My boyfriend and I had an argument as to which was better: Up or Wall-E. Basically, he’s an environmentalist and I like talking dogs. Anyway, here are the ten Pixar films categorized. Agree? Disagree? (Rope of Silicon)
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt made the mistake of appearing on the “Today” show this morning where they got raked over the coals by … Al Roker? Yeah! Go Al! (DListed)
I can think of some actors who deserve a comeback more than this. And didn’t Tom Selleck already get his comeback on “Friends?” (Film School Rejects)
I’ve got a little treat for you guys this morning; Mel Gibson’s Russian mistress/future baby momma has released her first single! Spoiler alert: It’s awful! (Webster’s)
Here are the first stills from Zombieland, the film for which Woody Harrelson allegedly method acted himself to beat the crap out of a paparazzi. (Agent Bedhead)
British writer Andy Miller writes this fantastic essay-slash-review on Danny Peary’s 1981 novel Cult Movies. (Second Pass)
Here are all the ingredients you need to make the perfect 80’s awesome kickass action movie. (Holy Taco)
Why is it that there seems to be some unwritten rule that manufactured girl groups have to be complete fashion disasters? Seriously now Spice Girls. (Jezebel)
Here’s a review of Cold Stone Creamery’s new Jell-O Pudding Ice Cream, which actually will melt into pudding, albeit the process of doing so is mind-numbingly boring and anti-climactic. (Impulsive Buy)
I totally missed this awesome quiz last week: Match the box office bombs up with their corresponding scathing review snippets. Thanks to Elizabeth! (mental floss)
Everything you didn’t know about The Beatles but were afraid to ask. Actually, you weren’t afraid to ask and this information is suspect, so there’s that. (Naive’s Guide)
So, there is this new infomercial for something called “The Comfort Wipe,” which doesn’t sound comfortable at all, unless you enjoy wiping yourself with a toilet brush:
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Anything who argues for the cultural value of Pauly Shore should be ignored. Anyone who makes such an argument should be shot.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 15, 2009 1:13 PM
How dare they rate Monsters Inc. so low? That is one of their most original films! Also, Finding Nemo should be number one, or at least higher than Ratatouille. I love Ratatouille, but it just isn't as touching or epic as Finding Nemo.
As soon as I saw the beginning of the commercial for the Comfort Wipe, I thought, "FINALLY there is a product that can let me reach enough to wipe my enormous fat ass!". Then, halfway through, they showed the fat bastard cheering the invention that allows him to retain his dignity. If you are so big that they have to weigh you on a scale at the zoo, isn't your dignity suffering enough?
Posted by: Blakemas! at June 15, 2009 1:16 PM
Um...."Cars" better than "Toy Story 2" and "The Motherfucking Incredibles"?
The ending of The Incredibles is fantastic, but the nearly two hour running time hurts it in my eyes.
"hurts it in my eyes"
Yeah, never mind, there's no arguing with a shit-for-brains baby.
So if you can't reach your ass, use a toilet brush?
Posted by: Cindy at June 15, 2009 1:21 PM
They should call that thing "Ass-Swiffer".
Posted by: Cindy at June 15, 2009 1:22 PM
I think Cars is much better than many give it credit for. And I adore A Bug's Life. Love it. I associate it with my college friends, we used to quote it all the time.
"Tra la la la la, spring is in the air. And I am a flower. With nothing interesting to say."
For me (and I haven't seen Up), their best is a three-way tie with Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, and Wall-E. I'm still floored at the animation in Finding Nemo.
Oh, and only (maybe) Val Kilmer deserves a second chance, and that's because he used to be hot and talented.
Tom Selleck doesn't need a second chance - I'm pretty sure he's still doing ok.
Posted by: Cindy at June 15, 2009 1:25 PM
Anyone who would rank "Cars" above "A Bug's Life" and "The Incredibles" is not worth listening to. Because, c'mon, that's just stupid.
Posted by: Tori at June 15, 2009 1:25 PM
Cars gained serious points for Paul Newman (albeit the movie was essentially just The Color of Money with animated cars).
I'm kinda surprised the Pixar Shorts didn't make it onto the list. In my opinion, those are just as perfect and memorable as the feature films themselves. With no dialogue, the whole story is told thru expressions and the rich landscapes. Geri's Game, anyone?
Posted by: alphawhiskey at June 15, 2009 1:30 PM
Having not seen "Up" I'd say Pixar's best is "Finding Nemo". I've seen it at least 50 times (my daughter loved it so it was always on) and I could go home and watch it right now. Although the DVD looks like crap now on an HD TV. Really wish it were getting the Blu Ray treatment first instead of Monsters, Inc. On Disney HD it is pretty stunning.
Worst is "Toy Story 2" for the simple reason that I hate Randy Newman's songs. That kills the movie for me. The 2nd half of "Wall-E" is sub-par compared to the perfect first half, and the ending is just stupid. What the hell are all the fat asses going to do in the junkyard with the one plant?
What. The fuck. How in the shit is Cars considered a better movie than The Incredibles? And how is Up ranked as low as it is? This is why we can't have nice things people!
I haven't seen Up (Yet) But Wall-E sucked so much overpowering and sweaty ass that I'm willing to bet Up is the better film.
God Wall-E just...it just makes me so fucking angry.
It was just SO bad. I just.....RAAAARGH!
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 1:35 PM
If toilet paper is so outdated (so the ad says) then why does the Comfort Wipe (TM) USE TOILET PAPER. You'd think they'd have their own brand of baby ass wipes that magically appear out the end of the wand.
