Pajiba

I...I don't know what to do, guys.

I came home from work yesterday and my wife was...she was...watching Madea Goes to Jail.

*sob*

Now she's watching Madea's Family Reunion.

I thought she was perfect, but now that we've been married a while all the dark secrets start coming to light.

I'm heartbroken.

That's when you check the box marked Irreconcilable Differences, Snath.

Pfft, half a pepperoni pizza? That's bush league, my friend.

I can't do this anymore, but when I was younger and had partaken of some sweet and sticky green, I could eat a whole extra large Papa John's barbecue chicken and bacon pizza, along with two orders of chicken strips.

The insane part is that I was thinner and in the best shape of my life throughout that time period, because I rode my bike everywhere instead of taking the bus or driving, and I worked out everyday. Now, I can't eat anywhere near that much, but I'm heavier and totally out of shape.

The irony, it burns me.

That's when you check the box marked Irreconcilable Differences, Snath.

Posted by: Marra at July 16, 2009 1:13 PM

Snath: You're going to need a young priest and an old priest.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at July 16, 2009 1:18 PM
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Geez, wouldn't a shotgun solve things quicker and easier? At least a taser.

NOT SOON ENOUGH.

"Mmmm...Flintstones vitamins. I was addicted to those damned things."

Oh my, yes. I could make myself sick eating those things.

My sister, on the other hand, had a thing for aspirin - the plain uncoated kind. She ate about half a bottle one day and got really bad stomach cramps. I can't stand the taste of them though. They make me gag.

Bad sign: I read "Did you know Brad Pitt had a role on “Dallas?” and thought, "duh!"

Kind of related but not really:

A couple of years ago, my sister really wanted a guinea pig. Really wanted one. And it's kinda hard to find them here. So my brother went around to like 50 pet stores and didn't find a guinea pig. But he found out that there was a place outside the city that sold them.

So he goes to this place, a sort of nondescript house with a big yard and in the yard there's a little enclosure with a bunch of guinea pigs. Score, he thinks.

He knocks on the door and gets to talk to the owner of the place and asks the owner if he'll sell him a guinea pig. The guy's answer?

"Sure. How do you want it cooked?"

And he was serious. Dude was from Peru. They eat guinea pigs there. On spits.

I can see how you might get most of the way through a rare prime rib before you noticed the string ...

BTW, EE and the Bangables would be a pretty good band name, what?

The Patton Oswalt bit involving Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People is insanely hilarious.

The movie itself is atrocious.

Speaking of EE, where's skitz been since his triumphant victory? I hope he isn't in a hospital bed somewhere after a weeklong celebratory bacchanal, with no memory of who he is or where he's been, and having amputated Wendell WITH HIS OWN TURKEY CLAW during a blackout.

Wait ... I think I saw just that in "The Hangover."

The tampon incident was, I presume, at the BULL and Bear, not the Bill and Bear. Wow. That restaurant needs to offer a fat settlement. Now.

Did any one else, when seeing the Jacko clip, instantly flash to The Spirit of Jazz.

Think about it...

Crap. That video made me almost like Alanis Morissette. The apocalypse must be nigh.

Parakeet, none of that fancy stuff for me. Give me the bottle and a straw and I'll be a happy camper.

The funniest part was that I never really liked orange flavor anything, other than those 2 items. I even skipped the orange vitamins in favor of the pink and the purple. There's just something about the specific flavor of that Triaminic... The baby aspirin were all about the texture.

Liquid amoxicillin tasted like chalk to me. I let that shit sit in the fridge.

When I want some tasty meds, nothing beats a shot of orange Chloraseptic and a handful of Advil. But only the brown, 200 mg Advil. I don't know what they coat those pills with, but it is delicious.

but to find a complete bloody tampon INSIDE a steak? I don't think so.

That was my issue too. A steak is a solid piece of meat. Did someone hollow out space for the tampon? I don't understand.

Harrison Ford played a waiter in the pilot episode of The Rockford Files.

Crap. That video made me almost like Alanis Morissette. The apocalypse must be nigh.

Posted by: gelis at July 16, 2009 2:37 PM

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Goddamn you gave me chills, I will never watch that clip. NEVER!

branded Vicodin is so awesome, I'm sincerely glad I have no access to it. I'd be on Intervention in no time. It's the most perfect mellow high EVER.

Now I'll shut up and drink my stupid tequila.

I love gummi vites! My mom used to get me giant bottles of them from Costco. Then I went off to college and all my roommates went through my entire bottle in like a month. I was so mad because i was so good about eating just 5 day (I know it's 1 a day but that was for like a puny 5 year old, and i was a 18 year old... little asian girl. But yea you get the point. - Gummi vites= deliciouso.)

Man, I loved that pink Amoxicillin. I used to down bottles of it. It was so bad that at one point I drank a whole bottle of it that wasn't even prescribed to me. It was for one of the kids my mom was caring for at her daycare. I saw it in the fridge and took a sip thinking, "Hey no one will know." But then every few minutes or so I would come back for more. Until it was all gone. It was bad, but boy was it delicious.

And yeah the brown advil are tasty too. Do they coat it with simple syrup or something?

the brown advil are tasty, but risky

I'm always afraid if i let it sit on my tongue too long the deliciousness will give way to horrible mediciney bitterness