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Dear Megan Fox, Shut Your Effing Face. Love Pajiba

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | June 10, 2009 | Comments (52)

Megan Fox did an interview with the UK’s GQ magazine, and good lord is she really just a stone cold idiot. Even worse than previously imagined. (Celebitchy)

In correlation with Dave Eggers’ fantastic (or so I’ve heard) Away We Go, here’s a six-pack of screenplays penned by novelists. (PW)

Sad news for you guys, Miley Cyrus and her 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend have sadly ended their relationship. I’m pretty broken up about it myself — I really hoped he’d at least get her pregnant first. (Webster’s)

Seth sent this link, saying he wanted to nerd it up for all the math and science geeks: “I’m sure my fellow geeks already love the XKCD. But if you don’t, and you consider yourself a geek or nerd, this should bring you over. I just watched Superbad, and I think I laughed harder at this than at any joke in the flick.” (xkcd)

Harold Ramis talks to Spout about the impending Ghostbusters movie, which I know you’re all just frothing at the mouth over. (Spout)

Here’s the backstory on celebrity stage names and why they picked them. You mean to tell me Lady Gaga wasn’t born as Lady Gaga? I feel completely betrayed. (mental floss)

Because I rarely include any think pieces around here anymore, here’s the latest from our own Steven Lloyd Wilson. (Burning Violin)

Here’s an interview with iconic graphic artist Shepard Fairey. True story, when I was in college in the 90’s, I had one of his Andre the Giant stickers on my portfolio and some redneck in my Freshmen-level English class asked if I was a “wrestling fan.” (A.V. Club)

Residents in Yakima, Washington can now actually be fined for having poor taste. (Zelda Lily)

If Will Arnett and Amy Poehler’s baby is going to be the funniest baby alive, then I wonder what Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett’s baby will turn out to be? (Yeeeah!)

This is the perfect invention for everyone who avoids the break room like the plague because they hate their coworkers so goddamn much. (Serious Eats)

Ben & Jerry’s have released a new Sir. Elton John-themed ice cream, and contrary to popular belief it won’t make you turn gay just by eating it. (Impulsive Buy)

It looks like Heather Graham is a bit rusty on picking out movie premiere dresses, because I think she’s been getting them at Fredrick’s of Hollywood. (Popoholic)

So apparently Sweden has one of those annoying “Got Talent” shows, except this is the sort of thing that happens on it. God bless Europe and their rampant nudity: (Sort of NSFW)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

There's no doubt in my mind that the overrated "it" girl of the moment (who really is nothing more than trailer trash rocking big silicone) will end up in straight to DVD "features" by 2011. Right next to Craig Scheffer.


Anyone up for Turbulence 4: Airport Bugaloo?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 10, 2009 1:07 PM

The Bean Heater made me laugh out loud. And my co-workers gave me the ick-eye. But who cares? Because I hate them.

Posted by: Stacy D at June 10, 2009 1:14 PM

That Mental Floss article is the only thing, thus far, that has convinced me that Lady Gaga is not a drag queen.

Question answered!

Posted by: Tae at June 10, 2009 1:20 PM

That geek comic is amazing.

Posted by: Julie at June 10, 2009 1:21 PM

So Fox thinks her only job is to look attractive?

Psst... Megan... you SUCK at your job.

Posted by: Rykker at June 10, 2009 1:22 PM

Re: Megan Fox. So she's an idiot. As long as she looks good doing it, I'll buy what she's sellin'. Which is her point, I guess.

Posted by: logar at June 10, 2009 1:23 PM

Hey Stacey? Don't hope that 16 year old girls get pregnant, no matter how much you may dislike them. Completely tasteless.

Posted by: Kballs at June 10, 2009 1:31 PM

Ummm... anyone else find it funny that so many people denouncing Megan Fox's "my job is to look pretty" comment always say she should shut up and look pretty?

Then again, I may be being too rational.

Meanwhile: Redd Foxx's real name is Sanford! How awesome is that?

