. And boy, does Jennifer Love Hewitt know what she's talking about. In fact, I'm pretty sure I could do it too! But only five, because I'm lazy.

Top Five Things You Don't Know About Women

By Marra Alane

5. We LOVE being lumped together as an homogenous group.

4. If while making out with us on the couch you decide we want a beej, it's totally cool if you just push on our shoulders with increasing pressure. Really, we love that.

3. We think it's a really good idea for you to get your information about women from an online section in a closeted men's magazine written by celebrities whose only qualification is having huge tits and being popular in 1999.

2. We all secretly wish we could live in the Sex and the City universe. Seriously, our favorite thing is to dress up in high heels so our asses look good for you and our tits are that much closer to your face.

1. Women be shoppin'!

Posted by: Marra at July 20, 2009 1:35 PM

Oh, well done Fox. You're pretty fucking wiley there Mr. Big Dick Player. Your going to bring back a series because of the demand from the fans of the series and so you can make money. But, hell, why not change some of the voices? Who'll notice? How about EVERYBODY WHO WANTS THE SHOW TO RETURN!

Sir, take that big dick of yours, grip it firmly at the base, now slap yourself in the face with it. Repeatedly. Continue doing so until you either bludgeon yourself to death or....naw, just keep swinging, fucktard.

Posted by: admin at July 20, 2009 1:36 PM

RIP Futurama.

I mean, seriously? A new Zoidberg? Are you fucking KIDDING me?

God-DAMMIT.

These are the same assholes who thought Cleveland from Family Guy needed his own show, because he was so fucking funny.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at July 20, 2009 1:39 PM

You can't stop a woman from shoppin'

Posted by: TK at July 20, 2009 1:42 PM

Here's a clip of the NEW FUTURAMA, starting in Spring 2010 on Fux:

ZOIDBERG: Hey Fry, did you deliver the package?

FRY: well I-

ZOIDBERG: Like the time I delivered that baby to a rhinosaurus in the lobby of the WTC?!

[cut to rhino in burning building]

LEELA: I'm Leela!

ZOIDBERG: Vile Woman!

Posted by: annoyingmouse at July 20, 2009 1:45 PM

Marra for the WIN.

Here's a few more:

1. We all want to look like Megan Fox, and act like Megan Fox. That's why we hate her so much. We're jealous.
2. We are not rational, we are emotional. That is why you should always manipulate and lie to us. We can't take the truth.
3. Girls hate sports, don't know how to use computer and hate food that isn't chocolate. Those are things for boys.
4. We love anything PINK and made by Victoria's Secret.
5. We love when one stupid woman believes that the shit she likes is liked by ALL women. We're all exactly the same, you know. So these lists ALWAYS work.

Posted by: figgy at July 20, 2009 1:47 PM

Women are this way--LOLZ! Men are that way--ROFLMAOZZZZZZZZZ!!! And it's all TRUE11111!!!!!111111!!!!!!! I can't wait for my 70-year-old stepfather to send me another one of those joke spams, or for BBC.com to post another Mars/Venus Top 100!!!!

Wait, Mara already covered it, and way more Eloquently.

Posted by: Natural 20 at July 20, 2009 1:48 PM

Every person who bought the DVDs (tv episodes and straight-to-DVD), bitched about its lousy treatment at the hands of the suits on message boards and article comments, and built up this cult following--thank you so much.
Someone spotted it, pulled out a calculator and found out they could make a shit-ton of moolah off of people who would pay money for anything to do with Fry and Leela. AND they realized that no matter what they did to the show, people would still watch it because this good program had such a grip on the hearts of many a fan who would follow it off a cliff.
And now it looks like they're bringing it back to fuck up what has become cherished by many--because they're putting up the money and they want to get the best return on their investment that they possibly can. Great job, fanboys.
Or we could just blame Jennifer Love Hewitt. That's probably easier and open to a lot more jokes about boobs.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at July 20, 2009 1:49 PM

Posted by: Marra at July 20, 2009 1:35 PM

It's a trap!!

