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Jimmy Kimmel Doesn't Give a Crap

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | May 20, 2009 | Comments (51)

Remember the ABC fall schedule we posted yesterday? Yeah, well Jimmy Kimmel doesn’t think much of it either. So much so, that he basically told the whole network to go fuck themselves. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

Speaking of which, here are five reasons why the most-likely-to-be-quickly-cancelled “Cougartown” already looks like a piece of crap. (Jezebel)

John Mayer explains the difference between “douche,” “famewhore” and “Showbiz Type,” upholding his title as the most obnoxious person in the history of ever. (Webster’s)

Dan Carlson reviews “Glee,” which is quickly becoming the most talked about new television show. (Hollywood Reporter)

Here’s the top ten topless movie scenes. It’s more or less safe for work, which could be a good or bad thing depending what you were expecting. (Screen Junkies)

This really made me smile. An artist playing online scrabble created this piece of artwork depicting her opponents around the world, one of which just happened to be our own John Williams. (ASWOBA)

I think you guys will really dig this creative writing blog written from the perspective of someone trapped in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. Bookmark this one! (Help They Are Coming!)

Stephen Lloyd Wilson’s latest explores why the charismatic are rewarded over the hardest working. (Burning Violin)

What are the best revenge movies of all time? Oh yeah, there’s gonna be some Bronson. (Film School Rejects)

Here’s a list of the scariest buildings in America. I think I would literally part with a limb before entering any of them. (mental floss)

Rainn Wilson played a dickish version of himself for a sketch on a new talk show called “The Edge With Jake Sasseville,” which culminated in the host giving away his social security number. And that’s why I love Rainn Wilson. (Agent Bedhead)

Some whore wife cheated on her husband and ended up with twins with two different daddies. All I can say is that this would have made for an epic “Maury.” (My Fox)

Ohhh SNAP! An actual Hindu scholar called Gwyneth Paltrow out on her GOOP, saying that it’s immature and superficial. Ha ha! (Celebitchy)

What do Jesus and donuts have in common? I don’t know but doesn’t it really make any less sense than veggies?

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Jesus Christ. Those murder houses will be giving me nightmares for days.

Posted by: Marcela at May 20, 2009 1:16 PM

From the story about the twins: "Washington said she plans to tell the boys about their DNA differences when they’re old enough to understand. As for the other father, she has no plans to tell him."

Um... that you went public with this on the news might let him in on the little secret, lady.

Posted by: sherry at May 20, 2009 1:29 PM

Top Topless movie scene? Julie Andrews in SOB.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 20, 2009 1:42 PM

That Burning Violin piece does hit home. I always thought that by getting my work done on time and above expectation would mean that people would notice that I was getting my work done on time and above expectation and reward me accordingly. It was in my senior year of high school, when a leadership position I'd been vying for went to a girl who was dumber than a brick but good at "looking busy" (mostly because she had to engage 75% of her brain to keep breathing) that I realized I was wrong. I hate selling myself, or making a point to reference the work that I was, you know, told to do, but it's a necessary evil to be recognized for my achievements. I've learned to turn on the shiny, and be charismatic when the situation calls for it, even though it doesn't come to me naturally.

Of course, learning this has made me a completely cynical bitch about the marketability of intelligence versus appearance. But I was probably going to turn out angry and bitter eventually anyway.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 20, 2009 1:49 PM

Yeah that Jimmy Kimmel is a barrel of laughs, if I were head of ABC I’d tell that asshole to shut the fuck about our schedule and be happy with the millions you’re being paid.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 20, 2009 1:49 PM

With all due respect to those Pajibans who believe in whatever religion; shows such as the one above really don't give some of us the impression of sanity.

Oh, and the insane asylum was relly cool. As long as I never have to set foot in it.

Posted by: admin at May 20, 2009 2:00 PM

*really

Posted by: admin at May 20, 2009 2:01 PM

AHHHHH! JESUS LOAF! JEEEESUUUUUSSSSS LOOOOAAAAAFFFFFF!!!

