ATTENTION! All Pajibans in the Richmond, VA area: it’s time to lead, follow, or get out of the way! There’s going to be a blood drive for Alabama Pink on Thursday, May 15 from 3-7 pm. Godtopus commands you be there! (Whoa, Camel!)
Fatty Tardbuckle scored his own clothing line at Hot Topic! Sheesh, even Avril picked like, Kohls. (WIMB)
OH HELL YES. The only way Matthew McConaughey could be better suited for a film role is if he were to play the role of Matthew McConaughey. (Agent Bedhead)
“Police respond to call of felony wedgification.” Yes, that kind of wedgification. (QuizLaw)
Round Two of Barbara Walters vs. Star Jones! Fight! Fight! Fight! (Yeeeah!)
Oh man! The Anna Nicole biopic is only to be released through illegal downloading on the internet? Fuck! I totally had called dibs on that one, too. (FourFour)
Bwuh? How bad of a director to you have to be for chewing gum to want you out of the way? (Pop Candy)
You know what would be hysterical? If we provided Ethiopeans with weapons and intelligence and then they just went out and comitted a bunch of war crimes. Oh, what’s that? It’s already happened now? (Liberal Avenger)
Spencer Pratt is totally doing Heidi Montag in the butt. That’s right, my preciouses, if I have to be subjected to the mental imagery, than so do you. (Celebslam)
Top of the line dishwashers come with a canine prewash cycle. (Serious Eats)
Sometimes when I post links to stuff like this, I think back to the days when Pajiba used to be a boys club; then I giggle to myself and post it anyway. So here are some hilarious tampon stories. (Jezebel) and (Evil Beet)
And on that note — because why the hell not — some of the world’s fanciest and most luxurious toilets. (mental floss)
Not everybody puts on their pants one leg at a time, after the jump.
I'm nowhere in the Virginia area, but I hope there's a huge turnout for that blood drive. Seriously, there's such kindness in the shriveled hearts on this site. Good luck to AlabamaPink and those who donate.
I'm putting my money on Barbara Walters. She looks like a scrapper.
I'm not even reading that tampon story. Dealing with those things is enough. Sucks to be a girl sometimes.
Posted by: Brie at May 8, 2008 3:52 PM
That tampon story is incredible. I had a similar incident with a Today sponge. Wasn't pretty.
Posted by: samantha t at May 8, 2008 3:55 PM
Regarding the 1st tampon story...maybe I'm a bit smaller in that region or something, but there is no WAY I wouldn't feel a tampon. Ew ew ew.
The Evil Beet's story on the other hand, made me laugh my ass off. It was the image of him wearing a miner's hat.
And once, just ONCE, I want to pee while overlooking the city. It would be the closest thing I could get to a roof toilet a la Scrubs.
Posted by: Julie at May 8, 2008 4:03 PM
I was all set to just donate blood in honor of 'Bama and then... oh, right. Stupid new tattoo! Again, I blame Alex the Odd.
You know, the people that make it into P.Love... I dunno. Heidi, Spencer, Star Jones - they're all on my list of "People I'd Like to Set Fire to, Then Push Down A Flight of Stairs... Into a Pit of Spikes and Molten Lava and Lava-Proof Angry Badgers."
Draw your own conclusions.
Posted by: TK at May 8, 2008 4:09 PM
I love angry badgers.
TK, what's the new tattoo?
Posted by: Julie at May 8, 2008 4:10 PM
Even if you don't live in the Richmond, VA area, you can find a place to donate blood, which, even if it doesn't help 'bama directly, helps other patients like her.
Your local hospital probably has a blood bank, or call the Red Cross to find out where you can donate in your area. You'll really feel really pleased with yourself--I swear.
You do need to weigh at least 110 (I think that's the cut off) and there are some other restrictions--be prepared to answer a bunch of screening questions. It's totally worth it, believe me.
Posted by: tamatha at May 8, 2008 4:10 PM
I love to give blood. My blood type is B+, which I like to believe is my outlook on life. When I'm not feeling stabby of course.
