Pajiba Love 05/31/07

Pajiba Love

Jon Lovitz is the “Celine Dion” of comedy. (eonline)

Speaking of Celine Dion, her kid makes the “Hanson” brothers look like serious badasses. (Yeeeah!)

The new gore-tastic trailer for John Rambo. Mid-way through, it appears that Rambo punches off a guy’s head. Fun! (FirstShowing)

I totally called it that Daphne was a beard. (Celebitchy)

Is this book gonna tell me that the piece I saw on the local news this morning about a dancing construction worker wasn’t really news? Dammit. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

An interesting look at the entrepreneurial brains behind the website that brought us “The Landlord.” (NY Times)

You can call her “Mr. Beyonce” from now on. (IDLYITW)

The female cheetah isn’t all that unlike your typical “Maury” guest. (Feministing)

And on that note, a couple of chucklehead lawyers who are not unlike your run of the mill “Springer” guests. (QuizLaw)

After the jump, meet 2024’s “American Idol.” (Where’s a Mommy-scolding judge when you need one?)

Pajiba Love | May 31, 2007 | Comments (33)

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Comments

I was going to say something snarky about parents letting MTV babysit their children these days....but then I remembered that there's a cassette floating around out there of my sister and me singing Michael Jackson's "You Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" at ages 3 & 4. Yeah. We knew all the words.

Posted by: Kolby at May 31, 2007 3:47 PM

Hoo hoo! Beyon-sir is packin' that heat! There has to be a medical term for that. Any takers? I'm pitching it high and slow.

Posted by: nexus 6 at May 31, 2007 3:59 PM

The only thing truly offensive about that video is the terrible taste in music this child is developing.

Posted by: Amy at May 31, 2007 4:20 PM

David Hyde Pierce? Gay? SHUT! UP!

Whatever. Also, the cheetahs thing? I love how the article is written to make female cheetahs look like sluts running around on their men.

They're CATS. Not people. Egads.

Nexus, I believe the term you're looking for is "balls".

Posted by: TK at May 31, 2007 4:43 PM

i got nothin'. just wanted to share the love!

Posted by: bionic bunny at May 31, 2007 5:22 PM

Same here, Bionic Bunny... just wanted to say that nothing kick starts my day like a delicious breakfast of Litely Salted Snark.

Posted by: Spender at May 31, 2007 5:28 PM

That Beyonce picture...well, what can one say? Does that woman travel with a wind machine, by the way?

Posted by: Samantha T at May 31, 2007 6:19 PM

Celine Dion's son.
David Hyde Pierce.
Beyonce.
That kid in the video.

One of these people is straighter than the others. Can you guess who? Hint: It is the guy who is actually gay.

I don't know where this atmosphere of antagonism towards homosexual celebrities comes from. George Takei, NPH, and now David Hyde Pierce prove that coming out and being true to yourself isn't the end of the world. Unfortunately, you do have extremist idiots on both sides ruining life for everyone else. If only folks could take a clue from these guys, then maybe the world would be a little better.

And I am happy that there will be a semi-sequel to "The Landlord". FunnyOrDie.com have proven to me that it is okay to think Ferrell is funny again, just as long as he stays away from big studio comedies.

Posted by: Vermillion at May 31, 2007 6:38 PM

celine's child looks just like the lead singer of blind melon.
other than that, isn't it a little early to be calling the child a 'fag'? isn't it always too early to call anyone a 'fag' because he's got long hair? i'm reminded of idiocracy for some reason.

Posted by: kb at May 31, 2007 6:49 PM

I totally called it that Daphne was a beard.

Whew....I was concerned for a minute, there. Before I checked out the link, I mean. In other news, I have long had an inexplicable crush on DHP. (Shut up.) The aforementioned news doesn't impact said crush in the least.

Samantha T, I do believe a wind tunnel is one of Beyonce's numerous accessories.

