Lindsay Lohan was supposedly offered Heather Graham’s role in The Hangover but turned it down because she didn’t like she script and thought it had “no potential.” Oh Ziggy, will you ever win? (Webster’s)
Did anyone else know that Salvador Dali and Walt Disney collaborated in 1946? Well, they really did. (Film Drunk)
If anyone else has had with the Mourn-O-Rama this week, here’s a little trip into Neverland Ranch, so we can remember the guy for who he really was. (Yeeeah!)
And while no one ever talks about this, it was really kind of a dick move for Michael Jackson to snatch up the copyrights to all those Beatles songs. (Burning Violin)
Here are six films made by women working in what are typically male genres. You know, like how Kathryn Bigelow did The Hurt Locker and Point Break. (PW)
I don’t remember if anyone remembers the super viral video for “I’m Not Here to Make Friends” last year, but since people are still on reality shows and they still don’t want to make friends, here’s the 2009 edition. (FourFour)
Here’s a list of supposedly five perfect movies. What do you guys think? I notice one of Dustin’s favorites is on here. (CHUD)
Not to give this fat sack of shit an extra iota of spotlight than he deserves, but Perez Hilton says he almost called Will.i.am the “n-word” but decided the “f-word” was worse. OK, can we all collectively, as a nation, ignore him from now on? (Agent Bedhead)
There’s early buzz that the Facebook movie might not be a total piece of crap. Huh. Ain’t that some shit right there? (Screen Rant)
Here are the top ten movie grandmothers. Holy crap, I had no idea that Napoleon Dynamite’s grandmother was Mac’s mom from “It’s Always Sunny.” (Spout)
What would happen if Andy Rooney did a review of Bruno? (Screen Junkies)
I was just in NYC last week and was reminded how difficult the are sidewalks are to navigate — so here are some unofficial rules everyone should follow. (YBNBY)
Rachel Weisz thinks botox should be banned for actors like steroids are for athletes. Does anyone else think this is a fantastic idea? (Celebitchy)
Thanks to Julie, here are the 15 creepiest advertisements of all time. The baby in a tragic bath accident is my favorite. (Retro Comedy)
Here is a creepy/funny clip of babies roller skating for Evian water. My father actually sent me this, and I’m proud of him because it’s the first video he’s ever sent me that wasn’t in .wmv format. Go, Dad!
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Seriously? They offered Sleazy Lohan the role in The Hangover? If it's true and not one of her cocaine and self tanner induced delusions I just lot 90% of the respect I had for the filmmakers.
Anyone who offers Lohan anything that isn't a lethal kick to the back of her skull is an idiot, worthy of derision. I fucking GUARANTEE the flick would have FLOPPED on account of her presence.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 8, 2009 1:08 PM
AND please do NOT start harping on the "she was/is so talented" bullshit.
The greasy skank has just ONE good movie and she was a like 11 years old. (And, NO, playing yourself on a Tina Fey vehicle don't count)
HA. Starship Troopers IS perfect. There's something so BRILLIANT about the levels of stupidity it reaches. Though I hate that I like a movie starring Denise Richards so much. But...oh it's just the King of stupid movies.
Oh I love that list. Groundhog Day and Grease are the sorts of movies that I will watch every single time they're on, and I will love them every single time.
Good GODTOPUS at those old ads. I can almost see Don Draper cringing in horror as he looks at them, before he formulates another genius idea to make everyone else look bad.
Mmm. Don Draper.
***
And I'm with BSlim. Lohan never had talent. Mean Girls was all about the Plastics. She was just decoration.
Hear that, ladies? We like "appealing daintiness." So scrub the rank funk from your fetid cum dumps with caustic cleansers or no man will ever love you.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 8, 2009 1:27 PM
No Chinatown on that perfect movie list? Schindler's List? Ok, the "I could have saved one more," bit was over the top, but seriously, it is a perfect film.
Posted by: Duane at July 8, 2009 1:34 PM
Hear that, ladies? We like "appealing daintiness." So scrub the rank funk from your fetid cum dumps with caustic cleansers or no man will ever love you.
