Dustin hated Killshot, but my friends and I loved it mostly for the unintentional comedy aspect of Mickey Rourke portraying a Native American. (Yes, really.) So much so, that it spawned this six-pack of Caucasian actors unconvincingly playing Native Americans. (PW)
Bruce Willis and his wife Emma did a kinky, topless S&M inspired photoshoot for W magazine. And you thought it sucked to be one of those poor Willis kids when Demi started dating Kelso. (Webster’s)
Tom Colicchio has concocted the perfect beverage to drink while you’re having your “True Blood parties or goth-i-brations in general. (Serious Eats)
Today in “I Hate Katy Perry” news, Katy Perry is suing an Australian designer for having the nerve of being born with her name, which probably isn’t even really Katy Perry’s real birth name to begin with. (Agent Bedhead)
Sacha Baron Cohen posed nude as “Bruno” for GQ magazine. Oh boy, that’s really funny! What a card! (Yeeeah!)
If the Comfort Wipe is 100% money back satisfaction guaranteed … Then what does it actually take to return one? Ew. Thanks, DeadBessie! (Cracked)
Mary-Louise Parker talks about the new season of “Weeds” and how she turned down the role of “Susan” in “Desperate Housewives.” Thank GOD. (A.V. Club)
Breathe a sigh of relief: Here are 20 beloved movies from the 80’s which are currently not being remade amd hopefully will never be. (Film School Rejects)
David Cross is writing an autobiography and in it he calls Jim Belushi a douchebag because he would sign an autograph for a sick kid. And we thought it was just because of, you know, “According to Jim.” (Celebitchy)
The latest incarnation of FMyLife is for “Battlestar Gallactica” nerds. I’ve never watched the series, so this pretty much goes right over my head. Thanks, branded! (FrakMyLife)
Jesus = Box Office Gold? Here’s Michael Bay’s drawings from the set of Transformers 2. (Holy Taco)
Every wonder what the Blue Man Group did before they were stars? Here you go:
Let me get this straight. Scumclown and utterly unfunny "coemdian" and failed hipster David Cross is calling Jim Belushi a douchbag because Belushi signed an autograph for a cripple.
What's so outrageous about that?
It's par for the course for Cross who is insanely jealous that unlike Cross, Belushi didn't fail his audition for SNL and thus is a millionaire several times over.
Posted by: ILikeWhores at June 17, 2009 1:28 PM
I can't believe that list missed Jeff Chandler as Cochise in "Broken Arrow" and "The Battle at Apache Pass".
Posted by: PaddyDog at June 17, 2009 1:29 PM
Actually, the article says not only would Belushi not sign the autograph, but when Cross approached him on behalf of the kids mom, Belushi thought that Cross was setting up a bj for him. That takes a special kind of ass-hattery, no?
Posted by: battgirl at June 17, 2009 1:34 PM
C Thomas Howell was in a movie in BLACKFACE?! WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD OF THIS BEFORE NOW!?
Posted by: Nadine at June 17, 2009 1:35 PM
There are so many things wrong with the Ass Swiffer, it's impossible to know where to start. Firstly, the name. What is comfortable about that long plastic handled needle through which one threads a wad of toilet paper? How much t.p. would one have to use to not feel the stick? And, as if wiping one's ass isn't already an acrobatic feat, now you are supposed to add a big stick into the mix. I think you'd have to stand up to wipe your ass with that thing, else one end or the other is going to get stuck under the toilet seat or up your ass. I'm telling you emergency rooms are going to be busier than they ever were.
Posted by: Cindy at June 17, 2009 1:48 PM
Nadine, seriously? Soul Man was, well okay. It wasn't good at all. But I figured everyone knew about it!
Sharon, nope, not until today and I lament that I missed out. I shall seek it out.
Seige, in Val's defense, wasn't he supposed to be only half native american, like his dad was the NA and he'd been raised in a city any way. He was SUPPOSED to be bad at being a Native American
Posted by: Nadine at June 17, 2009 1:57 PM
If I'm not mistaken, Burt Reynolds was cast as a Native American on more than one occasion during the early part of his career.
And sorry but the most hilarious racially offensive stunt ever was:
*drumroll*
disguising Sean Connery as a JAPANESE dude in You Only Live Twice.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 17, 2009 2:08 PM
You make a good point, Nadine. I guess I will have to take my "insultingly inappropriate portrayer of Native Americans" vote and give it to everyone who ever appeared as a Heckawi on F-Troop.
Not one of the people on that list of "Native" Americans was nearly as bad as The Duke playing Genghis Khan or Sean Connery playing a Spaniard in a movie about Scottish people.
Posted by: alphawhiskey at June 17, 2009 2:10 PM
Why thank you Siege =)
And...what on earth is f-Toop...do I want to know?
