Pajiba

Sorry, but I missed the memo stating that Dennis Leary was relevant again.

No comment on the Pajiba Love yet, just wanted to say I received my Alabama Pink shirt in the post today. I was again reminded that this amazing person made a difference in my world even though I had never met her and I miss her. I will wear it with pride!

Dear Heidi and Spencer,

Please stop calling out to me for guidance.

I'm just not that into you.

Sincerely,

Jesus H. Christ

Bah, kids only develop complexes about shit because they're taught it, if any of those kids grow up to have hang ups about sex its cos the teachers lost their fucking MINDS and probably frightened the shit out of them.

Also, wasn't Demi Lovato a cutter until about a week ago? These Disney clones move from trend to trend so fast

I want the apron.

Well, apparently Heidi finally nutted up and did the only thing she is good for: posed for Playboy.

I have lately become less flippantly violent in my wishes for people I dislike, but I would seriously enjoy watching them be set on fire and seeing their flesh slowly melt off. Even their throat-rending screams would make me smile.

*Dialing Daniel Baldwin's cell"

"Gay Sex Makes Everything Better."

And this is why I love you Stacey.

I knew TK was a werewolf. I knew it!

There is no type of person I hate more than people who are rude to waiters. It's a horrible, hard job and they're not your fucking slaves. And they will spit on your food. I hate those people, and I'm embarrassed to be seen with them.

And Heidi, you utter and complete fuckslut: please stop lumping yourself in with our sex. Women can stand up for themselves, stop making us look like we can't take shit from AL FUCKING ROKER when he was absolutely right about it. I am so disgusted to share ANY traits with you that I'm this close to wishing I were a man. Fuck you, you fucking slag.

Yeah all that is nice and good, but my brain shut down at this snippet for Kerry Kenney:

her father, Larry Kenney, is a veteran voice actor, most famous for his role as Lion-O on ThunderCats

This means I can never meet her, for I will be utterly obnoxious about this and she will (justifiably) have to beat me to death. Le sigh.

Up until six months ago I was working in a restaurant and no joke, I had every single one of those things happen to me, the late drinkers, the under my feet kids, the clicking, whistling, rude, doing crazy shit with my tray motherfuckign cocksucking bastards. Since BEFORE I was a waitress and most certainly since I left that industry I have never been anything but polite to wait staff. I mean aside from the basic human decency of being nice to them, they HANDLE MY FOOD. It squicks me out as it is, eating in a restaurant...knowing I'll be eating a phlegm sandwich.....grack

I mean aside from the basic human decency of being nice to them, they HANDLE MY FOOD.

YES. Why don't more people get that?

"Hey, you know that waiter you just humiliated? He is going to have five uninterrupted minutes alone with that stuff you plan to put INSIDE YOUR MOUTH AND DOWN INTO YOUR BODY. Maybe you shouldn't be such a dick?"

RIGHT!? I could never understand why people could be so arsey to the people who would quite happily give them like...the Plague. I want to say, I never did do thato any ones food. My parents raised me better than that(There is also the legal issue if they trace the infection back) But the fact is, had I been a dominos employee i easily could have!!!

Just....GAH!

And oh GOD I hate to even talk about Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Twat but for fucks sake their sad and pathetic desperation is painful to watch and I'm goddamn sick of the pair of them. Let Jon Stewart get at them. Let ME get at them, fuck ME, this 'Jesus' thing they try to pull off even as she gets her tits out for any one who will watch...it speaks volumes that in yesterdays clip his 'favourite' part to watch over and over was when he smacked something out of that large lady's hand...he's a fucking bully and a douche.
And HER?! The way she's like 'your tone with me was not nice'

Did ROker have a Tone other than mild pertubedness?
It's not as he was yelling at her and calling her a fame hungry cock whore slut bag with zero brain power and a trampy old vag!!!

I wish those commandments were really laws, especially the one regarding pregnant ladies. But I have one more. When you see that your waitress has her hands loaded down with precariously balanced plates, please, please don't flag her over to your table and request another basket of rolls or a refill, especially if the restaurant isn't big and she can clearly see your table. I saw your empty glass, and as soon as I'm done with serving this load of really hot plates, I will take care of it!

LOVE the commandments! They should be posted at every restaurant, right next to the sign telling pregnant women it's not such a good idea to get hammered before the blessed day.

Another thing about tipping: For those who never worked a serving job, the tipping system nay seem like a crock i.e. "But it's their JOB, why can't the company pay them?" But it actually keeps the cost of your food and drinks WAY down. If the restaurant were to pay the server or bartender what they're worth rather than below minimum wage, 90% of people who enjoy going out couldn't afford it: your $6 drink would then spike to $18, your $23 entree would become $60, and so on.

