free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 07/14/08 | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

brangemas.jpg

Pajiba Love

Merry Brangemas! Because God’s sperm wasn’t man enough to make two saviors, it’s a good thing we have Brad Pitt. (WIMB)

Congratulations to Parissa for her participation in the San Diego Blood Bank’s Naked Juice 5K this weekend — many thanks to the generous Pajibans who contributed! (GWCH)

Wait a sec — I’m confused. So did the Green Party nominate Vanessa Huxtable as their presidential candidate? (QuizLaw)

“The Secret Language of Cocktails: What Your Drink Says About You.” But what if you only drink cheap white wine? I need to know how that defines me! (ModernDrunkard)

Miley Cyrus apparently has more racy photos out there, which some scumbag on the internet has taken the liberty of hacking out of her email. (IDLYITW)

Another year, another Miss USA eats it in front of millions of people. (The Blemish)

In a shocking and unprecedented turn of events — it appears that Maria Menounos is going to be filling in for Ortiz for the rest of the season. (Popoholic)

Viva la 1993! Hop aboard the way back machine to remember what was going on in a great year for music. (MusicIsTheMessage)

Yeah … So maybe “satire” isn’t the best way to make a jab at someone if the group of people you’re satirizing don’t have the capacity for such a nuanced concept as “satire” in the first place. (TVFallsInTheWoods)

A little known fact of the Pleistocene megafauna was that there existed a disproportionately large number of animals that had awesome names for metal bands. (AnimalReview)

Finally, I’m getting the hell out of dodge for the rest of the week — to a remote location with no phone or internet connection — so TK will be your Pajiba Lovemaster in my absence. And because I’m a classy broad, I’ll leave you with this clip after the jump. (H/T, QuizLaw!)

Pajiba Love | July 14, 2008 | Comments (21)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.









← Mysteries of Pennsylvania | Ice Pajiba →


Comments

Have a good week off, Stacy. I guess it's alright that you're leaving us with TK.

That is one freaky kangaroo. I saw a teenage boy doing that exact same thing in my gym last week.

Posted by: Brie at July 14, 2008 3:45 PM

I think "Pleistocene Megafauna" is a pretty awesome name in and of itself.

Also, the modern drunkard's list is sorely lacking. I bet Pajibans (and Mr. Socalled especially) could come up with a better one. Mini-div?

Posted by: MG at July 14, 2008 3:47 PM

What a coincidence! Just this morning I was saying to Mr. Kolby, "You know, hon, I really don't have enough TK in my life. I'd appreciate it if Pajiba gave me more TK."

Wish granted.

Posted by: Kolby at July 14, 2008 3:47 PM

Here's a random question: why is everyone upset that the Green Party candidate punched a cop? A black woman hit a cop in the chest and got away with it. That is a great endorsement if you ask me.

Posted by: the_wakeful at July 14, 2008 3:58 PM

Also, the modern drunkard's list is sorely lacking. I bet Pajibans (and Mr. Socalled especially) could come up with a better one. Mini-div?

Not so much a mini-div, MG, but certainly a more comprehensive list. What does it say about me that I order a double scotch, preferably Johnnie Walker Black or Glenlivet, neat? Ted?

Posted by: Nicole at July 14, 2008 4:01 PM

No vodka tonic on that list? Guess I'll have to find a quiz in "Cosmo" that will have to suffice.

And please, that's considered a "fall"? A real fall involves getting knocked into a pyramid display of stewed tomatoes by an ADHD five-year-old with the HARDEST HEAD EVER KNOWN TO MAN, which he used to hit you in your uterus while running away from his not-so-attentive parents. Not that I have any experience whatsoever with that aforementioned situation. Nope, none at all.

Have a good week off Stacy!

Posted by: em at July 14, 2008 4:05 PM

What does it say about me that I order a double scotch, preferably Johnnie Walker Black or Glenlivet, neat?

That when we go out drinking I'll be able to coerce you into either making out with me or buying me a pony?

Posted by: Julie at July 14, 2008 4:08 PM

From that list I'll drink the Long Island Iced Tea, Margarita and (long ago) cheapo-mix Tom Collins. Never seen a wet t-shirt contest but I suppose I do dabble in quiet desperation and, while I'm not afraid to be caught drinking by my parents, I still feel like I'm underage...especially with the way my legs dangle off a barstool. Like if I have a suit on I live in fear that someone will call me "sharp". If I'm ordering a drink while wearing a suit it's just that much worse.

I always think of 1993 as an off year between 92 and 94, personified in a Lollapalooza that was just....okay. There was some good stuff though.

Posted by: Jay at July 14, 2008 4:10 PM

Here's a random question: why is everyone upset that the Green Party candidate punched a cop? A black woman hit a cop in the chest and got away with it. That is a great endorsement if you ask me.

