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Well, There Goes the Colombian Economy

By | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (54)

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As you’ve probably heard by now, Lindsay Lohan is headed to the Hoosegow. The Clink. The Big House. You get the idea. On one hand, I feel kinda bad for her, but on the other, the girl has snorted so much coke her nose legally counts as a district of Colombia. (popbytes)

Yup, even with a bald head and the least flattering goatee in the existence of ever, Dwayne Johnson is pants-meltingly hot. (Agent Bedhead)

So apparently there’s a stereotype out there that Conservative women are hot and Liberal women are fugs. There are some pretty solid cases on both sides, but puh-leeeeeease. I wouldn’t even fuck Ann Coulter with my fatass ex-boyfriend’s dick. (Zelda Lily)

Because there will NEVER be enough Nicolas Cage links on here, here’s a timeline of his hairline. Weeeeeeee! (Unreality)

I think we can all agree that if you’re going to make a list of the 10 Movies Hipsters Need to Get Over, then (A) learn which movies hipsters actually watch, and (B) learn how to count to ten. (Flavorwire)

Here’s a list of the 9 Most Statistically Terrifying Days of the Year. Personally, I’m of the mind that each day brings with it a shiny new opportunity to die horribly, but that’s just me. (Cracked)

I know some of you guys read this site religiously, and quite frankly I love it too, so here’s a tale of a girl and her clinically retarded dog. (Hyperbole and a Half)

Ho. Lee. Shit. Here’s a Pokemon singing Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance YEARS before it came out. When you see it, you’ll shit bricks. (Halolz)

Ever wanted to know what Sex and the City 2 would have been like if it were five minutes long and incredily honest? Well now you can! There, I just saved you $20, 2 hours and your will to continue living. (The Editing Room)

You know, I’ve been doing this for over a week and I must admit I haven’t put up nearly as many cute animal videos as I should have. Therefore, here’s a video of a Corgi who likes The Beatles.

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his sorta-NSFW blog here, or email him here.









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Comments

Ha! Dwayne Johnson kinda looks like Kevin Youklis now.

Posted by: tamatha at July 7, 2010 12:14 PM

Gotta say, I clicked over to the conservative/liberal link and was not seeing the attractiveness thing for the pictures of Republican women they put up. 90% of them looked like normal middle-aged women. Maybe conservatives just have lower standards?

Posted by: Royalewithcheese at July 7, 2010 12:17 PM

Heehee...my dog Angus was just like Allie Brosh's mentally challenged creature. He is the STUPIDEST dog I've ever known, and oh it would crack me up to try to get him to do anything. I think it didn't help that he was born from two siblings-he was doomed from the start.

But yeah, he'd roll over on his back whenever you tried to get him to do anything, and if you tried to roll him back around he'd PEE all over the place. He would go TO SLEEP if you put a blanket over his head. He'd bark at the wall. When I used to play fetch with one of the other dogs, he'd RUN after the ball but look utterly confused when he reached it. Then he'd roll over and ask for a bellyrub. That dog is a moron and I miss him so much.

Oh, and that SatC script was fantastic. Perfectly pointed out that Carrie is a freakin SHREW and the other three are just complete jokes. And they're all fuckwits.

Also this:

HOTEL MANAGER

Welcome to Abi Dhabi! Your rooms are upstairs, you will find they include a complementary small gray kitten. Our country has been getting one in the mail about every week for 32 years.

Had me ROLLING.

Posted by: figgy at July 7, 2010 12:27 PM

hey i do think conservative women are hotter.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 7, 2010 12:33 PM

Holy shit, that hipster movies list is painfully stupid.

Posted by: ChristianH at July 7, 2010 12:44 PM

Dwayne Johnson can rub that homeless man beard all over my ladybits!

Posted by: scorzi at July 7, 2010 12:45 PM

The boys at Churchill Downs might disagree, but any list that defines sun-blasted harpy Ann Coulter as "hot" is immediately invalid.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 7, 2010 12:53 PM

La Lohan is a prison hipster. "I totally told the press how I was a lesbian way before I came here."