Posted by: Nadine at June 17, 2009 2:17 PM
Mickey Rooney as Mr. Yunioshi in Breakfast at Tiffany's was pretty gorram offensive.
I dunno, BSlim. What about Anthony Hopkins as Othello? I've seen it and it's ridiculous.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 17, 2009 2:18 PM
I personally cannot wait for the Consumer Reports article on the Ass Swiffer. They did the Snuggie in the last CR magazine I got, so I bet they'll do the Ass Swiffer, too. According to CR's tests, the Snuggie shreds like wet toilet paper when run through a normal load of laundry. High quality material.
Posted by: BWeaves at June 17, 2009 2:21 PM
Tracer! YOU LIE?!
Posted by: Nadine at June 17, 2009 2:22 PM
No one sucks more than Katy Perry as of this second. From now on, every time someone says her name, Katy Perry should be shot in the kneecap.
She'll begin by seasoning your face with strange smelling powders, as she tells you all about the exotic flavors she is imparting to your flesh.She says, this combination of curry powder and cinnamon will leave you both spicy, sweet, and yummy.
This strange talk leaves you uncontrollably aroused, aroused and hungry. You beg her to hurry so that you can eat the deliciousness that is your own face.
She cooks your face, eats your face, and STILL looks super fucking hot, despite ingesting a high calorie dinner.
Do not fuck with padma.
Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 17, 2009 2:32 PM
"Nope. What's worse, he played the role as an epileptic for some reason, so he kept having seizures during Othello's monologues. It was really weird.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 17, 2009 2:32 PM
alphawhiskey, the Venture Brothers skewered the Sean Connery bit pretty well in "Now Museum, Now You Don't" where Dr.Venture dressed up as Dr.Fangdragon from Japanawa and his disguise was a bad wig and holding the corners of his eyes to make them look asiatic.
Also, I thought Johnny Depp was part First Nations? No? I need to go do some research.
HOSKINS AS IAGO?! WHAT BATSHIT MAD GENIUS IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Nadine at June 17, 2009 2:40 PM
Hoskins was actually pretty good. Iago is such a loathsome character that he's hard to fuck up. Which is not to say Branaugh didn't do a fine job of fucking up the role.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 17, 2009 2:50 PM
Nadine - please stop making the rest of us feel so old!
Posted by: Perl at June 17, 2009 2:51 PM
battgirl, Explain to me why a celebrity should not sing an autograph for a non-cripple in favor of signing one for a cripple? Is the cripple going to be healed by the mystic and magical power of the celeb's autograph?
Posted by: ILikeWhores at June 17, 2009 2:55 PM
Trollin', trollin, trollin, keep that bastard trollin'.....
Posted by: admin at June 17, 2009 2:58 PM
I...I don't understand the 'Bruno' thing. It's supposed to be funny? But...but I've tried, and I can't find a single fucking thing about it that's even vaguely amusing. Even by dumbing myself down to the millionth degree and trying to see it from the point of view of a Movie Movie fan , I can't see it. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
I loved that Blue Man Group video - especially in light of the restaurant etiquette discussion yesterday. Oversized slingshots really make fast food fun!
From now on, every time someone says her name, Katy Perry should be shot in the kneecap.
Well in that case...
Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry Katy Perry ....
how she turned down the role of “Susan” in “Desperate Housewives.” Thank GOD.
Exactly. Thank God Brooke Shields' awesomeness was given a forum. In other news, did you know that Dan Dan the movie review man loved Kathy Griffin in that show?
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 17, 2009 3:23 PM
Yeah but Figgy she'll have no kneecaps...she wont pose much of a threat
Posted by: Nadine at June 17, 2009 3:25 PM
Has Bruce Willis always been crazy? Did I miss something? I thought he was kind of, sort of, normal. You know, by Hollywood standards. Seriously, what the eff is up with the red leather gloves?!?! And that's just the beginning, really, I could go on forever. His wife? Where on God's green earth did she get that hair do (not the hair hat/mask, I can't even fathom that right now)? Is the Lego look the next trend?
Taken straight from the Katy Perry Wikipedia page:
"Katy Perry was born Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson on October 25, 1984 in Santa Barbara, California, United States.[2]"
So yeah, Katy Perry is her stage name.
Posted by: Saint Saturn Sunshine at June 17, 2009 3:40 PM
And also: she apparently chose "Perry" beacuse it's her mother's maiden name.
Posted by: Saint Saturn Sunshine at June 17, 2009 3:42 PM
Sometimes, it's the little things (like the end of a word) that mean so much. So you change this:
David Cross is writing an autobiography and in it he calls Jim Belushi a douchebag because he would sign an autograph for a sick kid.
