Not to bore you with details, but I’ve had a crappy day today. Woke up sick, and shortly thereafter found out my car got broken into. So why do I have the hugest smile on my face right now? Mr. Tom Hanks, ladies and gentlemen. (Celebitchy) (Shhhh. Stace has had a bad day; let’s not tell her that we ran this video yesterday with a similar headline. — DR)
In tune with the upcoming 500 Days of Summer, here’s a six-pack of six other “I Was Never the Same After That Summer” movies about adults. (PW)
Here’s the top ten food-related moments from “The Office.” Ha, I love Creed and his mung beans. “Very nutritious but they smell like death.” (CHOW)
To cue you up one of Steven’s review this afternoon, Obsessed with Film wonders whatever happened to good sci-film films. (OWF)
Owain Yeoman is the latest celebrity is get naked for PETA. Well, sort of naked, anyway. He almost hits pubes? Oh well, whatever. He’s shirtless. Enjoy. (Yeeeah!)
Linda Hogan compares herself to Catherine Zeta-Jones. I don’t even know where to start on how wrong that is. (Webster’s)
Nicole Kidman has bailed on Woody Allen’s next untitled project, presumably because she actually bothered to watch one of his movies from the past five years. (Rope Of Silicon)
Here’s Stephen Lloyd Wilson’s latest on the evolution of technology and the theory of singularity. (Burning Violin)
Madonna is supposedly planning to marry Jesus in a nice Kabbalah ceremony. Bad idea or worst idea ever? Or probably just made-up gossip? (Agent Bedhead)
Here’s a piece on not-quite-sex scenes in movies which will leave you with a case of the cinematic blue balls. (Film School Rejects)
Today on The Second Pass, we have a review of the classic American gothic novel, Wieland: or, The Transformation, by Charles Brockden Brown. (Second Pass)
Here’s an interview with Jorge Garcia from “Lost.” (AV Club)
Someone has had the NERVE of impersonating Kanye West on twitter, so he’s firing back in the only way he knows how. In an all caps-lock rant on his blog. (DListed)
Check out this Star Trek/Mentos mash-up, which shouldn’t have made me laugh nearly as hard as it did:
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Aw, I'm sorry about your car Stace. There's been a shit ton of broken window glass on my block, so I'm kind of waiting for my turn. Welcome to West Philly, where the beer flows freely except on Sundays, and where the cars don't stand a chance!
Julie, I guess a couple of guys, who were up to no good, started making trouble in your neighborhood?
Posted by: Geetch at May 13, 2009 1:20 PM
I know! I got in one little fight and my mom got scared.
Sadly enough, whenever I drive past the playground down the street from my apartment, I sing the FPoBA theme song. If I ever have the windows down I'm getting my ass kicked.
Sucks about the car, Stacey.
I had my car broken into once. I then replaced the broken window with the "Surrey Special" plastic sheet. A week later, someone ripped through the plastic to break into my car again. The stupidest burglars ever.
Posted by: Odnon at May 13, 2009 1:33 PM
The interview with Jorge Garcia was lame. They didn't even remotely go into how stupid and stereotype-y Hurley's character has become this season. I would love to hear Garcia's take on that.
re: the Hanks video... I can't access the video and haven't seen it yet, but I awys thought the lyrics were "Shimmy shimmy cocoa pop" not puff as Dustin's headline read yesterday. Can anyone confirm the correct lyrics?
Posted by: Elsie at May 13, 2009 1:34 PM
I really enjoy your columns Steven. Can't say as I'm looking forward to this singularity though. It feels ominous, and like we're not at all in control.
I think I'm going to pee my pants in excitement for the season finale of Lost (and yes, I realize how stupid I sound).
Posted by: Cindy at May 13, 2009 1:35 PM
Oh man, I'm so disappointed about Owain Yeoman. He's such a pretty man, but finding out he's affiliated with those PETA whakkos just ruins him for me.
Posted by: Siege at May 13, 2009 1:35 PM
Here’s a piece on not-quite-sex scenes in movies which will leave you with a case of the cinematic blue balls.
Oh I thought it was gonna be stuff like that scene between Malkovich and Pfeiffer.
It's a little fuckin' maudlin, but what the hell. Started out as a castigation of the race baiting going on in right wing talk radio, ended up as some sort of "There is a Promised Land" kind of a thing.
Wieland is...Wieland. I admire Anne Trubeck's nerve in trying to explain just what it is to a wider audience. I doubt it's going to rush to the number one spot on Amazon anytime soon. It's just comforting to know that someone else has experienced this and lived to tell the tale.