Posted by: Vermillion at June 10, 2009 1:32 PM

Don't care that Megan Fox is an idiot, her films are moronic, and she doesn't pretend they're anything else, unlike some starletards (Katherine Heigl).

Posted by: George at June 10, 2009 1:32 PM

Good point, George.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 10, 2009 1:36 PM

i heart xkcd.

Posted by: lizzieborden at June 10, 2009 1:37 PM

God I love Europe.

...the location, not the hair-metal band.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 10, 2009 1:42 PM

I loathe Megan Fox.

Funny story about pseudonyms: I took a buddy of mine to a strip club for his birthday (not because that's the kind of guy I am but it's the kind of guy he was and I am just accommodating) and my roommate tagged along. Little did I know that my roommate had smoked a whole lot of opium before we left. A forty minute car-ride later and he is losing it. We're in the club--and it is in rural Iowa if that gives you an indication of the quality of strip club employees and enthusiasts--and my stoned friend is fixated on this one girl. I hear the DJ say her name; my buddy is too busy staring at her breasts. Half an hour or so later and he has gotten up the stoned courage to ask her for a lapdance and he freaks out because he doesn't know her name.

"Safari," I say.

He looks at me with just complete and utter disgust.

"That's not her real name, Jake! Her parents were not big game hunters!"

Moral of the story: Have roommates who smoke opium; your life will be more interesting.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at June 10, 2009 1:42 PM

Stacey, your jeoulousy and cattiness is unbecoming.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at June 10, 2009 1:43 PM

Man, I was in Sweden three years ago and there were no naked dancing Swedish boys ANYWHERE I went. I feel cheated. In other news, Ikea should get those guys to make commercials for them.

You know what Megan Fox's secret is? She wants you to listen to her, which is why she says incendiary shit like "my only job is to look pretty" or how hot she thinks Olivia Wilde is, or how she fell in love with a stripper, or whatever. It's how she stays famous. She said one worthwhile thing ever, and it's the one statement of hers that got no press. The more people report on the dumbass shit she says the more dumbass shit she's going to say.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at June 10, 2009 1:43 PM

Oh hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate!

Posted by: Kballs at June 10, 2009 1:45 PM

If Will Arnett and Amy Poehler’s baby is going to be the funniest baby alive, then I wonder what Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett’s baby will turn out to be?

The next Sarah Palin.

I can't wait for Transformers 2 to come out already--it's the only way Megan Fox will shut the fuck up and disappear for a few months. God I'm sick of her stupid skanky face.

Posted by: figgy at June 10, 2009 1:46 PM

Never understood the Megan Fox love, but neither do I understand the outrage either. Was anyone expecting her to come out with pearls of wisdom? How many other starlets have been piping in with clever nuggets for that matter? At least she seems honest about her liimitations.

Posted by: Bd at June 10, 2009 1:53 PM

Genny, this is off-topic, but I love the name of your blog. You need a picture of Rusty Venture somewhere, though. Maybe the one where he pissed in his astronaut suit?

Posted by: Snath at June 10, 2009 1:57 PM

God I love Europe.

IT'S THE FIN-AL COUNTDOWN!! DUH nu NUH nuhh, DUH nu NUH NUH NUH!!!

Sorry, AvB, but it is written in Boo Bible that I must sing it every time it is mentioned. And now, you know you are going to hell if it is stuck in your head.

Posted by: boo at June 10, 2009 1:57 PM

So the Sweden's Got Talent judges gave that nude flat bread dance team 3 check marks just for having balls? Why can't we have a show like that instead of stupid AI?

Posted by: BWeaves at June 10, 2009 1:57 PM

One day, scientists and engineers will finally have a monumental breakthrough, and develop a fully functioning time machine. And on that momentous day, they shall send a lone agent to the year 1993, with one objective, to prevent 'Achy Breaky Heart' from ever being produced, thus preventing a chain of events that would eventually lead to the loss of millions of man hours wasted on discussions about the teenage terror.

Posted by: J Stride at June 10, 2009 1:59 PM

We're heading for Venus, and still we stand taaaall.

