Pajiba

EFF YES to HARRY POTTER week!!!

Hey! I used to work at the TimesDaily. I have nothing to add and I will see myself out.

Correction: Will Ferrell is never funny.

What is it with people bringing their toddlers to R-rated movies these days? I'm a single mom that rarely gets to actually go OUT to the movies, so I have to be really choosy about what I see. I finally made it to see Public Enemies last night, and this stupid, fucking cunt brings her infant and toddler into the theater with her. The brats cried. The rug-rat tore ass up and down the aisles, telling people (get this) they were being too loud. I had to seriously refrain from rising in the darkness and administering the kind of blistering slap that I saw onscreen.

This happened to me last year during The Dark Night, too. Can I borrow the keys to the Murdertank to kill civilians as well? Pleeeeeease?

Ok - rant over.

Amy Winehouse does not look like an extra from Zombi 3 anymore. Now she looks like an extra from the original Dawn of the Dead. It's an improvement and who knows, pretty soon she might even make it Land of the Dead status.

BTW, the Of the Living Dead series does not exist for the simple fact that they are stupid, redundant films that have been created with little else but a paycheck in mind.

bibliophile, you are hereby given permission to slap the shit out of the mother. This permission is also extended to everybody else who runs into a parent that believes there children own the world.

Thanks, Dustin!

Ok, so how about the people behind you who put their feet up on your seat. I know you're out there. Let me clue you in- the person can feel every little movement you make, and it's more distracting than anything else you can do in a theater.

This and a myriad of other things make me wait until a movie is almost out of theaters before I go see it. Less people, less rude and annoying habits.

Back to porn.

The guy who made that list of magical babes is an idiot. Liv Tyler at #3?? Are you f'ing kidding me? She looks like her face is made of Play-Doh by an artist not all to interested in adding details.

Thanks admin! So where is the Murdertank, anyway?

If Hart even deserves to be on that list, it is at the bottom...

The entire list is rendered void by their #1.

A couple years back I told a woman at the theater that if her child didn't stop wailing during Grindhouse that I was going to take him, throw him on the ground, and stomp on his chest till my boot hit carpet. Seriously who the fuck brings a three year old to Grindhouse.

Now I go to the Cinebarr in Charleston where I can drink beer, eat food, and no fucking kids are allowed in. Now I can watch my movie in piece and not have to be worried about being escorted out by the police because of my slight rage problem.

Can we get a NSFW on that man-boobs pic? Those are straight up tittays.

"A couple years back I told a woman at the theater that if her child didn't stop wailing during Grindhouse that I was going to take him, throw him on the ground, and stomp on his chest till my boot hit carpet."

If you're pissed at the parent, why present some creepily-violent scenario directed at the child who is, at 3, blameless?

I wrote a nasty review of Alamo Drafthouse for their refusal to deal with a loud child. For the record, Alamo clearly states that anyone under 18 must be accompanied by a parent, NO children under 6 are allowed and ANY people with loud children will be given one warning and then given the boot with no refund. There are signs EVERYWHERE and they usually stick to it which is why I go there.
Anyway, we went to see Up! which for that day allowed children 3 and older, but with the same "be fucking quiet" restrictions. A baby and a 1 1/2 year old were let in, they were noisy, and nothing was done until almost the end of the movie when, during a quiet moment, another viewer stood up and said "Please take your baby outside!!"
But, following my review, at least the manager got in touch with me within an hour and sent me passes and food vouchers. So that was nice.

In the dim and distant past, it was part of the cinema usher's job to deal with people who were spoiling the film for others. First the morons would get a whispered warning, then if they persisted, they'd be told to leave.

So why not now? Scared the offender will be armed or violent, I suppose. OK, I'll accept the argument that ushers aren't paid enough to take risks like that. But surely it's up to the cinema to ensure their customers can watch the movie they paid to see in peace. Theatres do it. Try that 'screaming kid' crap at a live performance, see how fast you'll be out in the foyer!
Noise and bad audience behaviour are often cited as nuisances in cinema audience surveys. So why don't cinemas do something about it?

This, from the comments on the Times Daily article, puzzles me:
"You can always count on some fool not showing respect, then if that is not bad enough, there is going to be some busybody quick to point out someone else's failure!"

Wait, what? So people who tell others when they are being douches are busybodies and (it's implied) should just STFU?
Fuck that. I reserve the right to tell off anyone who acts up around me. It's a public service - how else will they know it's not ok to be a fucknozzle?

Brie - Neve Campbell is also not a very good actress.

Ooo hey, I just noticed I made a contribution this week. I nearly missed it because I think of myself more as a Snuggiepants (def: cute adorable creature) than a Deathbringer. I need to embrace both parts of myself.

But that being said: about this movie-going business? A long time ago I was this meek, non-confrontational thing and then I don't know, I turned 30 or something and suddenly I wasn't anymore. Nowdays I'm far more likely to end up in some horrible brawl and making an appearance on Cops (do they still film that?) because I WILL look you right in the eyes and tell you what you are doing wrong and request (nicely the first time) that you STOP IT.

It's like all the years I was annoyed but stuffed it down, all the years I took shit off people when I didn't have to, threaten to come out sometimes. I'm like a female William Foster, all that to say DON'T BRING YOUR GOTDAMNED KIDS TO NON-KIDDY MOVIES MOTHERFUCKERS.

If they would sit there and be quiet, it wouldn't be a big thing. But no three year old is going to sit there through a two hour movie you dipshit. Either cough it up for the fucking babysitter or catch it on DVD. Especially if it's some torture porn flick, that's just inappropriate.