Oh, Cindy. You owe me a new keyboard. I sprayed tea out my nose at the word "Ass-Swiffer."
Posted by: BWeaves at June 15, 2009 1:38 PM
The ending of The Incredibles is fantastic, but the nearly two hour running time hurts it in my eyes.
Yes, Jay, that was a puzzling and dumbass quote. "Yeah, The Dark Knight is good, but that long running time put me off."
Um, it's because there was too much awesomeness for a 90-minute movie, idiot. How is a long movie bad if it's a great movie? "Stupid Empire Strikes Back. It was pretty good, but what's up with that two-hour run time? WTF?"
The Incredibles is #1, then Toy Story. The now-quaint animation in Toy Story just makes it that much mo' bettah, kind of like watching The Iron Giant.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 15, 2009 1:44 PM
does ANYONE think that toilet wipe is marketed to ANY ONE but the obese? It's just a sleeker looking version of Bart's sponge on a stick.
How incredibly fucking gross. And sad, that some one has not only invented but managed to sell a gadget that makes it even easier to be a big fat lump.
I have nothing against being round and natural but if you're so big you cant wipe your own ass then GAG quite frankly.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 1:48 PM
How is a long movie bad if it's a great movie?
Guh, I realize they didn't say it was a bad movie. But using running time as a criterion is idiotic unless the extra time caused it to have lower quality material, in which case just say "This part of the movie wasn't good and should have been cut."
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 15, 2009 1:48 PM
That ass wiper think makes me harf. I have no issues with the larger people in life but a pet peeve of mine are products that make it easier and almost excuse being incredibly lazy. Just....ach
As for the films, I agree, The Incredibles has it over damn near every single film on that list barring MAYBE Nemo. And Up, which as I said I haven't seen yet so cant comment upon.
The Incredibles didn't interest me enough to go and see it in the theatre but when I caught on TV OHMYGOD. Just...wonderful. That's the only word, Wonderful. The bit when Dash realises he's RUNNING ON WATER and just laughs in delight, makes me smile like a four year old on sherberts.
Wall-E is fucking Ass. It is FUCKING ASS. That's one of those things I wont back down on. I hate it so much that it makes me angry when people talk about liking it because it boggles my mind that they didn't see all the many things wrong with it(not visually, of course, visually it was gorgeous)
I mean, sincerely, no offense to anyone who does like it, I am very aware that this is (probably) an incredibly irrational thing on my part, I just remember watching it with an increasing feeling of anger and resentment to that lazy little bastard who spent so much time dilly dallying that our planet never got cleaned the fuck up. Maybe I just have an issue with lazy fucking robots.....
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 1:55 PM
Ach, pseudo double post, I apologise
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 1:57 PM
Toy Story is my favorite, and The Incredibles is at the bottom. I'm outnumbered, I know, but the movie did nothing for me. The story focused too much for me on the adult relationship issues (infidelity, moving beyond past glory and accepting growing older). Cars is second to the bottom for the simple reason that I have to put up with the NASCAR crazies twice a year and I'm over that whole scene. I'm a big foodie, which pushes Ratatouille to number two. WallE and Up are 3 and 4. A Bug's Life comes in at #5. I'm a sucker for a good loser makes good story. Monsters Inc, TS2, and Nemo fill out 6-8. I think I've seen them all so many times that I'm now numb to their charm. And the Mr. Lower tries to talk like Crush, which really pisses me off.
Posted by: slower lower at June 15, 2009 1:58 PM
The Comfort Wipe is the first step on the road to a technological revolution in personal hygiene! My birthday is right around the corner people, get on it.
Now I'm off to invent the Comfort Whiz. I'm so sick and tired of holding my own whang when I pee.
Posted by: admin at June 15, 2009 2:07 PM
I was ready to rail at the Pixar top ten until I realized how hard it really is to seperate them into such a list. When the worst movie of the ten gets at least a "B" in my eyes, you're talking about some great quality and a lot of hair splitting. So instead I'll group them into Classic, Really Great and Good categories.
Classics: The Incredibles, Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille
Really Great: Monster's Inc, A Bugs Life
Good: Cars, WALL-E
Not yet seen: Up
Posted by: ed newman at June 15, 2009 2:08 PM
Would you only order one Comfort Wipe per household? I I'm picturing a row of personalized "Ass-Swiffers" (thanks, Cindy) lined up next to the magazine rack in a bathroom. And I've wasted five minutes and valuable brain space on the knowledge that this useless piece of crap exists.
Posted by: battgirl at June 15, 2009 2:15 PM
Oh, hell no. Finding Nemo is definitely the best. It's the sweetest, funniest, most beautifully animated movie of all fucking time.
I mean, I love all Pixar but, come on. Ratatouille? It was cute, but it was nowhere near as emotional as Nemo. Again, Wall-E was a beautiful movie but didn't have the beautiful visuals of Nemo. Haven't seen Up, so I'm holding on to Nemo at #1 for a while.
But really, all of these movies are so great that it's impossible to really rank them. I'd say my least favorite is Bug's Life, but that's like picking a favorite ice cream flavor. Don't make me choose.
My favorites: 1) Nemo, 2) Incredibles, 3) Toy Story.
The other day I saw Monsters, Inc. again. I forgot how hilarious that movie was.
I mean, sincerely, no offense to anyone who does like it, I am very aware that this is (probably) an incredibly irrational thing on my part, I just remember watching it with an increasing feeling of anger and resentment to that lazy little bastard who spent so much time dilly dallying that our planet never got cleaned the fuck up. Maybe I just have an issue with lazy fucking robots.....