The last time I donated though I spent the rest of the day trying not to pass out. I had to ride the train home with my head between my legs and had to have my roommate pick me up at the station, because I couldn't walk without seeing black spots. That was not so much with the fun.
Damnit...I'm nowhere near Virginia. Hey, someone give a bunch extra for me!
maybe I'm a bit smaller in that region or something
That's right, baby...keep yourself chaste for the wedding night...
I've signed that Uwe Boll petition like five times. We need more sponsors. That's AWESOME that Stride has declared their hate so publicly. It makes me wish I chewed gum...
Perez Hilton...Hot Topic...ummm, wow. There are no words for that level of pretentious douchebaggery. Is Prioleauian a word?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at May 8, 2008 4:14 PM
All raight, all raight, all raight ... time fer the good captin to freestyle some greenage, buckle on the ol' shield, and get down ta some serious -- and I mean serious -- shirtless beach runnin'. [/points fingers together, chest-high] You know what you could use raight now? [/looks around conspiratorially, leans in, whispers] Bongo drums.
Okay, I got nothing. For me, that is terrible casting news.
Know who would be a great Captain America? Dominic West. And he's not even from America.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 8, 2008 4:15 PM
TK, does Mass. have licensed tattoo parlors? Because if the answer is yes, and you got yours at a licensed place, then you CAN donate. I just donated this past Monday, and I've had a shitload of tattoo work done in the past year.
Posted by: boo at May 8, 2008 4:16 PM
Boo, ugg, my dog Rizzo loves them too. He is such a gross little asshole. I've never seen trauma like I did on my brother's face the night we came home from going to my aunt's and my dog had thrown the pieces of a used pad all over the living room. It wasn't mine, so I just laughed and laughed.
Posted by: Julie at May 8, 2008 4:16 PM
Is Prioleauian a word?
It is now, my brother.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 8, 2008 4:18 PM
Boo, I believe they ARE licensed! Yippee!! More needles!
Wait... crap.
Julie, it's pretty boring. It's a series of vine-like designs that intertwines around the existing work, as well as covers most of the space from shoulder to mid-forearm. It's a work in progress.
Posted by: TK at May 8, 2008 4:20 PM
Fun! I'm scared of tattoos. I went with a girlfriend on our lunchbreak to watch her get one done, and I spent the two hours cringing and mocking her underwear.
Posted by: Julie at May 8, 2008 4:24 PM
TK:
I know. It's funny how I can have a cluster of needles pierced repeatedly into my skin and feel fantastic about it, but then I kinda whimper when giving blood.
Although, this last time around, my blood went in to that little baggy so fast! I think I'm becoming a superhero or something.
Julie: Ha ha! My bro is the same way. He's such a badass with everything else, and then I start a little conversation about menstruation and he gets all little-girly about it. (God, he would fucking kill me if he knew I was disclosing this.) Haaaaaaaa....
Posted by: boo at May 8, 2008 4:25 PM
That's right, baby...keep yourself chaste for the wedding night...
:) Dirty.
Posted by: Julie at May 8, 2008 4:26 PM
Virgina is a bit of a drive, but now I am going to be on the lookout for a blood drive in my area, my blood is much desired, I am type O pos
and accoring to the nice hospital nurses, I have excellent veins for needles
it really is too back I don't to drugs, apparently I would be very good at it
Posted by: Bethy at May 8, 2008 4:27 PM
TK, boo is right. I asked about this the last time I donated--not that I'm planning on getting a tattoo, just out of curiosity--and was told the same thing. As long as the place is licensed, you can still donate. So, not excuses for you, my friend. And don't try to give me that "my blood may be tainted from close proximity to zombies" excuse, they don't even ask about zombies on the screening questionnaire.
Posted by: tamatha at May 8, 2008 4:29 PM
"bad", not "back"
damnit I can't type!
[sobs a little]
Posted by: Bethy at May 8, 2008 4:30 PM
Goddamnit, Jezebel and Evil Beet are blocked at my work!
Gross ewwwy tampon stories would've totally improved my afternoon...grumble...
Posted by: Jerce at May 8, 2008 4:32 PM
Awww, Jerce, you are SO missing out honey. It cheered me up tremendously after my mom canceled mother's day on me.