Posted by: Daphne at May 31, 2007 9:46 PM

Weirdly enough Daphne, my first thought was of you before I clicked the link. It was... puzzling.

What? I don't know anyone else named Daphne. Leave me alone.

Posted by: TK at May 31, 2007 9:53 PM

And here I thought it had been finally revealed that Fred of Mystery Inc. was gay after all. Not like we couldn't tell from the scarf!

Posted by: bartap at May 31, 2007 11:58 PM

kb, trust me, if it was only a matter of long hair, I would agree with you. But can you honestly say, at first glance without reading or knowing anything about him, that you could tell that was a boy? Seeing that Celine is his mom doesn't help matters. Maybe it is a bit too early to call him gay, but as he is right now, there will be questions.

And no offense, really, but don't call on "Idiocracy" just because you don't agree with something, and that goes for everyone. Now that I have seen the film, 90% of the posts that reference it have nothing to do with either the content or the message of that movie. If he spoke with a French accent, or read Voltaire, and someone called him gay because of that, then the invocation would fit. But not here. Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean it is a sign of the intelligentsia apocalypse.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 1, 2007 12:21 AM

bartap - Are you reading my mind? Get out of there!

Vermillion - Thank you! I'll admit I was too lazy to call anyone on these 'Idiocracy' shenanigans, but I'm glad you finally did. I'm also glad to know I'm not the only person on this website who seems to have actually watched that movie.

Posted by: MaliceAlice at June 1, 2007 3:13 AM

Long hair on little boys? Pish, it's nothing new and it certainly hasn't scarred any kids I know (most of whom are straight--as per the stats--for what that's worth).

I'm far far far more concerned about the way Dion's son is being raised to think he's the second coming of Christ. What that woman says in interviews is frightening. Future gay man--bring it! Future "I'm entitled to anything I want" date-rapist--that's actually something to worry about.

Posted by: Ranylt at June 1, 2007 8:24 AM

I was also convinced that the Daphne as a beard link was concerned with Fred and Mystery Inc. I even scrolled down Celebitchy's page looking for Scooby. I'd like to blame not having had my coffee yet, but I've had two cups already. Gonna be a looong day...

Posted by: J at June 1, 2007 8:28 AM

Well, we all know Fred's Daphne was a beard. Sean Hayes could marry a lady and it would be less obvious. ;)

Posted by: litelysalted at June 1, 2007 9:51 AM

okay. sorry. i was just thinking of the sound of the characters in idiocracy calling each other fag. i didn't mean that this was a 'sign of the intelligencia apocalypse'. i was just reminded, that's all.
maybe i've got alot of hippie friends, but i've known a few kids with long hair, so it isn't anything that means anything to me. that's all i meant. i mean, the kid's mom is Celine Dion for christ's sakes. i think he'll have enough problems.
jeez, now i'm all embarassed.

Posted by: kb at June 1, 2007 10:07 AM

Don't sweat it, kb--I was reminded, too (saw the movie last month--laughed my ass off).

Posted by: Ranylt at June 1, 2007 10:19 AM

"celine's child looks just like the lead singer of blind melon"

In tears right now - SUCH a good call. I must admit that I have a potentially unreasonable hatred of long hair on little boys. I think it always, always looks terrible. Kate Hudson's creepy-ass kid is public enemy #1.

Posted by: Samantha T at June 1, 2007 10:23 AM

Nexus, I believe the term you're looking for is "balls".

Maybe, TK, but I have to say it appears to have a more shaftish shape than a dangle, or even a bi-lumpishness.

For the record, kb, a cousin of mine has been gay since she was 2. True story. Although I would only use "fag" with my closest of friends.

Posted by: nexus 6 at June 1, 2007 11:09 AM

Whenever I see a boy (in my geographic region) who has long hair that's kept in a ponytail or a couple of braids, that boy is almost always being raised by a single mother. Something about having a father or father-figure around keeps mothers from allowing/forcing their sons to have girlie hair. You can scream all day about whether it's wrong to enforce rigid gender-roles on a small child, but these mothers I see who get offended when someone mistakes their boys for girls have no one to blame but themselves.