You thought THE ROBOTS were the lazy ones?!?!?! It's like I don't even know you.
Posted by: jM at June 15, 2009 2:17 PM
Anyone know if the "comfort wipe" up there is another commercial from that "Everything is Terrible" group?
Posted by: alphawhiskey at June 15, 2009 2:18 PM
SO HAPPY to see all "The Incredibles" love on the site. I might rank "Finding Nemo" higher, but I'm not sure.
Admin, sign me up as the first buyer for the Comfort Whiz. I'm sick and tired of hefting the pendulous weight of my penis every time I urinate, though it's why I have such big guns.
Posted by: jimbob at June 15, 2009 2:19 PM
No, Heidi, no. You are so, so much lower than that. You deserve fuck all. So shut the fuck up. I can't believe someone is interviewing you at ALL. Slag.
Sorry BWeaves, you've gotta get yourself the handy dandy Computer Condom (aka saran wrap). Comes with its own Rollo-applicator (long handled stick now used for making almost any manual task "easier"). Just grab the end of plastic wrap with one hand and pull the rollo-applicator gently across the top of your keyboard until all keys are covered. Push the big red rollo-applicator button with your thumb to slice off the plastic wrap, fold both ends of the wrap under your keyboard and voila! Spit away.
Posted by: Cindy at June 15, 2009 2:19 PM
EVERYBODY I know is getting the Comfort Wipe this Christmas, monogrammed of course (yes, Boynton, including you). That product is awesome in so many ways. I have no idea how I got into my forties without one.
Posted by: PaddyDog at June 15, 2009 2:20 PM
Between the "Ass Swiffer" and the "Computer Condom", anyone else think Cindy is a little too familar with this line of products? Perhaps the evil brain behind the empire?
Posted by: PaddyDog at June 15, 2009 2:24 PM
I don't comment very often, but that Pixar list was atrocious in every sense of the word. "Bored stiff" watching Monsters Inc.? This guy must have shit for brains.
Posted by: Penelope at June 15, 2009 2:25 PM
"Jell-O Pudding Ice Cream, which actually will melt into pudding, albeit the process of doing so is mind-numbingly boring and anti-climactic..."
-------------------------------------------------
Also anti-climactic: Water turning into wine.
Legend has it that guests at a party in Galilee were less than impressed when Jesus' "miracle" turned water into Thunderbird.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 15, 2009 2:26 PM
I love that Peary book, and Mr. Miller's essay on it. Oh, I'm all full of nostalgia now. I'll have to go home and dig it up.
The Beatles entry on Naive's Guide is just stupid. "All of them are now dead." Um, no.
The Incredibles 7th? Fuck off!!! Wall-E was ok, but far-reaching (oh, and slightly boring - the short before it was THE best part of the evening.)
I enjoyed Up, but my wife fell asleep. I asked her why and she, very insightfully replied, "Another story about a white guy. Wheee." Animation was great though.
Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Monsters, and Ratatouille top my list.
Posted by: Duane at June 15, 2009 2:28 PM
I finally watched The Comfort Wipe ad. For a perpetual clutz like me that is absolutely terrifying. I know myself too well, after a vigorous wiping I'd probably end up with a plastic rod in my "Not very likely, Mister" area.
OMFG. That Comfort Wipes commercial is fake, right? Right??? I imagine if you call that phone number, the person on the other end of the line just laughs hysterically at you for 5 minutes.
*just saw the Get-a-Grip in the ad* Oh man, we sell those at works. I bet in a few weeks we'll be stocking the Comfort Wipes as well. Fantastic.
How is "The Incredibles" number 7 on that list and "Ratatouille" is number 2? In what universe does that make sense? "Ratatouille" is by far the most boring of Pixar's films.
Posted by: Melissa at June 15, 2009 2:30 PM
I think Cars is my least favorite for three reasons:
1) it's their least original movie. It's fun, yes, but it's not The Monsters Are Afraid of Children! or Rat Wants to Become a Chef! It's kind of predictable. Sweet, but not terribly original.
2) Too much Americana for my tastes. You miss a lot of things if you didn't grow up in the culture of NASCAR and cutesy small town America.
3) I hate Owen Wilson's voice.
Still a cute movie, but not on par with the rest of their work.
Yes, Pixar, there's your acclaim. After eight great movies in a row, you haven't been everything to everyone. How horrible.
Now if you'll excuse me, my eyes have rolled right out of my head.
Posted by: twig at June 15, 2009 2:33 PM
I love the giant sigh Al Roker lets out halfway through interviewing Twit & Twat. That was probably the only time in his life that he wished he was Willard Scott & didn't have to do interviews. Plus, Willard Scott could get away with punching Spencer. The man's old.
Posted by: Melissa at June 15, 2009 2:34 PM
Ah Julie, good thing I had on my Computer Condom.
Paddy, shhh...
Posted by: Cindy at June 15, 2009 2:35 PM
Oh dont get me wrong, I know the people are lazy too, I just feel like the time the little Number 5 wannabe spent mooning over musicals was time he didn't spend doing his goddamn job. I have no patience at all for procrastinators. Maybe if he'd dedicated a fraction of that time to working his stupid ass off, he'd have been able to suitably clean our planet centuries before thus saving human kind from turning into football shaped blobs of pseudo human jelly
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 2:35 PM
Here is the proper list. Monsters Inc. should be one one, Toy Story should be number two, and Nemo/Ratit should be tied for 3. Then everything else gets a who the hell cares.
