free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 07/14/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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A Lesson in Sex Tape Etiquette

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | July 14, 2009 | Comments (45)

From our own resident porn star, here’s a handy guide of do’s and don’ts for making your own sex tape. Any amateur home video stars out there have anything to add? (Notes On Bar Napkins)

Katherine Heigl has a “problem” with the authenticity of romantic comedies. That’s like a blow-up doll manufacturer having a problem with sex with plastic women not feeling “real” enough. (Webster’s)

Christian Bale is playing a crackhead in his new film, and I think he’s taking it a little too seriously — as we all know he’s apt to do. Gross. (Celebitchy)

I’m not a big Star Wars fan, but some of you nerds out there will probably get a kick out of this “Tauntaun” sleeping bag. Thanks to Yossarian! (Think Geek)

Here’s a really cool flickr page with movie titles illustrated as vintage childrens’ book covers. Thanks, replica! (Flickr)

Here are the 15 top “magic babes” from TV and movies, who can make you fall for them before flaying your skin from your body. Kidding, Willow Rosenberg isn’t on the list. (Screen Junkies)

God explains the recent string of sudden and not-so-sudden celebrity deaths. (KSK)

Wonder what “Lamar” from Revenge of the Nerds is up to these days? Ehh, I’d probably rather see what Booger is up to, but sure, why not. (Heeb)

We’ve all got that annoying-ass person on Facebook who friended us and now we all have to deal with their insipid and retarded comments and status updates but feel guilty deleting them, right? Well now, revenge can be ours! (lamebook)

What are the deadliest, most fuck-your-shit-uppiest movie monsters of all time? (Film School Rejects)

I really have to give props to the writers at The Impulsive Buy, because this product essentially looks like a cow pie on a bun. (Impulsive Buy)

What?! Holly Madison and the Travelocity gnome? Well, he probably gives better head than an octogenarian, anyway, so I guess it makes sense. (Agent Bedhead)

I have to admit, I actually got a wolf T-shirt from a thrift store to wear ironically. I guess that makes me a hipster. At any rate, here are the next possible generation of ironic animal T-shirts. (Holy Taco)

So this is kind of amazing: Who knew the Sham-Wow dude was secretly such a lyrical genius? Thanks to Jiffyzen for the head’s up!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

I saw the header pic and threw up in my mouth a little.

Posted by: admin at July 14, 2009 1:02 PM

I need that tauntaun sleeping bag like whoa. I don't even go camping! I'd fucking use it on the couch in my living room.

Posted by: Marra at July 14, 2009 1:14 PM

Yeaurgh. Gotta agree with admin, that picture's way more "fuck-your-shit-uppiest" than the monsters on that list. In part because where in the hell is Rawhead Rex? Also, I disagree with the assessment of Critters as tiny werewolves; they're more like werewolves crossed with piranhas.

So Christian Bale is actually *on* the crack, then? Good for him. Way to throw yourself into your job, dude.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 14, 2009 1:15 PM

Don't we all wish Christian Bale was as good an actor as he thinks he is?

What's worse, a header pic of Hilton or Heigl? I can't decide.

Posted by: Cindy at July 14, 2009 1:17 PM

Okay, does that sleeping bag come in adult size? Cause that's awesome. Especially since it has an intenstine pattern on the inside. Genius. Hopefully it doesn't smell.

Posted by: Jeni at July 14, 2009 1:27 PM

Ick. I've seen spiders look sexier than Paris in that picture. Ugh. There goes my breakfast.

There is no monster more fucked-up than Pennywise the Clown. Want to hear my new theory? He spawned Paris Hilton.

Oh Holy GOD the Critters. FUCK. Those things gave me NIGHTMARES as a kid. And I mean flat-out night terrors that wouldn't let me sleep as I imagined everything in my room looked like one of those fuckers at night. FUCK. Why did I look at that list?

AAAAAAAAH. Someone hold me.

Posted by: figgy at July 14, 2009 1:27 PM

Meh.

The "Slap Chop" rap is better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA

Posted by: twig at July 14, 2009 1:28 PM

I am NOT pleased with the Tauntaun bag being a total of five feet in length. Like some damn kid's gonna want it.

Again, that magic list is null and void.

