Pajiba Love 06/23/09

Shut Up Shut Up Shut Up

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (51)

Although I didn’t cover it here yesterday, I’m sure you’ve all heard about the whole, stupid thing that went down between Perez Hilton and Will.I.Am of the Black-Eyed Peas. Anyway, this is the best piece I’ve read about. Go away, Perez. Go away forever. (FourFour)

OK, I have to ask you this. Does anyone know, in real life or otherwise, a single person who has actually purchased a Paris Hilton fragrance? How does she keep making these? (Webster’s)

Here’s Joan Jett and her mini-Joan Jett side by side. Even if you don’t care for Kristen Stewart, you have to admit the resemblance is uncanny. (Agent Bedhead)

The teaser art for the fourth season of “Dexter” is seriously like the best thing ever. (Bloody Disgusting)

Jessica Simpson landed a new reality-docu series on VH1 called “The Price of Beauty” which is about how beauty is perceived in other cultures. So basically, the title makes no sense at all. (Celebitchy)

I thought you guys might find this interesting; here’s the online journal of a filmmaker documenting the filming a “vampire western” — which is supposedly going to be as awesome as it sounds. (Filthy and Complicated)

Have you ever pondered which had better explosions, Bad Boys or Bad Boys II? Well, now you can vote on your favorite Michael Bay explosions. (Screen Junkies)

Sacha Baron Cohen is such a dickwad he can’t even come up with ideas for the ridiculously unfunny costumes he wears on his own. (DListed)

Is there any way in hell that a childrens’ book about how babies are made which is A) from the 70’s and B) European wouldn’t be horrifying? (Jezebel)

And finally, some of you may remember how our own Parissa ran a marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training last year for AlabamaPink. Well, she’s doing it again this year and it’s understandably not going to be easy for her, so she’d really appreciate any support we can give her right now. (Girl With Curious Hair)

Here is glimpse into the adorable yet seldom talked-about world of underground pug fighting rings:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Dear Universe:

Please, for the love of everything holy, stop it with the fucking vampires. Enough. No more. Just stop it.

Posted by: figgy at June 23, 2009 1:12 PM

I think Katherine Moennig should have played Joan Jett. Closer resemblance and disgustingly, smoking hot.

Posted by: Sharon at June 23, 2009 1:13 PM

That video was simply too weird.

Posted by: Marcela at June 23, 2009 1:14 PM

When I think vampires, tumbleweed and six shooters don't come to mind.
Just sayin.

Posted by: Sharon at June 23, 2009 1:16 PM

Vampires are like zombies, figgy. You can never have enough, provided they fit into the correct mold and DON'T FUCKING SPARKLE.

Posted by: Snath at June 23, 2009 1:19 PM

Who ever says Jessica Simpson is fat is on crack. Her show sounds interesting. Maybe people will finally realise that beauty is a very subjective thing. And no, just because someone is wearing something different than you or looks different than you it doesn't give you the right to insult that person or pretend to be so much better. And maybe they will realise that fashion is a very fickle, stupid thing. Clothes and looks really change when there is a need for it because of work, lifestyle, etc and not because some genius presents the summer 09 things to wear on the catwalk. Guess what? It's not really much different than the same stuff last summer ot a few summers ago. It's just the same shit going round in circles so stop banging about how you look better than everyone else. I'm just worried the way the show will present beauty in different cultures. I'm scared it will take a very Americanised way presenting others as freaks rather than beautiful. A look through history would also be interesting.

As for the Paris Hilton perfumes, considering most Pajibans have a few brain cells and like friends who have them too I'd be surprised if they knew people who bought that crap.

Posted by: barf at June 23, 2009 1:21 PM

Marcela
It all makes sense if you have spent any time at all with the world's greatest dog breed. Find a friend with a pug. Immediately.

Sharon
re: Katherine Moennig. HELL YES!

Posted by: idgiepug at June 23, 2009 1:27 PM

WRONG.

You can't have enough zombies. But you know that vampires jumped the shark with fucking Twilight. So I'm sorry, sir, but you are WRONG. I've had it up to here with these monkey-fightin' vampires.

Posted by: figgy at June 23, 2009 1:28 PM

PH makes me ashamed to be gay. Thanks for offsetting 40 years of esteem building for the gay community, you toad!

Posted by: Drake at June 23, 2009 1:40 PM

I'd be pretty disgusted too. Much like I am completely disgusted that Paris Hilton is a woman or a human being and that we have that in common.

Posted by: figgy at June 23, 2009 1:46 PM

Thanks Figgy

How much do you want to bet someone is pitching a re-boot of Lifeforce with Halley's Comet circling Planet of the Apes at this vary minute?