Posted by: Snath at June 10, 2009 2:00 PM

How many other starlets have been piping in with clever nuggets for that matter? At least she seems honest about her liimitations.

Posted by: Bd at June 10, 2009 1:53 PM

----------------------------------------------------

There's also such a thing as shutting the hell up. Pissing people off when you have ZERO discernible talent and only rely on your looks (highly subjective in her case since, to me, she is one ugly tat away from looking like a Real Stories of the Highway Patrol meth-hooker arrest case) will only work against you.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 10, 2009 2:05 PM

Queen's Radio Gaga is about trash songs playing on the radio by artists w/o any talent, like babies.. her music producers suggests it, then she's stupid and doesn't know what irony is.

Posted by: Ted at June 10, 2009 2:06 PM

Did Fox actually do an interview? And all you bothered to read it? I was too busy staring at the header picture. I think I am better off that way.

Posted by: ed newman at June 10, 2009 2:14 PM

I hate anyone who gets 15 minutes of fame and uses them to be omnipresent and spout shit out of every orifice at every opportunity they get.

Posted by: figgy at June 10, 2009 2:30 PM

Ah, my lovely Swedish neighbours...of COURSE you must have naked dancing boys on your show.

To be honest, this is a typical Scandinavian thing, we're completely shameless. Fun story: A band hired a couple to have live sex on stage while they played. This was at an open air festival in Norway, kids and all. Of course they were fined...$1500. And then they showed a 4 minute clip of the sex on the national news. The TV station was of course not fined considering it's owned by the government. Ha.

Posted by: Joker at June 10, 2009 3:00 PM

For some reason the faux outrage over Megan Fox is striking a dissonant chord with me today. None of us takes her seriously, nor is there any evidence that anyone takes her seriously. I've never understood the Megan Fox worshippers, but they always struck me as a harmless fringe element.

So, big deal. Check back with me if she gets elected Republican governor of some jerkwater state...

Posted by: Che Grovera at June 10, 2009 3:02 PM

*puts hand up* I'm with Che.

Posted by: Goldie at June 10, 2009 3:29 PM

Snath, I've thought about it, but so few people get the reference I figured it might just be too confusing. Like "why do you have a picture of a pale, skinny red headed misanthrope dude on your blog when you're a pale, skinny, red headed misanthrope chick?" However, if you notice whenever I talk about my brother I refer to him as JJ and those letters correspond to exactly none of his initials.

Here's the thing, Che, I've got some amount of respect for Megan Fox that I'm a little ashamed of. As best I can tell she doesn't do drugs, doesn't get stinking drunk in public, and doesn't sleep around in an obvious fashion but recognizes that the best way to maintain fame is notoriety. Since she doesn't do anything particularly notorious (besides blowing a chunk of cash on a variety of plastic surgeries to make her look like someone trying to look like Angelina Jolie) she just constantly does interviews where she says shit that makes good sound blurbs that'll get people talking about her. Hell, if I were famous it's what I'd do. I mean, it's not like she's gonna get tongues wagging with her ungodly acting talent. But, yeah, I'm doing my best to ignore her until she impresses me with something other than media savvy.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at June 10, 2009 3:45 PM

Hear, hear, Grovera.

And, also unlike some of Pajiba's Most Unwanted, she has no "accidentally leaked" sex tape, no reality show, no team roster number of kids, and no claim to religious or moral superiority.

I wouldn't even call them "worshippers", unless "worship" means "want to put penis in". If so, this whole Jesus thing just got more interesting.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 10, 2009 3:52 PM

"As best I can tell she doesn't do drugs..."


---------------------------------------------

HOLD IT! RIIIIGHT THERE!

http://www.mtv.co.uk/artists/megan-fox/news/124657-megan-fox-pot

Not only is she an idiot, she's also a degenerate lawbreaking, druggie. And don't give me any of that weed should be legal bullshit, FACT is IT IS fucking illegal. And, if in this country average Joe/Jamal Six Pack has to do time and gets his livelihood taken away for doing drugs then so should this bimbo.

