free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 04/30/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Sacha Baron Cohen to Literally Shoot Fish in a Barrel

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | April 30, 2009 | Comments (45)

Sacha Baron Cohen totally got Paula Abdul in Bruno. Because that’s hard, right? This movie is sounding more crap-larious with each passing day. (Webster’s)

Here’s an interview with mockumentary legend Christopher Guest. (AV Club)

Sasha Grey, porn actress-cum-serious actress (pun intended) of Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience is returning to her porny roots. (AgentBedhead)

Everyone’s seen the Snakes on a Plane TV edit by now … But have you seen the Snakes on a Plane TV edit outtakes? Didn’t think so. (ScreenJunkies)

Here are seven television and movie characters who are basically just stand-ins for Dick Cheney. Oh hey, and for future reference, he’s totally free now. (Spout)

Sean Penn is asking the court to waive spousal support in his divorce to Robyn Wright Penn. You know, the mother of his children who basically put her career on hold so she could raise their children? What a guy. (Celebitchy)

These Daniel Johnston embroidery patterns might damn well break my lifelong tradition of never having embroidered, crocheted or knitted anything. (Pop Candy)

Here are 10 retarded money-saving recession tips that people are actually trying. Tampons are expensive, dammit. (Cracked)

Hahahaha haha hahahaha. That is all. (Jezebel)

Attention “Buffy” fans! (Everyone else can pretty much tune out.) Here’s some news on Super Nerd Jonathan, a.k.a. Danny Strong, who has been carving out a successful screenwriting career since his Buffster days. Love, love, love him. (CHUD)

Heidi and Spencer of “The Hills” have been photographed wearing face masks, ostensibly to protect themselves from obscurity. (Yeeeah!)

Alan Tudyk stars in the latest installment of James Gunn’s PG PORN, “High Poon.” Language NSFW:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Stacey, I can totally make those embroidery patterns for you if you pay for materials and perhaps a small fee for my time. I've been doing needlework since before I started kindergarten and rarely have something interested to exercise my talents upon. OR! I can teach you how to embroider at PajiBacon East! Let me know if you're interested.

Same goes for any other Pajibans, all my old lady skills (knitting, crocheting, needlework) are totally for hire.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at April 30, 2009 1:06 PM

*cough* *cough*

Yes! Robin Wright's career was ON FIYAH! especially after the MEGA HIT that was eh...Moll Flanders. Yeah, mmmmm...beautiful lady.

Talented too.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 30, 2009 1:11 PM

As long as he pays child support, why should he pay spousal support? She earns a lot of money in her own career. I don't know the details, but I've never really got the spousal support thing where both spouses are wealthy and well able to earn high amounts of money (Guy Ritchie??). You're no longer in a partnership, why do you have to be supported?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 30, 2009 1:17 PM

Sublime Stitching is awesome and freehand embroidery is pretty easy to learn. I learned from her 'Stitch-it Kit" which is also available through her site, and it comes with practice fabric and thread, a hoop and needle. Pretty much everything but scissors.

Of course, this is also a horrible gateway drug into the dark and seedy world of fiber arts. One minute you're indulging in a bit of retro hipster craftwork and the next, you're spinning your own yarn on your own sheep farm and contemplating natural dying techniques.

Use with discretion.

Posted by: twig at April 30, 2009 1:24 PM

That's good work, BSlim.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at April 30, 2009 1:29 PM

Ahhh...nothing beats a little "Steve the Pirate" in the afternoon...

Posted by: SugarKane at April 30, 2009 1:30 PM

Don't knock sleeping in airports. I've been there, and it ain't pretty, but when you're a penniless student, you have to do it. When I was in college in upstate New York and had to come home for the holidays, I had to take 6am flights out of New York City. This involved taking a bus out of my tiny town at 6pm, getting to NYC at 10pm. That was $60. Then taking a cab out of Port Authority to La Guardia ($25). I couldn't afford a hotel room in NYC for only a few hours, so fuck it, I crashed at the airport. It was pretty grim, but I had to do it. I did this about 6 or 7 times.

Doing it on vacations is of course moronic, but when you have no money to spend on hotels, you do what you gotta do.

Posted by: figgy at April 30, 2009 1:37 PM

I save money by climbing out the fire escape while my per-hour beloved is taking a shower. I also steal booze from the mini-bar and put the room on Conrad's credit card! I'm a stinker!

