Pajiba Love 04/22/08

Litely Salted’s Pajiba Love

And the angels sang a heavenly tune. This is, indeed, the greatest cast for a reality television show ever. I can already feel my brain cells running off a cliff, lemming-style. (DListed)

More great news everyone, we’ve got a brand new Lohan to stink up our movie screens! (WIMB)

You put cheese on top of a Shepard’s Pie, not tomatoes. And I will cut a bitch for saying otherwise. (QuizLaw)

Uwe Boll responds to the “petitions to get him to stop his deluge of cinematic brilliance” and calls Michael Bay a “fucking retard.” I love this story so much I want to make out with it. (Wired)

Happy Birthday to Tony Danza, who is 57 years young today! Anyone else dearly miss clips of his awesome talk show on “The Soup?” (Agent Bedhead)

College will continue to be useless until they start incorporating courses like these. (SlowlyGoingBald)

The Burger King Cheesy Bacon BK Wrapper is cheesy in that it’s crappy, not that it has the suggested copious amount of actual cheese. (The Impulsive Buy)

More bites from the 2008 ComicCon. (FilmExperience)

Ginnifer Goodwin reminds us that real polygamy isn’t all glamor and sexy fun like the kind depicted on “Big Love.” (Celebitchy)

Pie anyone? Why yes, I am taunting you Sarina. (Serious Eats)

Somehow I totally missed this until my boyfriend asked me if I wrote about it last night (which clearly, I didn’t) — but Danica Patrick became the first woman to win an IndyCar race this weekend. (IDLYITW)

“It’s Fucking Checkers” and more photoshopped Atari game boxes. (MightyGodKing)

Natalie Portman enjoys a golden shower, complimentary of a local mutt. (The Blemish)

Check out Eugene Mirman’s coverage of the PA primary, after the jump. (Get thee out and vote, my fellow Pennsyltucky rednecks!)

Pajiba Love | April 22, 2008 | Comments (56)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Make out with it? I want to take it behind the middle school and ...

Oh, feh. Too played out.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 22, 2008 3:34 PM

I consistently confuse Tony Danza with John Stamos. Why? Who knows. But I just spent 5 minutes arguing on msn messenger with my sister that Uncle Joey is fifty-fucking-seven. I mean, that's like 342 in playboy bunny years. Who the balls would have thought?

Apparently, just me.

Posted by: J_Capri at April 22, 2008 3:40 PM

J_Capri-he was Uncle Jessie, don't you be confusing him with Dave Coulier! :p

And I voted this morning. I love to vote because I love to feel powerful...and because I love to push buttons. I'm easily amused.

Ooh look, something shiny!

[Wanders away]

Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 3:48 PM

Pajiba linking to me makes me happier than the hits from BoingBoing.

No, seriously!

Posted by: mightygodking at April 22, 2008 3:51 PM

Natalie, what are you doing? Can't you see what a douche Devendra Banhart is?

I'll never look at you the same way again.

/slams door, throws self face-down onto pillow, sobs uncontrollably

Posted by: the sieve at April 22, 2008 3:55 PM

Okay, your local bookmaker is open for business again:

I'm offering 3/7 on the Lohanlette making it to 17 without being impregnated

A sure thing would be taking me up on 5/2, Sarina doesn't believe in pie

And for the trifecta, evens on PaddyDog rushing to the defence of the poor man who had to endure tomatoes on top of his shepherd's pie. That's just wrong people.

Plus did anyone else read this morning that Miley Cyrus has signed a seven-figure deal to "write" her autobiography? Is it just me or does being 15 just disqualify your for autobiography status? (Unless you're Anne Frank)

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 4:01 PM

Hey, when I played Starship Engineer Future Challenge I got fight Dr. Scientist his Robotron to save the Universe. Superfantasticfun!

Did anyone else think the Wrong Button pusher looked like David Duchovny?

Posted by: wsapnin at April 22, 2008 4:02 PM

All I know is that the older I get, the wheezier my laugh gets. And now everyone in the office knows it, thanks to mightygodking.

Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 4:06 PM

Me loves it when Paddy puts on her bookie hat. Also, if people don't pay their debts, I'd like to offer my services as resident zombie master/legbreaker.

And my pie vote goes for blueberry.

On the subject of pie (go screw, Sarina), I think tomatoes on Shepherd's Pie, while weird and unconventional, sounds fucking delicious.

