free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 07/17/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Toy Story! Now With More, Uh ... Dimensions!

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | July 17, 2009 | Comments (55)

Disney is re-releasing the first two Toy Story movies in 3-D, in a limited edition double feature pack, because they really, really like money. That’s right, your copies of Toy Story I & II have now been rendered obsolete. (Screen Rant)

Because I’m sure at least a few of you fall into this category, here are ten endearing habits of a geeky spouse. (Wired)

Hey everybody! Brendan Fraser is FAT! Well, not really, he’s just doing reverse Christian Bale “method acting.” (Webster’s)

For no other reason than it’s Friday and I’m writing this column early and heading to the beach later, here are a bunch of pictures of celebrities sucking on things. You’re welcome. (Agent Bedhead)

Here’s a list of five awesomely crappy space fights in movies. (CHUD)

Mischa Barton scored herself a 5150, a.k.a. the “Britney Spears” crazy lockdown. If you said, “Who?” Your answer is correct. (Superior Gossip)

This has nothing to do with anything, but how could I not post a story about a chihuahua puppy with a fork stuck in its head? Hole. Lee. Shit. (MyFoxNY)

You know what sucks? When you take an otherwise decent movie and ruin it by sticking in some stupid crap musical number. (Spout)

Does anyone else love “Roseanne” as much as I do? Here are a bunch of inconsistency explanations from the set, like why there was originally a different DJ and why David’s name wasn’t always David. (mental floss)

Now you can show someone you really care by sending them one of these fabulous “Ghetto Baskets,” full of 100% trashy crap. (YBNBY)

Sorry, all of you who have inappropriate crushes on Harry Potter. It turns out he’s had a girlfriend this whole time. (Celebitchy)

The hipster affinity with Pabst Blue Ribbon is annoying enough as it is, but this just takes it too damn far. (Look at This Fucking Hipster)

Earlier this week, Sarah Palin twittered a tribute to our nation’s bears, (the furry kind — no, no — the other furry kind) and now our nation’s bears respond. (Jezebel)

If there’s one thing we can all learn from puppets, it’s how not to contract herpes. (Head on over to the Brownsville Bulletin for more puppet fun!) And on that note, hope you all have a lovely, herp-free weekend!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

I love geeky romance. The best part? We both hate sports and shun all people who love them. I'm the cook, he's tech support. We're a good team.

Posted by: figgy at July 17, 2009 1:11 PM

Every time I see a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon I'm reminded of that old SNL sketch where Darrell Hammond played President Clinton after the whole Lewinsky thing went down talking about how very somber and thoughtful he was about the whole thing. And was being very somber and thoughtful with a lot of friends, and some balloons. And yes, they were drinking beer but "It's not even good beer, it's Pabst Blue Ribbon".

So, yeah.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at July 17, 2009 1:12 PM

And...dude. The Twist and Shout sequence in Ferris Bueller is inspired. The people dancing the Thriller dance to the Beatles? GENIUS.

The Spiderman 2 "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" is also fucking painful. SO the rest of the list is ok.

Posted by: figgy at July 17, 2009 1:14 PM

Look at this Fucking Hipster is my new favorite website. God, I fucking hate hipsters.

Posted by: Marra at July 17, 2009 1:17 PM

The dog with the BBQ fork in its head is now vying for Top Most Disturbing Thing I Did Not Need To See with Man With A Chair in His Head.

I think I need a lie down.

Posted by: twig at July 17, 2009 1:23 PM

Uh oh, figgy, you'd better correct yourself before Jay gets here. If you don't know what I'm talking about then it's already too late.

Also, Spout apparently fucking sucks. They "despised" Enchanted? How could you despise that movie? And it sounds like they don't take too kindly to (500) Days either. Assholes.

Posted by: Snath at July 17, 2009 1:23 PM

I don't know what I did!

Posted by: figgy at July 17, 2009 1:25 PM

Dun dun dunnnnnn!

