Pajiba

Riley, it's even worse when they slather that nasty, greasy shit on your cheeseburger, particularly when you requested that it not be there. It just ruins an already mediocre burger.

Sorry, I meant "Riles" :)

Stacy, I don't care if Panda Express spray paints the broccoli; their food is awesome. Their chicken & potato brings me back every time.

Is it bad that I got three entries into that blog before realizing it wasn't Stuff White People Like?

That "White Stuff People Like" site might have had potential, but really, it was just extremely boring.

I call a hack!

Serena, I second that!

Brie, I hate the mayo-on-burger as well. And whenever I ask for none, they give me extra. Godtopus, I'm going to puke thinking about it.

Mayo + ketchup with a dash of mustard = best hamburger topping ever.

Besides ranch.

Ranch dressing on a burger?! ...I'm intrigued.

I'll eat mayo in chicken salad or in something like my spinach artichoke dip, but never on its own. If I wanted to swallow a white viscous substance...

...

...I'd eat vanilla yogurt.

[Ooh! I DIDN'T go there!]

Ranch dressing on a burger?

Fuck yeah! Don't start me on ranch dressing, cuz I eat that wayy too much. It goes great w/ fries, sandwiches, burgers, chicken...

Frumpiefox, we might need to talk, because Miracle Whip is pretty good in small doses. I consider that and ranch dressing to be the Black sheep of the mayo family.

Now tomatoes and mayo?

Fuck no.

I like snowflakes too.

I'm going to try the ranch dressing on a burger thing.

For some reason, I don't mind mayo on a Whopper, but in other places it is quite unwelcome. It has prevented me from enjoying chicken salad, potato salad, macaroni salad... People usually put too damn much mayo in things.

So Brie and Riles:

I'm guessing you won't be off to Amsterdam on a french fry binge any time soon?

Because it's so very easy, Shadows :p

I would try ranch dressing on a chicken burger...I make a mean chicken burger with Griffins, a local Bucks County hot sauce. Add a little red onion and lettuce? Nom nom nom.

Miracle Whip ia a whole 'nuther story

Mayo is a gift from godtopus for the lactose intolerant -- it can sub in as fatty topping in many cases, especially if you mash avocados into paste and mix them together. Greatest.burger.topping.ever.

I agree about Miracle Whip. That sour tang puts me off.

How the hell would you mayo-haters eat a BLT without mayo? Please don't tell me you would do that.

The Scientology thing is amusing. When I was in sixth grade, a group of my friends and I talked ourselves into believing that The Lord of the Rings was real and that Sauron was coming back to take over the earth. We managed to spook ourselves for about 48 hours, then realized what a pack of dipshits we were, fortunately before any non-dipshits discovered the secret of our little cabal. To this day, I'm ashamed when I think of that.

So: Scientology basically preys on people who have the minds of 11-year-olds but lack an 11-year-old's "this is bullshit" failsafe.

Artichokes can go back to hell whence they came.

But you best believe I love mayo. Best thing about picking Burger King for your latest fast food burger: the way the mayo mixes in with everything on the Whopper. It's like a little treat I always forget: "wellll, the fries aren't the greatest around but....OH! fuck yeah, the mayo thing!!"

I'm not gonna watch the Kids yet as it might spoil a bit of the show next month (unless someone reports otherwise, glad to hear the positive response though)

That picture of Angelina is icky. Are they actively trying to not interest me in this movie? I was already blase, but now this.

Two female friends made me go with them to Hooters because they just LOVED the wings. The waitress firmly stood behind my shoulder so I had to crane my neck just to address her. I wondered if it was some weird ogling deflection thing, although Edgar Wright covered this: "Dr. Hooters, make a note of this. Tan tights are NOT sexy!" I didn't feel deprived, it was just odd, being that I was in the oglin' place and a Hooters waitress seems to be hiding from me. The guys I could see in a booth across from me were visibly...appreciating the view in their own classy way.

Oh it all felt a bit wrong.

Amazing fried chicken sandwich though. I'd almost go back for it.

Then you ain't in Mitch Hedberg's club, lady!

Eff you all. Now I want fries.

socalled, you most certainly can eat a BLT sans Mayo (It's not a BLTM now, is it?!?)in fact, I prefer a BL with cheese. oh, and now that I think of it, I bet RANCH would rock on that.

Yeah! Y'know who else hated Bacon? Stalin, that's who. Bacon, Bac-Os, Beggin Strips, Bacon-Bits, Bacon-Flavored-Bacon, Maple-Bacon, Smoked-Bacon, Thick-Cut Bacon, Sodium-Free Bacon, Turkey-Bacon, The Baconator... They're all awesome!

That's it. I'm putting a bacon-bar in Ye Olde Murderizin' Tankard. Although to be fair, I'll also toss in a condiment-pump station. WITHOUT those tiny-ass white cups - no, we'll be using shot-sized Dixie-Cups... Word!

Plus, vegetarians can totally eat Bac-O's.