Posted by: Admiral branded at July 20, 2009 1:52 PM

Dammit, I just finished watching "Into the Wild Green Yonder" too.

Sad clown is sad.

Posted by: twig at July 20, 2009 1:58 PM

No Steranko? List fail.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 20, 2009 1:58 PM

A poll:

Who else beside me doesn't like Futurama?

Posted by: figgy at July 20, 2009 2:00 PM

We know that y'all hate Fox because they cancelled the coolest show EVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, but that doesn;t give you a license to make shit up wholecloth. Futurama was announced to be coming back to Comedy Central which has no relation to Fox, corporate or otherwise. At this time it was also announced that there would have to be big cuts in costs and budget for the show as Comedy Central while it may be popular, doesn't have near the deep pockets of Fox. The series regulars then announced that they wanted $75,000 per episode. That's before factoring in the costs and salaries of the writers/producers/animators/etc.

if you are going to be blubbery whiny crybabies and get into a spittle and frothing rage at anyone, at least get your target right: the voice actors, Not Fox.

Posted by: CSN at July 20, 2009 2:01 PM

Keep those comments to yourself, Figgy!

Posted by: Marra at July 20, 2009 2:03 PM

Hold the fucking phone! CSN, are you actually defending Fox? For real or is that some ironic rage that's just way to subtle for me to pick up on?

Posted by: admin at July 20, 2009 2:10 PM

What DO you like Figgy? No Whedon and no Futurama? I don't know what I'd watch if I was you. You boggle my mind.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 20, 2009 2:11 PM

A poll:

Who else beside me doesn't like Futurama?

Posted by: figgy at July 20, 2009 2:00 PM
------------------------------------------------

How about this poll:

Best way to make your brutal death happen?

vote early, vote often!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 20, 2009 2:14 PM

Dear World:

Stop writing things like f*ck or sh*t. THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS WHAT YOU MEAN, including Jesus. So just go ahead and snip off that last little bit of conservative foreskin and type FUCK already.

GOD.

Yours,
Fucking Kathleen

Posted by: Kathleen at July 20, 2009 2:22 PM

I don't particularly care for Futurama, and I think Zooey Deschanel is, while attractive, intolerable based on her insufferable drive to be quirky for quirk's sake. I am ok with being hunted for sport.

Posted by: kx2 at July 20, 2009 2:33 PM

Come on. I can't be the only one.

I tried. It's my fiance's favorite show of all time, and he's made me watch the thing a billion times. And I REALLY wanted to like it, because I love the Simpsons more than life, and I really tried but you know what? I can't fucking STAND that show. It either bored me or annoyed me or just plain made me angry. It was like lukewarm coffee. Could be great, but it did fuck all for me.

That is the truth.

Posted by: figgy at July 20, 2009 2:39 PM

I can take or leave Futurama and the only thing Whedon has ever done that I actually care about was Astonishing X-Men (which was consistently late and at least two issues longer than necessary). And I can't stand Zooey Deshanel and I don't give a fuck how it's spelled. Any one a' you 97-pound weaklings who got a problem with that can meet me in gladiatorial combat. I get the Maori weapons from "Deadliest Warrior."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 20, 2009 2:44 PM

Yeaaah! With Tracer in my corner, I can take any of you bitches and all your unfunny, overrated tv shows.

Posted by: figgy at July 20, 2009 2:45 PM

that hall and oates shit totally made me forget that futurama bullshit. thanks!

Posted by: icecreammang at July 20, 2009 2:47 PM

Besides me, who doesn't like Futurama.

Well, figgy, it looks like you, Tracer, and that octeginarian fuckwit Rupert Murdock don't like it.

I'd really better read the rest of Pajiba love, but I'm so pissed off right now I can't even think about anything else.