The top 3 get their spots because they were original, funny, AND touching. Every other movie only meets 1 or two. For example, I concede that I hated Wall-E. But even those who bought the stupid fucking robot who can love nonsense, can't really argue that it was an objectively funny film. Maybe the fat people jokes, but most of the movie, he is alone, not being funny. Maybe he is being so adorable that he rots your brain into a pudle of awwwwww, but still NOT FUCKING FUNNY.
Monsters inc. should be number one for a few reasons. First, the concept is the most original. Toy story is fundamentally: what if dolls were real? Not that original. Nemo is what if fish could talk? See Little Mermaid bitches. Monsters Inc. is imagine a world where monsters are like people but they power their world through capturing screams from people. Yeah, no one else did anything quite like that. Ratitouille I will argue was equally original. rats + french cuisine + love = awesome? Yeah, that was new.
Monsters inc. also had better animation than the other movies, with the exception of nemo perhaps. Humor is a matter of taste, but I think the voice acting / comedic stylings of John Goodman, Billy Crystal,Buscemi is an example of to how do voice acting. TAKE A HINT JACK BLACK.
I also feel that MI was just the right level of sweet. I think that some people hate Wall-E because they found it cloying, not cute. Nemo was a great movie, so was toy story, but MI was just a little bit more touching to me. Being able to make someone you care about laugh is for me at least, something I can relate more to then finding freedom or, finding my way in the world.
I can probably think of other reasons why MI should be number one, but I doubt anyone read this far.
Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 15, 2009 2:44 PM
He was ONE little robot! did you SEE all the work he had already done! Sheesh, what more do you want of him, woman?
Nadine how can you expect a tiny little robot to clean up the ENTIRE planet all by his lonesome? Oh, how I do love WALL-E! And the silent 30 minutes of that movie? Genius!
Posted by: Agent Scully at June 15, 2009 2:47 PM
wait. what are the advantages of being a big guy?
also, $20 says anyone who actually orders the Comfort Wipe never uses it for its intended purpose.
Posted by: Rachel at June 15, 2009 2:50 PM
I might have no heart indeed(I sold it for a pair of shoes), but Figgy,you're welcome to visit my nice clean planet and pet my obedient robots any time. Least I can BREATH my air. Plus there's no indication that Wall-E Alone made those towers. We dont know when the other robots broke down, coulda been a month ago for all we know and Wall-E is just a needy motherfucker...
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 2:51 PM
See, Rachel, I wanted SO MUCH to love the silent 30 minutes. I'm a die hard Silent Movie lover and I heard this film had no dialogue for the first 30 minutes and thought my god this is a chance for Hollywood to show us again that dialogue doesn't make a film, that art doesn't need hokey words!
But no. NO. I just got angry and frustrated with the idiots who destroyed the planet, the lazy fuckers who left robots to clean it, and fucking Wall-E who didn't help a single thing.
Terminator's might have wrecked up earth in the futur but you know once they destroyed manking they'd have had that shit gleaming. Wall-E Doesn't have any one else remaking the mess and he still cant clean it up. He's a ROBOT! He goes to BED AT NIGHT?! ROBOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 2:54 PM
Wait, not Rachel, Agent Scully, Sorry, I am very backwards today
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 2:56 PM
1. Toy Story 2
2. Up
3. The Incredibles
4. Ratatouille
5. Finding Nemo
6. Wall-E
7. Monsters Inc
8. Toy Story
9. Cars
10.A Bug's Life
Posted by: Fredo at June 15, 2009 3:03 PM
I saw that Comfort Wipe thingy in a catalog that featured a depressing number of products designed for the failing human body. It was marketed towards old people who perhaps don't have as much flexibility as they would like. So I acknowledge that it has its purpose, but, as I told my friend, "If I ever get too old, too fat or too sick to wipe my own ass, please arrange to have me put down."
I found The Incredibles to be rather dull. And Finding Nemo was appalling. Oh, the visuals were great, but after the tenth or so time when a beloved character appeared to meet his maker, I was screaming with rage. Was there some bet between the creators to see how many times they could make little kids cry during the movie? Geez.
Ummm...who are those blond people and why does everyone keep giving them attention? They appear to have no skills or talents and are shrill and annoying. Please make them go away.
Posted by: DeadBessie at June 15, 2009 3:06 PM
BUT IT WASN'T HIS FAULT!!! Those fat fucks left them swimming in a sea of garbage and Ass Swiffers and never even so much as checked up on them until EVE showed up. So he stole a few moments for himself, it's not like they were dying to get back. He sleeps at night to recharge from all the MOUNTAINS of trash he's compacting. Have you seen the face he makes while compacting? Poor thing looks like he'll pop a sprocket. And it's not even his job to process the air! I FEEL LIKE I'VE TAKEN CRAZY PILLS!!!
Posted by: jM at June 15, 2009 3:08 PM
See?! That's EXACTLY how I feel when people say they like it! I cant help it, I tried to hard to find him cute and endearing and an object of pity but instead I just think 'Ugh, obey your programming you DRONE, stop dillydallying!!'
Ya know? I hope that little SOB DOES pop a sprocket, I hate his lazy lass. Not to mention his RoboGirlfriend is literally CENTURIES younger than he is. So he's lazy AND a paedophile.
Which fits perfectly with the view I already have of Robots.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 3:13 PM
Nadine: your irrational hatred for a cute, inoffensive, little robot warms my heart.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 15, 2009 3:13 PM
Hee. You are so, so wrong but you're cracking me up. Poor Wall-E. He doesn't deserve this!
