free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 06/03/08 | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Pajiba Love

At first I was really excited about Clay Aiken having a crazy turkey baster lesbian baby. But now I’m starting have second thoughts… (cityrag)

What’s the one thing even worse than mistakenly calling a woman pregnant? Mistakenly calling Alanis Morrisette pregnant. Leave Alanis alone! (WIMB)

At the time of this writing, it is indeed not fucking over yet. (QuizLaw)

Really, though. Was it necessary to take things this route again? I think Hillary’s been sufficiently humiliated by now. (Celebitchy)

Get in line to call Chez an ignorant asshole! Although, if the South had been allowed to secede from the Union, I can only hope that all of the level-headed, Southern Pajibans would have made their way to Blue Country by now. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

Awww, when’s the baby due, Tommy? (Agent Bedhead)

Have you called Jenny yet? Have you called Jenny yet? Have you called Jenny yet? See you how you like it, Kirstie! (Yeeeah!)

It has been my experience that there is no funner game to play while drinking than Taboo. Just try to suggest a better one. See? You can’t. (SWPL)

Why would Nabisco want to expand on the Nilla brand? Nilla wafers aren’t food, they’re an ingredient to cheaply made desserts to be served at pot lucks and church functions. (TIB)

What do you get when you cross a Toblerone bar, sherry, custard and cream? Alex the Odd’s alcoholic ice cream family recipe, or me, waking up from a binge ‘n bender two days later. (Ink & Apples)

Wasn’t somebody just saying that they’d like to see more lowbrow video clips posted on Pajiba Love? Who was that… Hmm. I’m pretty sure it was Phillip. Well, here’s one for good old P-Step, after the jump.

Pajiba Love | June 3, 2008 | Comments (36)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Alex, have I ever told you that I love you? No? Well I do, I hope you know that.

Posted by: Jeremy at June 3, 2008 3:38 PM

Stacey, I see your Taboo and I raise you a Balderdash.

Posted by: Julie at June 3, 2008 3:43 PM

Julie, I'll see your Balderdash and raise you a Wise Or Otherwise (very similar to Balderdash)...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 3, 2008 3:58 PM

I fucking love Nilla wafers. And I fucking loathe Alanis Morisette - but that doesn't mean cracks about her weight (or anyone's really) are right.

However, that doesn't apply to Tom Cruise, because I don't think he's overweight... I agree, he is going to give birth to the new Xenu Apocalypse Baby ™ which will be bred asexually, like a toad. A toad with the need... for speed.

Posted by: TK at June 3, 2008 4:00 PM

Okay. I'm posting this question here, so as not to derail any comment threads that are related to movies, tv, books, etc.

You know how not that long ago there was all this talk about Pajiba t-shirts. And many of us were expressing our interest, but at the same time not trying to put any pressure on the Pajibans pulling them together, because said Pajibans were clearly quite busy? And then, dammitjanet was able to get one because of her impending tv appearance, so perhaps there was hope that they would be available to the general Pajiba public in the near future? Well, um, not to be pushy or anything, but what happened with that?

Did they make an appearance and I missed it? 'Cause that's entirely likely. I just want to make sure I don't/didn't miss my opportunity to buy one or two or ten. The designs that Skitt and Replica (not sure which designs are being made into shirts) had shared with us were awesome, and well, periodically, I am overcome with a consumeristic need to own a fabulous Pajiba t-shirt (or ten).

So, you know, if anyone has any answers for me, I'm kind of curious about the status o' things.

Thanks.

Posted by: tamatha at June 3, 2008 4:03 PM

Hey, there is nothing wrong with Nilla Wafers, you hear me? Those and graham crackers were the cornerstones of my childhood, dammit!!

Posted by: Brie at June 3, 2008 4:04 PM

Skitt I have never heard of or played that game, and now I must.

Tamatha, PissBoy has been working on the tshirts-I know the Bus(ted) tour design is done, but they haven't made an appearance for sale just yet.

And word, Nilla Wafers are the shit. And they make delicious pie crusts when crumbled.

Posted by: Julie at June 3, 2008 4:08 PM

Funny story about the Confederate Flag. I got my bachelor's degree at Washington and Lee University in Lexington, VA, the Harvard of The South as it is oft called, where among other things I learned that our city celebrated Lee-Jackson-King Day, not Martin Luther King day. That would be Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson.