Posted by: J Stride at May 20, 2009 2:02 PM

An actual Hindu scholar called Gwyneth Paltrow out on her GOOP, saying that it’s immature and superficial.

Oh, but I'm sure he's missing the point; that's the only possible way someone could dislike her orally flatulent navel-gazing self-admiration. To quote The Insightful One herzownself, "These people criticizing me just don't understand what it's about. If they got it, they'd like it."

To think that queef-stain oozed out of Blythe Danner. That still hurts me.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 20, 2009 2:06 PM

I've been through the tour of the Winchester Mansion, and it is veryintriguing. That day I inadvertently wore a shirt with the number 13 on the back.

Posted by: branded at May 20, 2009 2:07 PM

Oh, man, I think I just started liking Jimmy Kimmel. Nay, almost LOVING the guy. I never liked him before but...wow, that was an awesome rant and a half. And he's absolutely 100% correct. None of those shows will last. TV is such a pit nowadays, and someone finally had to say it. Here's something to blow way out of proportion--people need to hear it.

This:

Returning to ABC’s advertisers, Mr. Kimmel said, “Next year on ‘Grey’s Anatomy,’ your product could kill Dr. Izzie. It just depends on how much you want to pay.”

Had he HOWLING. Beautiful.

Posted by: figgy at May 20, 2009 2:09 PM

Had ME. Not He. Duh.

Posted by: figgy at May 20, 2009 2:10 PM

Genny, like many people do you confuse being intelligent with being smart. The young lady might not have had the intelligence to do the job, but she was smart enough to figure out how to get the job.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 20, 2009 2:10 PM

I really liked Glee, but one thing bugged the hell out of me: the little scat-boop-boop-dee-dop music they kept playing through the show. Really distracting and awful, like there's a group of people singing just off camera. I really didn't like it. The rest of the music was fantastic and just the right amount of cheesy, but the rest of the soundtrack bugged me.

Posted by: figgy at May 20, 2009 2:13 PM

Um... that you went public with this on the news might let him in on the little secret, lady.

That was my favorite part, too. Don't worry lady, your secret is safe with me.

Posted by: Stacey at May 20, 2009 2:16 PM

Yeah, Jimmy! You gettin paid, boy! Now shut yo mouth and dance! Dance, I say!!!

Posted by: Kballs at May 20, 2009 2:19 PM

Back in happier times, my parents were all about the weekend family road trip. My mom worked for the state department of tourism for a few years when i was in junior high and knows about practically every road-stop tourist attraction in the state of Illinois. One weekend we stopped at Hickory Hill, the Crenshaw house. We took the tour and even went into the third floor slave quarters. My mom thought this was super educational...I was 14!!!!! Scared the living shit out of me. I had nightmares for weeks. Luckily my sister was too young to remember so she was spared. The state bought the house a few years ago and it's been closed ever since.

Posted by: Austin asking for trouble at May 20, 2009 2:20 PM

RE: Cougartown - and absolute "that's what I was thinking!" to number 4. Courtney Cox = cougar? Like hell.

Posted by: tamatha at May 20, 2009 2:22 PM

admin, I understand your point, but there's a long way between that and those of us who would like to say (in effect); "there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio." For example, I don't think that the earth is only 6,000 years old and that it was created in 6 days, but I think it's somewhat significant that the progression of creation as laid out in Genesis is consistent with the evolutionary timeline.

Guess Who, she couldn't talk her way into or out of a paper bag so it had nothing to do with her being "smart" enough to figure out what she needed to do to get the job and more to do with the people giving the job only focusing on superficial measures of productivity rather than who actually got work done.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 20, 2009 2:28 PM

like many people do you confuse being intelligent with being smart.

Used to. Not since Bush II.

Posted by: twig at May 20, 2009 2:31 PM

like many people do you confuse being intelligent with being smart

Right, if "smart" means "If I poke out my tits and rub his arm like I might give it up, I'll probably get that job."