Yeah. How fucking backwards is that??
Posted by: boo at May 8, 2008 4:40 PM
P-fucking-'shaw, Stacey and Bedhead. That shit ain't even funny.
Didn't poor Fatty Arbuckle suffer enough damage to his name in life? Must you tarnish it even further posthumously by associating it with... with THAT. Poor Roscoe. May he rest in peace.
Posted by: Carrie at May 8, 2008 4:45 PM
wow, that does kinda suck boo, sorry about that
and my gosh girl, those really your tatoos?
daaaaaaaaaamn!
they look good!
Posted by: Bethy at May 8, 2008 4:53 PM
Neal McDonough is Captain America.
Yeah, that's actually right. That's damn perfect. As long as it's someone from an acclaimed HBO project, I'm in. That guy needs some quality projects anyway. His IMDb profile is a trainwreck. I Know Who Killed Me? 88 Minutes? Gack!
Heck, let's get Omar to be the Black Green Lantern.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 8, 2008 4:59 PM
Re: The GI Joe pics on WIMB.
I'm pissed. Oh my Christ, I'm pissed. Can I... I'd like to nominate myself for writing the review when this... I don't even want to call it a movie, ferchrissake. GI Joe was a large part of my youth. Did I mention I was pissed? Did I? Yeah... So anyhow, I would like to write the review for this goddamed abomination, yet I'm afraid I may be unable to. Why?
BECAUSE I'M GONNA DRIVE THE GODDAMED MURDERTANK UP STEPHEN SOMMERS' ASS, THAT'S WHY!! Actually, no. I'm gonna tie his naked ass to the spork-lift, complete with a toilet bondage mask (thanks, NIN!) on the goddamed back of the thing and drag him cross-country until this piece of shit is out of theaters. Then, I'm gonna strap him to the spiked headlights of the friggin' thing and we're gonna go on another trip - this time, buying/stealing every flippin' DVD of it in existence. Then I'm gonna melt 'em down and make him... GRRR! GODDAMMIT!!
HEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA! WHY DON'T WE TAKE CHARACTERS THAT SOME PEOPLE USED TO LOVE - COLORFUL, INTERESTING CHARACTERS, AND PUT THEM ALL IN GODDAMED BLACK RUBBER SUITS? HUH?! Seriously - it's never been done before! Yeah, black, segmented, rubber suits! They'll all look exactly alike that way! BRILLIANT!!! Whaddya mean, "Batman"? Whaddya mean, "X-MEN"? HAHAHAHAHAAAaaaaaaa...
The douchebag from "Gone in 60 Seconds" is Destro? Are you...GAH! Look, no offense to Doctor Whoaphobes around here, I'm sure he's great... But holy shit - why take one of the most interesting bad guys and... GRAGH! WHERE'S HIS GODDAMED MASK, YOU COMMIE SUMANABITCHES?! HOW COME THE BAD GUYS DON'T HAVE THE EMBLEM?! WHY DOES STORMSHADOW LOOK LIKE HE'S WEARING PART OF A SHITTY TUXEDO?! THE ROCK?! AS SHIPWRECK?!
(...remember what the cardiologist said, Jeremy - slow, deep breaths...)
I'm so angry...
...so very angry...
Posted by: SkittiGRRAAAAAAGH!!! at May 8, 2008 5:00 PM
Blood drive and tampon stories? I think you ladies could kill two birds with one stone.
Posted by: Murray at May 8, 2008 5:02 PM
thanks Bethy. yep, dems are mines, and I likes. I'm already planning the next series of sittings. yes, they are THAT addictive.
Posted by: boo at May 8, 2008 5:13 PM
Glad you like it, guys. I'm watching "Tin Man" right now and Neal's pretty good in it. But yeah, he doesn't get much quality. I think he was one of three Americans in "Band of Brothers". They just friggin drafted the Royal Academy.
