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Pajiba Love

Not to bring up the Great Squirrel-A-Pult Debacle of July ‘07, but if there was ever a squirrel in dire need of A-Pultin’, it’s this poor little guy, here. Thanks to Boozehound, obviously. (SugarBush)

Dustin finally breaks it off with Ryan Reynolds for hurting poor Alanis. (WIMB)

Phil from Marketing has got the Daniel Carlson demo down pat. (SlowlyGoingBald)

Yeah, but I bet what they’re not telling you is that one Chili’s low-fat meals actually has six servings in it. (QuizLaw)

Here’s a link you could probably waste a good hour on: The 50 Worst Sex Scenes in Cinema. Love that they got my favorite obscure B-horror movie about a killer snowman in there. (Nerve)

It takes a special person to purchase a VHS copy of the 1991 Sisters in the Name of Rap pay-per-view special and share it with the world — and that’s exactly why we love Rich so much. (FourFour)

The Hogan Family (not the cool, Sandy Duncan/Jason Bateman version) really needs to STFU. (The Blemish) And for the love of everything holy, stop dating your childrens’ doppelgängers. (WIMB)

Seriously Obama? Nothing better to do? (Agent Bedhead)

Out of respect to the critics here at Pajiba who do consistently a kickass job, I never post competing movie reviews. But I’m making this one exception for The Happening, because it really doesn’t tell us anything more than we’ve already learned from the trailer. (Film Experience)

So sad, the failed political memorabilia of years gone by. (mental floss)

Like I’ve always said, you just can’t trust grownup people who are that into Disney. Ain’t right. (YBNBY)

Wal-Mart is putting out their own version of Craigslist? What, does Craigslist not designate a section especially for used lawnmower parts and homemade moonshine? (LiberalAvenger)

As much as I wanted to ignore this “Bromance” nonsense, you can bet your sweet one I’ll be reviewing this treasure. (Yeeeah!)

New York City, as it turns out, is an even bigger disappointment than Indy 4. (cityrag)

If there’s one species that hates technology more than senior citizens, it’s our canine friends. The explanation for why my remote control mini-helicopter doesn’t fly anymore, after the jump.

Pajiba Love | June 11, 2008 | Comments (32)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Oh, Sugar Bush the squirrel. You freak me right out. Oh excuse me, I mean to say Sugar Bush The Patriotic Squirrel. Who reenacts news items. I don't even think I have a name for the feeling that comes from seeing a squirrel dressed up like Jon Benet Ramsey or for a squirrel pretending to look for Osama Bin Laden. Perhaps if they had the squirrel do both at once? I don't even know.

But what I do know is that I still can't stop giggling about the name Sugar Bush. Immaturity wins again.

Posted by: Sonia at June 11, 2008 3:50 PM

Oh my Godtopus, that poor squirrel. Where the hell is PETA when you need them? Oh, wait, that's right. They're mailing their hair to the Olsen Twins. Good job, guys. Reeeeeeeeal good job.

Posted by: Jeremy at June 11, 2008 3:50 PM

That squirrel is clearly asking for sweet, merciful death to save it from servitude. You can see the plea of 'kill me now' in its eyes. The squirrel-a-pult would be the humane way to go.

Posted by: katy at June 11, 2008 3:53 PM

If ScarJo thinks Obamas really typing those emails, she's dumber than she looks. More likely than not, he's dictating a response to some lackey and Bcc:ing it to a mass mailing list.

Posted by: Ciji at June 11, 2008 3:55 PM

used lawnmower parts and homemade moonshine

Wal-Mart, based in Arkansas ... yep, that 'bout covers it.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 11, 2008 3:56 PM

Who the hell is Brody Jenner?

Posted by: cmoody at June 11, 2008 3:58 PM

That list of horrible sex scenes is hysterical...and has confirmed that I was right in turning off Last Tango in Paris halfway through. Bleh.

Posted by: Julie at June 11, 2008 4:02 PM

Last year's squirrelapult commenters cried animal-cruelty... but I couldn't help but notice that - unless there was a pile of dead squirrels in the yard - the SAME ANIMAL just kept coming back for more. So, I would assume it didn't die from it - or even find the first trip unpleasant (which likely would have resulted in the animal being conditioned to avoid the trap).

ERGO: that sh*t was funny.

The squirrel in the costumes, however: too trite to be ironic.

Posted by: adrianne at June 11, 2008 4:04 PM

I am sorry but dressing up a squirrel in a bomber jacket with a FUR collar is just wrong.

