Pajiba

Blowjobs are for ugly girls? But... but boys always tell me I look so pretty with their cocks in my mouth!

Blowjobs are for ugly girls? Really? Well fuck you Paris. I don't come and slap the stupid off your face, so don't tell me how to do my job, hookerbot!

I'm going to seriously regret asking this, but Cindy, what the HELL is a doughnut dick?!?

Also, as a beautiful woman who enjoys, and is quite skilled at, blowjobs, this just goes on a looooooooooooong list of reasons Paris is useless.

Wait. Didn't Nasty Whore Hilton (her new name, pass it around!) become famous for giving a blurry blowjob to some loser on her sex tape?

I have zero use for anything that Paris Hilton says or does.

In other news, I usually just roll my eyes at guys in tuxedo tees, but for some reason I think Ryan Gosling is adorable. It made me giggle.

Easy know the chick has never been married. In the Official Marital Bargaining Manual, blow jobs rank #2 on the highest category of spousal leverage tools; as in "if you'll call my mother and ask how her prolapsed uterus surgery went and listen to the whole story as she relates it, I'll give you a blow job"

HAAA! Doughnut dick. Cindy you are gold.

I always knew PH was ugly.

Ryan Gosling's Tuxedo T-shirt was really popular when I was in highschool in the mid 1970's. Unfortunately his shirt is faded and has shrunk about 3 sizes. I love vintage clothing, but sometimes vintage is just crap.

Apparently, I have an ugly sister...

I've got no follow-up to that, nor do I think my sister's ugly. It was just the first thing that popped in to my head, so I typed it. That's why I'm unemployed...

Cindy,
that sounds more like a corndog.

DAMNITALLTOHELL, now I want a corndog!

Not a Doughnut Dick?

oopsy, I double dipped it...

Aw Skitz:

I thought that was one of your best comments in months.

Of course it helps that I picture you, Conrad, Minimus and now your sister (last I heard of her in 2008 you were auctioning her on this site) as the same in-bred family who had strangely deformed siblings living under the bed in the X-Files Appalachian episode. I mean that with the greatest affection in the world.

An ugly girl who gives BJs will probably be a lot better liked than a pretty girl who doesn't. Just sayin'.

I'm cute, and I give head.

It's about damn time they finally got a Senator! It's crazy that it took sooo long!

Cheers, Daddyoh
http://nationalspectator.com

People, please. Obviously they cut off the other half of Ms. Hilton's statement. Surely what she really said was, "Blowjobs are for ugly girls, which is why I have balls on my chin so much that I need a jock strap for my face."

I've thought of like 1000000 ways in which I could preface this, all of which, would probably fail to cover my ass. So, I am creating the FORM DISCLAIMER:

If you are offended by my subsequent comment, I apologize. I merely meant (insert disclaimer here responding to criticism), and not (insert offended interpretation. I love (insert gender/ethnic/hipster group), and i'm not just saying that because i'm apologizing. I have many friends who are (X).

With that said, what is with the sheer sexyness to be had amongst the pajibaettes? I learned from the vanity comment diversion that quite a few pajiba ladies are proud of their bountiful bosoms and amazing asses. Now all the ladies are describing their love for the blowjob? To paraphrase Jay: "amazing writers with enormous racks who will correct my grammar and then go down on me just don't fall from the sky you know!"

I thought we agreed on sweetmeat as the term of choice. Stardust confused now.

Two separate deals. One was naming a male equivalent for sugartits. The Doughnut Dick was an accidental side dish discovered during the process.

I want to play Flickchart! I have to wait three or four days for confirmation?!?

I like it Kolby! Dippi-dick, Dip-a-dick, Dick-dipper, Dip-a-dong Fantastically - something along those lines?

You know what women who don't give blowjobs eventually become? Cheated on. Find me a man getting caught in an unsavory location paying for a blowjob and I'll find you a wife who doesn't give head.

Posted by: Cindy at July 1, 2009 2:08 PM

Cindy, I think I love you.

Count me among the number of talented Pajibettes that enjoy providing her man with a little oral servicing.

^ Disclaimer: it's Canada Day, and meauxmeaux here may be just a little drunk....

HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Pecker Pops? Cold Cocks? Dippin' Dicks, the hard-serve of the future?

A friend of ,daughter, a very very cute friend, just started a job at a West Hartford chocolate shop that specializes in the chocolate covered frozen banana. I can't imagine how many bizarre propositions she's going to have to put up with every day.

Last night I happened to watch the very end of Paris' current TV show. It was the part where she eliminates people from contention to be her BFF. She speaks in internet acronyms on this show, which seemed very cool! "J/K," she says teasingly to the contestants, after pretending to subject them to a particularly difficult trial in the name of becoming said BFF.

She eliminated two contestants in this segment, and she cushioned the rejection by saying that they could be her friends, but they could not be her BFF. She follows this by asking them to leave the show with a very cold and clinical "TTYN."

Wait a second. They can be friends, but Paris will talk to them "never"? What kind of friend is that? Certainly I could dismiss it as the wry wit of a television show while the cameras roll. But those girls were weeping, Paris. That wasn't acting. It couldn't be! They only wanted to be your BFF. So very rude, Paris. And so very disillusioning. The world collapsed around me as the realization hit me that Paris Hilton is not the goddess that she seemed to be.

I adored her sexy, sudsy performance in the hamburger commercial. I worshiped at the altar that inherited wealth and empty celebrity demand in this country. I listened to her pop single "Stars Are Blind" over and over in the summer of 2007. I jumped to the defense of The Hottie And The Nottie, an underrated classic of cinema. Once I caught sight of her in a limo on Sunset Boulevard with the paparazzi in hot pursuit; it was the most magical moment of my life. Isn't Paris enchanting?

