Pajiba Love 05/11/09

Fill Me Up, Scotty

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (35)

If you haven’t had enough Star Trek, here are some promo pics and a trailer for Sasha Grey’s porn spoof which comes out tomorrow. (Agent Bedhead)

One of Hollywood’s cutest couples, Heidi Klum and Seal, renewed their marriage vows with a white trash party. Uhm … How romantic? (Webster’s)

Sequel? Check. Comic book adaption? Check. CGI anthropomorphization of an animal or object? Check. This is the anatomy of a summer blockbuster movie. (Holy Taco)

The only thing Jimmy Fallon should ever come in #1 at is a list of dumb idiots who laugh at their own jokes. (Quiz Law)

Dick Cheney is amazingly somehow managing to make even more of a mockery of the Republican party now that he’s out of office. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

The E! Network has a new show called “Jersey Shore Unleashed,” and … Well, I think it’s about to become my new favorite show. Here is an instructional clip on how to achieve the perfect “douchebag hair.” (Jezebel)

It’s a little late for yet another Mother’s Day link, but here’s an excellent list of the most macabre mothers in cinematic history. (Film School Rejects)

If you thought American beauty pageant contestants were dumb as a bowl of mice, wait ‘til you check out this stupefying Q&A for Miss Panama 2009. (DListed)

Here’s more images from Terminator Salvation than you can shake a disembodied robotic arm at. (Rope Of Silicon)

Rocco Giovanni, a friend of Jeremy’s, (site content NSFW) is doing a walk for Cystic Fibrosis if anyone would care to check it out and lend your support! (Great Strides)

Megan Fox “doesn’t want to be like Scarlett Johansson.” Who does? Scarlett Johansson is a fucking idiot. (Yeeeah!)

Just in case you were worried, Japan is totally up on creating the perfect fake vagina and simulated oral and anal sex. By this time in ten years, real, actual sex will literally be a thing of the past:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Japan is totally up on creating the perfect fake vagina and simulated oral and anal sex.

Because that's exactly the way to fix the rapidly dwindling Japanese population. Reproduction; you're doing it wrong.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 11, 2009 1:07 PM

Johansson is a fucking idiot.

I'm converted. I used to like her, and that sort of waned over the years, and then I accidentally saw 20 minutes of The Nannie Diaries yesterday (folding clothes with the missus).

Scarlett Johanssen is so, so, so bad in that movie. Don't get me wrong, the movie itself is an aborted elephant turd (for shame, Laura Linney and Paul Giamatti, for shame), but Scarjo plumbs the depths of one-note, open-mouthed dipshittedness. She's just terrible. I just never realized how bad until that moment.

Not that I wouldn't hit it.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 11, 2009 1:07 PM

Reproduction; you're doing it wrong.

I'm not gonna lie to you: That thing is several different kinda of testicle-shriveling horrifying. Jeez, that's gonna haunt my dreams for a while.

Also, thanks for the shameless plug, Stacey! *Kisses*

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 11, 2009 1:27 PM

By this time in ten years, real, actual sex will literally be a thing of the past

Let this be a lesson to all who doubted the teachings of Demolition Man.

Posted by: branded at May 11, 2009 1:32 PM

By this time in ten years, real, actual sex will literally be a thing of the past:

You're just effing with me because of the panic attack I got from the guy with the robot wife. This is the revenge I get for mildly teasing you on your BF's BDay, isn't it? *shudders* If people can start having relationships with inanimate objects without shame, how will I ever convince a guy to buy me a drink again? Who's gonna pour 20 bucks of alcohol into me when they can get a robot for free?

Effed.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 11, 2009 1:33 PM

Speaking of Sasha Grey, can I just say that The Girlfriend Experience is one of the most bland, boring, Godtopus-awful movies I've ever had the misfortune of sitting through? Even the dog fell asleep. Oh wait...it bored the popcorn too.

Posted by: Cindy at May 11, 2009 1:35 PM

That guy is a PERVERT. AND he cracks me up.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 11, 2009 1:35 PM

"...I accidentally saw 20 minutes of The Nannie Diaries yesterday (folding clothes with the missus)..."

Riiiiiiiiiiight...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 11, 2009 1:36 PM

Socalled, how profoundly disturbing is it that Linney and Giamattie went from HBO's amazing Sam Adams series... to that. It makes me a little squicky.

I still think Scarlett is quite pretty, but she can't act for shit.

Posted by: TK at May 11, 2009 1:39 PM

Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God,

Perhaps I've become too desensitized to the phrase "NSFW," since it usually just has some girls in bikinis and semi-offensive language. I did NOT expect what I pulled up on my work computer when I clicked on Jeremy's website. Jesus H., dude, your site used to be all cuteness and rants and ponies. Now it's full-on sex shots...of YOU no less?

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at May 11, 2009 1:39 PM

I think Japan needs a new slogan for its tourism board:

"Japan: we'll make you go WHAT THE FUCK?"

Posted by: figgy at May 11, 2009 1:41 PM

Pink Hulk: Sorry babe, but you knew what you were getting into when you hit the "Adult Content" page! Don't blame me for my sexiness!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 11, 2009 1:42 PM

Wait - someone made a Star Trek porno, and it's HETERO porn? WTF?

Posted by: Edith at May 11, 2009 1:46 PM

HAAA that bitch is DUMB. Silly Panama. Making all Central America look bad.