Aw, Stacey, I'm sorry about your car. Someone broke into my house once and the feeling of violation takes a while to go away. Like, it's been four years and I still fantasize about the bastard breaking in (while I'm still at home), and getting an aluminum baseball bat in the face and a ceremonial Wiccan dagger up the ass.
I remember there was some line from Frasier in an episode about a robbery or people generally acting like assholes, and Frasier's dad points out that the world would be better off if it could remember two simple words: "People stink."
Posted by: DeadBessie at May 13, 2009 2:58 PM
Since this is a link thread and I have no compunctions about whoring my site...
I just wrote probably the best thing I've written in months.
I dunno: You be the judge.
It's a little fuckin' maudlin, but what the hell. Started out as a castigation of the race baiting going on in right wing talk radio, ended up as some sort of "There is a Promised Land" kind of a thing.
Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at May 13, 2009 1:42 PM
Do you pay Pajiba for all the advertising you do here?
Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at May 13, 2009 3:01 PM
"...getting an aluminum baseball bat in the face
and a ceremonial Wiccan dagger up the ass."
Please send me your address DeadBessie. You're offering a service I've been paying for every other month...
Posted by: Skitz at May 13, 2009 3:29 PM
After watching The Opposite of Sex, I now think of Christina Ricci whenever I hear the phrase, "I was never the same after that Summer". Then again, I just flat out love The Opposite of Sex so there's that.
And how could you go with Blue Balls cinema and fake-real sex without mentioning Y Tu Mama Tambien? It's the kind of film that leaves you with a hole in your heart and a stiff in your pants.
rikkitikkitavi: I guess you're today's designated douchebag.
Looks like my self-promotion really BOTHERS you, huh? Gets under your skin like a chigger, eh? Roots around and lays some eggs, does it? Man, I'm really broken up about that. I'm gonna get down on my knees tonight and say a few Hail Marys in your honour, do a little soul searching, see why I just had to go and ruin your perfect, sunshiney day with my relentless dickwaddery.
Into each life, a little schmuck must crawl.
Seems you were destined to be mine. Praise be to JAYsus.
Hey everyone, I just pooped out a thought at another website that has zero fuck-all to do with anything here. Excitement!!!
Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at May 13, 2009 4:15 PM
And another internet imbecile leaps into the phrenic equivalent of an Olympic natatorium on mistaking it for a kiddie pool.
I'd warn you that you're out of your depth, but in my experience like most of your ilk, you would ignore it and plow right ahead. So I'll just wait till you draw your own chalk outline -- to mix my metaphors.
You see, I can DO that -- mix my metaphors, that is -- because a facility with such things is one of the many gifts of those bereft of the intellectual capacity of a plastic houseplant.
I do so love how every time you get even the slightest, off-hand criticism, Maryscott, you lash out like someone just shit in your living room.
Seriously. Settle the fuck down. It was a joke, not a war crime. Plus, if you're gonna post unwarranted links to your OWN site on someone else's, you gotta be prepared to take a little ribbing.
I'd warn you that you're out of your depth, but in my experience like most of your ilk, you would ignore it and plow right ahead. So I'll just wait till you draw your own chalk outline -- to mix my metaphors. You see, I can DO that -- mix my metaphors, that is -- because a facility with such things is one of the many gifts of those bereft of the intellectual capacity of a plastic houseplant.
And I'd warn you that you're a self-aggrandizing attention whore who's about as threatening to me as a mouse to an elephant, but in my experience, like most of your ilk, you'd be so fascinated by your own navel lint and its profound relationship with the universe that you would just ignore me and plow right ahead. So I'll just wait till you continue bringing a knife to a gunfight in the battle of wits -- to mix my metaphors.
You see, I can do that -- mix my metaphors -- because it's something any fifth-grader can do, as you just proved.
The best part of your post, aside from your amusingly inept attempt at intellectual bullying -- and let me tell you, I'm all a-tremble at your brain's AWESOME MIGHT -- is warning me that I've entered the swimming pool of the mind without my floaties on. Yes, it takes someone with a Spock-like intellect to cross swords with the Great Internet Self-Promoter!
Hey everybody! If you'll all go to my website, you'll see unusual words I read one time, like "phrenic" and "natatorium"! Good times! Please go there! I'M BEGGING YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME, WON'T YOU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ MY MATERIAL!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at May 13, 2009 4:58 PM
Hey guys, look over there! It's RICHARD SIMMONS! And he's dancing! ...in bedazzled SHORTS! How can you argue when there's such joy to be had?!