Posted by: Caroline at July 7, 2010 12:53 PM

I'd take liberal women any day! Most Conservative women are the blonde haired blue eyed Christians, but think of all the possibilities with the liberals! Blacks, biracial, latinas, asians. Liberals definitely have the hotter women.

Posted by: scorzi at July 7, 2010 12:58 PM

tamatha,

*clears throat*

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Kballs at July 7, 2010 1:02 PM

LAWYERING THE LAW IS A LOT OF WORK!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 7, 2010 1:03 PM

"The clink...the joint...the slammer...the hoosegow!"

Does this mean that LiLo is the new Diana Ross?

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at July 7, 2010 1:08 PM

The Sex and the City 2 script-thingy was amazing.

But I MUST protest the insinuation that Say Anything is only appreciated or loved by hipsters.

Bullshit!

I was in love with that movie way back in 2004.

Posted by: grace b at July 7, 2010 1:21 PM

Some of those "conservative" women photos are extremely flattering (ie, highly Photoshopped; that picture of Peggy Noonan must be 15 years old). And Coulter and Schlussel were never "hot." Regardless of their political philosophy.

Also: Leann Rimes? They are aware that she started boinking whatshisface while he (and she) were married to other people, right? How is adultery a conservative value? Yes, I know that many conservatives fail utterly in the family values department, but I'm not aware that they've officially abandoned marital fidelity as one of their ideals.

Posted by: Slash at July 7, 2010 1:32 PM

The Sex and the City 2 script is pretty awesome. If only the actual movie was that funny, I'd consider watching it. Example:

KIM CATTRALL
If I don’t gargle some balls in the next ten seconds I’m going to shove this wine bottle in my ass.

CYNTHIA NIXON
When a wedding is this gay, Liza Minnelli just materializes, ha ha!

WILLIE GARSON
No, the joke is that critically acclaimed singer and actress Liza Minnelli is going to sing “All the Single Ladies” for four dignity-shredding minutes.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER
Furthermore, I noticed you have brought home dinner. This offends me because I want to eat the same meal, but outside of our home and wearing a new dress that I bought. Also, get your feet off the couch. I don’t even want you sitting on it, let alone relaxing on it.

MR. NOTH
Are you really supposed to be the sympathetic protagonist? The kind of decadence that defines your character may have been tolerable in the late nineties, but we’re in a recession now!

KRISTIN DAVIS
Har har, the central conflict of the film’s climax isn’t really going to be that we might have to fly back in coach, right? Guys? Right?

Comedy gold... and only one horse joke at SJP's expense. I knew they'd' go there, but it's not beaten into the ground like most people do.

Posted by: Slash at July 7, 2010 1:42 PM

It's been almost a full day and no sanctimonious press release from White Oprah condemning the judicial system for unfairly treating her poor misunderstood "young girl" differently from "regular" people?
Wait for it, you know it's coming.

Posted by: Smokey at July 7, 2010 1:44 PM

I don't understand what any of those movies have to do with hipsters? I mean, of course people like them and quote them, a lot of them are good movies!

Posted by: ninetwenteetoo at July 7, 2010 1:51 PM

Ok, the retarded dog link is the bestest bestest ever. Having a dumb dog = often better than having a smart dog.

Posted by: MM at July 7, 2010 2:07 PM

I was in love with that movie way back in 2004.

grace, you just gave me a liver spot. I'm gonna name it after you.

sanctimonious press release from White Oprah

Oh worry NOT, check Dlisted, buddy.

Posted by: Jay at July 7, 2010 2:11 PM

And I thought I was the only person that quoted "Coffee and Cigarettes". The last scene, anyway. "Wet Hot American Summer" is definitely a hipster movie, don't all you deny it. But what amnesia, forgetting 2004 and "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind", "Napoleon Fucking Dynamite" and "Donnie Fucking Darko" (I've seen and enjoyed the first of those, and agreed it really was that good).