Posted by: Morgagod at June 23, 2009 1:48 PM

I could watch the vampires in True Blood all day long, figgy, and I wouldn't get tired of them. It's the stupid emo ones I can't stand and that have to go.

Posted by: Snath at June 23, 2009 1:52 PM

OK, I'll give True Blood a pass, but that is IT. I think CW is doing some horrible emo teen vampire show right now. It makes me want to cry.

Posted by: figgy at June 23, 2009 1:57 PM

Figs, why the fuck are you watching CW. I mean really, that's kind of asking for it.

Posted by: admin at June 23, 2009 2:03 PM

PerezHiltonGoAway

Posted by: perezhiltongoaway at June 23, 2009 2:03 PM

I was channel flipping. I swear. I didn't see anything!

DON'T YOU JUDGE ME.

Posted by: figgy at June 23, 2009 2:08 PM

The pug fight killed me. . . . hahaha. I was pulling for African Gentleman the entire time.

Posted by: adam at June 23, 2009 2:18 PM

How a guy with a little bitty pecker like the one in the Danish kids' book ever got anyone pregnant, I don ... um ...

*looks in pants*

Heh. Nevermind.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 23, 2009 2:25 PM

Wow! I had a graphic (i.e. sex) comic book like that when I was little. I still have it. "Peter and Caroline: A child asks about childbirth and sex." It was translated from a 1957 Danish book into English and the cartoons were quite graphic and the text right to the point.

My Mom got "Peter and Caroline" from the National Health Service when we lived in England. She gave me the book when I was about 6 or 7, and told me to read it. Then, if I had any questions, I should come tell her and she'd go get me bigger book.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 23, 2009 2:29 PM

Then, if I had any questions, I should come tell her and she'd go get me bigger book.

I remember having a similar conversation, only my mom said that it's not the size of the book. She said how well-written, thorough prefaces make books more enjoyable to read. Then she mentioned how my dad likes to skip straight to the epilogue and fall asleep immediately. No wonder she went to the library so much. What was I talking about?

Posted by: branded at June 23, 2009 2:42 PM

A friend of mine got a book when she was preggers the first time (it wasn't What To Expect..., but along those lines) (also, it wasn't a kids' book, so, OT) that included a section about conception. It had a picture of penetration FROM THE INSIDE. As in, they stuck a camera up some lady's vagooter, and took a picture that made me say IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR ME!!

It was kind of weird. And as much as I have tried, I have never found that book since.

True Story.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 23, 2009 2:43 PM

DON'T YOU JUDGE ME.

*puts on judging hat* COMMENCE ... JUDGING!!!!

I think Katherine Moennig should have played Joan Jett. Closer resemblance and disgustingly, smoking hot.

Oh come on. I just recovered from the AB piece, and now you bring her into this? Damn, I am going to need a new bunk.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 23, 2009 2:45 PM

The stupidest blog on the internet not written by Michelle Malkin; Making the whole country care about the views of a damn beauty queen; And now a feud between freaking Will.I.Am.

Perez Hilton, you've actually manage to fall beneath you're namesake. How the fuck was that even possible?

Posted by: George at June 23, 2009 2:49 PM

Aw hell AvB, they make entire science shows that are shot from the inside now. It's really quite interestng.

As for the (Danish?) book, I didn't enjoy it. They really needed a 'TaDaaa!" caption when the kid popped out arms spread wide. And to much smiling.

Posted by: admin at June 23, 2009 2:52 PM

Is Perez Hilton really gay? I mean, has anyone actually seen him with a man?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 23, 2009 2:57 PM

"OK, I have to ask you this. Does anyone know, in real life or otherwise, a single person who has actually purchased a Paris Hilton fragrance? How does she keep making these?"

We live in a nation where the #1 show is American Idol. Donald Trump is a celebrity because of two words. Shows like Arrested Development and Veronica Mars get canceled after 3 seasons and show like Survivor are still in the air after ten years. Any more questions?

Posted by: John W at June 23, 2009 3:02 PM

My question about the Danish book is why were they naked for nine months? Did they not have jobs? Because for a book that is so informative, you would think they should include the little tidbit that babies are expensive as gold-plated shits. And very few women actually get paid to gestate, but I know it does happen...
:starts looking up gestation jobs online:

Posted by: Patty O'Green at June 23, 2009 3:05 PM

He's never been seen with a date because no one wants to be known as "the guy who's boning Perez Hilton", OJR . He's fuuuugly.

Posted by: battgirl at June 23, 2009 3:09 PM

ooooo-dexter! can. not. wait!!!!
i'll just let that soak in the part of my brain that previously held perez hilton.