Is it wrong that the angrier and more insane jM gets the harder i laugh? I say it with love of course.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 3:19 PM
"luker": I'm with you - Monsters Inc is my favorite. So sweet, so original, and so goddamn funny. It doesn't get nearly enough credit.
I'm not a fan of Finding Nemo. The movie is gorgeous and Ellen is wonderful as Dory, but it doesn't make up for making me listen to Albert Brooks whine for 90 minutes. I spent the whole movie desperately wanting father and son to be reunited...so basically just wanted the movie to be over.
My fiancé puts Cars in his top three...I'm not sure I can marry him. Its a decent movie and all, but..seriously? Cars?
Posted by: MN_Jen at June 15, 2009 3:19 PM
And just for the heck of it:
1.Monsters, Inc
2.Up
3.The Incredibles
4.Toy Story 2
5.Wall-E
6.Toy Story
7.Finding Nemo
8.A Bugs Life
9.Ratatouille
10.Cars
Posted by: MN_Jen at June 15, 2009 3:24 PM
"but it doesn't make up for making me listen to Albert Brooks whine for 90 minutes..."
You said it! In fact NOTHING in this world is more annoying to me than Brooks' particular whine. I wonder if he's like that in real life. No wonder he didn't get to plow Holly Hunter in Broadcast News.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 15, 2009 3:24 PM
Wall-E by far. I think I will appreciate Up better when it gets released on dvd. I fell in love with Wall-E from day one.
Posted by: Candy at June 15, 2009 3:26 PM
Is it wrong that the angrier and more insane jM gets the harder i laugh?
GOD NO. Our darling jM is best when she's railing (against injustice) and nailing (pandas of course).
Wall-E built SKYSCRAPERS of trash! One cube at a time! And he made it after all the other punk-ass robots died. Give the lil' guy some credit.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 15, 2009 3:29 PM
Wait a sec... you are just supposed to tuck the toilet paper into a little slot on the ass-mop thingy???
How the hell does it stay in place while you're wiping? I suspect that any use of this product ends with a clump of toilet paper stuck to your ass and a possibly smeared plastic stick.
If you can't reach your own ass to wipe, get a dog.
Posted by: canology at June 15, 2009 3:29 PM
See that's what I said though Optimus! How do we know he made those sky scrapers after the others died? Maybe they all worked together to make most of those towers then the others died and he's made like...one or two by himself. He's a ROBOT.
I hate those damn Robots.
Julie...that's good to know, because seriously, talk about blowing a sprocket, teeeheeee.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 3:34 PM
Ugh. That list of 'Actors Who Deserve a Comeback' is terrible. Most of them make me want to stab myself in the eye. Pauly Shore and Jon Lovitz are irritating, smug assholes.
Ouch. Oooo. Eeeek, Nadine you’re hurting me. I’m baffled. How can anyone hate Wall-E? And with such rancor.
But…but…the confusion with the spork! And his cute cockroach friend! And the pizza plants! PIZZA PLANTS!
Posted by: Agent Scully at June 15, 2009 3:35 PM
GAH! SCREW ALL YOU BASTARDS!!! I am so tired from laughing and CAPS LOCKING! HOW DOES KANYE DO THIS EVERYDAY!!!
Posted by: jM at June 15, 2009 3:37 PM
So maybe WALL-E was listening to show tunes and collecting rubik's cubes when all the others were working? ... That little bitch! You may have found a convert, Nadine.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 15, 2009 3:39 PM
JM is actually being TOO generous to Wall-E?
Has anyone actually analyzed WHY he out-lived the other robots?
Which scenario is more likely. 1)The pixar version: Wall-E outlived everyone because his spunky little heart was filled with love, joy, and judy garland "pep."
OR
2) serial killer: he was a robot cannibal who murdered all the other robots, stockpiled their parts, and ate them in a ritualistic fashion so that he could live forever.
3) zombie
The serial killer scenario makes perfect sense: it explains the obsessive compulsive behaviors (trash stacking), odd obsession with women of a particular type (egg-shaped with lasers), bland-exterior, etc. Wall-E was basically dahmer on wheels.
Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 15, 2009 3:41 PM
I also meant to give Nadine credit for inspiring my line of reasoning.
Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 15, 2009 3:44 PM
But Rebecca! Lovitz!! Where else will you find an actor who can do THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And I am sorry to hurt you Agent Scully, I truly am, I dont mean to upset you all...I just...my negative reaction to a film I dont like is usually just 'meh'
But Wall-E...Wall-E inspired a hatred in me so deep that even seeing his stupid little face on a poster makes me feel a powerful anger that little can quell. I see him an I am forced FORCED to punch a small child in the knee DONT ASK ME WHY!!!
I want him to use the spork to kill the cockroach and then bury them both in the roots of his stinkin pizza plants.
Not to mention, he's an artificial intellegence. As countless movies and shows have warned us, AI's no matter how obedient or sweet or seemingly 'on side' will inevitable go nutso and try to kill us all. The same AI that programmed the Space World did just that and he was presumably built of the same basic techonology that centuries before, spawned Wall-E.
Think about it.Wall-E is one more bump on the noggin away from compacting some fat little kid into a block of easily stackable garbage.
Which, in RE: to my earlier indications of his sexual deviancy, creepy little Wall-E would have enjoyed SEXUALLY.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 3:44 PM
Lazy AND a scavenger!
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 15, 2009 3:46 PM
LIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!!
Posted by: jM at June 15, 2009 3:56 PM
Ohmygod, Nadine, you are totally cracking me up while tearing apart one of my favorite movies. Are you comparing Wall-E to Skynet??