Posted by: Jay at July 7, 2010 2:15 PM

My mini-Dachshund once tried to do a flying leap over a 4-ft chain link fence when he was a puppy. Does that mean he's retarded, too? I've never tried the blanket test...Good thing my parents coddled him as a result of their empty nest syndrome, or else he might not have made it this far in life.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at July 7, 2010 3:29 PM

Thank you for posting the Hyperbole and a Half link! Whenever Allie makes a new post it adds a bright spot to my day. Woman is a genius!

Posted by: Lauren at July 7, 2010 4:49 PM

the girl has snorted so much coke her nose legally counts as a district of Colombia.

Because I heard there's a lot of coke in Colombia. Yeah, you're really funny.

Posted by: zito at July 7, 2010 5:02 PM

Yeah, you're really funny.

Hey, that was a good pun, pissypants.

Posted by: Jay at July 7, 2010 5:27 PM

From the lack of commentary on Lindsey's sentencing, fulfilling the wish of 99.999% of the people who frequent this site, I'm guessing the majority of you are finally realizing what complete, no-life ass-hats you've been displaying yourself as to be so fucking worked-up and outraged over a sick, privileged, delusional little girl not being "properly punished" by the law for infractions that most of you have gotten away with numerous times in your own lives because there wasn't a dozen cameras recording your every move.

Your silence speaks volumes for the deep embarrassment you must be experiencing at your own petty vindictiveness towards someone you shouldn't have regarded as much more worthy of your attention than, say, actual important events that are, and will be, affecting our lives in ways more horrible to comprehend than the fact that this snotty little bitch actually got away with being an uncontrollable party freak who was given more quality coke to indulge in than the rest of you losers could afford with a year's pay.

Kind of like the World Cup, where some idiots either rail mercilessly on, or wildly praise a country's team that doesn't give a shit about your support or meat-headed 'bragging rights' over similarly meat-headed players who kick a round ball up and down a grassy field.

I've been desperately trying to find a nearby parade celebrating the momentous 'victory' of all the Lindsey haters who have prayed so long for this final balance of justice, just to experience all that shared smugness that brings us, as a nation, ever closer together.

Irrational, unfathomable, and misplaced hatred has, at long last, been duly rewarded; this victory most assuredly will vanquish the lingering resentment we have for Simpson, and Madoff, and Bush, whose own indiscretions are understandably meager compared to the atrocities this uncontrollable little Hollywood actress has assaulted our senses with for so long now.

I'm sure you'll all sleep much better tonight.

Posted by: Huge LiLo Fan at July 7, 2010 5:35 PM

And so very nice to see my post right under the great, oh-so-cool Jay's comment. He'd be sucking on Lindsey's nose for the coke-laced snot right now if he had half the chance.

Posted by: Huge LiLo Fan at July 7, 2010 5:45 PM

From the lack of commentary on Lindsey's sentencing, fulfilling the wish of 99.999% of the people who frequent this site, I'm guessing the majority of you are finally realizing what complete, no-life ass-hats you've been displaying yourself as to be so fucking worked-up and outraged over a sick, privileged, delusional little girl not being "properly punished" by the law for infractions that most of you have gotten away with numerous times in your own lives because there wasn't a dozen cameras recording your every move.

Your silence speaks volumes for the deep embarrassment you must be experiencing at your own petty vindictiveness towards someone you shouldn't have regarded as much more worthy of your attention than, say, actual important events that are, and will be, affecting our lives in ways more horrible to comprehend than the fact that this snotty little bitch actually got away with being an uncontrollable party freak who was given more quality coke to indulge in than the rest of you losers could afford with a year's pay.

Actually, everyone just stopped giving a shit about Lindsey Lohan about a year or so ago -- right around when she stopped doing anything of merit beyond getting drunk, getting high and getting into a car while drunk/high and chasing people down a freeway.

Honestly, who is still a Lohan fan?

Posted by: Fredo at July 7, 2010 6:03 PM

Okay, fess up, who wrote that? God, that's good satire. That's like Perez Hilton defending himself against Will.i.am by calling him a "faggot." I mean, poetry.

Posted by: ChristianH at July 7, 2010 6:08 PM

Who the fuck is White Oprah?

