Amanda Seyfried shines a thousand watts at the premiere of Mamma Mia!. (WIMB)
So you mean to tell me the “open water” rule doesn’t apply to party buses? I’ve got the worst bleepin’ lawyers. (QuizLaw)
Thanks to Megbon: I don’t know if I’m more dumbfounded at the fact that this dude is trying to apply the fictional movie 300 to real life politics, or that the tagline of the website is “Winning the war of ideas… One mind at a time.” There’s no crying in baseball and ideas aren’t a war! (ModernConservative)
Jessica Simpson takes her future in-laws to only the best in fine dining — a place where the salad and breadsticks runneth like a magical spring. (Celebitchy)
Anne Hathaway tipped off the feds on her own boyfriend. See fellas? This is what we mean when we say someday we’ll get revenge for leaving the toilet seat up. (IDLYITW)
Because we all love lists, John Williams is counting down his favorite top 100 albums, five at a time. In the first installment is one of my faves, Belly’s “King.” (ASWOBA)
On the subject of music: our own TK has recruited a few fantastic writers and started a music blog of his own. Check it! (MusicIsTheMessage)
And in more Pajiba staff shameless self-promotion news, Brian Prisco is making his television debut! (GospelAccordingToPrisco)
Shirley Manson is the anti-Sarah Connor. (Agent Bedhead)
Exclusive! Angelina Jolie’s butt-scene from Wanted. Now 80% less chance of being a Rick Roll. (Popoholic)
Happy Canada Day to all of our Canadian friends! A special Pajiba Love Canada Day clip: this is why we love you, after the jump.
Oh, you chicks and the whole toilet seat thing. I grew up with two older sisters, so I learned well to put the lid down, but...still... Haven't you ever heard of LOOKING (y'know, with your eyes), before you sit down? I don't just blindly start pissing the second I walk into a bathroom, so... You think you'd all be able to figure out these logistics by now considering how you talk like men are idiots.
Posted by: Case at July 1, 2008 3:52 PM
Yeah, the whole toilet seat thing is friggin' ridiculous. My rule of thumb is: If I gotta dick around with lifting your seat and making sure no splash back pee droplets wind up outside my pisspool, no sweat. Just know that I will dab off the end of my willy with your robe and/or toothbrush. That's how I roll...
I'm talking to you mom...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at July 1, 2008 4:04 PM
I've come to the realization that this "goverment job" that TK is constantly complaining about and supposedly wearing sweatervests to is just a front. ANOTHER blog? The man obviously doesn't work people! No one with a real job has this much time on their hands! My grandmother works more, and the broad is retired and spends her days thinking about which part of the country she'll jet to next. I'm onto you, TK, you won't take over the internet on my watch, mister.
Posted by: Kolby at July 1, 2008 4:08 PM
NO NO NO!
Listen UP. I am blind as a frigging bat, OK? I'm talking Velma in Scooby Doo blind. And sometimes when I get up in the middle of the night and forget to put my glasses on before stumbling into the bathroom like a sad little mole to plop my ass down on the big white blurry thing, I literally just have to assume the seat is down. And let me tell you, a cold, wet toilet bowl is even less of a pleasant thing to experience when you're half asleep.
At the risk of going all Hillary: it's 3:00 am and you really regret that last big glass of water (or wine... if I'm being honest, it's probably wine) you had before bed. So, you stumble out of bed and grope your way into the bathroom. If you are a male of the species, your eyes are facing the same way as the instrument through which you pee. It is, therefore, easier for you to verify that the seat is in its proper position. Further to this, if the toilet seat is up, the only consequence is that you pee on the seat. The results are rather more dire for women. Suck it up, boys, and put the goddamn toilet seat down when you're done.
Posted by: megbon at July 1, 2008 4:32 PM
Re: Shirley Manson.
YOU. HAVE. GOT. TO. BE. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME.
Not only does she define the word has-been, if you go to youtube and type in has-been in the search box the first 4,000 vids are of her.
Oh wow, some has-been who hasn't made any original music or been seen anywhere in public in over THREE YEARS, but once, nearly 10 years ago, for about 3 minutes was considered "cool/hip/with it" is going to appear on a shitty Fox tv show that no one watches.
Wow, must be a SLOW fucking Tuesday at Pajiba, right guys?
Posted by: Ben at July 1, 2008 4:36 PM
Canadians are awesome. They're just Europeans on the wrong continent. Poor bastards.
I don't get the toilet seat thing and I'm a girl. They need it up, we need it down, unless you have no arms...fucking deal.