The only time I thought a guy was actually going to be killed was during the one of the Lord of the Rings movies (can't remember which one). It was that super quiet scene where Gollum is whispering to his reflection in the water and he's pretty much explaining a lot of shit and the guy says to his date in this really loud voice "D YOU WANT SOME POPCORN? NO? A COKE? I NEED TO GO GET A DRINK, SO I CAN GET YOU ONE.."

People went fucking BALLISTIC. That's when I found out you do not mess with Hobbit nerds. He was shushed all over the theater with one guy hissing "ASSHOLE" loudly. A woman got up and stomped out and came back with a theater employee. The guy started arguing loudly and the theater employee escorted him and his date out, to applause. And I thought Star Trek fans were hardcore.

I call shenaningans on that "Magic Babes" list. How the hell are you gonna put Buffy on there, but not Willow? She's a freakin' witch! And Alyson Hannigan is gorgeous.

RE movie theater etiquette: I have at least 3 stories that blow that one out of the water.

The guy left in the middle of a quiet scene? Oh no. I hope one day she can move past this and get on with the rest of her life. One day at a time, sister, one day at a time...

" It was that super quiet scene where Gollum is whispering to his reflection in the water and he's pretty much explaining a lot of shit and the guy says to his date in this really loud voice "D YOU WANT SOME POPCORN? NO? A COKE? I NEED TO GO GET A DRINK, SO I CAN GET YOU ONE..""

Ha ha ha ha! I find this hilarious because I find it hilarious that adults would take anything Hobbit-related so seriously.

I nearly missed it because I think of myself more as a Snuggiepants (def: cute adorable creature) than a Deathbringer. I need to embrace both parts of myself.

I can help you with that. *hands Snuggie Death her spare axe*

Also, chicken flavor Pop Tarts? Might be the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. Unless they're like Pot Pie Pop Tarts. Actually, that sounds kind of good, now I think about it...

WHAT?? Anyone who thinks curry puffs belong in "things I don't wanna eat" list has never had a curry puff. I got hungry just reading that post! Gah I LOVE CURRY PUFFS!

That actually made me way more worked up that I should have gotten.

Here is a story that I think I have recounted here before, but it fits again - so here goes.

A few years ago, I went to see the film Big Fish. I was sat in the cinema for 5 or so minutes when a gaggle of tweens came in and sat a couple of rows down from me, crowing on and on about how "OMG!EWANISSOOOOOOHAWT!" - and, for anyone who has seen it, Big Fish is possibly the least SOOOOHAWT film that Ewan tweens could have picked. So, once they realise that it's not a drool-fest, the little morons start getting distracted by their phones and texting each other (ringers on, of course) much to the annoyance of everyone else in the theater (30 or so people), which elicits calls of "shut up" from the rest of us. This worked for about 5 minutes, and then the whole thing started again. This went on 4 or 5 more times before I had well and truly had enough, so I walked down to the nearest one and grabbed her phone, intending to throw it in the bin. Upon seeing that it was a cheap model that was being given away with a local breakfast cereal at the time, I dropped it on the group and stomped on it, busting it. Needless to say, the girls shut up, and I got a bit of applause.

Michael Mann's Heat was playing in Paris a couple of days ago. At some point, two guys started fighting, one was standing and punching the guy behind him. Supposedly the latter had kicked the other's chair. The police got involved. They escorted the guy out. It was annoying every time a new loud event was occurring, but for everyone I think (except maybe the people seating right next to the two pugilists) it didn't ruined the movie. The reason (according to me) Heat is so damn compelling.

When it's bad or not that good, you're easily distracted. Like one time during Gangs Of New York, there was a bunch of military men probably happy to be in the city, having poorly chosen to go to a theater instead of a bar, they couldn't stop talking or commenting. It was so fucking irritating (I wanted to tear their throats off and set their corpses on fire) but if the movie have been better, I may even not have noticed them that much.

I despise talkers during a movie. Granted, I'm picky; if I bring friends, they know better than to ask me a question during the film, because I will completely ignore them. I like to be immersed in the experience. No food, drinks, or distractions of any kind. I feel nothing but contempt for those asshats whose attention spans are so short and their brains so empty and their need for validation so great (YES! I am IMPORTANT! I have gotten TWO TEXTS in the last half hour!) that they must, MUST check their messages during the film.

I think I've posted this before...but when I saw the first Lord of the Rings movie, the theater was packed and a tiny older lady sat next to me. At first I was relieved because I figured she wouldn't be using her cell or talking much. But as the movie went on it became apparent that this lady was really into it. I mean, really into it. She must have taken classes on how to lose yourself in a film.

There's that scene when the hobbits are fleeing the Ringwraith and most of them make it to the raft, but Frodo is still hauling ass and screaming at them to go already; well, this lady ran with Frodo. Her little hands were balled up into fists and her tiny feet were pounding the sticky floor and she was gasping for air. It was incredible. It was so goddamn entertaining that I wasn't even mad at her for being kinda obnoxious--until Boromir's death scene.

Boromir is fighting for his life. He gets hailed by an arrow. Everything goes slow-mo. The hobbits are devastated. Yet he keeps fighting heroically. The theater is utterly silent. And then from the lady next to me: "OH, GOSH DARNIT!" Another arrow hits him. "OH WHAT A SHAME!" Another arrow and he drops to his knees. "OH, THAT'S TOO BAD!" She was totally sincere, but man, did her timing suck. Ruined a perfectly good scene. As one the theater turned and gave her the evil eye. I don't know how she didn't combust on the spot.