free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 06/11/07 | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

seagal.jpg

Pajiba Love

And this is precisely why we have to suffer through three fucking Shrek movies instead of Joss Whedon’s Wonder Woman or an Onion sketch comedy movie featuring Steven Seagal playing a character named “Cock Puncher.” (Premiere)

10 stand-out performances in the finely honed craft of film Doucherrey. (Your Mom’s Basement)

I’m a sucker for a good vampire flick, and this one — the film adaptation of 30 Days of Night — looks like it might not even suck! (Popoholic)

Who’d you rather — revolting product edition. Disembodied vagina foot (Feministing) or Jalapeño SPAM? (The Impulsive Buy)

This sounds kind of eerily similar to that scene in The Ice Storm — only because it happened in real life, naturally there was the requisite legal buffoonery involved. (QuizLaw)

Meryl Streep’s daughter is the new Meryl Streep! (The Evil Beet)

A bitchin’ round of high-fives for everyone who made “The Sopranos” possible. (Galley Slaves)

And here are some other noteworthy series finales. Although if you ask me, it can’t be a complete list without “The Wonder Years.” Or “Buffy.” Come on! (YesButNoButYes)

Further proof you can market damn near anything with nekkid people. (Agent Bedhead)

After the jump — a very special chapter of Harry Potter.

Pajiba Love | June 11, 2007 | Comments (22)


J.K. Rowling Hints At Harry Potter Date Rape


← Surf's Up | "Reunited: The Real World -- Las Vegas" →



Comments

Hmm, vagina feet or jalapeno SPAM?

I'd go for the feet. But that's just me.


I had a douchebag boss just like Bill from Office Space. In what Alanis calls ironic, my boss's name was ALSO Bill. And asked me to come in on a Saturday. And I laughed. And quit.

Nice Love today!

Posted by: nexus 6 at June 11, 2007 3:47 PM

From the toes to the heel and ankle, great time and effort has been taken to insure that the Pussy Foot seems real.

There is no vagina on the bottom of my foot. I'm feeling very sexually insecure all of a sudden.

However, could you imagine having a pregnant foot? "I thought he didn't have to use protection!"

Regardless, it brings whole new meaning to "Athlete's Foot."

Posted by: zambonigirl at June 11, 2007 3:57 PM

Well, thanks for ruining both feet and vaginas for me.

Children who look that much like their parents scare me. I always think they're clones, or pod-people, or something even more sinister.

Great, now I'm spending tonight curled up in a fetal ball scared of pod-people and feet and cooters. Thanks a LOT, LS.

Posted by: TK at June 11, 2007 4:01 PM

Gahhhhhhh!!! From far away (or, without my glasses, since I'm fucking blind) the, uh, vagina foot reminds me waaaaay too much of the statues of Jesus at my old church. That's just fucking wrong on so many levels. I...just...seriously, that last image will be seared into my brain. SEARED!

TK--the word "cooter" always makes me laugh. Always.

Posted by: em at June 11, 2007 4:19 PM

em, i'm glad i'm not the only one. the only one that first thought the foot had something to do with jesus or the only one that cracks up at the word cooter.

Posted by: kb at June 11, 2007 4:38 PM

HEEEEEEE. A foot twat...what will they think of next?

Posted by: Julie at June 11, 2007 4:42 PM

The last Harry Potter boook will end with Harry doing away with magic in the universe rather than see Voldemort win.

Posted by: Clay Sills at June 11, 2007 6:01 PM

I take umbrage with Steven Segal taking my name. Cock Puncher was my Porn Superhero name. I also had a sidekick by the name of Hard Johnny Malibu.

Posted by: Manny at June 11, 2007 6:25 PM

I think Harry rapes Cho in the library with the candlestick.

Posted by: bartap at June 11, 2007 6:30 PM

I don't think rape is funny. Real classy, Onion.

Posted by: Bianca Reagan at June 11, 2007 7:52 PM

THANK YOU, LITELY!!!
an entire day without paris hilton news. for that i will always love you!

"pussy foot" i seem to recall george carlin mentioning that in a bit once...

Posted by: bionic bunny at June 11, 2007 8:39 PM

Okay, let us please nip this in the bud before we get another Dane Cook thread on our hands. If you have a rape joke, just keep it to yourself, please. It should be quite obvious that it is pretty much pointless (and borderline trollworthy) to continue that ridiculous fight. I am not saying you can't have the joke or tell it, just not here, mostly because I (and I am certain many others) would like to be able to make our non-rape-humor-related cracks as well. Damn.

