Pajiba Love 05/14/09

Happy Top Gun Day! (I Will Never Tire of These)

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (52)

No really, it really is Top Gun Day. So guys out there, go find your best friend and give him an oily, shirtless chest bump of camaraderie. Update: Top Gun Day was actually yesterday. But, we’re still going to celebrate it today because it’s just one of those stupid holidays like Halloween or Easter. (Film School Rejects)

Eminem is feuding with Mariah Carey’s glorified purse and former Nickelodeon star, because literally no one else gives a crap about Eminem to feud with him anymore. (Webster’s)

Oh, fuck me with a jackhammer, this lady actually fucked herself to death with a jackhammer. (Quiz Law)

Who wants to see Natalie Portman’s underpants? Now, don’t everyone rush the link at once — you don’t want to crash Celebitchy’s server. (Celebitchy)

Because we all know the original terminator was just a piece of crap, here are five movie robots that didn’t work. (Screen Junkies)

After my link last week to zombified animals, figgy passed this along. It’s like nature found the one way to make motherfucking fire ants even more terrifying. (KXAN)

The ever reliable Tamatha sent me this link, and my immediate response was: “Is that underpants???” Why yes, yes they are. Also, awesome: I said the word “underpants” two times so far in Pajiba Love today. (Movie Blog)

Wanda Skyes and her wife just welcomed twin baby girls. Wait, Wanda Skyes is gay?? Kidding! (DListed)

Here’s part two of “If Advertisements Were Honest.” It made me laugh, which hurt, because my throat is swollen and sore. But it was totally worth it. (Holy Taco)

Even though I haven’t seen it yet, which basically means I fail at Pajiba, here are five things Star Trek 2 should avoid. (CHUD)

This was sent to me by Allyson, and even though it’s a month old I couldn’t help linking. An “oldey but a goody,” as one of my high school teachers used to say. How nerdy is that? Anyway: “Michael Bay Signs $50M Deal To Fuck Up ThunderCats” (Onion)

Take it from our resident stripper/porn star, here are the top ten worst songs to strip to. By the way, when I say the site is NSFW, I mean it’s NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Actually, there’s nothing NSFW about this post, but just don’t click on the rest. (Notes On Bar Napkins)

In honor of Top Gun Day, and also because I didn’t have any clip planned whatsoever, I’m reposting this “How Gay is Top Gun clip that Dustin posted two years ago right before I took over Pajiba Love. Enjoy!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Anyone up for Beach Volleyball?

guys?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 14, 2009 1:07 PM

Seriously, what's up with the recent spate of Death-by-Power-Tool-Pleasurin'?

Posted by: Rykker at May 14, 2009 1:13 PM

"Anyone up for Beach Volleyball?"

That's a negative, Ghost Rider. The pattern is full.

Posted by: TK at May 14, 2009 1:13 PM

Didn't a woman seriously injure herself a few weeks ago pleasuring herself with a saw? WTF? Ladies, vibrators and dildos aren't that fucking expensive! Stop trying to get creative with the hardware!

I feel the need...

Posted by: Melissa at May 14, 2009 1:14 PM

Wait... that other crazy lady didn't die. My bad.

Bewilderment still reigns, though...

Posted by: Rykker at May 14, 2009 1:14 PM

Dear Everyone,

Please don't put power tools in your orifices. Seriously.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 14, 2009 1:16 PM

LOL.... Maybe U donot know, some players are hoo king up with those se xy mo dels on the interesting cl ub ____Seeking Tall C o M___ , whatever U are fans or not, just have a try. You will find much f u n

Posted by: cathy green at May 14, 2009 1:19 PM

Don't be gay.
Come meet tall single ladies.
Beat you to it Spambot!

Posted by: Kballs at May 14, 2009 1:20 PM

DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Kballs at May 14, 2009 1:21 PM

I can totally see the case report of that woman's death appearing in the forensic journal I manage. Gah gah gah.

It's called a vibrator ladies. Turn it on, place near/on clit, and in two minutes you're satisfied and still have an intact vajooter.

Posted by: Julie at May 14, 2009 1:21 PM

Top Gun Day was yesterday.