Posted by: Phat girl at June 11, 2008 4:07 PM

Ciji:

He's not even dictating the response. Staffers handle all that stuff: at best, I'd think he knows that the little blonde dipshit e-mailed him once, and Michelle knows it too.

Wasn't SugarBush the last name of the sisters on Desgning Women?

Also, when will those who dabble in "what the future looks like" stop putting us all in our own flying vehicles? We've been promised this for over a hundred years now and it's just never going to happen. There are thousands of reasons why it will never happen. I want them to stop.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 11, 2008 4:07 PM

No Paddydog I think it was sugartits.

Posted by: Phat girl at June 11, 2008 4:11 PM

My dog doesn't attack technology, but he leaves the room whenever the vacuum cleaner is out or my husband is flying his mini-copter, so I think it's safe to say that he is not a fan.

Posted by: Betty at June 11, 2008 4:16 PM

I just laughed for 10 minutes over the picture of Sugarbush dressed as Saddam Hussein.

I hate people.

Posted by: Julie at June 11, 2008 4:17 PM

I started crying at the first picture of Sugar Bush. I'd punch her "owner" dead in her face and free that poor creature if I didn't know it would be a death sentence for the little thing.

I'm with Julie. People really fucking suck.

Posted by: Kolby at June 11, 2008 4:32 PM

I'm taking bets on whether ScarJo is actually registered to vote....

Posted by: samantha t at June 11, 2008 4:33 PM

No. Seriously. Who the hell is Brody Jenner?

Posted by: cmoody at June 11, 2008 4:34 PM

SKUH-WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! OMIGAWD THOSE SQUIRRELS ARE SOOO CUTE I COULD JUST DIE!!!

Sugarbush? Oh. My. God. That's. The. Best. Name. Ever. EVER!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAALL! I thought I had seen it all when I saw that video of the kitten playing with the toilet paper roll, but I think I've got a new screensaver - I'm looking at you, Sugarbush!

Gimme a S!
Gimme a U!
Gimme a G!
Gimme a A!
Gimme a R!
Gimme a B!
Gimme a U!
Gimme a S!
Gimme a H!

WHAT'S THAT SPELL?! That's right, the most adorablest critter I've ever laid my eyes on... I'm giggling so hard I just shot a squirt of hot feces into my shorts. Omigod, it stinks! WHEEEE!!!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 11, 2008 4:38 PM

Seriously kolby. I'm going to buy a chow chow and start dressing it as different characters from Dickens novels. I think I'll start with Jacob Marley and Miss Havisham. Calendars and other merchandise will be available at www.imanabsolutemoronwithacobwebbycooch.com.

Posted by: Julie at June 11, 2008 4:38 PM

"No. Seriously. Who the hell is Brody Jenner?"

I don't know either, but let's put him in the Squirrel-a-pult. It is a he, isn't it?

Actually, it did look to me like the same squirrel kept coming back for more. Squirrels do that sort of leaping from tree to tree through the air thang, so it didn't seem that cruel to me. However, I durn near choked on my tea seeing Sugar Bush dressed up as dead Benazir Bhutto.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 11, 2008 4:43 PM

I am answering this because I don't care if anyone know that I know who Brody Jenner is. He's the son of Bruce Jenner and the step-brother of the lovely and talented Kardashian children. He has dated many a young, coke-addled starlet, and really isn't famous for anything else. He does have good hair, though.

Posted by: Kolby at June 11, 2008 4:45 PM

Okay... I just checked out that squirrel site...

Uh... That person needs to be shot. No, not because of animal cruelty, but because... well, that just has to be the saddest motherfucker on the planet. Like, could you just go over there and have a normal night? Say you're a guest and just wanna have some dinner, light conversation and maybe play a game or watch a flick... Can that happen in looneyville? I'll bet the house reeks of popourri/potpouri/poppourii/popper... YOUKNOWWHATI'MTRYINGTOSPELL!!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 11, 2008 4:48 PM

As soon as I saw the link to the 50 worst sex scenes I thought, "If the pool scene from Showgirls isn't in the top 5, the list is crap." Glad to see nerve seems to know what they are doing.

Posted by: Chris at June 11, 2008 4:55 PM

They dressed the squirrel up like Benazir Bhutto? Upon her assassination? The fuck? That may be the creepiest thing on the internet. Of course, I really hate squirrels.

And, Kolby, Brody Jenner's hair may be good... but it pales next to his Dad's. I remember being transfixed by that Wheatie's box when I was a kid.