But then..."TTYN." Up is down. Black is white. Electrons are protons. The moon is the sun. Paris isn't enchanting.

I guess you'll forgive me, Paris, if I can only conclude that your fellatio assessment might be bollocks as well.

Yes, had I heard your decree that only ugly girls give blowjobs and never heard that terrible, soul-crushing "TTYN," I probably would have been content to turn down blowjobs for the rest of my life. I acknowledge they feel somewhat good, but I just would not be able to let it pass. In all the amorous exchanges of my future as all the future women in my bed made that wonderful affectionate move toward my crotch with those eager, tantalizing lips and the promise of that irresistible suction, I would have stopped them.

"Hey, baby," I would have said. "Didn't you hear? Paris said you're ugly if you do that. I can't let you be ugly."

She might have insisted out of some silly notion to satisfy me, but I would have reminded her of Paris' ultimate wisdom in matters of...well, everything. She would have relented. There would have been one less blowjob in the world. And one less ugly girl. All would have been right with the universe.

But "TTYN"? How do I reconcile this, Paris? I'm so confused.

According to the Urban Dictionary:

donut dick
When in an attempt to insert a semi erect penis into the vaginal tunnel, the penis curls up like a donut.

Taco Cocko! I love it.

OMG Penis Ringtoss.

Hung-like-a-Horseshoes.

I think we have the makings of a great fair/carnival here. Minus bucdaddy's Cool Whipped Dog, of course.

We need a Greatest Hits collection of comments.

EEE! yes! I meant going through past EEs and picking the best of the best !

And it is really hard to be bad at sucking dick.

Well, I won't say "bad", but it wasn't all that for me at all for a very long time. Then one fateful day I found myself thinking "Oh! THIS is different! I really like this!".

There's definitely skill and style-compatibility. "Blow Job" is not congruent to "Amazing Sensations".

luker the barbarian : "amazing writers with enormous racks who will correct my grammar and then go down on me just don't fall from the sky you know!" "

Ha!

Bucdaddy " Dippin' Dicks, the hard-serve of the future?"

Hahahah!
I can so see these being served at an amusement park near you.

They forgot hannibal in silence of the lambs in the fake death list.

A friend of mine also wrote the makers of Ring Pop's to request they make cock ring pops. Apparently for ugly girls.

Way, way back. I can't remember if it was 2006 or early 2007, we had a thread where we (the commenters) posted the comments that were most memorable.

My favourite then is still my favourite today:

There was a thread on musicals and "The Sound of Music" was being discussed. Someone posted that she could never warm to "The Sound of Music" because her parents had named her for a character in the film. Then a few comments down, someone else (I wish I could remember who) posted:
"Edelweiss, is that you?"

I could have sworn there was, figgy. But, I reserve the right to be entirely wrong.

That flow chart is scarily accurate. Though I could have told you that Up was my favorite summer blockbuster free from any actual chart.
And knowing me, I'd bang Ryan Gosling, tuxedo shirt or not. Nothing that man can do could possibly put me off. Well, The Notebook I guess.

Paris might be right. I've seen her video. She is hideously ugly, and clearly enjoys giving head.

Make it stop!

r.i.p. Karl Malden.

Karl Malden R.I.P.

While it is not happy news, the gentleman was 97 years old and had enjoyed what was surely a most satisfying career.

We can honor him by watching him in A Streetcar Named Desire and by not watching him in Baby Doll.

"amazing writers with enormous racks who will correct my grammar and then go down on me just don't fall from the sky you know!"

We didn't fall from the sky. We fell from heaven, and yes, it hurt a bit. (Not that I, personally, am an amazing writer. And when I corrected someone's grammar it was after I had blown him.)

And Stacey, yes, it is wrong that you want Pauly Shore to win.

JakesAlterEgo:

@Kate

Hey. How you doin'? You fuckin'?

There. Fixed it for you.

Hey comma comma comma what about if they have female pattern baldness?

Dippin' Dicks. Now extra creamy. Don't forget to hold the nuts. Never crushed, though.

An ode to the BJ:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I really really like to blow you.

*bows*

Not even PissBoy or dammitjanet could do better.

That's what eyelids are for.

A-HA, so they're NOT all beautiful! You have just been semantic'd!

Had this lady over at my house once, so we’re sitting on the couch listening to music on the radio. And after a few drinks I pull out my man meat and look at her, she ask me why did I take it out, I said to her “I didn’t take it out for air honey.”

Cindy I absolutely love the way you write the word “dick.” I bet you are hell on wheels.

You know it. Creaky wheels.

....or when you're looking at the tops of their heads.

Clearly Paris gives shitty head. Anyone who can give a magnificent (note I said magnificent, not just sufficient) blowjob does not look down their nose at its power or beauty.

It's both an art and a science. And I could write a book on technique. Or at least a long pamphlet. The mister, he has taught me well.

luker We are pretty amazing around these parts, aren't we? Some of us even quote Star Wars during morning anal.

I still need to try a Glazyween. And a Taco Cocko has me absolutely intrigued. Two of my favorite things!

No, I don't seek.

Upside-down, Tracer? I don't know how great that sounds. If I stay in a handstand for too long, I get dizzy.

It’s called multitasking.

Blowjobs are for ugly me.

Red and yellow, black and white
They're all pink on the inside
, loves all of the girlies of the world!
---
And here is where I was going to make a joke about R2D1 and Rogaine, but ... how did that go? oh yeah: I am a bucket o' class, bitches.

As you can see below ...

"Get in there, you furry oaf! I don't care WHAT you smell!"

I only quote SW after sex.

"It's not my fault. They told me they fixed it."

This one time in college, though:

"You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station. Only a precise hit will set off a chain reaction."

Well then I'll be careful.