RE Lohan: I don't hate her, but I don't feel bad for her, either. Well, I feel bad that she got totally screwed in the parent department. Both of her parents are repellent, and seem to always be in competition for Worst Lohan Parent, both of them too stupid to realize that that's not a contest you're supposed to want to win.

Huge LiLo Fan needs to take a fucking chill pill or just go away altogether. Coming to this site and expecting sympathy for a junkie starlet is like going to the RNC website and expecting sympathy for the Obama administration.

Posted by: Slash at July 7, 2010 6:30 PM

"Actually, everyone just stopped giving a shit about Lindsey Lohan about a year or so ago"

Is that right, Fredo? Then I must have just imagined that this bitch's name and photographs have been a regular presence here for I don't want to estimate exactly how long for fear of spontaneous vomiting.

I guess I only dreamt that TMZ devotes ENTIRE DAYS worth of Lindsey news and updates exclusive of anything else on their site; that HuffPost gives her 'amazing exploits' at least as much coverage as Glenn Beck's consistently idiotic diatribes, both as far removed from serious political news as Gallagher's relevance to actual comedy; that LiLo's a staple of 'Entertainment Tonight', 'The Insider', E! Entertainment Network and every raggedy-ass gossip paper in existence.

Granted, this isn't a very good representation, but just who the fuck do you mean by "everyone"???

You wasted time re-typing two very long-winded paragraphs of mine that you could have more easily referred to simply by the time it was posted, only to toss in an already-cliche'd 'pronouncement' that is clearly not entirely thought out, and highlight that ignorance with the word "everyone"???

"Honestly, who is still a Lohan fan?"

Well, maybe we can include Seth in that group, who referenced the popbytes article at the very top, accompanyed by A GODDAMN PICTURE OF LINDSEY LOHAN???

Hell, it'a almost 7pm here & I spent 15 minutes writing this: does anyone else around this little web clique have a more compelling defense?

Posted by: Huge LiLo Fan? Pleez at July 7, 2010 7:03 PM

Yeah, yeah- JEREMY, I know.

Preemptive "fuck you"s for everyone who points it out.

Posted by: Huge again at July 7, 2010 7:08 PM

@Fredo:

I think the Lohan support was a joke, but after getting all of that sand out of my ole weepy velvet cave, my vulva's been filled with World Cup Grass and I don't know what to think. It's not like Jesus walked on peat moss, you know?

There aren't any fans left. Once upon a time she was a kid whose movies I didn't watch, now unemployment in perpetuity is currently doing the job for me.

Don't cry too hard for her, chavs. When overcrowding pushes her out, she'll do the interview circuit pulling out every croc tear *ahem* coke tear her dusty drape body can emit--and make a whole bastard of money for it, too. It's not schaudenfrede, it's what it is. Too bad that muff cancer vehicular murder weapon Vince Neil let the peroxide sneak into his damned brain.


There is compassion and there's enabling. There's caring for a person while hating the behaviour. There can be a 'there but by the grace of God go I' sentiment, or understanding the difficulty of addiction personally, whether first-hand, or through the lives of those in your circle. But I hate pity. Pity is useless and self-indulgent whether given or received. It doesn't change anything and allows destruction to continue while absolving anyone of any power or responsibility to (under the more felicitous of circumstances) work for change. It's a feel-good stationary bore and no one benefits.

Ever been hit by a drunk driver? I have and it's horrible. I'm not responding to her non law-abiding attitudes, and am perplexed by those would-be pilgrims in arms who seem to be championing her right to put us all in danger. Pfft, as if she gives a shit about the likes of them. I'd like to think that the justice system (if only in theory) is designed not with the primary concern of punishing the guilty, but protecting the innocent. That doesn't mean that I have a hateful heart, it just means, that I don't her stealing my car, kidnapping the people in the back and driving over someone's foot. It means that I don't think there is any excuse for theiving tens upon thousands of dollars. Note to Mama Carvel: You are not Jean Valjean, get a hobby. It means that when she is found in possession of cocaine, she shouldn't be allowed to blame it on some random 'black kid', because Shaft knows that'll always, always work.