Posted by: frumpiefox at May 14, 2009 1:24 PM

Turn it on, place near/on clit, and in two minutes you're satisfied and still have an intact vajooter.

Posted by: Julie at May 14, 2009 1:21 PM

------------------------------------------------
Hello there

Mmmmmmmmm, go on...

*repeatedly raises eyebrows*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 14, 2009 1:25 PM

Julie,
Two minutes?! Why bother with men at all?
Err, wait . . .

Posted by: Kballs at May 14, 2009 1:25 PM

The jackhammer story isn't legit, don't worry. Those places in Oklahoma are fictional. The only jackhammerin' going on in these parts are in Jeremy's scenes.

Snap.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at May 14, 2009 1:27 PM

So, my birthday is Top Gun Day. Great. I assume I could have gotten a worse movie-it could be Porky's day.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 14, 2009 1:29 PM

Thanks for the Natalie Portmans underwear, Stacey. Despite my hatred for her acting ability, she is still a very attractive woman. This almost makes up for my bronchitis.

Posted by: George at May 14, 2009 1:29 PM

figgy, where are you? Are you still alive after last night?

Posted by: Cindy at May 14, 2009 1:33 PM

This almost makes up for my bronchitis.

Posted by: George at May 14, 2009 1:29 PM

DOOOOOOOOODE you TOO?

*fist bump*

I said BUMP IT!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 14, 2009 1:34 PM

Kballs, that's what makes vibrators such gifts from whatever deity is dirtiest.

The only jackhammerin' going on in these parts are in Jeremy's scenes.

Ha!

Posted by: Julie at May 14, 2009 1:36 PM

Julie,
You must LOVE motercycles.

Posted by: Kballs at May 14, 2009 1:39 PM

*motorcycles*

Posted by: Kballs at May 14, 2009 1:40 PM

Robots that don't work: They forgot Robbie the Robot from Forbidden Planet. I believe it broke down when given a paradox.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 14, 2009 1:42 PM

Motorcycles scare me too much to focus on the vibrating. I'm more in tune with not accidentally swallowing a bug :p

Posted by: Julie at May 14, 2009 1:45 PM

My s/o just said, "That's what happens when a girl tries to use power t..."

[glaring eyeballs of death]

"t....what?"

Posted by: epimethea at May 14, 2009 1:45 PM

Top Gun Day was yesterday.

I really gotta start looking at the dates things are posted on in my google reader.

Posted by: Stacey at May 14, 2009 1:47 PM

Dude, if I wanted to fuck a power tool, I'd have sex with Dane Cook.

Posted by: figgy at May 14, 2009 1:53 PM

Cindy! I'm alive. Sort of. My brain still feels like mush. Two most stressful hours of my life.

Over a TV show. I AM A WINNER.

Posted by: figgy at May 14, 2009 1:54 PM

Don't be hatin' on power tools like that, figgy. That's not right.

Posted by: Rykker at May 14, 2009 1:58 PM

Same here. I'm proud to say that I am thoroughly mind-fucked by a TV show. The good thing is that I have a whole summer to get over it.

Posted by: Cindy at May 14, 2009 1:59 PM

In case you feel a need to do a Lost hotness post again...Just cut out Jimmy Kimmel please.

Posted by: Cindy at May 14, 2009 2:02 PM

Oh, my.

Matthew Fox is cute. Confession time:

In 8th grade, I had a trapper keeper with a giant picture of Fox glued to it. On the other side? The backstreet boys.

Mind-melt makes me go into embarrassing-confession mode.

But anyway, as cute as Fox is, Jack can go fuck himself with a power tool. That's all I'll say to stay from spoilers.

Posted by: figgy at May 14, 2009 2:04 PM

Damn, I had to look up 'trapper keeper', so don't be that embarrassed.

Posted by: Cindy at May 14, 2009 2:10 PM

I thought that jackhammer thing was a joke... are we sure that's not a joke?? I mean, seriously, what news organization is going to publish a quote from a neighbor about this woman being "horny"? Also, who does this naked in their driveway in full view of the neighbors? This can't be serious.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 14, 2009 2:18 PM

I'm more in tune with not accidentally swallowing a bug

Eeeee hee hee hee hee hee!

