Pajiba

Good craftsmanship, GOOFY ineffective choice of demonstration material.

I didn't realize that Wsapnin was a Nashvillian (is that right?). Say hello to TN for me; I miss the land, the people, not so much.

And good luck with the contest!

Except for Dirty Dancing, I can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon than watching any of those Swayze classics (YES they ARE classics)and having some brews. The testosterone high is...intoxicating.

PS: they forgot Black Dog.

I think the worst basketball scenes in movies list seemed to forget Flubber, Son of Flubber, and Flubber: The Remake.

Okay, now I am not the biggest Jessica Simpson fans in the world. I can't stand her, she drives me insane. But that really might be the cruelest thing I have ever read. I don't know if she deserves that.

Having watched the video...Ummm, yeah. And to think, if he had spent all that time and energy into getting a girlfriend, he wouldn't be at home tearing apart boxes like a kitten on catnip and speed.

"Silvia?"
"Yes, Mickey?"
"How do you call your lover boy?"
"Come 'ere, loverboy!"
"And if he doesn't answer?"
"Ooh, loverboy!"
"And if he STILL doesn't answer?"
"I simply say baaaaaaaby, ooooh baaaaby, my sweet baaaaby, you're the one."

figgy - I welcome cookies as a Mother's Day gift, especially if they're guilt filled. You can never have too many cookies.

twig:

I was aware of the origins, but you have to admit that it has been hijacked from those origins. Also, I believe Howe's first idea was to have women unite to protest the horrors of the war, but she ultimately made it mothers uniting on the issue and therein I have a fundamental problem. Same thing with the Million Mom march they had about 10 years ago. I very much resent the theory that only mothers can care about issues. The underlying premise that one can only care deeply about death and war if one has had a lodger in the uterus bothers me.

Aw, man. Dom DeLuise died. :(

I feel you on the Mother's Day thing. A friend of mine who also has a wacked out, pill-popping mentally insane mother wants to get together with me and design a line of HONEST greetings cards.

Because, seriously, to a mom who once left you on a street corner when you were seven and said "find a new place to live" you're gonna give her some mushy shit about how you are the person you are today because she was such an awesome mom?

No. Sad to say, my mom shouldn't have had a goldfish. I *survived* her. (And haven't had anything to do with her crazy ass in 11 years, so I personally have no need for the honest as hell cards, but anyway.)

Still it's a great idea. I'm thinking along the lines of

"Thanks for being such a crazy mom that if I ever write that memoir, it'll be so fucked up Oprah will accuse me of lying."

Or

"Really, you suck. Hyenas are more loving mothers. I'm amazed you didn't eat us at birth. But since it's Mother's Day, I hope the shit you take today doesn't hurt like the devil. Because most days, I hope it does."

Too harsh on that last one?

The video: he HATES that box! Hee. Is it sad/pathetic/bad that I think he's a tiny bit hot in a sort of emotionally and socially retarded way?

Snuggie, etc.:

Two men in Ireland have just written a book called Mother From Hell in which they chronicle their life with their emotionally and physically abusive mother. It's harrowing stuff. I'm giving a copy to my M-I-L for this weekend (not because she was abusive but because I am forced to give her something and I object to the obligation).

And for the record, I also object to:
Valentine's Day
Secretary's Day
Father's Day
Grandparent's Day
Sweetest Day

As to the stupid story request I'd say High School Musical wins hands down. Only story number one comes close, but #7 tops it just by virtue of being stupid enough to buy the tickets in the first place. It's a stupid twofer.

Snuggie:

The full title is:
"Mother from Hell: Two Brothers; a Sadistic Mother; a Childhood Destroyed" by John and Patrick Doyle.
It's a very emotionally painful read.

White Day, is that the day when the Japanese give marshmallows to each other? I might be persuaded to adopt that custom. Oh how I love marshmallows. Everyone has a price.

Secretary's Day

Oh it's not Secretary's Day anymore, because that's "demeaning." Now it's Administrative Professionals Keep Tacking Words Onto My Job Instead of Giving Me More Dignity Or a Raise Day."