And don't forget to store-test the damn coffee. I can't be wasting my day spanking you all the goddman time.
Hey, another use for the Ass-Swiffer! Or would you have to rename it the cooch cleanser?
Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 8, 2009 1:38 PM
Oh how I love the movie Grease. I used to own it on VHS up until a couple of months ago when by putz of a husband apparently threw it out when packing for a move. Which really pisses me off since I've been jonesin' to see it pretty bad lately. Most people I know have absolutely no idea how filthy the song Greased Lightning is (tee hee).
Posted by: elsie at July 8, 2009 1:42 PM
I can't be wasting my day spanking you all the goddman time.
I'm with BSlim - she was pretty friggin' good in the remake (barf) of The Parent Trap, but other than that, what the hell has she done? Seriously? Mean Girls was okay, but it sure as fuck wasn't successful due to Lohan's acting abilities... So how the fuck is it every time she's in the "news" she's in fucking London or Hawaii or on a fucking yacht or driving a fucking car that cost more than my goddam house? What the hell has she done? An Album? Bullshit. Cameos? Bullshit. I wanna know where the dough's coming from. Where?! ANSWER ME GODDAM YOU! NOW!
LOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAAAN!
Posted by: Skitz at July 8, 2009 1:46 PM
Don't get me wrong. I'd still have wild monkey sex with her...
Posted by: Skitz at July 8, 2009 1:48 PM
Kinda shocked at the Grease love around here.
Actually, really shocked. What happened to my beloved Paheeba?
Starship Troopers, however, truly is a perfect satire.
OMG, there's this ridiculously creepy comercial out now for some diaper company (I think) where some woman is singing "Happy Birthday" as babies are just going by on the screen. And then at the end, it turns out the whole thing is to raise money and awareness for SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). FUCK that's creepy!
And that list of movies is instantly bullshit because Grease is a terrible fucking movie.
No list of creepy advertisements is complete with out those Welch's juice commercials from the 90s. That little blond girl, with the big eyes and the eager smile? Take a closer look at her teeth next time. They're all nubby and worn down, from too much gnawing on human flesh.
I'm serious, she fucking creeps my shit.
Posted by: Smokin at July 8, 2009 1:54 PM
Kinda shocked at the Grease love around here.
Are we gonna go through this shit again with you fools? I remember there were several of you.
I've only seen "Groundhog Day" once and had no need to see it again. It was okay.
I remember convincing my mom to buy me the 60th anniversary collector's edition VHS of King Kong for Christmas. If you pressed his chest, the box roared! It was so cool, and I loved that movie to death. I think I wore out the tape, actually.
Also, Michael Ironside is totally the bee's knees. I get giddy whenever I see him, because he was so very excellent as Rasczek.
"Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst."
How did they get a picture of Charles Whitman's family celebrating Christmas?
Posted by: Kballs at July 8, 2009 2:08 PM
No Steven Lloyd Wilson, it wasn't a dick for Michael Jackson to buy the copyrights to all those Beatles songs. But it was a dick move for the Beatles not to have enough sense to protect their own product. I have no sympathy for the Beatles, just like no one gave a fuck that black artist got ripped off during the fifties and sixties and beyond by the music industry. You speak as though MJ broke the law or something, he didn’t. The Beatles shit was for sale so MJ bought it. Where is your outrage for the motherfuckers that sold the Beatles songs in the first place? Please explain to me how is it ok for the sellers to sell, but it isn't ok of the buyers to buy? Sir, you are so fucking transparent.
Posted by: Guess Who! at July 8, 2009 2:08 PM
Unrelated: I don't know how much the f$%kers @ starmaxino.com paid the Pajiba universe for the Pam Anderson ad on the left, but I will pay you triple just to take it down. If I have to rob one of those Salvation Army kettles just to get the funds, I'll do it. I swear.
I'm tired of having her nasty, overinflated tit stare me down every time I try to read an article. The last two weeks have been pure HELL - it's like Chris' sentient pimple from "The Family Guy" has reincarnated itself through her veiny siliconated teet and is trying to spew Hep C into my peripheral vision.