Posted by: Melissa at June 15, 2009 3:59 PM
Nadine is killing me. In a good way. I loved Wall-E, but this is too funny.
I think I've broken jM...Sorry jM. I agree on the Kanye thing though, the caps lock is...draining.
Optimus, Lurker...we're onto something here. I am glad we figured this out, we might have saved legions of childrens from watching the robotic version of Dahmer.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 4:05 PM
Eat shit, Natalie! I will troll you for the rest of your pathetic existence for dissing on Wall-E!
In honesty, I couldn't do a list of Pixar from best to worst, they're all winners, all either good or great. Even if you thought Cars had to much America, it had Paul Newman and George Carlin in the same movie! Even Larry the Cable Guy was golden in it. It will be his sole contribution to humanity.
Now I'm totally imagining Wall-E being sent back to kill Sarah Connor. Who would ever suspect such a sweet little innocent-looking MURDERER? No one. Bitch would never see it coming.
Don't worry Scully . . . Nadine admitted this about an hour ago:
Sorry, I am very backwards today
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 2:56 PM
She's obviously just having a mental break.
Nadine - maybe you should go lie down . . . have a drink . . . throw a computer off a roof. anything to relieve the stress.
Posted by: Rachel at June 15, 2009 4:13 PM
Georgie, baby, who's Natalie ;)
And guys, I too have had an absolute barrel of laughs here tonight, I apologise for ragging on a film so many people love so much, it's something I tend to avoid, but you've not only let me do it, but let me have a good time doing it without feeling bad.
I love all y'all.
But not Wall-E. We've established that
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 4:16 PM
wall-E is rolling along the street when a young women spots him. She exclaims "oh my, what a cute little robot."
He strikes, while shouting his battle-cry:
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
He eats her. Thus ends the future of the human race.
Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 15, 2009 4:17 PM
I think that's a sequel idea we need to work on:
Wall-E 2: Judgement Day.
Posted by: Melissa at June 15, 2009 4:21 PM
Dude. YES.
I mean, come on, you send Arnold back in time and that fucker's going to freak everybody out. You send Wall-E, everyone's going to be going all 'AAAWWW' before he EATS them and compacts them into a square of fleshy bits and blood.
The sequel to Wall-E will have a very different poster. ather than gazing upwards with stars reflected in his eyebulbs...he will be staring out at the viewer, lit in red, his eyes gone dark and predatory. The title will be 'Wall-E 2: The Wall-Ening'
The tagline 'Wall-E likes to Collect things...now he wants to Collect you'
In the trailer, one clip shows a cute, chubbly child investigating the now abandoned remains of Wall-E's truck. He sees Wall-E's collected tidbits and charms. He rolls the shelves and finds another collection. Human skulls.
He recoils in silent horror. Behind him, Wall-E emerges from the shadows, eyes glowing red.
The child backs into him and jumps, terrified, reeling around. He sees Wall-E and a smile of faint relief crosses his face as he realises, hey, its just Wall-E.
Wall-E rolls further forwards, his eyes shutters lowering into a grim, angry frown. The kid's smile fades. Wall-E's pincers raise...they're stained red with blood.
Realisation dawns and as Wall-E's hands clamp down on the chubby little forearm, we cut to an external shot of the hood. we hear a single echoing shriek 'WAAAALL-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 4:26 PM
Before I read any other comments, I gotta vent about Roker vs. the Retard Twins. I hate Al Roker. He's not funny, and yet he laughs at all his own "jokes." And I hate that I'm even aware of the existence of Heidi and Spencer. So asking me to pick a side here is kinda like asking me whether I'd rather be infected with ebola or smallpox.
Having said that, I'd like the assholes on all the morning shows to dispense with the notion that they are actual journalists. They're not. They're spokesmodels. If they want to be journalists, they'll quit their $10 million a year morning gig and go slumming at CNN or MSNBC or, horrors, an actual news organization like AP or the Wall Street Journal. So stop trying to act like a real journalist 5 minutes out of the year in order to ambush some hapless celebrity like Martha Stewart or Tom Cruise or these "reality" show morons. Nobody should give a fuck what any celebrity does or says. If you're not prepared to throw down with someone who can actually fight back, like Obama or some DNC/RNC flack, don't bother. Just pimp your parent company's latest crap and the rest of the time, STFU.
Posted by: Slash at June 15, 2009 4:34 PM
Nadine: Hahahah!
One thing you forgot from the trailer....the music.
We have someone softly singing:
Hello Dolly!
Well, Hello Dolly!
It's so nice to have you back where you belong
(this is where it pans to the skulls on the shelf)
You're looking swell, Dolly,
We can tell, Dolly,
(screams)
Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 15, 2009 4:41 PM
You're lucky you're charming, Nadine. The trolling... ends.
Wait a sec... you are just supposed to tuck the toilet paper into a little slot on the ass-mop thingy???
No, no, no. You can clearly see at the begining of the clip where you press a button, the Comfort Wipe juts out something that looks like a prolapsed rectum, then sucks it's large colon -complete- with paper back into its anus. It's built like an ass for your ass.
Posted by: admin at June 15, 2009 4:42 PM
Luker, yes, god yes, genius...is there any way we can get a few clips from Wall-E and put this shit together?
And George, thank you =) I do hope my hatred wont cause us to be enemies.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 4:44 PM
Twig -
The comment about another white guy story wasn't so much a dig at Pixar as it was on a looooooooot of movies and my wife was simply disappointed that Pixar couldn't be more creative. I mean, this is Pixar. They built a small empire with a lamp and a bouncy ball. Are they telling me the main character couldn't be anything other than white? He couldn't have been black, asian, hispanic man? Or better yet, the character couldn't have been a woman? In fact, has there even been a Pixar movie with a female as the main protagonist? It is 2009 after all, can't we strive for a bit more diversity? (And this after Disney's Frog Prince preview shows a black princess - finally - who then turns into a FROG for the rest of the movie????!!!! WTF?)