Posted by: Snath at July 17, 2009 1:28 PM

Well he'll probably hate me forever anyway after I called David Tennant an orc. I'm used to the glowering looks Jay throws at me.

Posted by: figgy at July 17, 2009 1:29 PM

The Wired article isn't too far off. I am a walking sale calculator.
Thanks, expensive math and stats degree!

We both hate sports and shun all people who love them.

When will the shunning end, figgy? I'll let admin know that he's been added to your list as well.

Posted by: branded at July 17, 2009 1:29 PM

My poor wife. She married a geek, but really isn't getting too much in the way of those benefits.

10. I have coffee around and I make it, so I've got that one.

9. This one, sure.

8. No. Math is hard.

7. I like the Muppets, but I don't quote them.

6. I love football and hockey.

5. Not big into gadgets.

4. I mainly read comic books.

3. I can only find something immediately after I've asked her where it is first.

2. I'm ok with the tech support stuff. I do handle that at home and with family.

1. I can't cook.

Most of this stuff applies to a tech geek, I'm more of a fantasy/sci-fi geek. Though I am endearing in many other ways.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at July 17, 2009 1:31 PM

Well there's a lot more to admin than the sports.

Like, he's got a great ass. And maple syrup. So I don't shun him.

It's the douchey sports-are-the-most-important-thing-in-the-universe types that I shun.

Posted by: figgy at July 17, 2009 1:33 PM

Oh how I hate that PBR is now considered "trendy, and hipster". I have had a love affair with that beer since I was about 14. After all, I am white trash. Why else would I drink that shit?

Posted by: ashes at July 17, 2009 1:36 PM

Well in the future, to avoid glowers from Jay, the correct spelling is Spider-Man.

Spiderman looks like a Jewish lawyer or something.

OCTAVIUS BROCK & SPIDERMAN, LLP

Posted by: Snath at July 17, 2009 1:37 PM

This has nothing to do with anything, but how could I not post a story about a chihuahua puppy with a fork stuck in its head? Hole. Lee. Shit.

Is that the appropriate way to break Holy Shit down? I would've gone with Ho. Lee. Shit But I guess 'Hole' works 'cause it explains where the latter comes from.

I'm 12 today.

Posted by: Sofía at July 17, 2009 1:38 PM

Ooooh...haha...well...he's a lame superhero anyway.

Posted by: figgy at July 17, 2009 1:41 PM

figgy we should start our own We Don't Like People Who Are Overly Into Sports Club.

When time comes for fantasy football, my whole office turns into a nightmare. And March madness? You'd be lucky to find one other person in the office around noon. And the sporadic casual Fridays? Those only occur during various sports seasons and are only applicable if you wear team jerseys. All office outings are sports related: golfing, bowling, gorram whirlyball. Grrrr!

Posted by: Agent Scully at July 17, 2009 1:45 PM

Ooooh...haha...well...he's a lame superhero anyway.

Hu...urr...gak...allkddd...dkanoaidfnlknadfadfoinad!!!!

WHAT?!

You take that back, RIGHT NOW!

Sassafrassamumblemumble..NOTLAMEmumblemumble...

Posted by: Snath at July 17, 2009 1:46 PM

Awww, I loved Roseanne. I knew about all of those issues except for the original DJ thing. I guess I just don't remember ever having seen the pilot.

I have to say that back in the day, I absolutely adored Johnny Galecki (in a very naughty way). My Mom once said that I reminded her of Darlene and I always got a charge out of the Darlene/David storyline.

Posted by: elsie at July 17, 2009 1:47 PM

I'm fine with people hating me branded. It's a daily occurance in this profession. Also, I'm kind of a dick. What I can figure out is why Figgy hates my wife? What did she ever do to you?

It is possible to be a nerd and love sports you know. Now I have much pants sadness.

Posted by: admin at July 17, 2009 1:49 PM

NO!