Posted by: George at July 20, 2009 3:03 PM

WE. ARE. INVINCIBLE.

Posted by: figgy at July 20, 2009 3:07 PM

Top Five Things You Don't Know About Women
By Marra Alane
5. We LOVE being lumped together as an homogenous group.
4. If while making out with us on the couch you decide we want a beej, it's totally cool if you just push on our shoulders with increasing pressure. Really, we love that.
3. We think it's a really good idea for you to get your information about women from an online section in a closeted men's magazine written by celebrities whose only qualification is having huge tits and being popular in 1999.
2. We all secretly wish we could live in the Sex and the City universe. Seriously, our favorite thing is to dress up in high heels so our asses look good for you and our tits are that much closer to your face.
1. Women be shoppin'!
Posted by: Marra at July 20, 2009 1:35 PM

-----------------------------------------------------

Aaaaaannnnd... we have our leader in the clubhouse for this week's EE award!

Posted by: Spender at July 20, 2009 3:15 PM

Goddamn right. And we're gonna recruit TK and jM and Vermillion and maybe Whorish Mouth (I'm not really clear on that) and Shay(?) and maybe even Guess Who (don't you make me regret this, goddammit) and we're gonna overthrow this honkie hegemony. It's the Rise of the Browns! Always Bet on Black! Viva La Raza!

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 20, 2009 3:21 PM

Fox is ruining (insert name of show here).

Posted by: John W at July 20, 2009 3:27 PM

4. If while making out with us on the couch you decide we want a beej, it's totally cool if you just push on our shoulders with increasing pressure. Really, we love that.

Holy HA Marra, I fucking love you.

Posted by: Julie at July 20, 2009 3:46 PM

As to the admin's question, Fox doesn't need to be defended because THEY HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.

When it was announced that new episodes would be made, it was also announced that they would be airing on Comedy Central which has no affiliation with Fox and that Comedy Central would be footing the bill, ie; paying for all production costs, including salaries.

Because of this Comedy Central said that deep cuts in the budget for Futurama would be necessary if the show was going to air, and this apparently included the salaries of the voice actors.

Said actors didn't like this and are acting like whiny spoiled brats who are going to stomp off if they aren't paid $75,000 per episode. Not per season, per episode.

Show me how Fox is guilty of any wrongdoing here.

Posted by: CSN at July 20, 2009 3:55 PM

CSN--

Click here. It's an article about how 20th Century Fox is the one looking for new voices to replace the original talent. Comedy Central is airing the episodes, but it's on Fox's dime.

So...we can say they're guilty, I suppose. But then again, facts and references don't usually fly in a nerd fight.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at July 20, 2009 4:45 PM

Show me how Fox is guilty of any wrongdoing here.

Um, isn't Fox the actual producer of the show, while Comedy central will only be broadcasting it? Kinda like how Scrubs was made by ABC Studios when it was shown on NBC? Sure, it will be a Comedy Central "show", but Fox will still have a major interest in the property.

And considering it is Fox, not Comedy Central, who are putting out the casting calls, and Fox, more than Comedy Central (or Cartoon Network), who benefited from the DVD and syndication booms, it isn't hard to see why folks are focused on them.

So if the producers (read: the guys with the actual money) aren't shelling out the bucks for these actors (quite a few of whom got burned on the first cancellation and have other jobs they rather not risk unless it was worth it), I kinda think they would be guilty of, maybe not wrongdoing, but general assholery.

Besides, the same thing happened to The Simpsons. The cast asked for more money, and Fox said no. Then the casting calls went out, but eventually Fox paid them anyway. So I am really not that worried.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 20, 2009 4:47 PM

Also, the comic book artist list: are the actually complaining that Alex Ross makes superheroes look too REAL? What the hell kinda complaint is that? They are right about the rest though.