And, again, I liked Up. But I'm a white, heterosexual male. It can relate.
Posted by: Duane at June 15, 2009 4:48 PM
Ugh. I, and the 10 year old with me, hated Ratatouille. We were mind-numbingly bored.
I also was bored by The Incredibles. I liked Nemo. I don't remember A Bug's Life. I haven't seen most of the rest. I guess I have no jones for cartoons.
Posted by: Kate at June 15, 2009 4:49 PM
If the Comfort Wipe is that much more dignified than regular wiping, I might as well stop using my modified kitchen sink/bidet. I won't have to worry about falling down while wandering the house with my pants around my ankles.
Posted by: branded at June 15, 2009 4:54 PM
Nadine
I have NO video editing talent to the best of my knowledge. But, I will try and email my friend's 13 year old son who I imagine is competent in this sort of thing. Plus, what teenage boy wouldn't want to turn wall-e evil?
Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 15, 2009 4:54 PM
Luker,that ROCKS. I'm a decent video editor myself but all I have at the mo is windows movie maker. Which doesn't even deserve its capitals.
I was thinking of cutting it with some Jurassic Park but in the time it'll take me to get a copy of Wall-E worth a damn the 13 year old will have beaten me too it. It hurts me that at 22 I am probably being outdone by several 13 year olds, the world over. Motherfuckers.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 4:58 PM
And I don't care if it makes Nadine angry, I thoughT WALL-E was delightful in every way.
I bet Nadine hates kittens and freedom, too.
Posted by: Slash at June 15, 2009 5:04 PM
You guys are thinking too small. Wall-E has a gorram laser. He goes rogue, and your shit is about to get sliced up. THEN he compacts you into a lil' cube and builds a skyscraper.
Now who's lazy!
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 15, 2009 5:05 PM
That Ass-Swiffer should come with a bidet-like water function. Flip, spray, flip, wipe.
Slash I love Kittens. And Freedom. I spread them on my toast for breakfast.
No Not really, my boyfriend has three cats and It makes me sad that they're all neutered cos it means I'll never get to see a new litter =(
Optimus, YES, a sky scraper of people!! And he wipes out the whole of the human race and then a while later, a new World Ship of people comes, inspired by messages being sent around that tell them to exercise. This world ship is full of slightly more physically fit humans who present Wall-E with something to chase. They come to the planet and wonder where all the first re-settlers have gone, and admire the towers they managed to build from HEY! TOTALLY RECYCLED PRODUCTS WOOHOOO!
Until they realise that the soft to the touch surface of the buildings is human skin, that the framework is human bones. That Wall-E, being an enterprising little SOB has not only compacted and constructed these People Towers...he's connected them on the inside and brought them back to life. The towers are alive, and sentient and every now and then, one of them finds a mouth and starts screaming
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 5:11 PM
Nadine, Luker, Optimus - You are all very brilliant... and a little disturbed, I think. Now, can someone explain to me why Hollywood can't make movies like this, but continue to pump out shite like Land of the Lost? Who doesn't want to see an adorable, homicidal robot who loves musicals as much as he loves slicing & dicing humans?
Posted by: Melissa at June 15, 2009 5:19 PM
Exactly Melissa, we just created what would be a total barrel of fun and hilarity in a few hours, from different continents, totally on a whim. Hollywood spends hours locked in rooms with mountains of coke and all manner of drugs to fuel the creative processes, and come out with total fucking garbage.
I'm not saying we're not on drugs to fuel the creative processes guys, but we're not locked in a room and we're prone to easy distractions. I'm calling for a rebellion. A move on Hollywood. Let us rise up in the name of Godtopus.
And Wall-E Dahmer.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 5:24 PM
Now I'm totally imagining Wall-E being sent back to kill Sarah Connor. Who would ever suspect such a sweet little innocent-looking MURDERER? No one. Bitch would never see it coming.
Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 4:12 PM
---
*snork* Just a reminder that you cannot declare yourself the EE winner, no matter how much you might deserve it.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 15, 2009 5:38 PM
Nadine... That is disturbing. I just imagine the enormous towers of flesh slowly pulsating with the breath of countless connected lungs.
We are really terrible terrible people.
Wall-E could sneak onto the new ship and it could get all Alien in there.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 15, 2009 5:39 PM
Optimus you say terrible. I say brilliant. I can imagine the enourmous towers of flesh. I can imagine clouds stained with red, because of how much bloody must Wall-E has sprayed into the atmosphere...I can imagine the once sunny and bright trash covered earth...now...darkened by the constant storm clouds that gather over the towers and rain down their own blood...I can imagine the explorers spotting the odd horrible detail...a belly button here...eye socket there...screaming, gaping mouth replete with tongue and teeth and vocal chords as it screams and screams and screams, Wall-E having left it JUST ENOUGH cognitive function to be scared...I am getting way to into this but I cant stop
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 5:42 PM
No! Stop! I know I'll see it when I sleep!
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 15, 2009 5:48 PM
I cant!!! I can see Wall-E patrolling his Meat World, Content that at long, long last...he has friends....
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 6:07 PM
What have you done?
Posted by: jM at June 15, 2009 6:38 PM
I want to be sorry...but Wall-E is in control now.