This is what happens when the kids don't get their cookies and naps.
Spammer!
Dumbass!
Oh no you di'in't!
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 13, 2009 5:07 PM
BWeaves I think I just peed my pants.
rikki That was really long, but really dumb. And contrary to my friend Beets' assertion that your first criticism of my link whorage was a "joke," you have by now definitively proven that something about me, my post or the link whorage itself has absolutely disturbed you deeply. However, I have neither the time nor energy to psychoanalyse mental midgets. I've done enough of that with my ex-inlaws.
However, credit where it's due: You are correct, I DO enjoy attention. That's why I post here and at several other internet sites and why I run a blog. Fortunately, I'm very, very good at it. Just look how I got YOUR attention.
No one mentions the not-quite-sex-scene in History of Violence? That was when I discovered my love of Maria Bello.
Posted by: Sweetie Dahling at May 13, 2009 5:28 PM
Just look how I got YOUR attention.
Maryscott, I stepped in some dog shit this morning. That also got my attention.
I'm not sure where you get the idea that someone objecting to your inane fuckwittery on a website indicates that you've [whisper] absolutely disturbed him. The one interesting thing about you -- and trust me, it appears to be the only interesting thing about you -- is that you pressed an attack on my smarts without knowing the slightest thing about me. That says a great deal more about the howling insecurity between your ears than it says about me.
I have neither the time nor energy to psychoanalyse mental midgets.
"But I have PLENTY of time to annoy the shit out of half the internet pimping my fucktardery."
Words short enough for you this time?
Oh, you sad, sad woman.
Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at May 13, 2009 5:28 PM
AH. It's a GUY.
Well, jesus. Should've seen THAT a mile away. Impugning his intellect on the internets is tantamount to calling out dick size. That, and he had to shoehorn himself out of the chair to get the dictionary...
Sheesh.
Take it, man. Now I know your gender, take the last word, or this will NEVER fucking end. Christ.
AH. It's a GUY. Should've seen THAT a mile away. Impugning his intellect on the internets is tantamount to calling out dick size.
Take it, man. Now I know your gender, take the last word, or this will NEVER fucking end.
Wow. Just ... wow. I could give a shit about your little feud, but I shudder to think of the response if a male commenter engaged in this kind of gender-based gutter-sniping toward a female commenter.
That's some real brainiac high ground you've staked out there. I'm convinced, you're smarter.
Posted by: exoskeleton at May 13, 2009 5:46 PM
Well, exoskeleton, have never been privy to the gender discussions around here? They can get far more objectionable than that. If MY low blow offended you, better pull on some armour.
If you like, I'll pull out a few vagina jokes. So to speak. Goose, gander, yadda yadda.
Seriously, Maryscott, are you so goddamned insecure that you can't take a minor dig? You took a relatively insubstantial crack and turned it into a full-blown conflagration. The worst part is, he's right. YOU SAID SO YOURSELF in your original post.
Christ, you must be a fucking treasure to hang around with in the real world. Nothing more fun than a person who not only can't take a fucking joke, but becomes so completely hostile at the slightest barb. And don't give yourself so much goddamn credit - you haven't gotten under anyone's skin - you ain't that freaking special. Instead, you've probably given rikkitikkamarsala, or whatever the hell his name is, a source of endless amusement for the day. Because you simply can't let one stupid comment go.
We get it. You like attention. You don't like to be made fun of. Unfortunately those things tend to go hand in hand. If you can't accept that without resorting to pointless, puerile taunts, I recommend you stay off the internet. Besides, if THAT was the best thing you've written in months, it's probably the best idea for you anyway.
Posted by: I Love Beets at May 13, 2009 6:28 PM
Madonna and Jesus eh? The comments that's gonna create...
Posted by: Four Eyes at May 13, 2009 7:13 PM
Oh, Beets. Yes. You're exactly right. This is EXACTLY what I'm like in real life. And you know what else? There's absolutely NO reason for the way I behave, either. This is all simply apropos of nothing. This monstrous behaviour? Came out of a vacuum. Nothing going on over here.
Would you like me to prostrate myself here in public for my sins? Think I went overboard defending myself for posting a LINK in what was, after all, a post devoted to... LINKS to internt fluff pieces? My original post, after all, admitted that I was being a link whore. And some douchebag went after me for seemingly no reason other than to be meanspirited. But, hey, whatever. I guess I should JOIN him and FLAY myself for you, too.