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 20, 2009 2:40 PM

Genny, I’m confused as to why you keep putting her down. Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe the people that hired her thought she was a better fit or just maybe she didn’t come across as a loud mouth arrogant know it all.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 20, 2009 2:49 PM

I know Genny, and I didn't mean to put anybody down. But, that little video, is pretty fucked up right there. I guess I'm just like a donut.

Posted by: admin at May 20, 2009 2:59 PM

Socalledonlycousins, assuming she didn't have any other skills to get the job. But of course you know this because you were at the interview.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 20, 2009 3:02 PM

Yeah, that video was worse than yesterday's creepiness. Is, fill your 'hole' with the word of God a message we should be sending kids? Creeped me the f out...

Posted by: J Stride at May 20, 2009 3:05 PM

J Stride, that's how the priest sold it to me.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 20, 2009 3:20 PM

I've always thought Kimmel was pretty funny, and at the same time, surprised he's stayed so long at ABC, seeing as his humor is not as inoffensive and tame as Leno's.

My theory: he resented having to get up on stage and pimp a bunch of shit to media buyers and wanted to see if he could make sure he'd never be asked to do it again. Ironically, he's probably brought a lot more publicity to ABC's schedule than it would have otherwise garnered and people will watch a lot of this crap just to see if it's really that crappy. This will probably turn out to be a PR plus for ABC.

Posted by: Slash at May 20, 2009 3:21 PM

Dan Carlson says Glee is "smart, fun and completely winning".

So was Pushing Daisies and look what happened to it.

(I did catch Glee last night and agree that it was all of the above, after watching it I felt the way i felt after the first episode of Daisies. sigh.)

Posted by: Jules at May 20, 2009 3:43 PM

Nah, the Winchester Mystery house is awesome. It's halloween scary, not fuck-me-that-son-of-a-bitch-was-sadistic scary. It's also very aesthetically pleasing.

Posted by: Kiki at May 20, 2009 3:52 PM

That, that clip is from a spoof show of some sort, right? Please someone tell me that wasn't serious.

Posted by: tamatha at May 20, 2009 4:35 PM

Ned Flanders??

Posted by: Brian at May 20, 2009 4:41 PM

I used to work at the Winchester Mystery House as a tour guide! It's really not that scary and really interesting if you are into architecture and design.

Posted by: dene at May 20, 2009 4:54 PM

Most of those buildings don't even exist anymore, so I wouldn't worry about it. Having been inside the Winchester Mystery House probably a dozen times throughout my life though, I can attest that it's not really scary. Just really cool and interesting and actually, kind of sad. Sarah Winchester went pretty cray-zay after her husband and kids died.

Posted by: Sarah at May 20, 2009 5:00 PM

Socalledonlycousins, assuming she didn't have any other skills to get the job. But of course you know this because you were at the interview.

I know logic isn't your strong suit, GW, as you proved that so many times in your prior incarnation. (Extra points for creativity and imagination on your new handle, BTW) Given that you and I were both speculating about the same third party situation, I was there to the exact same extent as you were, you dain-bramaged smegma vessel.

Calling a dumbshit "Tinkerbell" still leaves one with a dumbshit, Dumbshit. Congrats on your new name. Condolences on the same old lack of anything interesting to say.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 20, 2009 5:23 PM

And in this corner ...

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 20, 2009 5:30 PM

O’Connor you have a very wonderful and eclectic website, also you have a lot going on in your head which means you’re a person is high maintenance, which is not a bad thing, annoying for sure, but not bad.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 20, 2009 5:44 PM

Well now, socalledonlycousins I see no reason to lay a foul tongue on me. I had not cursed at you nor called you anything but your stated handle. We both were not present at the interview, my only comment was that only the people that hired the young lady that Genny mentioned were present at the interview. Maybe they thought the young lady was the better hire. You thought the young lady put out, those were your comments. For you to make that statement means you were present, and if you weren’t’ present then that means you are talking out of your ass, so which is it?

Now as far as you believing me to be someone else, once again you are talking out of your ass.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 20, 2009 5:59 PM

I feel all tingly and weird. Is this how it feels to like Jimmy Kimmel?