Come on, people. Fork over that extra three dollars for the 20%. You'll still come out ahead.

I agree with the tipping aspect in that 20% is not unreasonable but I do take exception that tipping seems to have become manditory.

Even if the food is terrible but the service is still good, I have no problem with leaving a tip, then speaking to the manager. If the food was good but the service was such that I might as well have done it myself, I'll talk to the manager and send a tip to the cooks. I say this as having both served and cooked in restaurants.

to try and get my attention. I got so angry that I pointed at him and said, "Did you just snap your fucking fingers at me? You are not getting a single drink from me tonight!"

Ooh, another story. Two days ago, one of my co-workers got a table of two women who were waiting for a while for their food (It was sunday brunch.) One of them kept saying, "Where is our food? huh? Where is our food? huh?" and my coworker said, "We are making it as fast as we can, and as you can see, we are very busy as well." And she kept going, "Where is it huh? go get it. Go get the food go get the food go get the food." And my co worker goes, "I'm not the kitchen, I don't have the food, but I will get it as soon as it is ready."

Then the lady persisted with her staccato tone, "Go get it. Go get the food. Where is the food huh? Where is the fucking food huh?" And my co-worker gets very serious and lowers himself to her eye-level (He's over six feet tell and has some SERIOUS blue eyes) and says to her very quietly, "Listen lady, you cannot fucking talk to people like that."

And she shut up. The woman's companion started apologizing profusely for her. And after they were done, they left a HUGE tip for him. Probably to compensate for being such fucking assholes.

hehehe Dene, I missed the beginning of that message but YES, its nice to see someone getting revenge of a sort.

I had a lady who, in her defense, I wa scarrying an unbalanced tray and a small bowl of ketchup fell off of it. Some sauce splashed her arm but she checked and that was all it was, I got her a towel and she was fine. At the end of their meal(there where half a dozen of em and their meal was hella expensive)she 'suddenly' discovered there was ketchup on her jacket, that had dried in in the time she was eating her meal. She demanded we pay the dry cleaning AND that her meal came free.Had we known about the full spill earlier we could have cleaned it, but she held it from us. I remember seeing her check the jacket. The manager got involved and asked me in front of the woman if i'd known the stain was there earlier. I told her about seeing the lady check her coat in the exact place so desperately stained, but telling me it was fine. My manager all but laughed in her face. She said we'd pay the dry cleaning fair enough but that if she tried to leave without paying for her food, we'd call the police.

The worst was working in the bar. Our restaurant had a wholly seperate barthat I always got stuck on because the main manager HATED ME.
People would come in, in their droves, with literally only me on the bar, and still cuss me out for not getting to them fast enough. I would explain I didn't have time to ask for someone to come and help what with the business and they'd look at me as if it was my fault for not having a pause button built into my fucking forehead or something.

Is it bad that the video clip makes me happy?

*sigh*

Oh, socalled, why you gotta go and be married, yo? I *heart*you so much.

You know, I was going through a list of activities in my head, and you know, you're right. Gay sex DOES make almost everything better.

Except for nachos. Nachos are perfect just the way they are, thank you.

Hold right the fuck on. Since when did it become a badge of honor to fuck with food? I can't fucking believe you are applauding people for spitting and snotrocketing, and wiping their taints on food. I understand that customers are assholes, and can treat you as inhuman. I've been a fucking waiter, and it sucked.

But seriously? This is considered justifiable? I apologize that you've had a rough day, and you're working for tips, but when I say No Mayo, and you bring me a sandwich that has mayo on it, I'm going to tell you to bring it back and remake it. This is not because I'm some kind of rude asshole. This is because you got my order incorrect. But somehow, this suddenly makes it okay for you to go into the back and jerk your frustrations into a secret sauce? Fuck you, minimum rage. You're clearly the fucking toolshed in this situation. Not me.

Or, if I've been sitting there for ten minutes with an empty glass, and because you've got tons of tables, I'm rude for catching your eye with a wave and asking for a refill? Fuck you. All I ask for when I go out to eat is a semi-full glass, food the way I ordered it, and keep the goddamn bread basket full. But somehow, I'm a fucking asshole for expecting that?

Fuck that. And fuck you for applauding it.

Does everyone know this already and is willingly participating in this profoundly retarded charade?

Well, one thing you can never accuse me of is not being profoundly retarded.

"Well, one thing you can never accuse me of is not being profoundly retarded."

I for one would never not dream of not never ever not saying such a thing.

I for one would never not dream of not never ever not saying such a thing.

...what?

I heard that there is an inter esting place for all h O t g irls and guys,
seems it is named: ___T allmingle Co M___ ,if u want to find some fun or lov ers, please have a try !!!

Well, one thing you can never accuse me of is not being profoundly retarded.