Posted by: megbon at June 11, 2008 5:02 PM

Also, when will those who dabble in "what the future looks like" stop putting us all in our own flying vehicles? We've been promised this for over a hundred years now and it's just never going to happen. There are thousands of reasons why it will never happen. I want them to stop.

My brother insists on this 'joke' where, due to my being the tech geek and genius that I am, I am supposed to build him a flying car. It has gotten worse since he saw some special on Discovery that had that sumbitch that built that car with the rockets and stuff.

So I totally support your hatred. Besides, if you think it is bad now, imagine if celebs were pulling FUIs.

I don't know what scarred me worse, the squirrel site or being reminded of that scene in Myra Breckenridge. Especially since, for a long time before I accidentally learned the truth, I thought seeing Raquel Welch in an American flag one-piece was a GOOD thing.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 11, 2008 5:11 PM

Well, remember the famous movies calendar that benefits the Shih Tzu Rescue Society in "Best In Show"?

Dickens Chow Chows are clearly the way to go.

Was the squirrel-a-pult like the Doberman on the water slide? Maybe the squirrel was snickering at his buddies who are all like "I can fly, you know. You ain't got these wings, crumb bum!". Like when Belle and Sebastian's "Tigermilk" got reissued on Matador and those prized crappy cassette dubs from a hookup in the UK became worthless and I chuckled to myself standing in Borders.

It was Sugarbaker and not tits, unfortunately. Oh, Annie Potts.

Brody is Bruce's son. Apparently his main role is on The Hills, but he tangentially shows up on the Kardashians show. He was another show about celebrity sons before that. He is, at the very least, not Brandon Davis.

So, yeah, you don't want to know. I didn't even know he was on The Hills. And how come Laguna Beach is all gone and forgotten? Tch. Just like Kristy Swanson and Preston Tucker.

Hell, I just want Disney monorail/PeopleMover technology to get picked up, I don't need to fly. I mean seriously, why's the magnetic train in the ghetto with Kristy Swanson and Preston Tucker?

(though I did read yesterday that Georgia's all up in cellulosic ethanol made from pine trees and wood chips and pig urine fuel as well as a bunch of other stuff, with the phrase "The Saudi Arabia of biomass" being used. The future IS here, and it's sort of a moonshine still. Hey, why not?)

Posted by: Jay at June 11, 2008 5:14 PM

I'm talking to myself here but you know what WOULD be ironic? A BEAVER named Sugar Bush. Zing!

Posted by: adrianne at June 11, 2008 5:26 PM

Oh, God. Please don't mention the WalMart classifieds. I work in Classifieds and my boss is going crazy over these.

Saw Alanis on The View this morning (only watched it for her sake) and she's still got the voice. Go Alanis.

Posted by: Brie at June 11, 2008 5:44 PM

Who the hell is Brandon Davis?

Posted by: Three-nineteen at June 11, 2008 6:09 PM

On the Howard Stern show today, Artie Lange told a story from when he was filming Dirty Work. Apparently, Ryan Reynolds was dating someone working on the movie at the time and was always hanging out on set. Everybody was told to basically leave him alone, which everybody did - except for Chris Farley. He would call him "Ryan Tinkerbell" whenever he saw him.

Posted by: Dave at June 11, 2008 6:15 PM

Just wait until SugarBush has about had enough of these tableaux and sinks her stabby little teeth into her owner's hand. I've been bit by a squirrel before. That's some painful shit right there. Bet she'll think twice about cramming that poor animal in some doll clothes after it tastes her blood.

Squirrel Power!

Yeah, Ryan Reynolds has lost some of his luster after relinquishing Alanis (who seems cool and normal and intelligent) for ScarJo (who seems like a twat). Now watching Blade:Trinity is just not the same pelvic-tingling experience it used to be.

Posted by: Alabamapink at June 11, 2008 6:54 PM

Obama please, as the brothers would say, "knock the lining out."

Posted by: Pookie at June 11, 2008 9:19 PM

What is wrong with you people? Ryan Reynolds will always be crush worthy. So, he is making monstrous mistake. I think he is pretty enough that I can out wait his foolishness.

Seriously, if people as beautiful as him don't get a pass for being a dumbass every once in a while, what kind of crapass consequences does that leave for the rest of us?

Oh and thanks for the info on Brody Jenner, obviously he's not someone worth thinking about - even if he does have pretty hair.

Posted by: cmoody at June 12, 2008 11:31 AM





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