Posted by: gem at June 23, 2009 3:13 PM

Fuck robots.
Fuck vampires.
And motherfuck motherfucking zombies.
Fuck them all right in the ear.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 23, 2009 3:27 PM

My daughter is two, Tracer, and you've just listed three of her favorite things.

She watched RobotCop II with me last night.

I'm a good dad.

Posted by: Snath at June 23, 2009 4:00 PM

Hey, you leave the zombies alone!

Posted by: figgy at June 23, 2009 4:15 PM

branded, f'in killin me!

And Stacey, I can't live without your Love. That picture of the baby crowning with the dad and doctor looking on is my favorite internet image to date.

Posted by: replica at June 23, 2009 4:18 PM

She likes fucking robots in the ear?! What kind of goddamn monster are you, Snath?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 23, 2009 4:20 PM

I use the Paris Hilton perfume all the time--I pour about a cup into a tall glass or ceramic container (Don't use styrofoam!) and head to the garden. I pick the Japanese beetles and/or potato bugs off the plants and drop them in the perfume to kill them. Don't spray it directly on the plants though as it will burn the leaves and render the fruit/vegetable inedible.

Posted by: Mrs. Adams at June 23, 2009 4:20 PM

branded, f'in killin me!

And Stacey, I can't live without your Love. That picture of the baby crowning with the dad and doctor looking on is my favorite internet image to date.

Posted by: replica at June 23, 2009 4:46 PM

Mrs. Adams,

Not to mention turn your yard into a Superfund site.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 23, 2009 5:13 PM

Vampire cowboys have been tearing up Brooklyn since at least 2003 - true story: http://www.vampirecowboys.com/

(Go see a show if you have the chance: comic book stage combat social commentary theater with a foul mouth. It's pretty amazing. Not to mention they're buddies of mine).

Posted by: Tammy at June 23, 2009 5:20 PM

It wouldn't bother me in the least if that fat fuck-pig aka "hilton" was beaten to within an inch of his life and then shot in the back of the skull for good measure.

I'm not even kidding.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 23, 2009 5:33 PM

Patty: "My question about the Danish book is why were they naked for nine months?"

Have you ever been to Denmark or any of the Scandinavian countries? Those people are nekkid all the time. People used to flock to the Scandinavian "art" films back in the 1960's and 70's because it was the only legit way to see nudity on screen.

I had a friend who took her family there for her hubby's sabatical and the first thing they saw on the way from the airport, was a family having a picnic by the side of the road, nekkid. The young son spent the entire summer drawing boobies.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 23, 2009 5:38 PM

My vampires don't sparkle. They're sexy, evil, blood-sucking whores, as god intended them to be. Mormon vampires suck, but real vampires are, and will always be, awesome.

Look for "Tex: Vampire Hunter" at a film festival near you starting this autumn.

Posted by: Lautaro at June 23, 2009 5:45 PM

Oh god, of course I meant RoboCob. Adding the "t" makes it sound like one of those cheesy ripoffs.

Posted by: Snath at June 23, 2009 6:38 PM

AARRRGHHH!

RoboCop.

Posted by: Snath at June 23, 2009 6:39 PM

branded's comment is the best thing I've read all day. Thanks for that.

Posted by: Melissa at June 23, 2009 7:19 PM

Robocob - that's the episode of Vegie Tales when the Borg arrive, right?

"God loves you!"
"Resistance is futile" *zap*
"No! God help meee..... We are Borg. Resitance is futile"

Posted by: ScienceGeek at June 23, 2009 7:25 PM

I was going to say it's a new kind of robotic vibrator, but yours is good too.

Posted by: Snath at June 23, 2009 7:36 PM

Parissa, my friend is also running the Team in Training marathon for the second year! I've already donated to her--good luck to you as well!

Posted by: Pistachio at June 23, 2009 8:21 PM

Vampires, yes!
Westerns, yes!

Vampire westerns, hell yes!!

Now if only there were a vampire movie in which the real bloodsuckers staked and dismembered the mopey emo CW vampires.....

Posted by: stardust savant at June 23, 2009 8:26 PM

perez hilton is so grody.

Posted by: gp at June 24, 2009 12:56 AM

Seriously, Vampire Western?

The vampire thing is ridiculously played out. So is the zombie thing. And just tacking one of them onto the front of another genre doesn't make your vision Fresh and Original, it just means you thought of the laziest pitch you could to convince someone to give you a few bucks. Look, I'll do some right now...
"Vampire Summer Vacation!"

"Zombie Teen Sex Romp!"

"Ninja bloggers!"

"Frankenstein's Monster Wins the Tour de France!"

Posted by: Daniel Hall at June 24, 2009 2:53 AM

"Ninja bloggers!"

I would watch/read that. Just saying.

Posted by: Chugga at June 24, 2009 4:00 AM

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