Go Anne Hathaway, now there's a smart girl. Hey, you can't let some little twerp take you down. But let me just say jail is gonna be HARD on that guy. Have you seen his chin? Me neither.
Posted by: Joker at July 1, 2008 4:36 PM
Oh, c'mon Ben - you know you'd let her pee on you a little... She's a has been, yes, but she's also a foxy redhead with a filthy mouth and an accent. I'd catch herpes from her...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at July 1, 2008 4:42 PM
Weird, Ben!
We must have different youtubes! I just typed has-been in to the search function and Shirley Manson wasn't even on the first page! Should I call someone? I bet your youtube is better than mine. Jack Johnson was the first one to pop up on mine. That is so strange! I'm not even fucking kidding you! Wow!
Now THAT's big news! Maybe someone should post about how many youtubes there are, because whoa!
Posted by: David at July 1, 2008 4:45 PM
Stacey, are you saying I should be afraid? Pshaw I say - I was on TK's list long before the Murdertank was a wet dream.
Posted by: Kolby at July 1, 2008 4:49 PM
Did someone call my name?
Oh, wet dream.
My bad.
I'll show my moist self out.
Posted by: Moisty McMoisterson at July 1, 2008 4:52 PM
I used to worship the kleenexes Shirley would throw away...and now she's gonna be on Terminator?!?!?! With River?!?!?!?!
Oh....oh shit...UHHH!!!...
...I need to go change my pants...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at July 1, 2008 5:00 PM
Stacey, are you saying I should be afraid? Pshaw I say - I was on TK's list long before the Murdertank was a wet dream.
I think she is trying to say that, as another one of those bastards who blogs all day with seemingly no source of income, she isn't exactly sympathetic to your position.
They all stick together you know. Damn bloggers....
This is addressed to both sides of the argument: shut the FUCK up and invest in a second bathroom.
You will never regret it.
Posted by: Jerce at July 1, 2008 5:24 PM
thanks Pajiba!!!
we love you as well
happy early 4th to you all
Posted by: Canadian Bacon at July 1, 2008 5:27 PM
Skittimus,
Ummm...NO.
I DO NOT DO TOILET SEX.
I DO NOT DO ANAL SEX.
Dirty talk, I'm all over that, but anal and toliet sex, uh, uh, that's just begging for serious trouble, especially now that the majority of gay men are no longer using any sort of protection and thus AIDS cases are once more on the rise.
No, I'm not gay, but I've known more then enough bi dudes in my life to know that they play very fast and loose both when it comes to using protection and when being honest with their partners about SAYING they will use protection.
As for Manson, meh, I just don't see anything to get all (and I can't believe I'm actually going to type this) SQUEEEE!!!!!!
Posted by: Ben at July 1, 2008 5:35 PM
Ben, since the news I report here seems to be such a constant disappointment for you, surely there's a website out there with a round-up that would better suit your needs. Perhaps one with links to articles on the best places to download pornographic anime and DIY tips on how to turn your parents basement into the dungeon lair you've always dreamed of? Go! It's out there Ben, you're just not looking hard enough.
That video is probably a good example of why our military isn't taken seriously, but hell if my eyes didn't well up with pride a little bit.
Posted by: Lannie at July 1, 2008 6:07 PM
Reason Number 1 why men should always put the toilet seat down: Lorena Bobbitt.
Posted by: BWeaves at July 1, 2008 6:07 PM
Wait, what?
How the living fuck did you go from toilet sex to generalizing about gay men? "The majority of gay men are no longer using protection"? I'm glad you know enough bi dudes or else I'd think you're just a fucking idiot.
That is so far over the line on a pop culture message board, I almost have no words.
Nope, I actually have no more words, except that no one asks for AIDS, you ignorant fuck.
Posted by: David at July 1, 2008 6:20 PM
That clip just made my Canada Day.
Posted by: Mary at July 1, 2008 6:27 PM
Statistically, Ben, you're more likely to get AIDS from a toilet seat than a gay man. Because if you ever open your ignorant fucking sewerhole again, I will slam a toilet seat on your neck and drown you in an AIDS ward.
And you should fear me, because one time I slipped when fucking my girlfriend, and I put it up her ass. So according to your logic, I'm a motherfucking Spartan. HO-AHH!
Posted by: hatemail at July 1, 2008 6:32 PM
We're done here.
Posted by: Ben at July 1, 2008 6:46 PM
I'm almost hesitant to comment on something other than toilet seat etiquette - particularly when my first reaction was in defense of Jessica Simpson (I've been to Burlington and Janesville and can tell you it was either Olive Garden or Red Robin. Burlington has a diner, and downtown Janesville is still mopping up floodwater).