Posted by: TK at April 22, 2008 4:10 PM

I could eat seventeen hundred Shepherd's Pies right now. Oh my god how I love them.

Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 4:12 PM

he was Uncle Jessie, don't you be confusing him with Dave Coulier! :p

Ohgotdamit.

Posted by: J_Capri at April 22, 2008 4:18 PM

I voted today too! And them went to work where two major systems decided failing is a good thing...stupid RAID arrays boycotting me all the same time...and yeat I can still manage time to post...or lurk as I normally do...

Posted by: Luke at April 22, 2008 4:20 PM

Hee hee...J_Capri I'm so glad you decided to de-lurk, you crack me up.

Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 4:24 PM

Hey, where are coconut cream & banana cream pies in that chart? They're saying that people prefer cherry pie to banana cream? The whole thing is fixed and Mrs. Smith is the devil.

Pumpkin Pie is my favorite, followed by Key Lime, Pecan, Peach, Blueberry, Coconut Cream, Strawberry, and Sweet Potato. What? I love pie.

Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 4:26 PM

Ooh TK:

A vitual bookie with a zombie-master enforcer. You realize we could rule the world?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 4:29 PM

Why Paddy, why would you think of such a thing? We should never use our powers for evil like that. I'm dismayed that you would even mention it.

*cough*callme*cough*

Posted by: TK at April 22, 2008 4:37 PM

I want a percentage of whatever you made by betting against my vow of decency Paddy >:(

Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 4:40 PM

Kolby, I love pie as well....pumpkin pie is my fave, then apple/cranberry, then pecan, then my aunt's chocolate toffee. This message brought to you by the Council for Yummy Deliciousness and Things that Vex Sarina.

Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 4:43 PM

People who said apple pie is their favorite are lying bastards pretending to be patriotic. Everyone knows fruit is best enjoyed in a crisp with all that yummy crispy sugary stuff on top. Pies are reserved for pecans and various cremes.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at April 22, 2008 4:47 PM

Now, Julie: To pay you a percentage would be to imply that we somehow arranged that whole incident and that's called game-fixing (see: Rose, Pete or Enron, Collected Bastard Management of). Not good for my career despite my fearsome alliance with the zombie master.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 4:50 PM

Hey guys? Uh, a virtual bookie and zombie-master enforcer would more than likely need some way to get from Point A to Point B, and um... well, I do happen to own a MurderTank... I'm just sayin'.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 22, 2008 4:53 PM

I've been crazy nuts busy with work so far this week, but I would like to say:

1. I am quite pleased that there is a Council for Hideous Grossness and Things That Vex Me, as I am easily vexed and always happy to provide the Little People with employment.

2. The comments on that Serious Eats link are funny, because someone in Texas has never heard of chocolate cream pie. Who knew there would come a day when I said people in Texas have excellent taste?

3. I know I said before that there is only one kind of pie that I believe in (that being chicken pot pie) but that was only because I forgot about shepherd's pie. I believe deeply in shepherd's pie. I even make it a lot. My mother's always tastes better, though; probably because there's no work involved on my part.

4. I staunchly maintain my disbelief in pies containing:
a) cooked fruit
b) chocolate
c) pudding, mousse, custard or cream
d) any or all of the above

Posted by: Sarina at April 22, 2008 5:05 PM

Uh oh! I see another road trip in the making. In honour of the primary from hell, we could start with Litely's adorable Pennsyltucky folks. I'll offer odds on how many can read through an elegant Ranylt review without weeping (we should clean up there). Then we'll move on to Hershey, Penn where Sarina can tell those good people how she doesn't believe in chocolate and I'll offer odds on her getting out of there alive. Skittimus: fire up the tank.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 5:13 PM

I'd like to see what would happen to Sarina if she confessed her hatred of most sweets here in Philly, Land of the Tastycake. You insult our jelly krimpets, you insult Rocky and the Phanatic and the Eagles and that fat asshole who plays Ben Franklin.

Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 5:16 PM

I don't know what Tasteycakes or jelly krimpets are. I'd probably be willing to try them (unless it turns out they're something truly heinous, like baked apples covered in oatmeal covered in chocolate mousse and whipped cream) but I make no promises that I will believe in them afterward. Some things are just too creamy and sweet and I find it very off-putting.