Posted by: Stacey at June 16, 2009 4:35 PM

Now, now, we all know gossip column folk have to compete for readers, and CNN can't ignore Sarah Palin when no one else does, even though she's as big a fraud as Frick and Frack.

My question was larger scale, if that's possible about nonsense like this -- why aren't people, gossipists and readers alike, at least consciously acknowledging that by criticizing Frick and Frack they are playing along with the overall fraud?

Obviously I can't tut-tut too much, since the only reason I'm aware of the ubiquity of this phenomenon is from reading Webster's Is My Bitch and Pajiba Love. Shame on me. But at least base my retardo-gossip quota on actual retardo-celebrities, as opposed to faux retardo-celebri-wannabes.

I guess I'm saying what I thought I'd never say: More Paris and Lindsay please. I need my conniving-yet-brain-dead whores to be genuinely so.

I guess I'm saying what I thought I'd never say: More Paris and Lindsay please. I need my conniving-yet-brain-dead whores to be genuinely so.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2009 5:29 PM

Aaaaaand there's where you lost me.
2 conniving-yet-brain-dead whores don't make a right.

Aaaaaand there's where you lost me.
2 conniving-yet-brain-dead whores don't make a right.

Posted by: Lainey at June 16, 2009 5:44 PM

Alas, the modern version of the king's fool is obscenely well-paid and over-glorified. That's what happens when the king is the people, and the people are idiots. It is fun to mock both sides, isn't it? Plus, it keeps Stacey in Franzia.

MOTHERFUCKERS!

PS It's not all bullshit. Sometimes it's really fun, and I have some really good customers, and I generally make decent money, which is why I continue to put up with the occasional bullshit customer. Just wanted to add that.

Damn you, socalled! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?

Actually, what I really want is more of Megan Fox making the "insert erection here" face. That never gets old.

I wish. But I know I'm such a dork that I'd end up giving him a DVD of one of his movies. I mean, has he SEEN how awesome he is in 'The Ref'?

The only thing I can say about messing with customer's food is that I have never thought to do it. I don't know if any of my co-workers have, but I have never worked in a place where that was even something to contemplate doing.

Also, insertclevernamehere, for me it's not the "waving me over" or "trying to get my attention by catching my eye" thing that is bad. It's the snapping fingers and the whistling (yup, it's happened to me) that really gets me. I don't think anyone said that the customer was an asshole for wanting a food order to be accurate. If i made a mistake, I made a mistake, and I will rectify it as quickly as I can. Just don't be a dick.

And yes, Nadine, people can be so weird and shifty about free things/food sometimes. I knew an Irish bartender who said in response to a customer asking for a free round, "Free rounds are like blow jobs, sweetie. You can't ask for it."

I actually don't mind waitressing. I get some pretty hilarious stories from my waiting experience, like the time a group of old folks asked me to turn the music down in our restaurant. Keep in mind that i work at a restaurant that provide live music. I said very politely that I was not able to turn down the band of people playing on stage. He asked me to ask a manager- who of course, laughed in my face- and said in the end, "I just don't understand why that is not possible." That incident actually made me chuckle.

When I was 17, I worked at the Galway Races (massive horse-racing festival) and ended up having to cover a shift in the Champagne Tent, where I learnt that the only thing worse than a stupid customer is a stupid rich customer with an overblown sense of entitlement. Being underage, I wasn't allowed to take orders or sell alcohol, so my sole job was to do laps of the tent and the outside garden to collect empty glasses and ice buckets, to ensure that a freshly-filled ice bucket could be given out with each bottle of champagne. Yet this apparently simple concept was lost on most people, who would clutch their empty, now-warm ice buckets of meltwater as if I were trying to snatch away their first born, and yell "But what if we want another bottle?" I would try to explain that if they didn't give the bucket back, their next bottle of champagne would come bucketless and they'd have to put it in the warm one, whereas if they gave me back the bucket now, they'd get it back filled with ice when they ordered their next bottle. Blank, vaguely hostile stares. After a few seconds, I'd back away slowly and move onto the next table. Eventually, I resorted to playing a sort of capture-the-flag game with the buckets, swooping by a table and grabbing empty buckets before they had a chance to object and disappearing into the crowd. That stopped when one of them literally chased me across the room and nearly twisted my wrist off while grabbing back his bucket. It all worked out in the end, though, as one really nice guy complimented me on being so polite all afternoon even as people were being jackasses and gave me €50 (like, 6 hours of wages) as a reward.

On the other hand, no matter how rude customers are, people who spit into food (or worse) are the scum of the earth. If you were working in a normal shop and spat on a customer for giving you backtalk, you'd be fired and would be considered a rude, disgusting piece of crap. It's no different when you're spitting on something they'll be eating.