Ben makes me miss our spambots...
Posted by: funtime42 at July 1, 2008 7:37 PM
See, this happens to me all the time. I read the Pajiba Love and I want to make a comment. Then I make the mistake of reading the comments that are already posted, causing me to forget what I was going to say because, as usual, you people have run the train completely off the rails.
If someone could show me the six degrees of separation that took us from Anne Hathaway's boyfriend to getting AIDS from a toilet, I would be most grateful.
Anyhoodle, sadly I am already familiar with The Wizards of Waverly Place from the Disney Channel. Not my fault. I have a ten year old daughter. So, Prisco, congrats on the screen time. We will be looking for you. And at least it wasn't Hannah Montana.
Posted by: greer at July 1, 2008 7:41 PM
Answering the fucking retardation of the '300' Article:
From a respected academic, not a moron with a website.
Posted by: Alon at July 1, 2008 8:01 PM
"That video is probably a good example of why our military isn't taken seriously, but hell if my eyes didn't well up with pride a little bit."
I second that, Lannie. Happy Canada Day! I'm off to see the fireworks.
Posted by: Pea at July 1, 2008 8:07 PM
Yeah, what Canadian Bacon said. Cheers, all!
Congrats to Prisco; if my inner child weren't so stunted I'd check out your debut (that and I don't think we even have the Disney channel)...don't suppose there'll be a YouTube link or anything you could point us to after the fact?
Posted by: MO(meaux) at July 1, 2008 8:13 PM
I have a deliriously happy marriage.
We have always had separate bathrooms.
Charlie Watts also says it's the secret to a happy marriage.
That blog post on 300 was teh awsum! Stay tuned for my own blog post, in which I base an argument for banning torture on the events of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (even though it wasn't based on a comic book, it still has, like, a historical basis).
Posted by: Elfrieda at July 1, 2008 8:36 PM
for Joker and in honour of Canada Day...
...an anecdote:
Canadians could have had the best of all worlds: British culture, French cuisine and American technology. however, we managed to screw it up and, in stead ended up having to live with British cuisine, French technology and American culture.
Posted by: causaubon at July 1, 2008 8:59 PM
Oh look. Ben's being an asshole. To everyone. Again. Quelle Surprise. Happy Canada Day, you ignorant fucking shit.
On the subject of the toilet, I live with three brothers and one Dad. Two of them rarely flush and all four rarely put the seat down. I have taken many a dive into the briney deep, so my heart goes out the Pajibettes. I mean really, you lift it up, pee, flush, then put it down. Is that so much to ask?
Posted by: Jeremy at July 1, 2008 10:45 PM
PRETTY SLOW NEWSWEEK, if you guys have to promote two different pajiba bloggers in the same one-liner breath. AWESOME.
Posted by: iguanodonna at July 1, 2008 11:44 PM
Was I the only one waiting for Baldrick to run out at the end of the video and hit his tirangle?
Posted by: Mother6 at July 2, 2008 1:08 AM
Oh, no no, I wasn't ragging on everyone who spends their day blogging. Just TK.
Posted by: Kolby at July 2, 2008 8:53 AM
Well, there's a fuckin' shocker.
Fine. See if I ever recommend anything to you ever.
[stomps off in a huff]
Besides, Kolby's just jealous because she can't keep a blog running for more than like a week. And don't give me that "wah, I'm preggo" crap. GET TO WORK, MISSY!
Actually, if you were paying attention: six out of ten links in this Love are to Pajiba bloggers. It's not my fault we take up half the damn blogosphere.
Y'know what, ladies? When you ASSUME things, you make an ass out of U and...well, just you. So YOU suck it up...and look before you leap. Nature gave you eyes for a reason. My heart DOES go out to you, though, Stacey...perhaps you should start peeing BEFORE bed.
Posted by: Case at July 2, 2008 2:31 PM
P.S. = Ben...still a pile of twat.
Posted by: Case at July 2, 2008 2:33 PM
Just to add a last, insignificant opinion on the toilet seat issue, it's not just putting your ass into cold water in the middle of the night but having to hit the pee splattered and pubic hair lined rim of the toilet on the way down. Don't forget that nastiness.
Oh, you chicks and the whole toilet seat thing. I grew up with two older sisters, so I learned well to put the lid down, but...still... Haven't you ever heard of LOOKING (y'know, with your eyes), before you sit down? I don't just blindly start pissing the second I walk into a bathroom, so... You think you'd all be able to figure out these logistics by now considering how you talk like men are idiots.