After all, it hasn't been the worst fucking week I've had in over a decade. Yeah. I'm feeling just a bit over-fucking sensitive and I may have over-fucking reacted to a meanspirited jab on what has been, for more than a few years, a website where I come to interact with fellow film fans and YES, MORE than occasionally LINK to my own fucking website when I write something of which I'm fucking PROUD.
Fucking come on over and VIVISECT me. JOIN THE FUCKING CROWD.
Listen... Maybe this is an inappropriate venue to share this... But what the fuck. I've shared FAR more intimate details, and less than 36 hours ago, actually...
I feel like I'm dying. Not literally, but... I separated from my husband a few months ago, and on Saturday we decided to make it permanent.
And then, as if Saturday was HIroshima, Sunday was Nagasaki -- Mother's Day... And a couple of unbelievably horrific revelations came crashing down on me about my mother. THOSE, I will keep to myself.
Everything in my life seems to be falling apart, and I cannot -- CANNOT -- seem to hold it together. Not in line at the supermarket, not on discussion boards on the damned on the goddamned internet, it seems... not driving alone to have lunch with a friend...
Every goddamned 15 minutes I fall apart all over again.
Now, it's not like I've EVER had my shit together. But THIS stuff? I am breaking into a thousand fucking pieces and trying like hell to put myself back together on an hourly basis because I have a KID, and he CANNOT see me broken...
And I keep trying. And I come here, and some ASSHOLE just attacks me, and yeah, it's a PIDDLING little thing, and I try to deflect it with this shitty little defensive maneuver... and instead of watching and laughing... YOU come in and take this asshole's SIDE?
Why? Because I was too HARSH? Because I've got this FLAW that I am too much of an ATTENTION whore?
MSOC, I was going to come down on you in a "lighten up, Francis" kind of way. Your attention-whoring wasn't severe, and neither was the jab you were given. I'm really sorry to hear about your shitty life circumstances and hope it gets better.
Now, can we all just shut the hell up and let this issue die already? MSOC doesn't really deserve to be kicked when she's down, and she's already issued her own kind of mea culpa. Of all the non-issues to start a major fight over, this is one of the non-issue-iest. Fighters, to your corners for a time-out.
Posted by: lordhelmet at May 13, 2009 7:59 PM
And Beets -- I didn't miss that helpful bit of literary criticism. I just wanted to really soak it in. Because, you're right, I AM that insecure -- and being, as I am, at a REALLY low point in my life, I want thank you. You obviously have observed how insecure I am and KNEW how much that dig would hurt and KNEW that I probably NEEDED that extra punch to the gut.
(You'll note that I never claimed to be Faulkner or anything. I was just feeling proud to finally be able to link to the best thing I'VE been able to write in months without embarrassment. I won't make THAT mistake again for a while... But hey -- if it's not Faulkner, it's not worth bothering with, right? Slay your darlings. And everyone else's, while you're at it.)
So thanks. You must be one HELL a fucking treasure to hang around with in the real world yourself, pal. You must really be just what the doctor ordered when things get really bad for the overly sensitive types in your sphere -- as long as you find them annoying enough for you to practice sharpening your claws on.
Jeebus, seriously. Since when is it a forbidden thing to link to other sites here? personal ones? And even if she had done something wrong there was absolutely no call to go all into asshole mode. So, yeah, everyone just back the fuck up and please, just stop being so nasty. Really no need for anyone to take shit so seriously over here.
I'm going to slink away in shame, in fact. I was really enjoying this site, in an escape-the-shitty-reality-of-my-life kind of a way, till this thread happened. And I know I brought it on myself, and I really am just bummed about that.
There, there, M-Sock. Here's a gun. There's a woodshed. You do the math. (Hint: It's subtraction.)
Posted by: hatemail at May 13, 2009 8:18 PM
Also, I think Madonna just wants to marry some dude named Jesus so she can shock the Catholics when they read the headlines "MADONNA MARRIES JESUS: CARRIES CROSS DOWN THE AISLE" or some shit.
Maryscott O'Connor>
I'm sorry. I empathise, I really do. But going through hell is not a free pass to behave however you like. It gives you some leeway, but not much.
Here's some of my life story - I'm a kid of my father's second marriage. My older sister from the first marriage had a shit of a time. So, 35 years later, she picks a fight with my dad on his birthday, and followed it up with a letter full of bile, low blows and so much jealousy, even Jan Brady would be saying WTF?! Saddest thing is, my younger sister pulled the same shitty stunt when she was fighting a drug addiction.