Hey, Skit, remember when we were merely grumbling about Scarlett a few weeks back and I thought Sienna Miller really wasn't gonna look right? Well lookit that. Not a goddamn thing looks right. I'd only seen the Sienna and would have been blissfully ignorant of the horror for a while without your fountain of rage. Someone at IGN said of Sienna that she looked more like someone in a new Underworld movie, plus there's that big ass buckle that reminds me of the big ass buckle they nonsensically played on Uma Thurman's Emma Peel. I don't think I'm even "hesitant" about GI Joe anymore.
Somehow, I think the pants video would have been better if there were WOMEN holding the pants.
Posted by: BWeaves at May 8, 2008 5:14 PM
RE: Blood Drive, Tampons, and Uwe Boll.
" ... In the meantime, Boll has several projects in the works, including BloodRayne 3: IN MY PANTS "
Posted by: BWeaves at May 8, 2008 5:20 PM
Should I feel lucky that I've never walked around for two weeks with an old tampon festering in my cootie cat? Because it apparently happens more often than I would have thought.
A drive to Virginia would be lovely this time of year. Somebody pick me up on the way - I'll bring yummy snacks and I only have to stop every 2-3 hours to pee.
Posted by: Kolby at May 8, 2008 5:27 PM
" ... In the meantime, Boll has several projects in the works, including BloodRayne 3: IN MY PANTS "
Holy shit!! That made me snort, I laughed so hard. Bwahahahaha!
And I third (fourth? fifth?) Neal McDonough for Captain America. He is the man for the job. Fo' sho'.
Posted by: Dangle McGee at May 8, 2008 5:28 PM
I agree with Julie. That lost tampon thing is weird as hell. I mean, I've heard of such a thing before, but I remain fascinated by the very idea. How can you not feel it?
In related news, GI Joe is looking more and more like a festering, rotted lost tampon with every new piece of information released. I think you could probably get all the kids from Hannah Montana drunk and have them perform an unrehearsed puppet show about GI Joe and it would be at least 82% better than this movie will turn out to be.
I think you could probably get all the kids from Hannah Montana drunk and have them perform an unrehearsed puppet show about GI Joe and it would be at least 82% better than this movie will turn out to be.
I don't know if anybody could do that...but it would be really, really funny to see.
My poor GI Joe...how you've been whored out like the old hooker on the street who was a real piece back in her day but semi-retired...only to have someone go on a religious campaign to wipe out prostitution and so you come out of retirement but you're all old now so you get the fake plastic body and put on lots of makeup...
AND THEN SUCK REALLY HARD.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at May 8, 2008 5:48 PM
I forget if I mentioned this before but... true story: when I was a wee TK, my father wouldn't allow me to watch GI Joe because he felt it "promoted a warmongering, Capitalist agenda."
My dad was kind of a weird dude.
I had to beg my friends to tape it and then watch it at their houses.
My blood type is B+, which I like to believe is my outlook on life. When I'm not feeling stabby of course.
That is just. too. CUTE.
Neal McDonough? As Captain America? Those piercing baby blues staring down a dirty Nazi? That gravelly voice demanding the Avengers to goddamn Assemble?
I suppose I could live with that.
BWeaves, the female version of the pants jumping is in the video menu.
Oh, and before I forget: Tampons! Ewewewewewewewewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! Aaghaahghahgh!!! Don't touch me, don't TOUCH ME!!!!
made me laugh harder than anything else I've seen or heard today.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 8, 2008 6:37 PM
TK, i just got a new tattoo too (into the great wide open is now stuck in my head) and thought the same thing! but i just googled blood donation and it doesn't look like i can give because of my RA meds...which sucks...because i am in virginia beach!
as for the tampon story, i am also bewildered...how do you not know it's up there?
Posted by: kelley at May 8, 2008 6:51 PM
I demand that one of you assholes email somebody over at Marvel and order them to cast Neil McDonough as Captain America. I'd do it, but...I'm really lazy. I'd totally watch Captain America with Neil McDonough in it. Matthew McConaughey? Not so much. Y'all know how his wee Tyrannosaurus arms freak me out, and plus I'm pretty sure super heroes aren't supposed to be halfway retarded. Matthew McConaughey doesn't seem like he'd even have the power to save toast from burning, so it's quite a stretch to imagine him saving the world from anything other than shirts.
plus I'm pretty sure super heroes aren't supposed to be halfway retarded
Except for nnnnnnnNNNN-GUH Man.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 8, 2008 8:07 PM
Was that a veiled reference to Handi-Man?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at May 8, 2008 8:15 PM
Actually, tamatha, even 110 pounds isn't too strict of a requirement. Neither is a solid Iron level. I've donated blood while underweight and borderline anemic (and when I had a suspicious blood pressure reading) and no one batted an eye. This might be because I'm AB+ though.