Most of the major events and speakers are presented in Lee Chapel, which is a converted church that contains, behind the pulpit, a nave with a sarcophagus of Robert E. Lee flanked by Confederate flags. I will never forget the day when Maya Angelou came to our school to speak, and stood proudly at the podium, with the Confederate flags fluttering behind her, the marble statue of Lee as her backdrop.

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at June 3, 2008 4:09 PM

Thanks Julie! Glad to know I haven't missed anything. It will be a glorious day when they are ready for purchase. My bank account hates me already.

Posted by: tamatha at June 3, 2008 4:18 PM

I'm sorry to do this. I really am.

FUNNER, is just not a word.

Posted by: Elle at June 3, 2008 4:25 PM

Point A: Clue is really fucking fun to play when you've been drinking a little and your opponents are really fucking high. Stoners attempting reasoning strategies? Brilliant.

Point B: Clevername, that story is magical. And it is also one of the many reasons I steer clear of my family's Virginia homestead.

Point C: Cracking on Tommy Boy for looking impregnated = hilarious, on principal. Not because he's fat, but because he's a douche. Defending Alanis's moderately expanding waistband = much appreciated, for those of us who don't blow over in a stiff breeze. But cracking on Kirstie for being a weightloss failure in the same column that you defend Alanis? = A touch hypocritical - in spite of the fact that Kirstie is totally insufferable. You guys can do better.

Posted by: Tammy at June 3, 2008 4:45 PM

Okay, so maybe Bill Clinton had an affair with Gina Gershon. Be honest. Wouldn't you sleep with her?

Tammy, I think the insults are against potentially fat Scientologists. (see Kirstie and Tom)Doesn't that make it okay?

Posted by: greer at June 3, 2008 5:48 PM

"Okay, so maybe Bill Clinton had an affair with Gina Gershon. Be honest. Wouldn't you sleep with her?"

Actually, no. She's all teeth. I'd be afraid she might bite something off.

Posted by: Loob at June 3, 2008 6:10 PM

If you read one political article in this election year read the Vanity Fair one. It has some gossip like Bill cheating on Monica Lewinsky with Mondale's daughter and Monica calling him on it and bitch slapping him with a classic comeback. The thing about Gina Gershon I hadn't heard before. I'd heard he'd tagged Sharon Stone in Vancouver at the Pan Pacific and on a number of occasions rendezvoused with her at the DC Marritott. None of that is mentioned in the article.

He received $109,000,000 since leaving office but his foundation has received over $500 million and he refuses to name the donors. None of these facts are disputed but have been completely ignored in the press since article was released. It is mentioned that he pardoned Mark Rich who was a fugitive and traitor for trading with the enemy but no real reason for doing this was mentioned or even speculated on but he is an extremely wealthy individual who lived in Switzerland with a cadre of Mossad body guards. Fascinating even if it is a rather long read.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at June 3, 2008 7:05 PM

I don't read a lot of stories about Bill Clinton and his persistent man-whoring. I am afraid I might find out I slept with him.

Posted by: greer at June 3, 2008 7:17 PM

a) Poor Kirsty just traded her coke addiction for food. Why can't Scientology fix what ails her so she can give up the stuffing and the snorting?

b)I hope the Nilla Cakesters are as good as the Oreo Cakesters, 'cuz thems are the shizitz.

c) best game to play while drinking? JARTS!

Posted by: wsapnin at June 3, 2008 8:33 PM

And I thought Gina G. liked herself the ladies. No?