Hell, what about me? I had the right to not spend my sixteenth birthday in agony in a hospital, I had the right to not have to dramatically change my lifestyle and life plans because some fool thought 'red light' means 'faster'. I had the right to not have to put up with permanent soft tissue and unyielding chronic pain throughout my back, neck and old hobbly knee. But that didn't happen. At least if she recovers, she can hope for something better than 'slightly less day-to-day physical misery', and she can this cockamamie Lovelace biopic out of her head.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 7, 2010 7:19 PM

Granted, this isn't a very good representation, but just who the fuck do you mean by "everyone"???

I mean:

EVERYONE who is interested in quality movies.
EVERYONE who wants anything but a freak sideshow.
EVERYONE who is more interested in Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Carey Mulligan, Anne Kendrick, Ellen Page, Emma Stone and any of a dozen other talented young actresses who aren't throwing their lives away.
EVERYONE who has a life.

You wasted time re-typing two very long-winded paragraphs of mine that you could have more easily referred to simply by the time it was posted, only to toss in an already-cliche'd 'pronouncement' that is clearly not entirely thought out, and highlight that ignorance with the word "everyone"???

Because I like to and I can.

BTW, my ignorance isn't highlighted by one word. It's highlighted by wasting a second of my life responding to a ridiculous and long-winded statement that had no purpose whatsoever.

BTW, I was more wrong about the "year or so ago" than anything else. The last time ANYONE was interested in Lindsay Lohan was back during her Mean Girls days -- that was six years ago.

Posted by: Fredo at July 7, 2010 7:51 PM

@Jo:

I've been hit by a driver. Wasn't drunk, but was reckless. Trust me, it sucks.

Has this girl suffered for having two shitty parents? No doubt. But she's also had opportunities many don't get. It's her choice to piss them (or snort them) away. When the check comes due, it's hers to pay.

Posted by: Fredo at July 7, 2010 7:58 PM

Maybe I'm just in a good place lately, but you are some angry fucking people lately. Jesus Christ. It's Lindsay Lohan people; it ain't the prophet Muhammad.

Posted by: superasente at July 7, 2010 8:41 PM

Ooh I haven't been to The Editing Room in forever. Nice link!

Posted by: Sage at July 7, 2010 8:56 PM

Heh. "Muhammad."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 7, 2010 9:05 PM

There is a lot of hate on this page.

At some point can't you just enjoy a moment without trying to find the ironic counterpoint or how someone was wrong about one tidbit of information?
People make spelling and grammar and logic errors; it's called existing. You cannot be omnipotent. I'm aware that most random information is only a google search away, but let people exist without constantly attempting to shut them down or prove your superiority or googling dexterity.

Breathe and be happy. Put on an album that refuses to grow stale, or listen to the sounds of the world. Even a nihilist can find joy in the pulse of life from time to time.

So often people feel they must justify their stance with a community, as if this could be passed off as a community. Well, perhaps it is, if the idea you commune around is attacking those that attempt to commune at your (digital) side. It's like being a honey covered baby in a sea of hyena.

I've been visiting this site for a few years and laughed a lot, but I rarely post because the statements I make are usually attacked and dissected with such animosity and scrutiny that I've actually been depressed a time or two by the vicious reprimands.

At some point we (because I'm addicted to technology) need to shut off the info-drip and simply exist and be satisfied with that. Otherwise, your existence will amount to nothing beyond frustration, envy, and tension.

That being said, the Sex and the City 2 script was brilliant and wholly accurate.

Posted by: adam at July 7, 2010 10:07 PM

Lohan went the way of the Dodo long ago, before Mean Girls. Hell, Mean Girls was probably what topped her out as an idiot, someone remind me when the wannabe remake of Herbie was? nevermind....don't, didn't see it, because I'd rather keep my Herbie Virginity intact.

That being said, who cares about Lohan? apparently the aptly named Troll: Huge Lilo Fan does. Sadly for you pal, Lohan's career has gone the way of the Dodo as have others. After all, we hear nothing these days of the Wonder Twins, the Cartoon, the Perpetual Kid, and Moody, (Hillary Duff, The Olson Twins, Mulkuly Caulkin, and Hailey Joel Osment. So do us a favor, and go away like they have and stop making a spectacle of yourself like Dakota did and ended up ruining her career by showing up in Twilight.