Plus, you forgot to mention British Bacon. I can barely remember what I ate in England.....except for the breakfast, which I triple-checked was coming with my hotel room. I did not not not want to show up to a bathroom down the hall and a honeydew melon.

I did have a bathroom down the hall in a hotel in Manhattan on the same day I was immensely hung over. Not a great time!

Man that British Bacon is good. Oh and I hate those little cups. The ketchup always overflows and it's just a messy drag for everybody. Thanks, Skit.

(if we're talking pork and condiments: get a sausage from your grocer's meat section. Bryan, generic, Italian, Kielbasa, whatever your preference. If it's one piece cut it in half and place the sausage on your Foreman grill. Get out two small hoagie rolls, the ones that are like a really big hot dog bun. Your grocer will hide them well amongst the hot dog buns because your grocer's a dick. Put yellow mustard on one and honey mustard on the other. I soon realized I didn't need to add any curly fries or anything to the plate with that magic present, that was just extra fattening starch. I'm a bachelor so I'm gonna eat hot dogs? I don't think so.)

I'm also allergic to artichokes. It doesn't bother me though, because they're too much of a committment. First you choose a school, then an apartment, you're tired right? And now you have to learn the ancient art of kitana-wielding just to eat a vegetable? No, that will not stand. So, there's no danger of me forgetting myself, and then having my throat close up on me.

Pineapples on the other hand. My third-favourite fruit, and a world of pain. I remember one Thanksgiving, I had just had some minor surgery, neither of my sisters were living in town (and we don't get a four-day for break for Canadian Thanksgiving, so often the trip isn't worth it), and my mother was looking after her convalescing daughter, strung out on the antibiotics and painkillers. Needless to say, neither of us felt like cooking. So, we decided we'd wait a while until everybody was in town and walking to have a family dinner, and ordered pizza on the Monday. I forgot that I was allergic to pineapples, because I'm a collossal flake, and couldn't understand why my pain was compounded for a good three days. Pineapple slay me good.

Mayonnaise is one of those foods that I liked when I was little, and just grew out of. Maybe it was because I was feeling nervous because I was on my way to a piano competition, but one day when I was nine, I had mayonnaise on a sandwich, and I was just sick.

Not a fan of the raw onions, either. Everybody seems to like them, so I feel as if I'm being immature when I pick them out of my food. I don't know, I've always found that they throw off the balance of any meal. And they're quite accrid, in my opinion. Now, cook them down to a liquid-y mush and call it French Onion Soup, and we're having a pillow-fight at my pyjama party. Well, not really, because two car accidents which were not my fault (I don't even drive), have left me with King's Ransom worth of scar tissue through my neck, shoulders and back. So whacking me in the head with things would be dumb. I'm also allergic to feathers. Pleasure too, probably.

I know this was like a month ago, but count me in on the 'Coffee Isn't Good Committee'. It seems as if it's obligatory that once you hit a certain age, it becomes very appealing to you--as a sign of adulthood. No, that's how wisdom teeth work. And has anyone ever had a good experience with those? I sure as snot didn't. Coffee tastes like responsibility, and when you smell on someone's breath, it whiffs of resignation. Why brush my teeth or at least chew some gum? This is a teacher's lounge!

And here's trouble: beer. Splegh! There's a reason they call it 'pissed'. Yeah? Come find me!

Okay, it's not my fault I didn't know your sex. You're named after a big fat drummer!

I'm just going to assume everyone's a woman until proven otherwise.

And...if that's the case we're both big babies because you've described onions well. I guess I can eat the soup but I usually just don't bother.

I wish I did have a proper teacher's lounge I could smoke and drink lots of coffee in, but the communal staff office space has to do, and I'm not back there long enough at a stretch to justify making a pot. Someday I'll have my own desk I'll be expected to stay put at for a while. Then I'll have a big ol' cup sitting there, like the old days, at jobs I loathed. Along with my toys. I do miss having my own space to decorate, but if I'm sitting down too much I'm not doing enough of the rest of my job. Being quasi-management's confusing I tell ya!

I'm just going to assume everyone's a woman until proven otherwise.

Well, in all fairness Jay...the majority of Pajiba readers are female...

I'm not understanding you people. Allergy to artichokes? Won't eat tomatoes? Picking onions off of burgers, where they were born and feel warm and at home before entering my mouth? Hate bacon, Julie!? Just that would be enough to make my head reel.

You people make me sick. SICK! See if I invite you over to the next barbecue I have...I'm having burgers stuffed with cheese served with the full complement of salad on top and loads and loads of Candy-Ass Bacon (thanks, lilianna28). With boiled artichoke on the side, with lemon juice mixed with soy sauce. And a full hamburger toppings bar, compliments of Skitt.

As a matter of fact, screw you guys...I'm gonna go get the grille fired up.

Hehe...you said jiggly fattiness...that's my pet name for boobies...

And green foods are gross. It's a statistical fact. I don't know of what statistics...or where's it's printed...but it has to be true, damnit. Besides...cows eat green foods, and I eat cows, so I'm covered.