I will pray to Godtopus for her removal. Until then, I will lurk amongst the other snarky sites on the internets. GOOD DAY, SIR!
Posted by: BigRed 34 at July 8, 2009 2:09 PM
The Fry's Chocolate pictures remind me of those anti-dipping posters that used to be posted all over my Health teachers' rooms in middle school. Remember the one that had the good looking guy on the left, then a picture of him missing half his face because of mouth cancer on the right?
Anyway, that kid's gonna lose a jaw if he keeps eating that shit.
Posted by: Kballs at July 8, 2009 2:12 PM
As for the Dali / Disney collaboration, did anyone else get a visual of Sparkle Dali Pattison's future while watching that cartoon?
As for the old ads, the self-mutilating suicide pig is alive and well in Orlando, Florida. There is a Bar-b-que restaurant here called BubbaLou's Bodacious Bar-b-que, and the logo is 3 pigs wearing sunglasses while dancing on a pit of flaming coals.
Posted by: BWeaves at July 8, 2009 2:14 PM
Snath, I've loved that movie since day one. Sure, it might be just a little tacky, but for whatever reason I've always been infatuated with Dina Meyer. Oh, right, I know the reason, she's a redhead, and I love the Gingers. And she was topless and fucking in Starship Troopers, what more could a guy like me ask for?
Ladies of Pajiba, if any of you need a little more infatuation, just let me know you're a red head, and I'll Pajiba stock you as long as you like. Hell, just tell me you're a red head, doesn't really matter if you are or not.
Posted by: Xtreme at July 8, 2009 2:17 PM
Skitz, I believe that Miss Lohan is rapidly going broke and/or deeply into debt. The lifestyle can't be sustained on that body of work and nonexistent job prospects (which is why her agent was hustling her out for a bit part in the Hangover).
You could live it up in exotic locals and fancy nightclubs too, for a few wild weeks or months... Just be ready to default on all your consumer debt when the eventual reckoning comes.
Lohan has a spectacular fall into bankruptcy and probably a Stephanie Tanner-style meth addiction into obscurity in her future.
Posted by: Yossarian at July 8, 2009 2:18 PM
Sadly, The Beatles never owned their music. They were making so much money early on that they couldn't be bothered reading the fine print on their record contract. Dumb, dumb, dumb! Can one even imagine how much these guys would have been worth in their lifetime with the rights. Hell, McCartney doesn't own any Beatles songs and he's a friggin' billionaire.
And to be fair, MJ only owned 50% of the catalogue. Sony owns the other half.
Posted by: Duane at July 8, 2009 2:21 PM
Ladies of Pajiba, if any of you need a little more infatuation, just let me know you're a red head, and I'll Pajiba stalk you as long as you like. Hell, just tell me you're a red head, doesn't really matter if you are or not.
Oops.
Posted by: Xtreme at July 8, 2009 2:22 PM
Well, the Dali/Disney cartoon made me feel really high. This usually happens when I watch Disney stuff. Or Teletubbies.
So, when exactly did they realize Lysol does a better job cleaning your linoleum than your cootie cat?
Posted by: Kolby at July 8, 2009 2:25 PM
Okay, so I'm making my way through Pajiba lurve, looking at the retro ads.
Have we all seen the fucking Lysol douche? Really?
That shit is skeeving me OUT!
Maybe even more so than the tween sex symbol for Love's Baby Soft.
"You could live it up in exotic locals and fancy nightclubs too, for a few wild weeks or months..."
What?! Seriously? What the hell am I still doing here? I know you said something about "reckoning" and "meth" or something similar, but... I gotta go pack my bags!
Posted by: Skitz at July 8, 2009 2:34 PM
Strictly speaking, does Lysol do a better job on the linoleum, Kolby? Sure, the best outcome from hosing down your ladyflower with Lysol is a trip to the hospital with severe poisoning and worst case is death from toxic shock, but at least your mother can look at your casket secure in the knowledge that your chooch was as clean and springtime fresh as her kitchen floor.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 8, 2009 2:34 PM
all the goddman time.