Nuff' said.


Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 10, 2009 3:56 PM

boo, a couple of months ago my 5-yo son made up a song called "The Final Hashbrown" to that tune. It's really funny to hear him sing it, but really sad to think about the reality of it.

Posted by: elsie at June 10, 2009 4:02 PM

And don't give me any of that weed should be legal bullshit, FACT is IT IS fucking illegal.

Not for medicinal purposes in California. Given her relationship with Brian Austin Green, have we ruled out glaucoma?

Posted by: branded at June 10, 2009 4:05 PM

And don't give me any of that weed should be legal bullshit, FACT is IT IS fucking illegal.

BarbadoSlim, Internet Drug Enforcer. He'll put the SMACK in...well, smack, I guess.

Posted by: Snath at June 10, 2009 4:34 PM

Given her relationship with Brian Austin Green, have we ruled out glaucoma?

Posted by: branded at June 10, 2009 4:05 PM

Aw, branded is jealous!

I wouldn't even call them "worshippers", unless "worship" means "want to put penis in". If so, this whole Jesus thing just got more interesting.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 10, 2009 3:52 PM

V, I believe the homoerotic implications of your proposition are enough to cause the heads of conservative male Christians everywhere to implode. Therefore, it needs wide circulation as quickly as possible (especially in California before the next election)!

Posted by: Che Grovera at June 10, 2009 4:42 PM

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 10, 2009 3:56 PM

So wait, does that mean Joe/Jamal Six-Pack is also a degenerate lawbreaking druggie, and therefore deserves to do time and have said livelihood taken away? If so, why even get upset about their being punished instead of her?

And if a person really thinks pot should be legal, why would they magically think Joe/Jamal deserve punishment more than Fox? Wouldn't they believe both of them should be free, regardless of the current legal and/or fame status? I mean, it isn't like it is their fault the law says what it says.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 10, 2009 5:18 PM

I think Fox is hot, she's on my wall of women.

Just look at the simple truth that there are plenty of talentless women getting roles in Hollywood because they are attractive.

I don't see movies with her in them to hear her speak. Just to see her with barely any clothes on.

The same goes for:
Jessica Biel
Eliza Dushku
Elisha Cuthbert
Hayden Panettiere
...should I continue?

Just saying...

Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 10, 2009 5:32 PM

Given her relationship with Brian Austin Green, have we ruled out glaucoma?
Posted by: branded at June 10, 2009 4:05 PM

Dude. Have you seen Brian Austin Green lately? HOOOOOOOOTTTTTT. So hot. Would *gladly* sell my grandma into a threesome with Lucifer's & his best friend for a couple of nights with Mr. BAG.

I'm not even ashamed of this.

Posted by: Lainey at June 10, 2009 5:41 PM

Wouldn't they believe both of them should be free, regardless of the current legal and/or fame status? I mean, it isn't like it is their fault the law says what it says.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 10, 2009 5:18 PM

---------------------------------------------

That's speculation on your part buddy, the law is the law. I believe it should be applied the same to all. Ergo, they ALL get to go to to pound you in the ass prison.
To think otherwise is just anarchy, which I will not stand for.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 10, 2009 5:52 PM

That's speculation on your part buddy, the law is the law.

Where does the "degenerate" part come in though? Just because something is against the law, then automatically anyone who does it is somehow worthy of scorn? Speeding is against the law; so by your logic anyone who even goes one mile over the limit is pretty much deserving of "pound you in the ass prison".

There is a difference between "follow the law" and "you are a degenerate if you don't follow the law".

And didn't you just say in another comment thread about how you were going to download and torrent a movie with the explicit intention of making them lose revenue? I do believe that is against the law, even in the intent stages, sir. So I expect you will be turning yourself in shortly?

Posted by: Vermillion at June 10, 2009 6:26 PM

To think otherwise is just anarchy, which I will not stand for.

Come on...it could be fun!

Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 10, 2009 6:38 PM

"...by your logic anyone who even goes one mile over the limit is pretty much deserving of "pound you in the ass prison"..."