The only sandwich that is actually improved by mayo is a BLT. On all other sandwiches, it dilutes perfectly good mustard. Ranch, on the other hand, is a Southerner's alternative to ketchup and I refuse to eat french fries without it.

Amsterdam?...um, no.

SoCalled, I can handle a thin layer of mayo on a BLT, but it's when they whip out that brush and drown everything in it that pisses me off.

Also hate raw onions. How can you stand those? Now, grilled onion rings...yum. But raw onion? Eww. My mother used to put that in tuna. Nasty.

Who mentioned Bacon Bits? Despite the fact that I don't really eat bacon anymore, nothing could keep me from Bacon Bits. Or Parmesan Cheese. You know the processed kind that comes in the green tube? I used to eat that and Bacon Bits by themselves.

Mustard is the one condiment I have no problems with. It goes on everything. And yet when I ask for it, I get a drop, surrounded by mounds of mayo. What the hell is wrong with this world?

www.badgerbadgerbadger.com

Stuffed meaning PLUSHY and CUTE...not all stanky and taxidermied up. Because I know you all will immediately assume the worst of me. Not that I don't deserve it.

Yeah, that was me.

Yes, I've also eaten a few bacon bits by themselves in my time. But I really like them on top of two slices of bologna with a slice of cheese and some yellow mustard on wheat. The mustard helps hold them in place and you've got crunchy cheesy bacony bologna (though not fried, I didn't live near Stone Mountain until I was 16).

Julie, I don't get you sushi people (and you sushi people craaaaaave that stuff. Neil Gaiman's a dope fiend for it), but I've decided it's kind of like women. I'm not going to get it. Even without the raw fish element it still never looks appealing to me. But I just have to let it go, the same way replica and I are just not going to see the same thing in Carrie Bradshaw. Stuart Murdoch even wrote a song or two about it. It doesn't seem to be easy being a single guy in Glasgow, even when you're supposedly all famous n' popular.

And yes, exactly, all y'all womenfolk make it easier to statistically assume. I just can't get away from female-dominated organizations. Good thing we're friendly with each other.

In my family I'm the only person who puts honey mustard on chicken fingers, but my mom puts ranch dressing on baked potatoes. This is wrong to me, but apparently not to people here. But I've always been all about the butter, cheese, bacon, chili, etc...but not sour cream.

POTATO BACON BOMBS!!

I think "milk sacks" is my favorite horrible term. "Jiggly fattiness" at least sounds like it's something with some joie de vivre? (and get some British Bacon, Julie)

Alright, where are my disgusted by boiled eggs people? I'll bet there's not many. And I want that coffee shirt too. Makes me think of the guy that ran the drama club in 9th grade. Total Walter Matthau thing he had going on, with coffee tobacco breath. That's the life. Just gotta get a few more lines in my face then I'll hangdog with the best of 'em.

Damn, those are some happy badgers. It sounds like David Byrne is singing the song.

I'm strangely drawn to that.

People who don't eat mayo are not to be trusted.

People who don't eat bacon (unless they're vegetarians) should be executed on sight.

That's right.

>serena...going home tonight to create this masterpiece of taste sensation you suggest. Will blame you if it turns out badly, and hunt you down. That is all.

DRIVES me ape-shit.

More coffee must be consumed now...

Blech. I'd rather gnaw on a rabid weasel.

And yet that somehow made me hungry...I'm getting sushi.

oh my god now I want a BLT sub with mayo. thanks, TK!

my god, I go away to grab a sandwich for lunch (with mayo bitches) and the thread dissolves into a second grade discussion of food

Fact #1: ALL condiments rock, dry sandwiches suck

Fact #2: bacon is proof Godtopus loves us and anybody who says otherwise should be shot at dawn

Fact #3: sushi is weird sure, but very very yummy

Fact #4: Shadows will not eat green vegtables, which are awesome, and therefore must be an evil pod person

Fact #5: I like badgers just fine, but hedgehogs are better

I think I'd seen Aftershock mentioned here before but couldn't remember what it was. Then just now I saw a set of Aftershock drinking games at Wikipedia which seemed designed to induce, you know, death.

Sorry about that Jay. That would have been me. Aftershock is not a tool for drinking games, unless your end goal is liver failure.

Fact #1: ALL condiments rock, dry sandwiches suck

Some of us do not want our sandwiches sullied by crap like mayo. Bacon is always good, no matter what anyone says.

Julie..the above would work on anything...me included. I'll prove it...come over to my house tonight. Bring the olive oil.

I like the phrase "shot at dawn", reminds me of simpler days....

and I have never been more turned on by asparagus...

All y'all Miracle Whip lovers do know that the workers at the factory where they make and package the stuff jizz into the jars, right?

Also, Julie said "tip."

There you are Sarina. Was wondering...

For the record, the BLT is one other exception to the mayo rule, but only a verrry light spread. No Jack in the Box slathering!

Also, Bacon is a direct gift from the Godtopus. TK, I concur...haters should be executed on site.

Bacon and brown sugar? Yes, PLEASE.