Nothing good will ever come from McKinney. She is batshit insane. The cop-punching, while amusing and awesome in its own right, is merely a symptom of a whole history of crazy.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 14, 2008 4:15 PM

Just want to say that I never order any of those drinks at bars for one simple reason: they are almost all a pain in the ass to make for a busy bartender. I like my bartenders to like me, therefore a simple pint is my first choice of drink.

Posted by: the_wakeful at July 14, 2008 4:17 PM

Nothing good will ever come from McKinney. She is batshit insane. The cop-punching, while amusing and awesome in its own right, is merely a symptom of a whole history of crazy.

Of course she is insane, and I was rooting for a different GP candidate, but I think I will still vote for her anyways. Mostly because I vote in a red state so my vote won't count. Also my voter ID card says "Green" on it, so I feel obligated.

Posted by: the_wakeful at July 14, 2008 4:20 PM

What does it say about me that I order a double scotch, preferably Johnnie Walker Black or Glenlivet, neat? Ted?

I can tell you, but you'll have to sit here next to me, really close, so I can whisper it in your ear.

[pats seat]

It's dirty.

Posted by: ted boynton at July 14, 2008 4:33 PM

Look, is there anyway we can get the achilles cutting Frontiers photo back to replace Sally May Purplepants at the top of the page? I'm finding myself strangely drawn to her, which can only result in one of two things: stabbing my own eyes out, or me and Minimus wind up doing the drunken touchy-feely with her in the dumpster behind the Lowes off of Rural Route 114... where she works. Don't ask me how I know things such as her address, favorite drink, and cell phone number... I have my ways...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at July 14, 2008 4:47 PM

Damn, Em, that sounds like it hurt! I hope you used one of those fallen stewed tomato cans to soften up the little bastard's head for him. And after that I hope you took your violent vengeance out on the parents.

Posted by: Lammergeier13 at July 14, 2008 5:20 PM

From that list I'll drink the Long Island Iced Tea, Margarita and (long ago) cheapo-mix Tom Collins. Never seen a wet t-shirt contest but I suppose I do dabble in quiet desperation and, while I'm not afraid to be caught drinking by my parents, I still feel like I'm underage...

Jay, don't lie. You and I drink the same drinks and I saw you at that contest.

I came in second.

And I am just going to come out and admit that without going to IMDB - which I am too lazy to do because I am not sure how much I care - I don't know who Maria Menounos is or is supposed to be.

Posted by: greer at July 14, 2008 6:31 PM

Whew !!!! That was close, for a minute there I thought Brad and Angelina were going to give their kids bizarro names that scream look at me.

Posted by: Pookie at July 14, 2008 8:31 PM

Pookie,

That was an observation of pure, hilarious genius. And it also shows that you're not as dumb/smart as you'd have us believe otherwise.

Just shows you can engage in the witty, complex banter amongst the rest of most commentors, without seeming like a flat-out lunatic.

I wish I had your license to ill without getting everyone all pissy & whatnot.

However, it is the dreadful heat of summer that has prompted more rage-filled commentary - check your Pajiba history, most everyone is hot,tired & ready to argue even the most innocuous subjects than at any other time of year. Same shit happens at my office, and probably your worplace too, if you've been there long enough to notice the trend.

Veerrrryyyyy long story even longeeerrr: we all rejoiced for the 4th of July weekend - now comes the dreaded July/August drought of holidays that should have been taken care of a long time ago (why can't Labor Day and/or Columbus Day be filling up this long hot spell??) And this, the unbridled anger and release of venomous flames, is a direct reasult of the problems that most summer-lovers have, yet are not allowed to pursue except in tiny increments when they're not having to work or pay bills --

I say GIVE US A FUCKING BREAK AND LET US ALL MAKE THE PREMIERE DATE OF 'THE DARK KNIGHT' A NATION-WIDE HOLIDAY, right up there with Arbor Day, MLK Birthday (really too soon in the year after New Years, don'cha think?) and others I can't think of now. Now dammit, don't you guys think we need that now? Want to organize?

You guys work on some plans and I'll read them in the morning. GO, Team Pajiba!!

Posted by: TMax at July 14, 2008 9:58 PM

Why didn't they include the Indicotherium, the most mega of all the fauna, mammal division anyway. Gotta love the New Yorker for putting up Obama as Osama and his wife as Angela Davis. That is one of the funnier in your face things that the left has come up with. Next week they can put him up as Al Capone with Mayor Daley as Frank Nitti.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at July 14, 2008 10:01 PM

Dearest Kolby:

Bite me.

Yours in Christ,

TK

Posted by: TK at July 15, 2008 8:24 AM

I can't be the only one waiting for the "I hate you!"-"I hate you"-passionate kiss-angry sex moment between TK and Kolby, can I?

Posted by: Shay at July 15, 2008 10:14 AM

I am so late to this party, but seriously, Ted, could you consider a more comprehensive list for us? I NEED THE ANSWER TO MY QUESTION, DAMMIT!

And no, Servo, you get neither tongue nor pony.

Posted by: Nicole at July 15, 2008 9:46 PM



searchthesite.jpg