-----------------------------------------------

I guess, if you're speeding in the traffic enforcement paradise that is the State of Ohio you get to go to prison for going 1 mph over the limit. For the rest of the world however "my" logic is you get the punishment the legislators as representatives of the people have passed into law wherever you happen to live.

And yes, I will be turning myself shortly, after I torrent the next Shia LeDouche movie that comes out. But let me just say that I find it highly amusing how you happen to go out of your way to try and find justifications for the stupidity of every one of your masturbatory fantasies that gets exposed here. I wonder if you'd go through all this trouble for Rosie O' Donnell or Anne Ramsey.

Methinks you would not. You are an apologist my friend, an apologist for garbage culture and all the cretins that vomit it on us.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 10, 2009 7:14 PM

Oh yeah, Megan totally is an idiot. Idiot like a FOX! Hahahahaaaaaaaa.

Posted by: SaBrina at June 10, 2009 9:14 PM

I guess, if you're speeding in the traffic enforcement paradise that is the State of Ohio you get to go to prison for going 1 mph over the limit.

Wait. What? All this time I could be sent to Federal Pound You In The Ass Prison for speeding? Here in Ohio? Why don't they advertise this important detail on tv? Noooo, instead I get to see 2,000 advertisements for the fucking Shamwow. That's helpful.

Posted by: Lainey at June 10, 2009 9:24 PM

I said before I got a speeding ticket in Ohio recently and the only thing that got pounded was my purse. This Piss Test is among the more boring.

Yes Lainey- 2000 dollars to fuck the ShamWow and you will go to jail. But only if you bite its' tongue. I still would rather eat a swine bajingo.

Posted by: Stacy D at June 10, 2009 10:45 PM

Methinks you would not. You are an apologist my friend, an apologist for garbage culture and all the cretins that vomit it on us.

Actually, I did think Rosie O'Donnell was somewhat less wrong than Trump in their little tiff. I hate Heigl's entitled ass as much as anyone.

And I don't see where I was being an apologist. I simply pointed out the flaw in your argument. As far as the "garbage culture", I just don't see any point in constantly ranting and raving when it doesn't do a damn thing to change it. It is coming regardless, and I just don't feel like wasting a part of my life complaining. If I don't like it, I may poke fun, and then walk away. That is it. If you feel your claptrap is somehow useful, enjoy it.

Truth is, you just hate stuff. Nothing wrong with that. But then you try to rationalize what is essentially an irrational reaction. And that is where you falter. And it isn't like you have to; plenty of folks here admit they hate stuff and/or people for no good reason. But you feel like you have to convince everybody that your hatred is somehow well-founded when it isn't. Especially when someone questions it.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 10, 2009 10:55 PM

I just don't see any point in constantly ranting and raving when it doesn't do a damn thing to change it. It is coming regardless, and I just don't feel like wasting a part of my life complaining. If I don't like it, I may poke fun, and then walk away.

Seriously, Vermillion? *Please* tell me you see the hypocrisy in this comment.

Posted by: Lainey at June 10, 2009 11:05 PM

Seriously, Vermillion? *Please* tell me you see the hypocrisy in this comment.

Ah yes, I am indeed caught. For in my efforts to point out a ridiculous notion, I have fallen into one myself.

What can I say? We all have our moments of weakness. Mine are when someone acts like their little hissyfit isn't actually a hissyfit. My bad.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 10, 2009 11:45 PM

Mmmmmmm Stacey and Megan Fox catfight ...

*splork*

Sorry, I'll clean that up.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 10, 2009 11:46 PM

Megan Fox just reminds me of Cassandra from Wayne's World. I guess we just get pissy when someone has the looks, but nothing else apparent to make the morning after interesting. It's a shame, you know? We hates a wasteful shame.

Then again, give her some time. I HATED Milla Jovovitch in her 'I only read Goethe and Nietzsche' phase, circa Dazed and Confused. Now, I think she's tops. I think most of us are idiots in our twenties.

Posted by: replica at June 11, 2009 4:09 AM