But I'll have you know I'm basing it entirely on the movies. I really hate Tobey Maguire and just want to punch him in the face. And so I really hated Spider-Man. Spiderman. Spi-derman. Spid-erman.

Posted by: figgy at July 17, 2009 1:49 PM

Um, yeah, I hate to tell those guys, but that song was ridiculously popular at that time. (To be fair, they're probably too young to have been alive then, so how could they know? But really, it was everywhere.)

Ohmygod, that poor little dog! That fork is bigger than he is! Poor little guy.

I loved Roseanne, Stacey. I had such a crush on Mark (RIP Glenn Quinn, I was so happy to see him in Angel, and then really, really sad). I loved the two Beckys thing, that was handled in such a hilarious way. And I remember that thing with David's name not really being David. That was a funny show. It was a little weird in the later seasons when Jackie and the mom turned out to be completely nuts, though.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 17, 2009 1:54 PM

Oh my gods, I've got this twitchy thing going on right now about my pets, and that picture of that chihuahua is going to haunt me.

Posted by: Tyburn Blossom at July 17, 2009 1:57 PM

But I'll have you know I'm basing it entirely on the movies.

Oh! Then you and I have no problems, because I feel the same way. Huzzah!

Posted by: Snath at July 17, 2009 1:57 PM

But I do love admin! and Mrs admin! They're Canadians! I love Canadians!

Posted by: figgy at July 17, 2009 1:57 PM

I'm watching you Figs.

There needs to be a little more investigation into the puppy with a FUCKING BBQ FORK STUCK IN HIS HEAD! The handle came off? Were they using it as a fucking prybar or something? Did the dog inadvertantly jump on the grill while they were going to flip a chop?

Something here is forked up. Everybody knows you rotisserie Chihuahua.

Posted by: admin at July 17, 2009 2:07 PM

How about this for some math, Wired nerds?

PBR + human stomach = explosive diahrrea.

I have a story to support that equation:

My old friends and I were short on cash one weekend, but we drank all the time and needed beer. We sent the first of-age person we could find to get us the cheapest beer possible. Problem was he was kind of dick, so instead of getting us Natty Light or Beast, he got us PBR and Schlitz. Fine. We could handle it.

Sometime during the course of the night our toilet became clogged and we hadn't bought a plunger yet. EVERYONE woke up with crazy stomach cramps. It was so bad that people would've shit in our kitchen sink if it weren't overflowing with dirty dishes.

So my crazy red-headed friend and I were volunteered to go to Meijer's for supplies as we were the only ones who could move. I won rock/paper/scissors on the way and got to use their bathroom as he went to get a plunger and some TP. By the time I was finished, he was running toward an unsuspecting cashier wearing a blue silk women's bathrobe, orange briefs, and one shoe (he lost the other one while running through the store). While racing by, he literally THREW money at this woman while screaming, "IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!!," and sprinted out the door. I barely made it to the car I was laughing so hard.

Moral of the story: I will never, ever, ever touch that hipster douchewater again.

Posted by: Kballs at July 17, 2009 2:18 PM

But I do love admin! and Mrs admin! They're Canadians! I love Canadians! - figgy

Phew! Thought I was gonna have to get involved there figs, coulda got ugly 'round here today. I'm hungover and tired, and I love hockey. And beer. But only Canadian beer, trust me, that kicks the crap outta maple syrup every day of the week. And yes, I do put it on my pancakes. Problem with that?

Posted by: Xtreme at July 17, 2009 2:19 PM

There are so many Canadians here that it scares me sometimes.