Posted by: Skitz at April 30, 2009 1:42 PM

That's good work, BSlim.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at April 30, 2009 1:29 PM
---------------------------------------------

Thank you, Anna, and let me just say that it is always a pleasure... NEY! an honor, whenever I get the opportunity to comment on the talented Mrs. Wright-Penn.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 30, 2009 1:43 PM

I bet you wallow in your filth, too!

Posted by: figgy at April 30, 2009 1:45 PM

Oooh!! Embroidery party at Sugarmom's!!!

Posted by: Stacey at April 30, 2009 1:46 PM

I AM FILTH!

Posted by: Skitz at April 30, 2009 1:46 PM

Well...now I don't even know what to say to that.

Wallow away!

Posted by: figgy at April 30, 2009 1:54 PM

omg, Danny Strong's doing a movie on the White House butler? The article the Washington Post had on him just before the inauguration was heartbreaking. It was such an interesting, sweet story and then the profile ended with "P.S. his beloved wife of 65 years died last week, have fun crying into your cheerios!"

Posted by: Claire at April 30, 2009 1:58 PM

And while I'm at it, let me register, for the record my disgust, yes, DISGUST on behalf of the lovely and enormously gifted Paula Abdul. The woman who gifted us with Scat Kat.

The way the media tries to portray her as a washed up, drugged-out bimbo, is....disgraceful.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 30, 2009 1:58 PM

Slap Chop Rap Chop

"Watch this. You're gonna love my nuts."

Posted by: twig at April 30, 2009 2:06 PM

It's kind of nice to see that there are other Pajibans who share my granny hobbies. I used to knit pretty much constantly (and still tend to have a WIP lying around), and I've used a lot of Sublime Stitching transfers for gift-type things. But have y'all seen the beauty that is Subversive Cross Stitch? The "Homo Sweet Homo" pattern was a BIG hit at my buddies' commitment ceremony... they actually hung it up in their kitchen.

www.subversivecrossstitch.com

Posted by: PaleoLithchick at April 30, 2009 2:22 PM

Paleo

I think her crowning glory is the "Truthiness" pic she made for Colbert.

Doodle Stitching may be a bit too... *wince* 'twee' for some, but I think it has some pretty cute designs. There's a 'rabbit in the moon' pillow that is adorable.

Posted by: twig at April 30, 2009 2:28 PM

Here are seven television and movie characters who are basically just stand-ins for Dick Cheney.

I can't believe they forgot to add Satan to that list.

Posted by: henchman for hire at April 30, 2009 2:35 PM

Okay, I'm just gonna say it: you embroidery folks are a bunch of FAH ...REAKS. and are totally creeping me out.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 30, 2009 2:36 PM

Awww, that's the first time someone's called me a freak that wasn't directly related to anime.

I'm moving up in the world.

Posted by: twig at April 30, 2009 2:40 PM

Lord, I never thought it would happen, but even as I hate George Bush less, I hate Dick Cheney more. I thought that they would both have a constant. But every day, Cheney gets louder and more braindead, and Bush has had the decency to fade away.

FUCK CHENEY!!!

Posted by: George at April 30, 2009 2:41 PM

Ooooo, I'm gonna have to check that book out!

Also: When BSlim calls you a freak, you can bask in the certain knowledge that you are REALLY pushing an envelope...

Posted by: PaleoLithchick at April 30, 2009 2:42 PM

They've sullied the name of Batman by comparing him to that monster.

Posted by: figgy at April 30, 2009 2:51 PM

Paleo

I would be remiss for not mentioning Wool and Hoop and all their cool crewel stuff as well, although I think either Sublime or Subversive links them. I didn't think I'd enjoy working with wool but it's pretty good and their book 'The New Crewel' has some great designs.

The book I'm really looking forward to getting is a Japanese craft book that got linked through Sublime, from a place called Mint House. Ah, cross stitch, last refuge of the damned.

... and with that I'll stop threadjacking.

Posted by: twig at April 30, 2009 2:52 PM

I love, love, love shitty money-saving strategies. Real Simple, a magazine to which I shamefully admit I subscribe, is full of them. There's a feature called the "A-ha! use" feature that is genius in how ridiculous it gets, i.e. a "new life" for a plastic bag as a cookbook cover or using coffee filters as bowls or to protect your hands from Popsicle drippings. I mean COME ON.

Posted by: samantha t at April 30, 2009 3:13 PM

Hmm. Perfect cross pollination of ideas: you knitting people can make your own dogs hair wool as listed on Cracked.com.
Also I'm pretty surprised that Cracked considers wearing your clothes for more than one day as a disgustingly ridiculous money saving idea. Clothes never get that dirty after one wear (except in summer, if it ever happens to be warm).