---
Goddman? I'm using that. Like: Godd-MANit, Lindsey, how many times I gotta tell you, get your ass out there and get a job.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 8, 2009 2:34 PM
So, when exactly did they realize Lysol does a better job cleaning your linoleum than your cootie cat?
Well, the way my grandma tells it, her and the milkman were doing a little "scrubbing" on the floor when they realized that they were leaving it sparkly clean and lemon-fresh.
12. Chubby
Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby.
---
They weren't talking about the GIRL, numbnuts.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 8, 2009 2:40 PM
And for anyone who badmouths Starship Troopers, need I remind you that it also features Neil Patrick Harris?
You know, supposedly he was playing a psychic. but I think it was just his unadulterated awesome.
Goddman? I'm using that. Like: Godd-MANit, Lindsey, how many times I gotta tell you, get your ass out there and get a job.
Indeed. Goddmanit: for when you are in too much of a rush to curse correctly.
I'm with BSlim - she was pretty friggin' good in the remake (barf) of The Parent Trap, but other than that, what the hell has she done? Seriously? Mean Girls was okay, but it sure as fuck wasn't successful due to Lohan's acting abilities... So how the fuck is it every time she's in the "news" she's in fucking London or Hawaii or on a fucking yacht or driving a fucking car that cost more than my goddam house? What the hell has she done? An Album? Bullshit. Cameos? Bullshit. I wanna know where the dough's coming from. Where?! ANSWER ME GODDAM YOU! NOW!
Easy, Lohan's been a drug mule for the Mexican cartel for years now. She has an uncanny ability to shove large condoms of cocaine up her ass. She earns 1 million a year just by doing this.
Posted by: George at July 8, 2009 2:42 PM
Didn't he bequeath the half that he didn't sell to Paul McCartney? It was a real scuzzy move, and if you have a confidante you'll reveal things to that person in the strictest of confidence.
I'm not excusing what Jackson did by any stretch, (bad friend), but you would think that McCartney would have had better business sense than that--especially when there are other people's livelihoods involved. It was the mid-'80s by then, wouldn't he have learned about financial discretion after so many years of bathing in cash?
I love some people very dearly: they're not getting my SIN number. Cynical? Yes. I'd rather be cynical than swindled. There's no shame in being taciturn when it comes to your financial life. And I'm not talking about ethics or avarice the law or anything like that. If your practices aren't of the ilk that would make the community frown and furrow, then end of story. And it's a remarkably easy thing to pull off.
I know it sounds like I'm blaming the victim, or letting some petty bias cloud my judgement, my sympathies are with McCartney.
But here's the science: Jackson was a dirtbag slag for what he did, but let's call a spade a spade and admit that McCartney made a ferociously fuck-witted mistake by blabbing.
I mean, George Harrison should be mad, for example. If some naif in my erstwhile band made it so I had to pay for my own music, I would murder that guy to death. To death and beyond, through the galaxies and over the Hanging Tarpits of Trenton.
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 8, 2009 2:42 PM
Godd-MANit, all this blow don't pay for itself, baby. ... What? You turned down WHAT?????
No, it is NOT always illegal to KILL a woman.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 8, 2009 2:43 PM
Don't mock Grease. Seriously. I mean it.
Posted by: MM at July 8, 2009 2:48 PM
Michael Jackson's house agitates my OCD. If I show up with a mop, some gloves and a can-do attitude, think they will let me in?
BigRed34, I am much more concerned about the third arm that appears to be descending from her vagina. Which makes me wonder just how cavernous that hole must be!
Posted by: Quorren at July 8, 2009 2:50 PM
Original Lysol is neither spring time nor lemon-y fresh. It's got a seriously chemical-ly smell (the sort of smell negatively associated with hospitals) and its color is reminiscent of iodine. So, Tracer and Snath that should help give you a more accurate description for your stories.
Avb - I would say that girl in the Love's Baby Soft ad is more like 5 or 6 than even a tweener. Which makes the whole thing that much more disturbing.
