free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 05/27/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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It's Porn Star Wednesday!

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | May 27, 2009 | Comments (45)

Everyone’s talking about this Sasha Grey person like she’s the first porn star ever to break into mainstream cinema. Sheesh. Well, here are a few others who came first. (PW)

Brooke Hogan released the artwork for her upcoming album, (ha) and I guess the art director realized Photoshopping alone just wasn’t going to cut it. (Webster’s)

Mike Judge tries his hand at the other end of the political spectrum with “The Goode Family” and sadly comes up short. (Hollywood Reporter)

Wonder what Tyler Durden is up to these days? Well I’ll tell you one thing, he’s definitely not not stocking up on his Avery labels. Thanks, Heather! (Geekologie)

Maybe Christian Bale should start addressing out personal notes of condolences to everyone who suffered through Terminator: Salvation. (Agent Bedhead)

And on that note, here are ten things we demand from Terminator 5. (Film School Rejects)

Here’s an adorable website which features an artist whose daughter critiques his work and then he blogs about it. Coming from a design background myself, working for a toddler doesn’t actually seem that much different than working for a grown adult. Thanks, Tamatha! (Tiny Art Director)

Kit Kat’s new limited edition Tokyo “Soy Sauce” flavor is a huge disappointment … If you wanted to be disgusted by Soy Sauce Kit Kats, anyway. (Impulsive Buy)

According to a government study in the UK, media workers are the heaviest drinking workers. Hmmm …. No comment. (Via Deus Ex Malcontent) (Guardian UK)

Has anyone ever had sex with a sponge? Well good news, they’re coming back to stores. Although I can think of better things to do with $9 than have uncomfortable sex with a big synthetic loofah crammed up my vajooter. (Zelda Lily)

Huh. I had no idea, but “Sesame Street” is marking its 40th anniversary this year. In honor, here are ten awesome moments from “Sesame Street.” (Jezebel)

Ha ha ha! Nicolas Cage is proud of Wicker Man. That is all. (Film Drunk)

No way! Did anyone else know that Amy Adams spent two months in a brief yet illustrious career as a Hooters girl? (mental floss)

Do you love your Snuggie but wish you could find something equally as jackassy to wear in the summer months? Well my friends, your dream has now been answered:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

MORE PORN!

MORE PORN!

Pajiba needs a porn reviewer.

Get on it Rowles.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 27, 2009 1:04 PM

OOPS!

Should read: Get on it Rowles, you asshat.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 27, 2009 1:06 PM

Tee-hee. "Porn stars who came first." Nice one, Stacey.

Posted by: Duane at May 27, 2009 1:08 PM

I demand a Sesame Street recount. Where is NPH as the shoe fairy? He was fucking adorable.

Posted by: slower lower at May 27, 2009 1:15 PM

Yeah, uh, if Pajiba is looking for a porn reviewer, I'd like to apply for the gig. On the other hand, Rowles is going to insist on at least 70% gay porn, so maybe not.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 27, 2009 1:21 PM

$19.95? Are you shitting me? Here, give me $10 and a new towel and I'll cut some damn holes in it and bind them for you. Instant wearable towel!

And every time I go to Zelda Lily from one of the links here, I'm reminded that their website design makes my brain angry. Don't know why, but there it is.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 27, 2009 1:26 PM

On the other hand, Rowles is going to insist on at least 70% gay porn, so maybe not.

If it's any consolation, most of it will be my own work. Oh, wait, that isn't really consolation at all...*ahem*...Carry on.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 27, 2009 1:36 PM

I haven't seen Terminator but...still. I'll take an apology from Bale any day.

And by apology I mean really really angry hot sex.

Aahahahahahahahahahhaahahaha of COURSE Cage is proud of Wicker Man. It was his best work EVER! Where's that Oscar, dammit? Dude probably scratched "Leaving Las Vegas" off the oscar and wrote in "Anchorman" in his chicken scratch handwriting.

Posted by: figgy at May 27, 2009 1:42 PM

Is that fucking Towlie!? Wanna get high?

Also, Toga! Toga! Toga!

Posted by: admin at May 27, 2009 1:49 PM

Haha, my best friend works at an airbrush shop in Old Orchard Beach and that Brooke Hogan CD art looks like something a redneck would ask for on a t-shirt.
Except replace her outfit with a confederate flag and add a bald eagle in the backdrop.

Posted by: Erin S at May 27, 2009 1:51 PM

I haven't seen Terminator but...still. I'll take an apology from Bale any day.

And by apology I mean really really angry hot sex.