Yeah, life gets hard. It's a lot harder when you permanently fuck your relationship with the people you love, because you're so caught up in your own pain that you can't see how badly you're hurting everyone else when you're lashing out.
This is just some random internet comment section. You're never going to meet me, or anybody else. So you don't have to care about how you behave here. But it's a good place to start.
I suspect you're bigger than what you're going through right now. I think you have the ability to face this shit without doing anything that you might later be ashamed of. Do me a favor, even though I'm just a stranger. Prove me right.
Posted by: ScienceGeek at May 13, 2009 8:27 PM
Ya know, before I post, it'd be a great idea if I learnt to hit the refresh button or something. Last post on the list when I wrote my bit was MSOC's explanation.
Since I've got to actually earn my pittance now, and won't be back for a while, I thought I'd better make it clear that I wasn't trying to be cruel (likewise, any pretensiousness is the inadvertant result of me being a wanker). I was just advocating the idea of taking a breath before responding. And if you know you're feeling vulnerable, make it two breaths.
Posted by: ScienceGeek at May 13, 2009 8:48 PM
/eye-roll
Bets on how long this exile lasts?
Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at May 13, 2009 8:52 PM
Holy cow, it just got real in here. I'm really sorry about your unenviable situation. My father bailed on us a long time ago, and yes, it was hard-- uncommonly so (Oh, Saint Sparkle Motion, was it ever). But from the perspective of many years, I honestly remember more about my mother's will to keep us afloat and swimming forward than I do about specific events, positive or negative. Even through painful events, kids are attuned to the spirit of what you're trying to do, and at some level appreciate it. Even if they don't understand.
It may take a while, and maybe it feels as though you're both being bashed about by the waves, but once the sky clears and you've reached safe harbour, you'll both be able to acknowledge and admire the fact that it takes a real captain to steer that vessel through the gale. War wounds heal into battle scars, but that doesn't mean that something has been 'marred', as we're so often made to believe. I think that every mark bears the story and experience of a life devoted to the search of, and service to, all of the things that are fine in us. And the marks are a testament to the desire to find and cultivate those fine things in others, too.
Maybe I'm starting to learn that when we're serving a greater good, each scratch is a badge of honour. Life is risk. Faith, joy, disappointment--there are a lot of mysteries and nebulousness upon which our decisions are predicated. So to knowingly and unabashedly take the calculated risk, means not settling for a life half-lived, I guess.
In this silly little girl's estimation, sadness makes us wiser and more empathetic if we accept it for what it is, and work through it, not against it. I don't know, life is often lonely, but every time my heart breaks, my Debussy becomes more nuanced. I guess that there's a whole range of experience and learning going on in some distant recess of our psyches while our heads are turned the other way.
At any rate, my thoughts are with you.
Hot Chocolate, I'm cold. Stupid feeble constitution.
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at May 13, 2009 9:08 PM
Shhhh. Stace has had a bad day; let’s not tell her that we ran this video yesterday with a similar headline. — DR)
God, I'm so embarrassed. How did I miss that? And here I thought the day couldn't get worse.
Also, thanks for the kind words, guys. Aside from the Maryscott v. Beets flame war, a.k.a. business as usual. You know I adore you all.
I feel that I should add; I didn't mean to trivialize anything anyone else is going through with that comment. Really, my problems are trivial and temporary. They just affect my ability to put together a Pajiba Love with links that weren't already, say, covered on this very site.
Kayanne? You have the green light to gloat now. Heh heh?
Holy hell. What happened in here? There's blood on the ceiling.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 14, 2009 12:13 AM
"It's like, second drink!"
Brilliant. And not just because I used the ice in the shaker that my boyfriend used to make me a dirty martini to make another drink. It's ... Sort of the same premise, right?
Please send me your address DeadBessie. You're offering a service I've been paying for every other month...
Aw, Skitz, everyone knows those face-bat, ass-dagger services are total scams.
Posted by: DeadBessie at May 14, 2009 9:32 AM
Instead, you've probably given rikkitikkamarsala, or whatever the hell his name is, a source of endless amusement for the day.
I know you have for me. Seriously, I never can decide whether I enjoy this shit or hate it...but I can never stop reading it.
CALM THE FUCK DOWN, people.
Aw, I'm sorry about your car Stace. There's been a shit ton of broken window glass on my block, so I'm kind of waiting for my turn. Welcome to West Philly, where the beer flows freely except on Sundays, and where the cars don't stand a chance!