Posted by: wsapnin at June 3, 2008 8:33 PM

Yeah, I guess Tom is a wee bit pudgy, but I was actually referring to the fact that both he and Katie both absentmindedly placed their hands on his stomach. Pregnant women tend to do that as well. ;)

Posted by: agent bedhead at June 3, 2008 10:03 PM

Hell.Yes. wsapnin. Drunken Jarts are the backyard's way of thinning out the herd. If you can't handle your liquor, you certainly can't handle your Jarts. And brother, if you can't handle your Jarts, there's a relatively good chance that your reflexes ain't top notch and you're looking at a stainless steel prong piercing through your skull into your brain. And let me tell you, son, ain't no way I'm risking a DUI taking your hemorraging, slurring, motor-reflex impaired ass to the clinic. I've been down that road before, friend, and after waking up to an extremely large, hairy, heavily tattooed, and still drunk gangbanger sharing a cell with me in the drunk tank, I've wisely made the decision to pass Minimus the keys when I've hit the sauce a little too hard. Why can't Minimus take your shattered skull and shish-kebabbed noggin goo to the clinic? 'Cause check this shit out compadre - I happen to be the proud conjoiner of a three time, Tri-State Drunken Jart Champion. That's right, he's a lump of useless goo, but you pop a Jart in his turkey-claw and that motherfucker'll show you shit you've only read about in Ripley's. He likes to get his drink on when chuckin' the yard-spears and I've got no choice but to let him shine like a shining shiny ray of sunshine.

Sidenote: my cellmate was passed out of the floor with his head about six inches from the pisser. I woke up very, very hungover with the difficult decision of whether or not to empty my boozy bladder or hold it in and risk... uh, whatever it is you risk when you gotta pee really bad and hold it in. My cousin says that the penis will turn black and fall off, but I think he's fulla shit. Plus he's got like, three different kinds of venereal disease from touching his weiner to the urinal cakes...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 4, 2008 12:29 AM

Wow... I uh, I think I may have shared a little too much there...

Conrad, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. Seriously though, your penis is really frigged up looking and as your cousin, I think it's high time you treat yourself to a clinic appointment. Some texture and/or definition is perfectly normal - resembling a gnarled, latex glove stuffed fulla lumpy instant potatoes... Well... is not.

Which reminds me - we're doing the Fourth at my house this year - any chance you can bring the potato salad? Thanks holmes...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 4, 2008 12:41 AM

Let it be known that I love anytime Minimus enters the equation. What was the thread when everyone was describing what they look like? (Perhaps the same thread where TK's sweater vests were first spoke of). I have been trying to explain Minimus to someone (The only response was blank stares) but I feel like it might be possible if I had Skitt's post. I just remember something about a turkey claw

Posted by: Rex at June 4, 2008 1:03 AM

Oh, and Conrad, I know this sounds just friggin' awful, but would it be cool with you if I invited Samantha? I know you guys just finalized the divorce and all, but that time you guys were over and we were playing Pop-5? Remember that night? Well after you blacked out, Samantha and I ended up just bullshitting 'till dawn and really hit it off. But it was kind of taboo since you're my cousin, y'know? So when I heard you guys were in a bit of a rough patch, I called her cell to see how she was holding up and... Well look, it's not like we... Well, we did, but she had already moved in with her sister and you were hanging out a lot with that chick Donna from the parking garage, so it's not like I was the "other guy"... or "other cousin" I suppose.... HA! That's funny right? Yeah man, you just keep on keepin' on and when you get out of rehab, we'll hang out and shit... So, uh... yeah.

Remember the potato-salad...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 4, 2008 1:12 AM

Having played all of those and many besides utterly phazed (thank you Flavor of Love reunion show for that gem), I can safely say that drunken Apples to Apples is by far the most comically rewarding.

Posted by: serena at June 4, 2008 1:57 AM

Note to self: don't post anything after drinking bottom-shelf bourbon...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 4, 2008 11:21 AM

Rex- I believe that this is the post and thread for which you are looking: http://www.pajiba.com/the-boozehound-awards.htm. And I only know because someone else (Julie?) pointed me in the right direction a few weeks ago.

Posted by: tamatha at June 4, 2008 11:44 AM

Alex, have I ever told you that I love you? No? Well I do, I hope you know that.

No Jeremy you have not. Unless you are in fact my friend Jeremy who I recommended this place to and you were just playing dumb when I saw you on Sunday in which case a) great mad acting skillz dude and b) yes, yes you have although I'm not entirely sure that you meant it seeing as you called me soulless and evil the sentence before. Or maybe that's why you love me, which would make a lot of sense.