Posted by: ChrisD at April 30, 2009 3:27 PM

I bet you wallow in your filth, too!

I AM FILTH!

Aha! The Pajiba/Swine Flu connection has been found. Don your face masks people.

Posted by: Cindy at April 30, 2009 3:31 PM

bad pun of the day:

Alan Tudyk? More like Alan Nodyk!!!!!!

buh-zing

Posted by: chayes at April 30, 2009 3:41 PM

"you knitting people can make your own dogs hair wool as listed on Cracked.com. "

My wife, a vet, once had to put someone's cat down. The owner asked her to shave the dead cat so she could use the fur to make mittens.

Kitten mittens.

Swear to Godtopus.

Posted by: TK at April 30, 2009 3:45 PM

If dear old Grandma ever tried to give me a dog or cat hair sweater I'd punch her in the throat. Good thing my GramGram is too busy drinking to knit.

Posted by: Netraphim at April 30, 2009 4:08 PM

Genny, will you teach me to purl? Please? I can do a knit stitch, but I can't quite wrap my head around purling.

I'm insanely interested in learning... well, all of it. I used to do a bit of stitching, I think I'd like to get back into it. I want to be much more crafty than I am.

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 30, 2009 4:20 PM

Lizzie, you should check youtube. My friend learned to knit from different how-to videos there.

Posted by: twig at April 30, 2009 4:23 PM

TK, that is the best story I will hear all day.

Posted by: Julie at April 30, 2009 4:35 PM

lizze, I can teach you to purl, it's the same as knitting only backwards. Twig's suggestion is good though, I've learned a few knitting techniques from watching YouTube.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at April 30, 2009 4:44 PM

I love that Cracked article. My fiance and I are pretty frugal, but we're not that crazy.

The only thing I wonder is, where are people getting enough lint to use as insulation? Then again... maybe I don't want to know.

Posted by: Melissa at April 30, 2009 5:21 PM

lizzie, if youtube doesn't work for you, and you can't hold out until Genny can teach you, go pick up a copy of Debbie Stoller's Stitch n' Bitch. I tried to teach myself to knit for YEARS (off and on), and that book was the only thing that actually worked for me. It's magic. I swear.

TK Kitten mittens? Kitten mittens? SO CREEPY. I might be able to top it, though. At my college a girl actually shaved her head and collected enough extra hair from donors to knit herself a hair shirt for one of her senior art classes...

Posted by: PaleoLithchick at April 30, 2009 6:04 PM

As if Sean Penn needed any more ammunition in his bid to be remembered as Hollywood's biggest @@$hole.

Posted by: John W at April 30, 2009 6:23 PM

Wow. Kitten mittens. Not just any kitten mittens, but DEAD kitten mittens. That is the creepiest thing I have heard this year.

Posted by: stardust savant at April 30, 2009 7:45 PM

I didn't thing anything from Daniel Johnston could get wackier, but those embroidery kits are on a Have to Have level of Wacky. They aren't quite nekkid latch hook, but close.

I don't want to be Sasha Grey but I also really need those Star Trek shoes. By Mid-May, by pedicure time. Thank you.

Posted by: Stacy D at April 30, 2009 7:49 PM

I have much enjoyed the "PG Porn" series, and the Nathan Fillion one was terrific; but really, the funniest of them all is the one Gunn starred in himself as a mechanic. Check it, y'all.

Posted by: Jerce at April 30, 2009 8:26 PM

You stitchers may inspire me to pick up my counted cross-stitch again. I used to stitch a lot, but I got bored with it. I gave all my relatives cross stitch gifts. They weren't nearly as impressed with my effort as I thought they should have been. I'm not into the cute duckies and bunnies type of patterns, and the more detailed, art-looking ones are so time-consuming. Anyway, between all my unread books and unstitched projects, I figure I'm good for entertainment during a long vacation/snowstorm/convalescence. You know, anything that keeps me cooped in the house.

Posted by: rlr260 at April 30, 2009 8:36 PM

Stop abusing the word "literally." Goddamn.
I clicked and expected there to be story about Bruno involving ACTUAL guns and ACTUAL fish and ACTUAL barrels.

http://literally.barelyfitz.com/

Posted by: Amelia at May 1, 2009 9:34 AM

If you want some, um, unique crossstich patterns, go to http://www.subversivecrossstitch.com/- warning, it is very NSFW.

Posted by: Kariari at May 1, 2009 10:13 AM

Whoops, that link is a little funky -if you get the 404 page for subversive crossstitch just click on the main icon on top.

Posted by: Kariari at May 1, 2009 10:15 AM