Posted by: Jay at July 14, 2009 1:29 PM

Aren't you freakishly short, Jay?

*runs away*

Posted by: figgy at July 14, 2009 1:37 PM

Well, he probably gives better head than an octogenarian, anyway.
---
Better face. There, fixed that for you.

Also: Not if I'm still around in 28 years.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 14, 2009 1:47 PM

Lesson #1: Keep Paris Hilton out of your sex tape.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 14, 2009 1:58 PM

1. The tuantuan sleeping bag is wicked awesome cool for the simple fact that the zipper handle is a fucking lightsaber. Now every evening your toddler can disembowel Lukes pet T-rex/goat.

2. That monsters list is bullshit due to the fact that it does not contain any Alien(s).

3. Sex tape rules...lock your door. The kids know you aren't auditioning for the WWE.

4. The Eighties Bad Guy Moon t-shirt is the tits and I'm not being ironic.

5. How many people searched for their own name on the lamebook site? Fess up.

Posted by: admin at July 14, 2009 2:03 PM

I need to see Dog Soldiers. It was on SciFi one time but fuck if I'm watching an edited for teevee version.

Posted by: Snath at July 14, 2009 2:10 PM

Critters was and still is a great flick. And yes those small hairy rodent-like creatures scared the shit out of me when I was a child. Now they remind of children bred by stupid people.

Posted by: bignick at July 14, 2009 2:11 PM

Not quite short enough, figgy.

How many people searched for their own name on the lamebook site? Fess up.

Oh, I didn't even realize you could or how it works. Phew!

Posted by: Jay at July 14, 2009 2:12 PM

I cant even watch that sham wow video. That dude in the still of it looks totally terrifying and I cant deal with being traumatised right now....He looks like if Wall-E was human

Posted by: Nadine at July 14, 2009 2:13 PM

Any amateur home video stars out there have anything to add?

Nothing good ever follows the words "brace yourself".

Posted by: branded at July 14, 2009 2:21 PM

The Tauntaun sleeping bag is OK, but I want to know where they got the lining fabric. I want to line every single coat and jacket I own with that fabric.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 14, 2009 2:26 PM

Is it time for Harry Potter spoilers yet?

Posted by: Jules at July 14, 2009 2:31 PM

I am NOT pleased with the Tauntaun bag being a total of five feet in length.

Finally, my meagre 4'11" stature works to my benefit! Me wanty!

Posted by: Lisa at July 14, 2009 2:31 PM

I'm pretty sure the sleeping bag began its life as an April Fools joke but the reaction was so positive they decided to actually make it...

Any ideas for ways we can engineer a similar situation next year?

Iron Man pjs for adults?

Posted by: missh at July 14, 2009 2:37 PM

Shit, I've always loved Tremors, but does anyone remember Watchers from back in the day? Corey Haim (who was still cool then) and Micheal Ironside. That show was the shit! Of course I haven't seen it in a few years, but that monster was seriously bad ass!

And few things will ever creep me out more than Pennywise did, someone let me watch it when I was just a BIT too young.

Fucking evil clowns. I'd rather fight Zombies with my bare teeth.

Posted by: Xtreme at July 14, 2009 2:42 PM

Any ideas for ways we can engineer a similar situation next year?
Iron Man pjs for adults?
Posted by: missh at July 14, 2009 2:37 PM

For next season I'm going to market the Jenna Jameson Fisting Oven Mitt Limited Edition Collection.

Guaranteed hit at the Fourth of July BBQ's!

Posted by: Xtreme at July 14, 2009 2:52 PM

The biggest problem with the home sex tape is it's never the girls I really want to see. That terminally cute chick with the dazzling smile I work with, for instance.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 14, 2009 2:58 PM

Corey Haim (who was still cool then)

Corey Haim was cool at some point?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 14, 2009 3:04 PM

bucaddy, the phrase 'terminally cute', please explain this to me?
Not in a 'picking a fight' kind of way, its just, to me, terminally implies...well....fatal...so if someone is terminally cute, is the meaning that they are so cute they'll die? Possibly by your hand in some sort of Bloody Valentine esque situation? Like I say, i'm not picking a fight, each to their own, I just need to know so I can...warn...people

Posted by: Nadine at July 14, 2009 3:04 PM

Say, this is all full of the suck:
ATTN Tauntaun Fanatics! Due to an overwhelming tsunami of requests from YOU THE PEOPLE, we have decided to TRY and bring this to life. We have no clue if the suits at Lucasfilms will grant little ThinkGeek a license, nor do we know how much it would ultimately retail for. But if you are interested in ever owning one of these, click the link below and we'll try!