And as soon as I saw the list of cool movie grandma's, I was hoping that the grandma in that movie I saw on TV a million years ago would be listed, and she was, and now I know the name of the movie: The Electric Grandmother.
Learn something new everyday, I tell ya.
Posted by: tamatha at July 8, 2009 2:52 PM
Son of a bitch!!! I just had The Hangover spoiled for me by that Webster's link!! Damn it!!
I'm seriously going to pout now. I'm too poor to see every movie as it comes out, and now I've been spoiled. :( I try so hard to avoid spoilers!
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 8, 2009 2:57 PM
Grease sucks major ass.
Yeah, I said it. I hate that fucking movie and eveything with it: the goofy ass songs, the dancing, the hairstyles, but most of all, I hate the fact that in order for the lead characters to be happy, they have to literally change who they are. One becomes a chain smoking leather skank, the other a letterman jacket-wearing pussy.
Sorry, that rage has been building up for a while.
Posted by: Brie at July 8, 2009 3:01 PM
Grease is idiotic. The acting is bad, the songs are worse. And the genreal moral of the film is "Girls have to be slutty and shallow or guys won't like them." Where's the feminist outrage? I hate everything about that movie. It's shit like that that perpetuates the idea that musicals can't be serious or intelligent or well-written or not completely cheesy (the Broadway revival of Sweeney Todd totally disproves that). Seriously. I think it's one of my least favorite movies of all time, right down there with Transformers and Joe Dirt and House of the Dead.
I still don’t understand the hatred for MJ for buying the Beatles music catalogue. Was the catalogue for sale or not? And now some of you are trying to hold a telethon for poor misunderstood Sir Paul. If I’m not mistaken didn’t that bitch with the one leg almost take all his money? You the motherfuckin’ Beatles, a hoe see you walkin’ down the street you guaranteed pussy on the spot, and some bitch with one leg come hoping up to you and she takes you for all you got, motherfucker please!, you deserve to lose all your shit. Now personally a bitch with one leg can’t even get the time of day from me, the only way a bitch with one leg get something from me is if she’s got two pussies to go with that one leg, then and only then does the bitch have a chance.
Posted by: Guess Who! at July 8, 2009 3:07 PM
Now that I've had my tantrum, those creepy ads are amazing. #8 for example - why would I want to buy chocolate based on pictures of what I'd assume is a constipated child?
Grease and Groundhog Day are two favorites of mine, but I've never seen the other three movies.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 8, 2009 3:09 PM
BWeaves, my godparents own BubbaLou's! And I could not care less what's on the logo. That is some amazing bbq.
Guess Who!: I wasn't really arguing that the purchase wasn't a sound financial decision by Michael Jackson, but rather that it demonstrated how utterly broken the concept of copyright is in this country. As in, when you illegally download a Beatles song, naturally you are a soulless beast stealing money from ... Michael Jackson's adopted children. That kind of logic is how you end up with a generation of people who simply don't believe downloading music without paying for it is wrong.
Maybe even more so than the tween sex symbol for Love's Baby Soft.
Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon_ at July 8, 2009 2:33 PM Avb - I would say that girl in the Love's Baby Soft ad is more like 5 or 6 than even a tweener. Which makes the whole thing that much more disturbing.
Posted by: tamatha at July 8, 2009 2:52 PM
Tamatha, I was about to tell Formerly Sharon that I thought she was more like 7. Yeaughgh. I'm still shuddering about it.
Basically, the problem with Jackson's Beatles purchase stemmed from three things.
1)The label was fucking greedy.
2)He and McCartney were good friends, and McCartney told MJ about the sale and that he was scrambling to get enough money together in time. Basically, Jackson stabbed McCartney in the back hardcore, and now neither of the living Beatles own their own music.
3) Jackson allowed Beatles songs to be used in commercials in the '80s, which is a super dick move indeed.
I saw Grease in the theater, when it came out. I loathed it then and my opinion has not changed. So much stupid in one place. So many bad, wrong messages. So much crappy singing of rotten, rotten songs.