Mmmm... really really angry hot sex with Bale. I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: AbbyNormal at May 27, 2009 1:53 PM

Fucking HTML tags!!

Posted by: AbbyNormal at May 27, 2009 1:54 PM

Except replace her outfit with a confederate flag and add a bald eagle in the backdrop.

And a couple of wolves and some bolts of lightning.

Posted by: branded at May 27, 2009 1:54 PM

I think you mean Weatherman, Figster.
But I'll make it up to you with this gem.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4MqTCIDKhU

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 27, 2009 1:55 PM

Needs a unicorn and a rainbow, too.

Posted by: figgy at May 27, 2009 1:55 PM

And dolphins. Gotta have the dolphins.

I maintain that the sketch where Kermit buys Kermit the Frog t-shirts and they spell them wrong is one of the best Sesame Street moments.

Kermit the...GORF??!!

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2009 2:04 PM

Hee. I bet the booklet inside is full of unicorns, eagles, american flags, wolves howling at the moon, dolphins leaping and pooping rainbows, butterflies and a fairy.

Posted by: figgy at May 27, 2009 2:05 PM

ABCDEF Cookie Monster is by far one of the cutest/best of the Sesame Street moments.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ptbp0pmcg3U

Posted by: branded at May 27, 2009 2:21 PM

branded, that video kills me. I watch it whenever I feel down and oh man, it just makes me get all weepy from the cuteness.

Posted by: figgy at May 27, 2009 2:28 PM

Consumer Reports just reviewed The Snuggie and found out that when you wash it, it shreds like crazy. When you dry it, you get pounds of lint in the dryer screen. The resulting Snuggie looks like it's got the mange.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 27, 2009 2:29 PM

I agree that we need porn reviews around here. It would be interesting to hear perspectives from mainstream movie critics, and what the geeks think about a particular adult movie, and for porn to be reviewed in a more wholesome way therefore reducing the difference between mainstream movie and adult movie.

Posted by: barf at May 27, 2009 2:30 PM

My first porn review for Pajiba:

"So, uh, Feist, playing a character named Dick Rambone, comes over to fix the cable and . . . shit, I don't know. Fixes the cable or fucks the other dude or some shit. Look, if you like watching two dudes suck dick and screw each other, you'll probably like this movie. I guess Jeremy seemed like he enjoyed himself, I mean, how the fuck would I know? And . . . Goddammit to hell, Rowles. When do I get to review the lesbian orgies? You said if I watched Feist railing some Puerto Rican twink, I'd get to review lesbian orgies. Pay up, damn you."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 27, 2009 2:34 PM

I'm sure I'll get flamed for it, but... but... I don't think Brooke Hogan is ugly, I think she;s actually pretty hot. She has a damn good body, and she doesn't have a horseface or anything like that.

Does she have a roid freak way overly protective skeevy father? Yeah.

Does she have a scumclown of a brother who should be getting fucked in his butthole 24/7 in prison instead of being out on the streets? Sure.

Is she a horrible singer? I've never listened to her music, but she can't be any worse then Anthony Keidis, and studio work covers up everything anyway.

But I'd still bang her 10 ways from Sunday and 4 times on Wednesday.

As for Sasha Grey, just shut the fuck up already. Wow, you read Nietzsche and like to discuss it. Newsflash sweetie: you're the only one on the planet who does. Even philosophy professors think he's boring.

But you're edgy 'cause you do cum fart drinking vids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (this is when a chick gets fucked in the butthole by one or more dudes all of whom jizz in her butthole and said chick then literally farts it out either onto another chicks face or in another chicks mouth.)

This isn't edgy. Max Hardcore was doing that shit 10 years ago and it was just as vile and disgusting and utterly unedgy back then.

If you want to be edgy do some "dirty ass-to-pussy-to-mouth" vids when you're on your period and then maybe we can talk about you being "edgy."

But you're going to do something that no other porn actor/actress has ever done: you're going to write/direct/produce your own porn movies!!!!!!!! You're going to bring back the golden days of porn in the late 1970's and early '80's when porn flicks had actual plots in them.

Doing porn and having your own production company and writing and directing your own porn vids aren't things that you just invented sweetheart. Porn stars have been doing that for nearly 25 years.

And no one who watches porn these days gives a fuck about plot, they just want to see people fucking and sucking and jizz splattering all over hot chicks faces.

Posted by: ILikeWhores at May 27, 2009 2:59 PM

Has anyone ever had sex with a sponge?

Nope, not even Spongebob (even though he asked).