Oh and Rob Liefeld and Todd MacFarlane can go suck gas. They were just so freaking horrible. And MacFarlane is on my list for popularizing the "make action figures into barely moving statues with sharp point to injure the children we hate" trend.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 20, 2009 5:02 PM

I'm really glad that someone else agrees with me on Zooey. Even if figgy doesn't care about having another person on her anti-Futurama team.

Posted by: kx2 at July 20, 2009 5:06 PM

Aaaaaannnnd... we have our leader in the clubhouse for this week's EE award!

Posted by: Spender at July 20, 2009 3:15 PM
---
Don't warm up your DVD player just yet, Tom Watson showed us old fucks still have staying power.

Also: I heard there were casualties in the Wienermobile wreck. There were some amputations and now the footlongs are just longs.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 20, 2009 5:14 PM

*Highfives bucdaddy*

Posted by: admin at July 20, 2009 5:34 PM

re: substitute futurama voice casting

PAY THEM WHATEVER THEY ASK.


Posted by: gp at July 20, 2009 5:40 PM

Vermillion, I don't think they were saying that Ross makes superheroes look to real, but that he makes them look like statues. There's no fluidity or movement to his pencils, hence the comment about Ross being more concerned with design aspect instead of comic art

Posted by: A. Biro at July 20, 2009 5:54 PM

Posted by: Marra at July 20, 2009 1:35 PM

Marra, you are the awesome. That's a way better list than JLH's.

Re: salary debate on Futurama, $75K per episode is not that much, especially not in an established series whose viewers will recognize and respond poorly to a difference in voice over actors. Those actors are not spending that much less time filming a given episode than live action actors (i.e. the cast of Friends, who "whinily" "demanded" $1 million an episode in their big highly publicized contract negotiation, IIRC). Futurama is not quite as big as the Simpsons was in its heyday, and that show's actors make something like $400k per episode; that makes $75k seem just about right. Especially when you think about the amount of revenue the show has probably generated, what with syndication, DVDs, and tie-in merchandising, which the actors are probably not making a whole lot off of, in spite of the fact that they are associated with those characters and images.

I'm among those who won't watch it if there are different voice actors. They were what made the show infinitely watchable. Well, for those of us who love it, anyway.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 20, 2009 6:28 PM

Figgy, I too am a non-Futuramaist. I admit I probably haven't really watched it enough to appreciate it, but there is a reason for that: I don't really like it. Every time I catch a few minutes of it I find myself chuckling at some line or another, but it just doesn't hold me.
My brother loves it enough for all of us though. Geek.

Oh, and in my post apocalyptic survival kit:
1 Mike Rowe. In case we have to repopulate the earth. Or clean up something really dirrrrty.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 20, 2009 6:40 PM

"We love the Futurama voice performers and absolutely wanted to use them, but unfortunately, we could not meet their salary demands…."

Are these not the same assholes who gave MacFarlane $100 million after he proved he was incapable of coming up with a new show so he just changed the title to American Dad and kept the same stock characters as in gay baby changed to gay alien. He couldn't even make it a lesbian alien, too creative.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at July 20, 2009 9:19 PM

Bill Sienkiewicz! FUCK YAH!*

*there ya go Kathleen. But I don't feel very classy about it.

Posted by: replica at July 21, 2009 1:51 AM

Fuck you K*thl**n, you annoying cunt.

You're right, that feels much better.

Posted by: Perl at July 21, 2009 8:45 AM

Damn you and your asterisks, Perl!

Posted by: Kathleen at July 21, 2009 9:34 AM

I hate that video for making me laugh so hard, but man oh man, can that cat tickle the ivories.

Posted by: allyschmally at July 21, 2009 10:25 AM

Thirty days in the field, with no booze, no nicotine, MRE's, and few showers. I finally get in from training, and what am I greeted with? The news that my favorite show is coming back a zombie.

Fan-freaking-tastic.

On the plus side, I'm back!

Posted by: alphawhiskey at July 21, 2009 10:12 PM


















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