Thank you.

--Supreme Lord Ninja--

Posted by: LordNinja at July 7, 2010 10:13 PM

"Cool"? Me? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Posted by: Jay at July 7, 2010 10:52 PM

Wow Jay, whose cereal have you pissed in lately?

(Not hating, dude, just WTF-ing at this bizarre hate-fest you seem to be the target of. Did I miss the post where you admitted you were Mel Gibson?)

Posted by: ScienceGeek at July 7, 2010 11:15 PM

Geez, I mean, I know I sometimes encourage baiting for a spot on the EE but that was just too much. Whoever wrote that? that LiLo defense? You stop it! You stop it right now! Trying too hard! I will not fall for it! You're embarrassing yourself!

*throws hands in the air and walks out*

I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS!

Posted by: figgy at July 8, 2010 12:01 AM

ROFLMAYO. HA. That was hilarious and brilliant. I can't even figure it out completely, either. Is someone really defending Lindsey Lohan? Or is that really good satire?

Either way, it's crazy! Who even cares about her anymore? She's been a cracked out mess for years and she's only, what, 24 years old?

Consider her a cautionary tale: no parental limits while growing up + a huge sense of entitlement + money + celebrity = douchey douchebag who gets away with shit until someone gets killed and/or society/laws force them to stop their douchey behavior.

And meanwhile she's convinced the whole world is out to get her and it's so unfair and (eyes heavenward here) SHE DIDN'T EVEN (clasp hands together) DO ANYTHING (one tear falling down right cheek) WRONG!

Brava! Brava! Now, here are your slippers, come along with the nice lady who needs to make sure you didn't sneak anything in with you.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at July 8, 2010 1:21 AM

@Fredo: (I SCREWED UP MY COMMENT, UH-OH! I'M NOT A MEAN OLD COW, I PROMISE)

I just looked back at my comment, and realize that I organized it really badly, giving the impression that I was trying to lecture when instead I was concurring, and for that I apologize. Seeing the way the argument seemed to come out, I've realized that the poor writing on my part made it seem as if I was being kind of hollow-headed and judgemental on this topic. Had I taken the time to do the responsible thing and look again, I would have been able to clarify that the only part that was directed specifically at you was the part at the beginning wherein I assumed that the comments supporting L.L. were not meant to taken seriously. Actually, now I'm not so sure. Anyway, after stating that point, I was just kind of musing on the fact that in the grander scheme, behaviour such as hers goes on everywhere and since it does, anyone occupying immediate space with that behaviour is automatically at risk. Bringing up the driver wasn't a pain competition, just a real life example proving that for the time being, she needs to be off the streets in in a cell. Partially because it's what she needs and more importantly, what we need. As a person who has been touched by the havoc that this causes, I'm simply less inclined to feel bad for her. I don't understand the Lohan apologists one whit, so I can't pretend that I do. So, in actuality, we are in complete agreement with each other, so I do apologize again because I botched my message and made you feel as if I was trying to attack you. I wasn't intending to that and I wouldn't do that, even if we didn't have the same point of view. I'll take greater care to proofread and avoid posting under the influence of Benadryl. That stuff turns your brain into bubble gum.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 8, 2010 1:48 AM

The Editing Room doesn't put out as much stuff as I'd like, but when they do, it's gold. If you haven't done so already, check out their "Avatar", "Sherlock Holmes", and "Star Trek" scripts. Hell, they're all good.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 8, 2010 5:19 AM

ROFLMAYO?

Is that the same sort of thing as ROFLJELLO, or ROFLPUDDING?
Y'know, fun substrates in which to conduct the ROFL...

Posted by: Rykker at July 8, 2010 5:19 AM

I guess I only dreamt that TMZ devotes ENTIRE DAYS worth of Lindsey news and updates exclusive of anything else on their site; that HuffPost gives her 'amazing exploits' at least as much coverage as Glenn Beck's consistently idiotic diatribes, both as far removed from serious political news as Gallagher's relevance to actual comedy; that LiLo's a staple of 'Entertainment Tonight', 'The Insider', E! Entertainment Network and every raggedy-ass gossip paper in existence.