Posted by: Treena at May 27, 2009 3:01 PM

actually just finished the book 'street gang: the complete history of sesame street' by michael davis. it's wonderfully researched and truly compelling. highly recommend it to any fans out there.

also, i would like to play with christian bale's snuffleupagus.

Posted by: gem at May 27, 2009 3:35 PM

I get the distinct feeling that ILikeWhores lives up to that particular moniker.

A slow clap to you, good sir, while a thousand Bedazzled doves take to the skies, carrying out your message so future generations never forget "dirty ass-to-pussy-to-mouth", or the lessons learned in "cum fart drinking vids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"...

Posted by: Skitz at May 27, 2009 3:35 PM

Posted by: ILikeWhores at May 27, 2009 2:59 PM

And like that, Pajiba Porn Reviews dies a horrible yet fitting death.

Posted by: Vermillion at May 27, 2009 3:37 PM

Posted by: ILikeWhores at May 27, 2009 2:59 PM

I..uh....that was....hmmmm...well, let's see....Oh Fuck it! That was all kinds of education I was better off without! Ech!

Posted by: Eyvi at May 27, 2009 3:41 PM

Really? No one has had sex with a sponge. (You know what I mean.) Inquiring minds want to know.

Posted by: Stacey at May 27, 2009 4:58 PM

"Really? No one has had sex with a sponge. Inquiring minds want to know."

I humped a loofah when I was twenty... That's a sponge, right?

Posted by: Skitz at May 27, 2009 5:06 PM

Pajiba Porn Reviews: Scathing Reviews For Hard yet, Sticky, People.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 27, 2009 5:14 PM

Pajiba Porn Reviews: Scabies Reviews, Itchy People.

Posted by: branded at May 27, 2009 5:58 PM

Whatever you do, don't have a Pajibette review porn. We're all literal and shit like "that doesn't look like fun", "those are terribly false tits" or "if a man did that to me I'd probably scream. Not a good scream, a bad one" and so on. I'm not saying ladies can't get off to porn, but we have a hard time turning our brain off while doing so.

And I have to say, if Sasha Gray does bring back porn with a plot I will probably look into that. It sounds intriguing.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 27, 2009 6:01 PM

I think Pajiba should just review JJ Abrahms porn, with all the lens flare and shaky camerawork. Hey at least you could find another use for the term "reboot".

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 27, 2009 6:44 PM

BAM!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 27, 2009 6:50 PM

I'm not going to apologize for the description of cum farting vids because I know someone would have asked, so better to lay it out ahead of time. If you want to get a good feel for good reviews of porn vids these days google Roger T. Pipe and check him out. He has his favorite starlets, like Angela Summers but in addition to reviewing new releases, he also reviews "classics" from the '80's and '90's.

As far as Sasha Gray bringing back porn with a plot, please. In 3 years no one either in or out of the adult industry will know or remember her name. Even now she is nothing more then a fringe star on the porn landscape.

Posted by: ILikeWhores at May 27, 2009 7:03 PM

ILikeWhores, you know waaaayyy too much about this stuff.

Posted by: Ginger at May 27, 2009 8:49 PM

I guarantee the place I work at will be selling that "Wearable Towel" in a few weeks. I can't help but laugh when I see people purchasing Snuggies. You know, embracing nudity really saves you from spending money on crap products!

Posted by: Melissa at May 27, 2009 10:20 PM

Yay! "Jackassy" is now my new favorite word! Thanks, Pajiba!

Posted by: brownribbon at May 27, 2009 10:26 PM

Best Sesame Street clip ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdCx-1afCgM

Posted by: Austin asking for trouble at May 28, 2009 2:01 AM

hey, ILikeWhores, isn't that what the classy weasel waxing sites call "anal creampie"?

Posted by: Walter at May 28, 2009 6:05 AM

It's not true plots in porn are useless. They make them more fun and can add humour or something sinister to the story. It makes it even more palatable for the ladies. From my experience of watching porn with ladies the general feeling of watching modern porn is 'that looks painful' or shite or whatever but they find it much easier to get into classic porn because it's more fun, the actors look like they're having fun and a good time is had by all, followed by great sex.

Posted by: barf at May 28, 2009 6:57 AM

Oh lord, the idea of reviewing porn. How miserable.

Also: would the reviewer have to take notes during the viewing? I'm not ambidextrous.

Posted by: Caspar at May 28, 2009 7:12 AM

I loved the Tiny Art Director! That's adorable.

Posted by: Tracy at May 28, 2009 7:29 AM

Then use your opposite hand Caspar. Get some strange!

Posted by: admin at May 28, 2009 10:01 AM