Posted by: Snath at July 17, 2009 2:28 PM

The following is based on a true story:
Toy Story will forever hold a spot in my heart because of a Halloween one year at the bar. My wife made a group of us costumes, she was Bo Peep, I was Woody, my friend was Buzz, another was Mr. Potato Head and my cousin was Sarge. After many, many pitchers of cheap beer, we tried to get a cab. Failing that, we decided to walk the 5 miles home. Onroute, an ex-boyfriend of Potato Heads pulled over to say hi, but she'd been banging Sarge for a while, so the Sarge and Dracula spent 15 minutes screaming at each other with their noses almost touching, but neither one would take the first swing. I was in the middle offering $50 bucks to whoever broke the first nose, but to no avail. In the end the cops showed up, tossed Sarge in the drunk tank and told the rest of us to fuck off. Not sure where I was going with this, but long story short, I'll watch Toy Story as long as they keep making them.

Posted by: Xtreme at July 17, 2009 2:39 PM

Snath -

BOO!

*runs back to hide behind igloo*


Posted by: Treena at July 17, 2009 2:43 PM

All your Pajiba are belong to us.

Posted by: admin at July 17, 2009 2:46 PM

*points fingers at eyes, then at snath*

We're watching you bub. You, and you're little friend figgy too...

Posted by: Xtreme at July 17, 2009 2:52 PM

But...but I'm not even American! I'm neutral.

Posted by: figgy at July 17, 2009 2:55 PM

SOMEONE SET UP US THE BOMB, EH.

Posted by: Snath at July 17, 2009 2:57 PM

Wow, how do you hate Enchanted? That just seems ... off somehow.

And the Hudson Hawk thing was supposed to be them timing the robbery. Then again, I actually liked Hudson Hawk. Come on, Andie McDowell singing the dolphin song? The henchmen named after candy bars? Anybody?

SOMEONE SET UP US THE BOMB, EH.

You made me pull a muscle laughing, you Canuck bastard.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 17, 2009 4:05 PM

I'm from Minnesota, actually, but close enough.

Posted by: Snath at July 17, 2009 4:26 PM

"You know what sucks? When you take an otherwise decent movie and ruin it by sticking in some stupid crap musical number"

what? musical number can't ever EVER ruin anything! just like alcohol they are always appropriate and makes everything better, in every circumstance.

Posted by: rio at July 17, 2009 4:29 PM

Congrats Snath, you're an honourary Canadian now! All you need to confirm your status is to start putting the letter 'u' in more cool words like "armour" and "fuuck".

Whaddaya think admin, can we let him in the Igloo? Can we keep him? Please?

Posted by: Xtreme at July 17, 2009 4:47 PM

Add me to the short but distinguished list of geeks who love sports. In my case, though, the sports I love are tennis and above all cricket. Yes, cricket: I'm Indian, which may explain it. And old-school cricket at that, test and one-day cricket, none of this dumb 20-20 and IPL rubbish from which all the nuance of the game has been stripped away.

Posted by: lareigna at July 17, 2009 4:48 PM

wow... that puppet video at the end... I'm not sure if it was the funniest thing I've ever seen or the grossest...

Posted by: Ben at July 17, 2009 5:16 PM

Geeky guys make me swoony! And if they don't sit in front of the tv all fall and winter watching football I will be their sex slave!

Posted by: wooky at July 17, 2009 5:28 PM

AHAHAHAHAHA....my geek husband actually made me an LED valentine last year--it was awesome! Also, he is absolutely the go-to tech support for my friends and family. F-1 racing is the only sport he watches, and that's not too time-consuming.

Also, I think Snathy would make a dandy honourary Canadian. Let us baptize him with the holy maple syrup, followed by forty whacks with a wet beaver tail!

Posted by: meaux at July 17, 2009 6:04 PM

First, he must swear fealty to Canadian Bacon and pass the holy ritual of the cloven moose knuckler.

Posted by: admin at July 17, 2009 6:47 PM

joined by a surplus of extras and an animated bluebird.


Ohhhh Jesus of fucking Christland. Dustin said nothing about this. But then, I already didn't trust him.

I don't really care about the Muppets, but I can cook okay and do always have coffee handy.