HA! Fantastic. This is amazing. This work needs some kind of trophy. Seriously.

Also, so do I, for re-typing that entire paragraph. And Fredo for re-typing two!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 8, 2010 9:07 AM

Jo, that makes sense.

Do I think she's suffered from mistakes? Yes. Can she turn her life around? I hope so. I don't hate or despise Lindsay Lohan. For me to hate someone, I have to know them and I don't know her.

That said, she's reaping everything she's sown. If it makes me an evil person to point that out, hey...I'm evil.

Posted by: Fredo at July 8, 2010 9:19 AM

@Fredo: (Thanks for being so classy about my gaffe)

Okay, relief. Good to see that everything has been sorted out. In human time, 90 days is not a long time either, Martha Stewart was incarcerated for almost twice that amount of time--she deserved it too.

I have no personal ill will towards her either, but as we have discussed a name is not an excuse or carte blanche. May she rise from the ashes of her crack tweets as I have from the trauma of my Benadryl + Laziness Quagmire. We have all got our bag of hammers that we have to drag around and we have the (dis)advantage of no one caring about it. But to expect that the binds of the carceral system should be loosened for her because of...because of...is bewildering to say the least. If you give away all of your power and agency to others who see fit to conspire against you, as this woman (24 is a woman) constantly claims, if every single moment of your life is just a catalogue of what has been done to you, you are not an adult. I myself had one of those stormy waters childhoods (and not in the fun Sealab 2021 way), not going there, so one that one little point I can empathize. But if you really want to improve your life, you will take the steps. We will see.

See you at the Rehab Regatta with Riparian Entertainments Tour 2010 (not affiliated with the Grandmonsters of Rock Tour at Retirement Castle Donnington)

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 8, 2010 11:33 AM

Well now this one touched a nerve didn't it? As a frequent visitor and sometimes poster, just let me say this. I want my snark, some laughs and kittehs. WELL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE KIDS!

curls up in fetal position
sucks thumb
waits for Predators review to cleanse soul

Posted by: TheBlackMenace at July 8, 2010 4:58 PM

Also, so do I, for re-typing that entire paragraph. And Fredo for re-typing two!

Umm, AvB, not to be a jerk here, but you do know about copy/paste, right? DON'T HIT ME!

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 8, 2010 5:18 PM

I'm about 100% certain AvB was expressing herself with patented Beaversnark Biting Sarcasm up there, Sport.

Posted by: Rykker at July 8, 2010 5:38 PM

Rykker gets me! He really gets me! hee.

UC, it was in response to this: "You wasted time re-typing two very long-winded paragraphs of mine that you could have more easily referred to simply by the time it was posted..." Which, by the way, just adds to the pure genius of "Huge Lilo Fan"'s rant. Magical, seriously.

I won't hit you, though. Y'know, unless you're into that sort of thing...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 9, 2010 9:59 AM

Heehee...my dog Angus was just like Allie Brosh's mentally challenged creature. He is the STUPIDEST dog I've ever known, and oh it would crack me up to try to get him to do anything. I think it didn't help that he was born from two siblings-he was doomed from the start.
But yeah, he'd roll over on his back whenever you tried to get him to do anything, and if you tried to roll him back around he'd PEE all over the place. He would go TO SLEEP if you put a blanket over his head. He'd bark at the wall. When I used to play fetch with one of the other dogs, he'd RUN after the ball but look utterly confused when he reached it. Then he'd roll over and ask for a bellyrub. That dog is a moron and I miss him so much.
Oh, and that SatC script was fantastic. Perfectly pointed out that Carrie is a freakin SHREW and the other three are just complete jokes. And they're all fuckwits.
Also this:
HOTEL MANAGER
Welcome to Abi Dhabi! Your rooms are upstairs, you will find they include a complementary small gray kitten. Our country has been getting one in the mail about every week for 32 years.
Had me ROLLING.

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