At least in Mad Men they were honest about it.

I very much resent the theory that only mothers can care about issues.

I don't think it's the point that only Mothers care about those issues, but that Mothers do care, and given that, back in the day and to a certain extent even now (see the accompanying vaccine ridiculousness and the inherent fears it plays on) Mothers are primarily in charge of keeping the family healthy and together. So raising a kid through all the crap he can do to himself and seeing him grown just to get himself blown up or gassed or mowed down is a bit of a pisser - I think there's a viable message there.

Somewhat similar to the message of Lysistrata, and that's considerably older than Mother's Day.

"Are we doing anything that day or not?"

That's how I am with pretty much all holidays with my family, if I've resigned myself to calling and asking and ripping the Band-Aid off. "How is my day off going to be hijacked? *wince*" The rest of the time I see it's my sister calling, and whenever she calls it means I've gotta show up somewhere if I'm not already working (or I gotta watch the kids or the pets). It is never good news and there's always some ceremonial eating happening soon. No holiday? Don't worry, we've got two birthdays in the same week, and you've gotta show up for both.

I don't hate my family, but jeepers it'd be nice to get a chance to miss them!

Doesn't every holiday suck now? I mean, what hasn't been turned into an overblown, commercially hyped, if-you-don't-buy-so-and-so-this-or-that-you-can't-possibly-love-him/her-enough? The only exception I can think of is Thanksgiving, where instead of buying stuff to death you feed people to death. And in the end we all just fall asleep.

I have the opposite problem, Jay. With the sucky economy and housing market, the mister and I made the painful decision last year to be apart during the week so he could keep his job (he was transfered) without us having to sell the house. Now, the kids and I only get to see him Friday night to Sunday night. I resent like hell anything that intrudes on that, including trumped up holidays. He appreciates just being home with us; I don't need a damn five dollar card from him or my kids to feel loved and respected. When my kids get older, I hope to be able to inspire guilt and loathing 365 days a year, not just on the second Sunday in May. It's my job.

"Sweetest Day" is on the other side of the calendar from Valentine's Day, around September or so. Hallmark or someone completely made it up within the past 10 years or so to sell more cards and knick-knacks. My wife knows I draw the line there.
As for Mother's Day, why not show some love if your Mom kicks ass? As for MIL's, that should be your spouse's responsibility. They pick out everything and you sign the card.

I do like trees.

figgy I am in love with you.

Also, I belong to a community theatre group, and let me tell you..... Waiting for Guffman.... yeah, totally realistic for a small town, no-budget community theatre group. We will be first in line to produce it!

Paddy, have you ever heard Belle & Sebastian's "Take Your Carriage Clock And Shove It"?

I think I cause myself some trouble my planning a lot, ms. lower. Even planning to do nothing. I know what I'm having for dinner the next four or five nights, I know when I have nowhere at all I have to be, and I'm looking forward to it all. I like looking forward to things, I like expectation. Then someone says "hey, come do this with us in two hours!" Derailed! It's easier to get out of things if there's meat defrosting. "I gotta stay here and cook this tonight!"

Yeah, I don't like sudden events, sudden being "within the same week", especially if there's already something else I have to do that same week that I already didn't want to. Usually my family's behind at least one of them. Sonsabitches! "You're gonna throw my dinner calendar all off! Shit....now I gotta move that to Thursday cause there's already that thing on Wednesday.........oh this fucking chaos you've thrown down on me!!! I don't WANT any cake!!!"

Great Patrick Swayze story from the man's very own mouth.

He came and visited my class when i was in college because he was good friends with the head of our program Jerry did some make-up work for Tiger Warsaw because he's originally from Monroeville PA. They shot the movie in Pittsburgh and used a lot of locals for their extended crew and second unit.

Anywho, Jerry was the cut man for the movie. that's how they became friends.

So we all go out for drinks that night after classes are done, and Patrick came along. In as few words as possible...Patrick Swayze used to be heavy into some other-worldly, mind-expanding shit.