But, and I will admit this, that line about a reversing spell making no mean yes was funny to me. Mostly because of the wordplay more than the implications. Sorry, that is how I roll. And the vagina feet should still be fair game.

With that said:

The only thing I can comprehend about the vagina feet is that if they were real, an innocent game of "This Little Piggy" could go very, VERY wrong. Or right, depending on how you look at it.

While I completely agreed with the douchebag list, the movies-not-being-released list wasn't all that great. Most of those ideas sounded crappy as hell. I will say I would have totally seen Rendezvous with Rama and Save Me Joe Louis. But whoever block that movie with John Travolta as Frank Sinatra needs to be applauded.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 11, 2007 8:51 PM

Bwuh. Reading that Premiere article didn't exactly put me in mourning about all those great projects that aren't getting made. There were a couple that looked intriguing -- Kavalier & Clay, Confederacy of Dunces -- but most of them looked like more pain: Ben Stiller in anything, Sandra Bullock as Wonder Woman (WTF?), almost the entire cast of Dino (Jim Carrey? Adam Sandler? Pass). Jesus, do we really need a Mike Myers project with another marginally interesting SNL figure? I like Dieter just fine (Touch my monkey! Touch it!), but this sounds like Superstar or The Lady's Man all over again.

Now, I'd geek over "Rendezvous with Rama." And the Terrance Howard vehicle about Joe Louis sounds pretty good -- that Terrance Howard guy, I think he might be going places.

[p.s. Tongue in cheek, Bianca? (Hard to hear tone in this format) I doubt the Onion is going for classy, but I had seen this trailer somewhere else a few days ago and found pretty amusing the idea that Harry Potter would tackle this subject matter: O, what would it do to the marketing !?!]

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 11, 2007 8:56 PM

Hee-hee-hee, Vermillion, may god strike me dead, I didn't see your post before I put mine up.

I think Bianca was making an ironic comment about the whole Dane Cook thread. If not, and it pains me to have to say this, the Harry Potter trailer IS funny and is NOT funny because it's about rape. It's funny because of the ridiculously absurd idea of Harry Potter having that subject matter in the first place and/or spending screen time scripting out all that stuff. I agree: Rape is not funny, humor directly based on rape is not funny.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 11, 2007 9:03 PM

Yeah right, socalled. Where is it? Where is the hidden camera? AAAUUUGH, stop reading over my shoulder!!!!!!

Anyway, I was responding more to bartap that I was to Bianca. While I do believe that there are some who can be sarcastic in their postings, some others cannot pick up on it. Just wanted to head things off at the pass.

Other things I forgot to comment on:

30 Days of Night is looking pretty good. I am still confused as to how such a simple yet elegant premise was never used before the graphic novel? I mean: trapped with vampires during an entire month of nightfall. That just seeps awesome.

The Galley Slaves link was interesting. I never fully realized how many popular shows are not by-the-numbers popular. And it only saddens me more that VM would have been considered a ratings darling if it was on a cable network rather than broadcast.

Also, I didn't find that AB link nearly as interesting as the one about the AfterEllen.com hot 100 list. They certainly picked better than Maxim did.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 11, 2007 10:01 PM

I apologize if my bad joke offended anyone. I don't think there's anything funny about rape (though I think the Onion clip was a good one). Clue, on the other hand...

Posted by: bartap at June 11, 2007 11:41 PM

Why, why did I decide to look at the vagina foot? Why?! It's because of all of you. It was peer pressure. Damn you!

And for the love of god, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom.

Posted by: katy at June 12, 2007 12:14 AM

Well, I couldn't resist the scroll; woof, that is gnarly. I think I'd rather eat the foot and screw the spam.

"30 Days of Night": I want to be intrigued, but Josh Hartnett has used up all his chips with me. He's way too boring to make something like this watchable. "Black Dahlia" -- ugh. I do like that Ben Foster kid.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 12, 2007 1:55 AM

As I will watch literally any movie with Vampires in it I am much heartened by the possibility that this one may not completely.. well suck. Heh.

It's still not making up for the pain that the Daywatch review caused me though.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at June 12, 2007 4:34 AM

I am really surprised that the Bearded Guy from Die Hard (Bruce Willis' wife's co-worker not Hans) wasn't in the douchebag list...

Posted by: Mook at June 12, 2007 12:09 PM

I am really surprised that the Bearded Guy from Die Hard (Bruce Willis' wife's co-worker not Hans) wasn't in the douchebag list...

Posted by: Mook at June 12, 2007 12:09 PM

bartap, I like Clue, too. It's my favorite movie.

Posted by: Bianca Reagan at June 12, 2007 2:05 PM