However, if it's any consolation, I don't give up easily on foods that confuse me. The first time I ate grits I didn't really understand what was going on with the misfiring of synapses between my taste buds and my sense of texture, but I didn't quit. I tried them repeatedly on a number of occasions, and I even kinda like them now.

Posted by: Sarina at April 22, 2008 5:34 PM

Ugh...Be glad you don't know what a Tastycake or a Krimpet is, Sarina. They are heinous. HEINOUS! And I'm from Philly, so I am allowed to say it and recieve only a severe beating instead of a prompt gang-style shooting. Blergh. The only part of "Maniac Magee" that I hate is when he goes nuts over Butterscotch Krimpets; inexplicable.

Posted by: Geetch at April 22, 2008 5:41 PM

Am I the only one who thinks that Shepherd's pie is to be topped with mashed potatoes?

Posted by: greer at April 22, 2008 5:56 PM

I got as far as "Good news, everyone..." and baptized my keyboard in coffee. Professor Farnsworth, you devil you.

Posted by: VampireNomad at April 22, 2008 6:08 PM

Greer, I believe the implication is that the cheese and/or tomato goes on top of the mashed potato.

Shepherd's Pie without mashed potatoes is... well... meatpile with some vegetables. Which ain't bad, but it also ain't pie.

Posted by: TK at April 22, 2008 6:13 PM

Also, Sarina, Tastykake is basically the illegitimate half-brother of Hostess. Only slightly tastier.

Posted by: TK at April 22, 2008 6:15 PM

Poor, poor, Sarina. Oh well, desert pies aren't for eceryone, I guess. I actually can't stand apple pie (at least not the ones you buy at restaurants), but I love just about every other type of pie. One you should really try is my Granny Chick's Meat and Potatoe Pie. I ate it and had a Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally moment, which is really awkward to have in front of your Granny Chick.

And your Mother.

And your Mother's boyfriend, Graeme.

Posted by: Jeremy at April 22, 2008 6:28 PM

All I know is that the older I get, the wheezier my laugh gets. And now everyone in the office knows it, thanks to mightygodking.

Yes, it's a good thing I'm home as I just had a similar wheezing attack. Oh the memories! Always loved the Missile Command guy and he looked like one of the Death Star technicians. Kinda sad that they had good illustrators. Was that Drew Struzan? Plus it was like a very high quality Photoshop Phriday (and they haven't been that much lately). This was gold.

For fruit pie I want a Hostess fruit pie. So terribly good, like a bag of pork rinds with one of those giant bottles of IBC root beer (though a much different sensation). A friend and I would occasionally grab a pie from those impulse troughs the grocery store will put them in and he said one time, "can you imagine if you ate this every day?"

But all I really want from Philly is the cheesesteak.

Yeah, I'll just add to the voice of reason: fuck that tomato noise.

Oh and what in the hell is that stillborn quesadilla? Did Gene Kranz lock someone in a poorly stocked kitchen? "Make a sandwich out of THIS!"

Posted by: Jay at April 22, 2008 6:41 PM

Ha! Heck's Angels!

Posted by: frumpiefox at April 22, 2008 6:43 PM

TK, I guess I am insulted by the suggestion that anything needs to go on top of the mashed potatoes.

Okay, maybe gravy. Because gravy goes on everything.

Posted by: greer at April 22, 2008 6:50 PM

On the Proper Disposition of Shepherd's Pie:

1) Using a large spoon, scoop portion of shepherd's pie out of dish, being careful to get the spoon all the way to the bottom of the dish and lift straight up. This will ensure a good proportion of pie/meat/potatoes in each spoonful. Transfer spoonful to plate.

2) Repeat #1 two or three times.

3) Lift loaded plate, being careful not to tilt it, and proceed from the dining area to the back porch.

4) Once on the back porch, extend the arm holding the plate as far behind you as you can without spillage. Balace and coordination are important to this step.

5) Making sure you have a good, firm grip on the edge of the plate, sling that horrible shit as far away from yourself, your home and your loved ones as you possibly can.

Jesus Christ people. It's shepherd's pie and you're all talking and arguing as if it were food.

Posted by: Jerce at April 22, 2008 6:57 PM

Awww, come on now. Why the hate?

Someone was ragging on Applebee's over at the SATC thread too.

Someone is seriously gonna get on that high horse in that context? Oh but I do hate chain restaurant snobbery. Yeah it doesn't cost too much because it's average quality, but it still tastes alright. I dunno, maybe there's a condition like perfect pitch for your tongue where anything middling is like a cat puke casserole. Boy would that suck.