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 6:46 PM
So, having never seen WALL-E, am I to assume that the comments posted are more entertaining than the film itself?
And, on a separate topic, that Twit-Twat-Roker interview made me so uncomfortable--on Roker's part. The um's and ah's made me want to crawl under a hole. The man needs to learn how to roast. Those two would've made fine fodder in the hands of, oh, Jon Stewart, perhaps. I was incredibly disappointed in Al Roker.
Posted by: bonnie at June 15, 2009 6:50 PM
Wait a minute. So, Wall-E created the Borg Collective?
Posted by: Cindy at June 15, 2009 8:02 PM
Yes... they would be his friends. And he'd attach rings and gloves to the odd hands that jut out. Sunglasses and monocles for the ever staring eyes. He'd have those meat towers covered in more crap than a TGIF Fridays.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 15, 2009 8:10 PM
(And this after Disney's Frog Prince preview shows a black princess - finally - who then turns into a FROG for the rest of the movie????!!!! WTF?)
You're making my argument for me. The movie hasn't even come out yet and already you've decided it's not good enough.
I'm not saying I don't want movies with varying viewpoints, genders, ethnicities, stories - Lilo and Stitch was one of Disney's recent best, but because it was a good story, not because it was created to service a cause.
Pixar has already managed to create multiple movies above and beyond the ability of so many other studios. It's their obligation to create good stories, not to do what everyone else thinks they should do. It's art, not politics.
And if people don't like that, if people don't think the stories they're being told are the ones that should be, then they should write the stories they want to hear. It's not any more difficult than asking someone to change their story, their work of art, due to the demands of the crowd.
Posted by: twig at June 15, 2009 8:15 PM
Didn't the robots in Chopping Mall look like Wall-E?
Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 15, 2009 9:45 PM
1. Incredibles
2. Rat (too lazy to spell it right now)
3. Toy Story 1 & 2
5. Wall-E
6. Finding Nemo
7. UP
8. Monsters Inc
9. Bugs Life
(notice Cars is nowhere near this list)
Posted by: the other kafka at June 15, 2009 11:36 PM
They would be his friends.
Would you like to make friends with people from other country or place?
Here's a community __ B l a c k W h i t e C o n n e c t--c om ___
Then you can get help and suggestions from all over the world.
While you may find your true love or friendship there.
Optimus, exactly. He'd have more Sparkle on those motherfuckers than that dweeb from the office space could ever imagine....all would be....sooo beautifuuulll....
Posted by: Nadine at June 16, 2009 3:39 AM
(completely off-topic from the Meat World skyscrapers with Wall-E as diabolical mastermind)
My complaint with Wall-E is not so much the robot (adorable..even if he is a lazy murdering pedo) but with the humans. If you weigh 500 pounds and have been in a hoover scooter your whole life, there's no way in hell you'd be able to stand on your own two feet. Never! Your muscles would be so atrophied they'd basically be inexistent. And you'd need years and years to even be able to crawl. So before this gets overly verbose: I am disappointed with how inaccurate Pixar is in regards to the human body. (Because they set the bar high with Nemo: they taught kids that clown fish rub up against anemones so they don't sting them... that's insanely scientifically accurate.)
Posted by: io at June 16, 2009 9:19 AM
I remember watching Finding Nemo with my little brother and I gasped and said I didnt know Nemo was handicapped! Definitely at the top of my pixar list and I have probably watched Monsters, Inc 50-11 times
Posted by: blacksred at June 16, 2009 9:51 AM
1.Monsters, Inc
2.Toy Story
3.Wall-E
4.Toy Story 2
5.The Incredibles
6.A Bugs Life
7.Cars
8.Finding Nemo - didn't like it at all
haven't seen yet: Up, Ratatouille
Posted by: missh at June 16, 2009 11:41 AM
Just got a chance to read this and I'm trying SO hard not to cackle loudly so as to attract the attention of my boss!
Nadine - 2 words for you: Clown Robots
Your intense fear of clowns combined with your intense hatred of Wall-E would make for a hell of a horror flick!
I really dislike Finding Nemo. Really, the only thing I like about that movie is Dory. Oh yeah and it was pretty. Everything else was boring and lame.
My favorite? Toy Story. All the other Pixar films beat it in terms of animation, but none of them have a better story. It's perfect. Every other Pixar movie has some tiny flaw in it somewhere that I can't get past.
Up - the characters don't seem to be that interesting to me. When Kevin finds her babies... I wanted to spend more time with her because it was like she wasn't really in the movie much and I didn't care enough.
Wall - E - I'm an environmentalist and even I found that movie wayyyyy heavy-handed.
Cars - I'm a 21 year old black female. Couldn't relate.
etc.
But Toys is beautiful. I love every second of it. I can relate to it more than the others. The idea of everyone around you are growing up and leaving you behind for bigger and better things is the story of my life. Being simultaneously jealous and admiring of the bain of your existence, wanting others to think you're awesome just so that you can reassure yourself that you are indeed awesome. Again - the story of my life. It's just a great movie. Love.
Posted by: Kayla at June 16, 2009 11:45 PM
Oh, and I have to agree with io about the humans in Wall-E. That's where it gets stupidly heavy handed and clumsy.
So in the future we'll all be so lazy that ALL of us will be super fat and driving scooters all day and on the internet all day?
There's certainly truth to that. But the movie could have depicted some variety there. My brother lives on McDonald's and he's thin as hell. It's like the writers spent a bunch of time perfecting the Wall-E and Eva story (which was amazing) and then got lazy when it came to telling our story (totally predictable).
Nothing tops talking dogs!