Chances are you aren't that Jeremy though.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at June 4, 2008 12:37 PM

No, Jeremy (or Skittamus). I will not be coming to your Fourth of July party. You are an asshole. I don't know what cheap thrills you get out of posting private information about me and my life, but it's time to knock it off. The fact that you have the audacity to invite Samantha, let alone post your "conquest" of her in a joking matter, is thoroughly disgusting. Would you be upset if I shared the story of why you got kicked out of your mom's basement? How about the time PETOCT* turned you into their poster boy? I'm guessing it's not something you'd be too comfortable with...

Give my regards to Wendell - sometimes I wish he were the one who developed fully in the womb. However, as it stands, he's still got more class than you. Dick.

*People for the Ethical Treatment Of Conjoined Twins

Posted by: Conrad (last name withheld) at June 4, 2008 1:16 PM

Oh, and by the way? When we were fourteen? I was the one that defecated in Amy's pool and blamed you for it. That's why you were a loser in high school and never got invited to anything - everybody thought you'd crap yourself again.

Jerk.

Posted by: Conrad (last name withheld) at June 4, 2008 1:22 PM

No Conrad, you're the jerk. I couldn't have any more pool parties after you pooped in my pool. Do you have any idea how quickly my popularity dropped after that? Do you? Let's just say that when you're an underdeveloped thirteen-year old, a pool pretty much guarantees instant friends. The moment you become known as "the girl with poop in her pool"? Not so many. And that you blamed it on Jeremy? Real mature. Do you know how many girls in our grade wouldn't even talk to him because of that? God, it's hard enough going through puberty (let alone sprouting a third arm and partially-developed face on your ribcage), without having to go through high-school as "the circus freak with loose stools". You're an ass, Conrad.

P.S. I'm the one who peed on your letter jacket cup at that frat party. And I'd sooo do it again.

Posted by: Amy (last name withheld) at June 4, 2008 2:15 PM

Jerem... er, Skittmus is it? I was never angry at you for pooping in my pool. I mean, I know now that it was your idiot cousin, but to tell the truth, I had the biggest crush on you (and Wendell) ever since he (you?) winked at me during Swim Class. I'm not sure if it was an involuntary spasm, or he was trying to cop a feel, but when he (you) brushed against my breast during laps, I felt a shudder through my entire body. I'm very open to new things... Call me?

Posted by: Amy (last name withheld) at June 4, 2008 2:20 PM

I don't know... You tell me Amy - did you decide to lift the restraining order? Because I gotta tell you, that particular event was a goddamed hoot. Really. Shit, you'd think you'd never seen a drunk conjoiner before... And as far as you not being angry about me (actually Conrad) pooping in your pool? I call bullshit. If I remember correctly, it was you and your clan of "better-thans" who rigged the Winter Wonderland dance so I'd be crowned Snow King. Not that you blatantly ripped off "Carrie" or anything, you ignorant twat - replacing blood with dog poo - ooh, how original!

FYI: I'm the one who planted evidence against your dad for that whole "beastiality-video" debacle. You're welcome...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 4, 2008 2:35 PM

Wait a second... so... you were the one who stole my videos? Thank God - I thought my mother had found them. I'm... whew. You're still a prick Jeremy, but knowing that you were the one that took them is a fifteen-year load off my conscience.

Sorry about your dad, Amy...

Posted by: Conrad (last name withheld) at June 4, 2008 2:49 PM

I hate the three of you... you've ruined my life.

This one's for you, Jeremy. July of 1972, I met a cute young waitress at a Po' Folk restaurant just outside of Topeka. She was a real firecracker, if you know what I mean. I kept in touch with her for a couple months afterward. Heard she moved to Indiana... I believe her name was Patricia. Ring a bell?

Yeah. How 'bout themapples?

Posted by: Lloyd (Amy's dad) at June 4, 2008 3:08 PM

Wha... you? You're my father? That can't be... that can't be true... It just... What about Amy's restraining order? You know what that was for, right? RIGHT?! 'Cause that would mean... oh no.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

[...fade to black and cue Scissor Sisters' "I Don't Feel Like Dancin"...]

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 4, 2008 3:12 PM

HA HA HA HA!!! Skitt, have you been conversing with yourself all day? I fucking love you.

Posted by: Julie at June 4, 2008 3:16 PM

Yeah... I sometimes tend to do that with no rhyme or reason. I've got a prescription, but it gives me night terrors.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 4, 2008 3:19 PM