My congratulations to Jon Lovitz. He always did crack me up. Does that make me lame? Oh well, I guess I'm just lame then.

As for David Hyde Pierce, I don't care that he's gay nearly as much as I care that he's growing to look even more like Kelsey Grammer than I ever thought possible.

Posted by: A Marine's Wife at June 1, 2007 11:35 AM

That's a bit of a generalization, Marine's Wife, but then, I don't know anything about your geographic region. When I was small, my parents rarely cut my hair. I occasionally got mistaken for a girl. Bothered me a bit then.

Not so much now. In fact, I'm more embarassed at the haircuts I gave myself when I was a teenager. Shaved around the sides and back? Died purple? Good lord.

Posted by: TK at June 1, 2007 11:53 AM

TK, my first thought on reading that was also of Pajiba's Daphne. I've never known anyone in real life named Daphne.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 1, 2007 12:38 PM

Uh, it looks to me like Beyonce just has a fat vag. Nothing wrong with that. She probably just pinched something in those undies the wrong way.

Posted by: The Boston Rag at June 1, 2007 12:43 PM

is this what disney has in mind with 'the cheetah girls'?

Posted by: kb at June 1, 2007 2:40 PM

I assume that kid was singing a crappy current song but I have no idea what it is.

When I was that age I was singing "You Make me Feel Like Dancing" and "Undercover Angel" so I won't judge his parents too harshly. Plus I let my 4-year old watch Little Miss Sunshine with me yesterday. (And he said after olive's performance: "She was the best dancer in the world!")

As for Daphne, the first Daphne I thought of was the only one I know in real life--and she's gay herself. Not that I'm adding much to the conversation with that--just mentioning it.

Posted by: Lainie at June 1, 2007 4:00 PM

Um, is there a reason today's "Pajiba Love" is not appearing on the main page? Have you perhaps hidden it out of the fear that it will somehow birth yet another savage war of words?

On another note, do you really expect me to believe that the Guy From Fark has done something beneficial for the world? I mean, that's what it looks like.

Posted by: Jerce at June 1, 2007 6:06 PM

Since we're talking Daphne beard references, my first thought was of Daphne from Scooby-Doo, and that Fred was gay. Yep, the cartoon series. Go figure.

Posted by: nexus 6 at June 1, 2007 7:33 PM

Beyonce may be many things, but fat is certainly not one of them. Not even close. No wonder women have body image issues - seems like any female celebrity not shaped like a pencil is fat. Or, the often misused euphemism - curvy. It's so annoying. For one thing, I feel like curvy is often misused, given that I always associate it with body shape, not body size. But that's a whole other talk show. Damn it, I can't stand Beyonce, and I'm defending her.

Posted by: Daphne at June 1, 2007 8:48 PM

i have to comment on celine dion's kid. i saw that pic yesterday morning on yeaaah, with the caption "celine dion has a faggy kid".
i looked at the pic, and thought abby was a little off her nut. i thought it was a perfectly lovely little girl. i was blown away when i read the post. and it was NOT just the long hair. its the whole package.
people out and about always said what a pretty little girl my son was. his hair was ALWAYS kept short. one eldery woman even argued with me. when i politely informed her this was a BOY, she said "he's too pretty to be a boy". how do you respond to that?

i love jon lovitz and david hyde pierce. jon all the way back to the "yeeaaaah, that's the ticket" days!

Posted by: bionic bunny at June 1, 2007 8:52 PM

hey, daphne-
at my stage in life, CURVY is a compliment.
beats the hell out of "zaftig"!
lol!!

Posted by: bionic bunny at June 1, 2007 8:55 PM

I think Beyonce is packing a maxi pad, y'all.

Posted by: jerkygirl at June 2, 2007 3:37 PM

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