Posted by: Jay at July 17, 2009 7:29 PM

Hey now, didn't you people see How I Met Your Mother? Mixing Minnesotans and Canadians only leads to trouble.

And Canucks crying in the dark.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 17, 2009 7:40 PM

PBR + human stomach = explosive diahrrea.

I guess I'm not human, then. I was raised on the stuff.
We used to go fishin' pretty much every weekend when I was a pre-teen; either lake fishin', or ocean, depending on what the ol' pater familias was jonesin' for.
PBR was the centerpiece of those excursions.
Hell, our freakin' boat (a 22' cabin-cruiser) was named the 'Blue Ribbon Special.'
This one time, at 13 years-old, out in the Gulf de Mexico, I hooked and landed a 17-pound King Mackeral, and earned the coveted "first sip" of my dad's freshly cracked beer ('member the days of the ol' pull-tab? fuck yeah.).
This other time, while we were unloading the boat, at home, rinsing her down...yadda, yadda, yadda... I was coiling the hose back up and was movin' a nano-second too slow for my PBR-drunken sire, and got my ass lifted four feet off the carport as it was sent sailing through the closed carport door by my father's foot... woo hoo! good times!

PBR was also my own first "drunk," three years later. Snuck a couple (it was all about the cans back then... fuck the bottles) while we were beached on a sand-bar early in the day... snuck a few more after my dad went to bed to fuck my stepmom that night. Ran around the house in nothin' but my tighty-whities, drinking more beers stealthified in Coke cans, until I passed out.

Oh.. umm... all that to say that I never got the runs from PBR... yeah.

Posted by: Rykker at July 17, 2009 7:41 PM

Oh, and, since I have since risen slightly above my upbringin'... I only drink Guinness, these days... when I'm not drinkin' Tequila.

Posted by: Rykker at July 17, 2009 7:50 PM

Snath-

Resistance is futile.


Oh, and the chihuahua? ohmyfuckingchrist! I need to hug all of my pets.

Posted by: Eyvi at July 17, 2009 8:34 PM

When I'm going cheap I'm going Black Label. I would never touch PBR. Because I respect myself.
---
Something here is forked up. Everybody knows you rotisserie Chihuahua.

Posted by: admin at July 17, 2009 2:07 PM
---
Long as you tenderize 'em first. I do this either by playing nine innings of chihuahua baseball (it's an aluminum bat league, to avoid splinters in the meat) or taking a bagful up to the highway overpass and seeing how well I can time it to hit the windshield when a semi comes along.

Skin 'em, a little chili powder, slap 'em on the rotiss about 15 minutes at 425 degrees and carumba! Them's good eatin'. Up to about six months old, of course. Then the meat gets chewy and the ugly little alien fuckers aren't good for anything but feeding to the crocodiles I keep in the basement.

I know what you're thinking, and yes, it DOES take about 100 to satisfy a hungry croc.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 17, 2009 9:42 PM

Vermillion -

The only episode of HIMYM that I have ever seen was that episode with the Vikings bar and Canadian jokes. I had no idea Minnesota had anything to do with that show, so it was amusing.

Posted by: Snath at July 17, 2009 10:55 PM

Woo, Rykker. Tequila party at my house!

Posted by: figgy at July 18, 2009 1:16 AM

what? musical number can't ever EVER ruin anything! just like alcohol they are always appropriate and makes everything better, in every circumstance.

Posted by: rio at July 17, 2009 4:29 PM

Yeah, I'm gonna have to go ahead and agree with rio on this one.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 18, 2009 11:56 AM

Buc, have you ever smoked a chihuahua? I can recommend several fine rubs and sauces. if you're interested. It can take as long as three days to barbecue the thing properly, you have to let the rub settle in for up to 12 hours before smoking, but the meat just falls off the bone.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 18, 2009 12:24 PM

Tracer, Su casa. Manana. I'll bring the cerveza.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 18, 2009 4:48 PM