Thank god for Seasonale is all I'm gonna say about those tampon stories. Ugh.
I actually AM from Richmond (and a Pajiba lurker). I will def be at that blood drive. I have actually never given blood before because I am a chicken but this seems like a great reason to start.
Posted by: Jackers at May 8, 2008 11:31 PM
The next annoying GAP add will feature people doing back-flips into flat front khakis. You heard it here first.
Posted by: X at May 9, 2008 12:48 AM
Somebody wrote that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina.
Wish I was back home in VA to participate, but I like the idea of following suit here in Florida instead.
And for the record TK, I am VERY SORRY you now have beautiful new artwork that will provide you with a life time of joy. Really it's your own fault for talking to me.
The Evil Beet story made my afternoon. Freaking hilarious.
You CANNOT feel tampons when they are in you. That's the whole point of them. It's like they're not there. So, if for some reason you were a) so drunk, b) so high, c) so stupid that you forgot one was in there; yeah, you wouldn't know unless you stuck a finger up there and started poking around. And even then, if it was wet with blood, you might not recognize it as something other than a part of your vagina, or be able to get it out because it would be slippery. TMI?
Posted by: BWeaves at May 9, 2008 9:40 AM
TK:
Your dad got it only partially correct. GI Jow promotes a war-mongering, capitalist IMPERIALIST agenda.
Skittimus:
Call me psychic, but I think you were a little upset when you posted. Perhaps you ment DrWhophiles not phobes? And if there's a picture of either Dr. 10 or Dr. 9 somewhere wearing black rubber would you PLEASE direct me there NOW.
Posted by: PaddyDog at May 9, 2008 9:53 AM
Well, no blood donation from me, because I've
had the audacity to have sex with someone of my
own gender.
I've got shitty veins anyway. When I was in the
hospital for my arm it took 4 nurses, 2 hours and
a UV light to get an IV into my arm.
Posted by: Drake at May 9, 2008 1:00 PM
"I forget if I mentioned this before but... true story: when I was a wee TK, my father wouldn't allow me to watch GI Joe because he felt it "promoted a warmongering, Capitalist agenda."
My dad was kind of a weird dude."
Colour me weird then. I'm with TK's dad.
And that freakin' dog eating out of the dishwasher grossed me out so much I had a traumatic flashback to the Christmas dinner I attended, at my ex's dead grandpa's place, where they GOT THE DOGS TO LICK THE PLATES AFTER DINNER. CHRISTMAS DINNER.
Our relationship suffered over that incident.
Posted by: Farfalina at May 9, 2008 1:22 PM
My blood type is B+, which I like to believe is my outlook on life. When I'm not feeling stabby of course.
I agree with Vermillion, too cute. Made me smile.
Posted by: twig at May 9, 2008 2:04 PM
I am a regular blood donor. Here on Ontario, you have to wait 6 months after a new tattoo to donate. Even if the place is licenced. Or maybe it's a year after a tattoo, but only 6 months after a piercing.
Weirdly, last time I went to donate, they couldn't find a vein. I had the "trainee phlebotomist". Don't let the trainee stab you!!! I left without donating, but I DID have fun little puncture wounds in both elbows (elbow pits? inner elbows? you know... the donate-y part of the arm).
Posted by: Pea at May 9, 2008 2:33 PM
Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
I'm nowhere in the Virginia area, but I hope there's a huge turnout for that blood drive. Seriously, there's such kindness in the shriveled hearts on this site. Good luck to AlabamaPink and those who donate.
I'm putting my money on Barbara Walters. She looks like a scrapper.
I'm not even reading that tampon story. Dealing with those things is enough. Sucks to be a girl sometimes.