He starts telling this story with Jerry about how they were locked up in his trailer waiting out the rain, which had interrupted shooting. Weather forecasts put rain out there for 3 or 4 days off and on, so shooting was likely to be a no go. So, naturally, he, Jerry and a couple 1st and 2nd unit guys were drinking. Patrick disappears for about 5 minutes and comes back to the table in the trailer saying "Gentlemen start your engines." As the story goes, he proceded to eat a couple double-dipped sugar cubes. After a few hours, much Jack Daniels, and a whole bunch of weed he started getting a little antsy. He decided he wanted to take a ride. So he started the trailer, slammed it into reverse, and jammed his way out of a Pittsburgh Strip District alleyway...damaging about 1/2 dozen cars and a few production vehicles in the process. He speeds out of don'ton Pitt and makes his way to I-70. He drove for about an hour or so and until they were in Washington counnty.

Then he decides he wants to explore the country, so he gets off the highway and starts driving up and down back roads. Suddenly...he goes offroad, through a field. The whole time, everyone has their asshole's puckered as he rambles on and on about spirituality and being free. Well he was so spiritual that day that he started trying to do donuts in a full-soze camper in the middle of a sawgrass field.

The trailor flipped.

Jerry and the other 2 guys start to panic because Patrick disappeared from the cab of the camper. They thought he'd been ejected. The look inside the cab and he's nowhere to be found. They hear talking outside...and there he is. in all his naked glory. Middle of nowhere. Drizzling rain. Early morning as the sun begins to rise. Naked Patrick Swayze. So what did he decide to do next? He decided he would sit naked on top of the flipped camper and play his guitar until help came, which it finally did, around noon.

In person, it took him and jerry about an hour to tell this story and I know I am leaving out a TON of the minute details, but that was seriously one of the most fun evenings of bar conversation EVER. Me and a bunch of guys from my program shooting the shit with Patrick Swayze and Jerry.

Patrick Swayze is now and forever will be THE MAN! in my mind.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IS SWAYZE ALIVE?!

I can't find any news that he's dead, so I'm going with alive.

But I thought the same as you when I saw that entry. It should have a disclaimer!

I'm glad that the reports of McCarthy not writing any more books. I think that the antivax camp is very wrong.

My nephew has Asperger's Autism, and while he has his problems and we are working through it, he is a fun kid to hang out with. He remembers crap forever, one Mother's Day, I took him and my mother out for breakfast, and my mother decided that she wanted to take the jelly packets. Well I told my nephew to say, "Grandma is a kleptomaniac." He did and we all laughed. Well, he thought it was so great that he said it for the next two years every time they were in a restaurant and my mom went to put anything in her purse.

Which led to my mother being questioned by the cops when they over heard him.

Ah good times.

OH THANK GODTOPUS.

I still need to be held.

Thanks to all who vote for me!

Actually the story gets better because after the HSM debacle, my friend and I walked down the street to the local Arena because the circus was in town and we thought we owed the girls something. While we were buying our tickets, my daughter happened to read a PETA pamphlet titled "What Ringling Bros. Doesn't Want You To Know!" Describing the horrors done to the animals at the hands of their caretakers. So she starts sobbing, hyperventilating and refusing to go to the circus. After about 20 minutes of hysteria we finally calmed her down with some funnel cake.

(shameless self promotion to follow)
You can vote every day! Pleeeze! and Thank You!

I'll hold you, AvB. C'mere!

Don't forget diamonds! Godtopus forbid you don't give mom diamonds. It means you don't love her.

I love your mom too figgy. I've said similar to my family.

go get balls nasty drunk with some friends and inflict some major property damage. Touch people in bathing-suit areas and whatnot.

EMULATE ME!

Posted by: firedmyass at May 5, 2009 5:41 PM

----------------------------------------------
*shoots shotgun*

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!

I want those claws for my birthday. Somebody get on that.

I call bullshit.

ALL the worst 10 basketball scenes in a movie are in "The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh."

Say what you will about the nerds creating Wolverine claws, but I totally at one point considered making the knife thing that Altair has.