To this: David Cross is writing an autobiography and in it he calls Jim Belushi a douchebag because he wouldn't sign an autograph for a sick kid.
See, now it makes sense. Preview is your friend.
Posted by: Slash at June 17, 2009 4:02 PM
Okay, skipping over the utter inanity of ILikeWhores.
I wanted to point out that that isn't Jesus in the sketch, it is BAY-sus. Makes a lot more sense now. Also, that is probably the closest phonetic spelling of the transforming sound I have seen yet.
Is it wrong that I think the "Bruno" pic not only has the pose and attitude down cold, it even has the total model expression? As in blank stare, absolutely nothing behind the eyes?
Or just weird?
Posted by: bjs1109 at June 17, 2009 4:08 PM
I loved the movie "Thunderheart" with Val Kilmer, and yes, he was supposed to be a lousy Native American because his Native American father was a drunk and Kilmer's character was ashamed of him and his heritage.
Bruce Willis--Jesus Christ, man. Does no one value dignity anymore?
Does anyone else have to squint to read that FrakMyLife site? White lettering over pale grey does not make for an enjoyable reading experience. It's a cute idea but gets old after a few entries.
Katy Perry--it's cruel enough that fate gave this poor girl a real name similar to your made-up name; why add insult to injury? If anything she should be suing you.
Posted by: DeadBessie at June 17, 2009 4:20 PM
HA! Did no one else see "Optimus Jizz" in "Bay's" list of cool nicknames for himself? And think that our own Optimus should get a new nickname?
Ditto on the Johnny Depp bit. I could have sworn he was NA, or at least more than Val Kilmer...
Posted by: Spike at June 17, 2009 4:25 PM
In addition to the violence that Katy Perry will be subjected to, I think that another punishment should be added. From here forth whenever someone mentions Katy Perry, the only acceptable answer is "You mean the Australian Designer? I love her stuff." When the questioner incorrectly interprets your response and mentions the singer, you are to stare at them vacantly and slowly shake your head.
This is a stringent requirement, especially if said singer is the one speaking to you.
Posted by: admin at June 17, 2009 4:49 PM
Who thought it would be possible for me to loathe "Katy Perry" even more?
Posted by: Candy at June 17, 2009 5:02 PM
If I had Katy Perry's email address I would take five minutes out of my day, every single day for the rest of my fucking life, and write to her. There would be a lot of gushing and cooing over the brilliant Katie Perry fashion designs, and how much better they are than some loudmouth douchebag poseur dressed up as a goddamn Helly Kitty banana or whatever the hell.
That Bruce Willis photo shoot makes me uncomfortable. Like, watching-a-David-Lynch-movie uncomfortable. I can't figure out what's supposed to be going on there.
Posted by: Melissa at June 17, 2009 7:32 PM
Nadine -
F-Troop was a TV show that ran on ABC in the Mid 60's. Kind of "Green Acres meets Gunsmoke crossed with Hogan's Heroes". Least that's what I understand from my dad. I've never seen it.
And we once again learn why having an editor is important. Or, you know, someone who bothers to read over what they wrote so that they don't wind up publishing a statement that says the exact opposite of what they meant:
"David Cross is writing an autobiography and in it he calls Jim Belushi a douchebag because he would sign an autograph for a sick kid."
Clearly, you meant:
"David Cross is writing an autobiography and in it he calls Jim Belushi a douchebag because he wouldn't sign an autograph for a sick kid."
See how easy that was?
Posted by: dan at June 17, 2009 8:15 PM
Only last year did the Globe theatre in London(?) actually have a black man play Othello.
Last freakin year!! Cripes
Posted by: racahel at June 17, 2009 8:26 PM
Oh AvB, I can't be mad at you after you used an Admiral Ackbar clip. But let's just forget about this whole Michael Bay nickname thing, right? Cool?
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 17, 2009 8:39 PM
Thanks for the heads up AvB (I also heartily approve of OJ's new nickname)!
Although I really do believe that the autographs of celebrities hold magical healing powers. The 8x10 of Neil Diamond eliminated my goiter almost overnight!
Posted by: battgirl at June 17, 2009 8:48 PM
HA! Now we can Optimus Jizz "The Juice" too.
Posted by: admin at June 17, 2009 10:52 PM
From here forth whenever someone mentions Katy Perry
---
No one in my universe ever mentions what's-her-name except here. So STFU about what's-her-name already, so I don't have to leave.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 18, 2009 1:19 AM
Let me tell you about Tom "I'm not a mentor" Coliccio.
Possibly THE biggest asshole on TV right now. Has single-handedly ruined the the remaining part of Top Chef that Padma LaBimbo hadn't already.