I guess little Codeman will have to wait until George Lucas becomes a complete money whore and decides to sell out... Come to think of it, we may not have to wait that long.

Posted by: Codeman at July 14, 2009 3:06 PM

I feel like submitting to lamebook the status update a friend of mine had about how she wasn't getting any scholarships for college despite straight A's, and then some asshole friend of hers basically saying it was because she was white and so she'd never get any money because no one gives scholarship money to white people. But it would help that she was a girl. The term "reverse racism" wasn't actually uttered, but it's scent lingered around the message like the scent of mildew on laundry you forgot in the washer for two days and then ran through the dryer.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at July 14, 2009 3:21 PM

Corey Haim was cool at some point?
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 14, 2009 3:04 PM

He was probably never *cool*, but I adored the little Haimster! I never understood how anyone could like the other Corey.

I am entirely too old to be having this conversation...

Posted by: Lainey at July 14, 2009 3:33 PM

Heee! Lainey. I know. I *hearted* both the Coreys at some point, honestly.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 14, 2009 3:46 PM

Lainey, AvB, do either of you remember Licence to Drive? Could a Corey do any better than that? That would be the *exact* moment I fell in love with Heather Graham. Well, maybe not, but I remember watching that as a young boy/man and thinking "I'd hit that, HARD!".

Just sayin'

Posted by: Xtreme at July 14, 2009 3:59 PM

now I am obsessed with Lamebook and except to show up on it any day now...

Posted by: Stacy D at July 14, 2009 4:00 PM

My wife made me watch License to Drive with her last year, and I'll be damned if I didn't enjoy it.

Posted by: Snath at July 14, 2009 4:09 PM

"Merthaydeeees!"

Posted by: Jay at July 14, 2009 4:46 PM

Atta boy Snath. And the good news? Graham was 18 when they made that movie, so you don't have to feel some freaky perv when you watch it.

Posted by: Xtreme at July 14, 2009 4:52 PM

I think I'm with Marra because I don't camp and there's no concievable way the Tauntaun sleeping bag would fit me, but goddamn I want one. And Codeman, last I read on some other nerd-blog, ThinkGeek is this close to getting Lucasfilm to sign off on it. So the wait may be short indeed. YAY!

Posted by: UnlessTheMoonFalls at July 14, 2009 5:02 PM

Curtis Armstrong (Booger) recently starred as Ahmet Ertegun in Ray (if you could notice him in a clean-cut role), and he played one of the kooky scientists in Southland Tales.

Posted by: Recondite at July 14, 2009 5:53 PM

The ad for the Taun taun sleeping bag?
'I thought they smelled bad on the outside.....'

Posted by: Odnon at July 14, 2009 6:14 PM

Nadine,

So cute I die a little, every day.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 14, 2009 7:05 PM

The Tauntaun sleeping bag was out around April Fool's day, but since so many people went nuts for it they're trying to make one for real. I'm in the army, and I'm telling you - if they make one, I'm taking it into the field.

Posted by: Esquilax at July 14, 2009 8:10 PM

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Posted by: satokofan at July 14, 2009 11:22 PM

woow, the girl is so hot. i'd like to introduce you to a nice club _weathycupid.org_. There are many wonder girls and guys.

Posted by: ferdinand at July 14, 2009 11:57 PM

Heh, the bots are fighting it out for our attention. "Botformers II: Wonder Girls and Guys."

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 15, 2009 1:04 AM

I agree that if she wants to comment on the realism or otherwise of romcoms, Heigl first needs to stop appearing in them - but I nevertheless agree with her point, and I don't think it's enough to say that women want to escape the grind of their lives with a bit of harmless escapism, when an entire genre constantly conspires to market a ludicrous dream of fairytales and shallowness to women.

Posted by: Caspar at July 15, 2009 9:14 AM

I'm not seeing the difference between Lamebook and Facebook.

Posted by: DeadBessie at July 15, 2009 10:08 AM