Posted by: greer at May 20, 2009 6:07 PM

I feel all tingly and weird. Is this how it feels to like Jimmy Kimmel?

No, that's just the government sending test signals to the chip in your brain. If you put your head in the microwave for a while the feeling goes away. Plus, then you glow in the dark, which is an awesome reading light.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 20, 2009 7:12 PM

That depends greer. Did you just indicate to an avidly listening public, quite bluntly, that your bosses were and stil are doing shit?

If so, then the tingly feeling you have is the after effect of the recent adrenaline rush you just had.

Congratulations!

Posted by: Four Eyes at May 20, 2009 7:23 PM

If I pulled that shit at work they wouldn't even let me clean out my desk. My ass would be out in the streets.

Posted by: greer at May 20, 2009 7:47 PM

Shake not that money maker I hope.

Yoda 2009

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 20, 2009 7:55 PM

Still with the website plugs, MSOC? Listen, more readers aren't going to fill the gaping hole that is your life right now. I say that with complete, brutal honesty.

Focus on you. Enroll in some classes. Go out with your girlfriends. Get laid. Don't troll for hits. It demeans us all.

Posted by: SeanPatrick O'Guinness at May 20, 2009 8:58 PM

Check Please!

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 20, 2009 9:24 PM

Since the moronic powers that be are currently restoring (read: ruining) the Eastern State Penitentiary, it might not deserve to be added to the list for much longer.

I would add the Old Salem Jail to the list while it still exists though. (Again, moronic powers that be have chosen to F it up. By turning it into condos. Ugh.) I didn't get the pleasure of going inside the building, only close enough to touch the bars on the windows, because my husband was literally screaming at me to "get the hell out of there RIGHT NOW" after I found a hole in the fence and climbed through.

That was a damn fine specimen of spooky old abandoned building though, even just from the outside.

Posted by: neurotica at May 20, 2009 9:38 PM

Another awe-inspiring tale of a struggle through adversity followed by inevitable triumph from Genny (etc).

Can I post on this thread? Is that OK? Are you going to sick Spender or Vermillion or some other goose on me? No?

OK, a bit of constructive criticism, honey: self depreciation. Look it up.

Posted by: Peter G at May 21, 2009 2:01 AM

I actually got to tour the Crenshaw House before it closed. I was only about 11 but it was a terribly interesting place.

Posted by: paranoid android at May 21, 2009 5:09 AM

I think it's somewhat significant that the progression of creation as laid out in Genesis is consistent with the evolutionary timeline.

Did I miss something? Does the Bible at any point mention evolution? As far as I'm aware, the Bible neglects to mention several billions of years at all (which does not fit with the timeline of evolution), and doesn't mention evolution at all. Whatever freak coincidence you picked up on in the timelines of it all, it nevertheless remains that the story of creation as laid out in the Bible is a load of untruths.

Posted by: Caspar at May 21, 2009 7:22 AM

Oh wow, it's the Donut Man! I haven't thought about that for years, but I can assure you it's real. Duncan the Donut (Dunkin', get it??), the Donut Repair Zone, those perky songs...these videos were the summer camp babysitter of choice before Veggietales, which are at least funny.

"Jesus bought us with his special money" & "with his blood"...wonder how many takes had to be cut because the kids said "blood money"?

Now I'm going to have the "Master Builder" song in my head. Thanks for the flashback, you guys.

Posted by: AlisaurusRex at May 21, 2009 4:36 PM

Someone is posting as me, and it ain't me.

Even though JImmy Kimel is anti-woman, that's the kind of honesty our cultural landscape needs. It's the kind of brutal straightforward analysis I try to bring to my blog, except with politics, gender equity, and the zen of the self. Many people can't handle that kind of truth (don't I know it! I'm looking at you, ex-Mr. O'Connor), but it's good to get a dose now and then. Hey world ... check me out! Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at May 20, 2009 5:05 PM

That comment was NOT by me.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at May 21, 2009 5:16 PM

What kind of pathetic douchebag DOES that? Jesus.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at May 21, 2009 5:17 PM





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