And yeah, people, take the content warning on Jeremy's site very seriously. And make sure your mom is not in the room. It led me to a bit of a freak out once...

Posted by: figgy at May 11, 2009 1:49 PM

Yeah. Thanks to this website, I now know the meaning of NSFW.

Posted by: J Stride at May 11, 2009 1:55 PM

"...I accidentally saw 20 minutes of The Nannie Diaries yesterday (folding clothes with the missus)..."

Riiiiiiiiiiight...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 11, 2009 1:36 PM

Okay, you caught me. I was hoping to whack it. Turns out Dumb-Face McGoldenGlobes can't compete with bratty fucktard kids and a plot that made me pray for a large meteor to wipe out every single character with a speaking role.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 11, 2009 1:55 PM

Who's gonna pour 20 bucks of alcohol into me when they can get a robot for free?

Well JEEPERS! I want to not assume that women don't just want to get something out of me by acting interested, but...

Posted by: Jay at May 11, 2009 1:56 PM

Holy effing shit! Is my face red?

I did the same thing everyone else did and ignored the NSFW link. Let that be a lesson to me. Oh my!

Bravo my friend...

I think I need to go lay down now for a while..

Posted by: legib at May 11, 2009 1:56 PM

I Want to be like Scarlett Johansson.

She may be a fucking idiot, but she's also a fucking Ryan Reynolds.

I'd lose a few brain cells for that gig any day.

Posted by: wsapnin at May 11, 2009 1:57 PM

take the content warning on Jeremy's site very seriously.

Or do what I do, read the content at the top without scrolling to the pictures. Or keep a hand up over the part of the screen where the pictures are. And then leave. Not that Jeremy isn't super sexy hot, but I'll never get my hands on it so what's the point of looking?

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 11, 2009 1:58 PM

Well JEEPERS! I want to not assume that women don't just want to get something out of me by acting interested, but...

Aww Jay! You know I'm totally interested in what you have to say and would never expect you to buy me a girlie drink in order to keep the conversation going.

But... If you wanted to buy me a drink I most certainly turn it down. I may even smile more at your riveting anecdotes. Now excuse me while I perfect my "Bat the lashes, touch his forearm" one-two combo.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 11, 2009 2:04 PM

Oh, whoops, I double-negatived, but you know what I mean. You dreamkiller, Kayanne!

Posted by: Jay at May 11, 2009 2:06 PM

I will not be a part of the free booze conspiracy. Bat all ya want.

Posted by: Jay at May 11, 2009 2:09 PM

Not that Jeremy isn't super sexy hot, but I'll never get my hands on it so what's the point of looking?

I KNOW. He's such a clit-tease.

Posted by: figgy at May 11, 2009 2:25 PM

The E! Network has a new show called “Jersey Shore Unleashed,”

Oh, Jesus H. Christ.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 11, 2009 2:31 PM

I will not be a part of the free booze conspiracy. Bat all ya want.

That's exactly what the Sexbots want us to do! If you don't buy me a drink in the bar you're succumbing to our future robot overlords. For shame.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 11, 2009 2:36 PM

My favorite moment of that YouTube clip about the Japanese "Race for the Cure" business -- and, p.s., that clip is an embarrassment of riches -- is that quiet moment at the very end when his co-worker tentatively opens the door and tries to unobtrusively walk through while not listening to a lecture on anal/penile stimulation.

Posted by: Mike B. at May 11, 2009 3:42 PM

I've got a fur-lined shoebox with my cell-phone vibramathingy scotch-taped to the underside. Talk about a Sex-Bot! YOWZA!

I'll hook people up with one for seventeen dollars. Any style fur you want! Tiger stripe, zebra, troll hair, shag, ShamWow, you friggin' name it.

Posted by: Skitz at May 11, 2009 3:44 PM

Man, I so want to look at the Jeremy link, but I'm at work. Even though there's no one behind to see me lookin' at naughty pictures... nope, mustn't. Sigh...

I thought Megan Fox was already the anti-Scarlett. Are people actually getting them confused or something? Blind people, maybe?

Posted by: Slash at May 11, 2009 4:14 PM

RE Skitz: "I've got a fur-lined shoebox with my cell-phone vibramathingy scotch-taped to the underside. Talk about a Sex-Bot! YOWZA!"

Fur-lined? I thought fur was so 20th century. I thought bald as a Barbie doll was the in thing now.

Posted by: Slash at May 11, 2009 4:17 PM

um jeremy, could you pass me a tissue?

Posted by: gp at May 11, 2009 4:36 PM

Yeah, sorry guys, but when Stacey says NSFW, she MEANS NSFW. Now, shut up and give money to Rocco already before I start crackin' heads in this bitch.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 11, 2009 5:11 PM

Finally, proof that Heidi Klum is human - not even the German goddess can pull off cornrows!

Posted by: Melissa at May 11, 2009 9:10 PM

Who's gonna pour 20 bucks of alcohol into me when they can get a robot for free?

Effed.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 11, 2009 1:33 PM
---
*raises hand*

Really, I'm not TRYING to be a stalker, but you keep setting it on a tee.

Be bold: Go old!

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 12, 2009 10:09 AM

Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue
Weight: 1-1-0
Disposition: Even
Mood Code: Rotary Adjustable

I need a unit to sample and hold
But not the angry one
A new design, new design

--Neil Young

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 12, 2009 10:17 AM

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Fill Me Up, Scotty

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