Why bother with men at all? Err, wait . . .

Don't worry KBalls, plastic and rubber (as delightful as they are at times) can never replace a real live fleshy man. As long as his mouth is duct taped shut, we always prefer that. But, when unavailable or undesirable, plastic and rubber is preferable to a couple hundred pounds of metal and compressed air. Plus, the noise! Jesus, you'd be deaf by the time you got off.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 14, 2009 2:27 PM

Motorcycles scare me too much to focus on the vibrating.

You're the ONE?

Posted by: Jay at May 14, 2009 2:29 PM

Hee! It's true Jay, I'm terrified that I would be that idiot who would fall off in the middle of the highway, ping ponging between the mack trucks running me over.

Posted by: Julie at May 14, 2009 2:32 PM

They scare me too. So LOUD.

(Granted I am all freaky sensitive indigo asperger's and such)

Posted by: Jay at May 14, 2009 2:35 PM

I think I have said it before, but Tom "Cruise" (even his name is a giveaway..) puts the "Top" in "Top Gun"

As for the robots, I thought it said "reboots" but I am probably just paranoid in these troubles movie times. Roboots anyone?

All I can think of is Professor Frink from the Simpsons: "All robots will eventually run amok in an orgy of blood with the kicking, and the biting with the metal teeth, and the hurting and shoving..."

Posted by: Odnon at May 14, 2009 2:36 PM

I think I have said it before, but Tom "Cruise" (even his name is a giveaway..) puts the "Top" in "Top Gun"

------------------------------------------------

Nop, heard he's a power bottom.

Jeremy?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 14, 2009 2:37 PM

Cindy had to look up "Trapper Keeper".
Cindy HAD TO LOOK UP "TRAPPER KEEPER"!

Why, Cindy, WHY are you doing this to me? Please tell me you're from some country where they never had Trapper Keepers, or you were home schooled, or English isn't your first language. Otherwise it just means I'm fucking OLD.

Posted by: courtney at May 14, 2009 2:54 PM

I see your bronchitis and raise you one kid with allergy induced asthma leading to bronchitis and another kid with chicken pox even though he got the fucking shot, combined with a sinus infection and impetigo. Over $150 to the pharmacy this week and a medication schedule that needs a damn flow chart. How long until my trip to Vegas? Three months? Shit.

Posted by: slower lower at May 14, 2009 3:11 PM

Dude, if I wanted to fuck a power tool, I'd have sex with Dane Cook.

I really miss the EE.

Posted by: Melissa at May 14, 2009 3:15 PM

A whole summer, a whole autumn, and 3/4 of a winter, Cindy. Depressing.

Posted by: Kolby at May 14, 2009 3:16 PM

I don't know what to say courtney. I've never heard of the things.

You must have screamed with me when it ended, Kolby? Those producers/writers must have worked with Cheney.

Posted by: Cindy at May 14, 2009 3:27 PM

Bslim: Power bottom? Bitch please. Fucker ain't got shit on me.

And yes, Jake, there is indeed some hammering going on. I gotta admit, you straight boys have a strange fascination with my gay porn career. Is there something we need to discuss here?

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 14, 2009 5:24 PM

Kayanne,

Good luck tonight. Game 7s are a blast. At least up here.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 14, 2009 5:48 PM

Bring it on, Kayanne.

Love,

Sid, Geni and ,

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 14, 2009 11:58 PM

"In 8th grade, I had a trapper keeper..."
Posted by: figgy at May 14, 2009 2:04 PM
--

This was all I had to read before I knew this post was going to be full of great things.

Posted by: Pistachio at May 15, 2009 12:05 AM

No need to discuss it. It's just hot as fuck.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at May 15, 2009 12:27 AM

Kayanne, I too live in the Raleigh area and understand that:
CANES FUCKING RULE!!!!!
That is all.

Posted by: Kballs at May 15, 2009 1:00 AM

Kballs,

Step into my Igloo.

Hahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhhahahahha

Sid, Geni and ,

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 15, 2009 1:48 AM

Sykes. Sykes.

Posted by: jamiepants at May 15, 2009 2:20 PM

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Happy Top Gun Day! (I Will Never Tire of These)

Comments