ChristianH is right. McCartney confided in MJ and then MJ went and bought up his work without saying a word to his supposed "friend." (I don't think it was possible for that man to understand friendship, since his upbringing was so completely fucked up.) Then he put that music catalog out on the street and pimped it to the highest bidder. There is no defending that.
To paraphrase the immortal words, "This is real motherfuckin' life. Paul McCartney, protect ya' goddamn neck." To put it another way, friends is friends. Bidness is bidness.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 8, 2009 3:49 PM
What you’re saying Christian is that because Micheal beat McCartney to the punch then it is a super dick move? I’m sure at some of the leading schools of business here in America Jackson’s move is probably lauded for its shrewdness. If the Beatles were so goddamn concerned about their catalogue they should have done everything in their power to keep it off the market. I think Brother Mouzone said it best when he said “ the game is the game.”
Posted by: Guess Who! at July 8, 2009 4:04 PM
Jerce, of course Mike put that shit out on the street and pimped it, that’s what pimps do, they pimp shit. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Posted by: Guess Who! at July 8, 2009 4:11 PM
Jay I'm glad we finally agree on something again. These 'Grease' haters clearly hate joy.
Trouble: My best friend and darling hubby both love BubbaLou's Bodacious Bar-B-Que. I'm a vegetarian and I've never been in one, but I do admit that I like the logo.
Anytime you show the food animal dancing while simultaneously slaughtering itself, is OK by me. I'm kinda in love with Peter Davison as "the dish of the day" in "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" TV version stating, "I'll just nip off and kill myself."
Posted by: BWeaves at July 8, 2009 5:35 PM
Exactly, myysharona.
Awww, remember when it was socially acceptable to beat your wife and sexualize children?
Ladies of Pajiba, if any of you need a little more infatuation, just let me know you're a red head, and I'll Pajiba stalk you as long as you like. Hell, just tell me you're a red head, doesn't really matter if you are or not.
Oops.
Posted by: Xtreme at July 8, 2009 2:22 PM
----------------------------------------------
No, no, stock can work too. There are shelves full of hot women around here. Redheads are aisle 4.
Posted by: Lauren at July 8, 2009 6:15 PM
In response to everything posted, at least it's not THE WEDDING TROUGH? Because if it were, that would be a big problem. Zeno, how could you do that to Belgium? Remeber our lazy days in Essen?
Let's try it:
SCENARIO: I don't like GREASE, either.
REACTION: Scandalized indignation.
RESPONSE: At least it's not THE WEDDING TROUGH.
Also, I'm pretty sure Ponce McCartney stayed with Lee Press On Pressboard for as long as possible.He needed to have a weapon if the seal hunters got too close. Or maybe an impromptu round of softball ever happened.
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 8, 2009 6:28 PM
It's good to see many of you hate Grease as much as I do. God damn I hate that movie.
Posted by: George at July 8, 2009 7:30 PM
I don't understand Grease love either. It's just High School Musical with worse hair and no Disney gloss.
May be a bit late to the party but I thought the story about the Beatles catalogue was that an Australian guy had the rights and put them up for auction during a charity telethon to raise money for fuck knows what now. The aussie said that he would sell them to whoever rocked up to the telethon. Yoko and Paul Mac were bidding as well as Michael but he was the only one to accept the invitation to appear. So fuck Paul and Yoko for being too good to come to Oz and be on our TV. FOR CHARITY PEOPLE.
Posted by: Seraf at July 8, 2009 10:30 PM
I don't understand Grease love either. It's just High School Musical with worse hair and no Disney gloss.
I have never hit a man, Steven, but I'm not afraid to start! ;)
Yes! People who hate GREASE and Lindsay Lohan! This thread rocks.
How bad is it when you're barely legal, you turn down a role and the second choice is somebody at least 15 years older than you? Coke is one hell of a drug.
Seriously? They offered Sleazy Lohan the role in The Hangover? If it's true and not one of her cocaine and self tanner induced delusions I just lot 90% of the respect I had for the filmmakers.
Anyone who offers Lohan anything that isn't a lethal kick to the back of her skull is an idiot, worthy of derision. I fucking GUARANTEE the flick would have FLOPPED on account of her presence.