But Jerce.....you may be right....you may be right. "food" is too diminutive a word for "cheesy oven baked mashed potatotes".

Posted by: Jay at April 22, 2008 7:10 PM

Jerce, you have no idea how disappointed I am with you right now. I am making a very sad face.

sigh

You've left me no choice. You... you made me do this.

[hoarse whisper]

zombie hordes: kill. but please, make it quick.

Posted by: TK at April 22, 2008 7:11 PM

::dodging zombies::

Shepherd's pie is yuk. Something about cooking the ground meat together with the mashed potatoes seems to take the flavor out of both. Don't ask me; I'm not a chemist.

My dear mother was too good a cook to pull that kind of nonsense on her family--she loved us.

Posted by: Jerce at April 22, 2008 7:25 PM

Jerce?

Do you have similar objections to meatloaf?

Posted by: greer at April 22, 2008 7:50 PM

(not to step on your question, greer)

Anybody else like ham loaf? My grandma used to make that and a cheese grits casserole before we didn't allow her to cook anymore. She was a bit of a north Florida cracker.

(I like my meatloaf on the crispier side)

Posted by: Jay at April 22, 2008 7:54 PM

As a general rule of thumb, I try to distance myself from foods ending in "loaf", "ums", and "flavored". This rule also applies to movies ending in "The Movie", and "...the Furious".

Anything ending in "doodle" though... man, that's just good eatin'.

As far as the Applebees hate goes, it's not so much that, but the fact that the menus from Bennigans, TGIFridays, Chilis, Red Robin and Applebees are so goddamed synonononmousish. Jalepeno Poppers? You got it! Garlic breadsticks with a bottomless pan of heated pizza slop? You betcha! Blue friggin' razamataz cocktail-psuedo martini with a big goddamed hunk of out of season pineapple? Dynofuckinmite!!

Blech...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 22, 2008 8:24 PM

So...TK...what is this mystical power you have to transmit disease via digital forum? It started with a scratching at my throat early this morning...and progressed to full out pain with every swallow by lunch. I was kicked out of the office and sent to the doctor...who diagnosed me with - throat infection. But it could have been strep throat. My only explanation is that either you misfired or the internet's own viruses diluted your stream of homemade ailment-ed cognizance. Either way, when I get better and can cough without feeling like ripping off my eyeballs, squeezing them to mush, and rubbing the insides of my throat down with the soothing, soothing eye juices...I'm coming after you.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 22, 2008 8:29 PM

Oh, and when are we going to start forbidding the younger sisters of poptarts from aspiring to mini-poptart status? It's an epidemic...this is something that must be looked into. We must preserve our celebrity siblings from becoming the trainwrecked, drugged-out, whored-up celebrasluts their older siblings became.

That shit's supposed to wait until they're middle-age and on a reality show. Where else are we gonna get our entertainment from? If this continues...I see VH1 and MTV just closing up shop completely.

And nobody wants that. Right? Right?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 22, 2008 8:42 PM

Do not question my powers, Dakaron.

Posted by: TK at April 22, 2008 8:54 PM

"...rubbing the insides of my throat down with the soothing, soothing eye juices..." - So-f'ing-D

Congrats, SoD - I've snorted coffee into my sinuses, guffawed Smart Start onto the keyboard, spit-laughed lemonade-vodka onto the screen, and chortled leftover taco fixin's down the front of my shirt whilst reading the ramblings of the Pajibapals, but I've never, ever retched on my own acid reflux bile until - Right. Fucking. Now.

Does that say something about my gross-out tolerance? Perhaps... Does it sway me from frequenting these pages that I, honest to the ever-lovin' Godtopi, find more amusing and intelligent than any other site I've visited? No. Does it leave me with a question itching at the back of my brain? Yes - where do I send you the engraved trophy for one of the most accurate, absolute pain-in-the-ass descriptions of that which is strep-throat?

Kudos, m'brother. Hope you're feeling better soon...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 22, 2008 10:51 PM

Soooooooo....whens the Postal review coming?

Posted by: Dandan at April 23, 2008 12:29 AM

C'mon you guys! Everybody is missing the most important piece of information coming out of today's 'Love: Litely Salted has a bf. My hopes and dreams are forever crushed.

Kidding! I'm really not that stalkerish in person. I swear

Posted by: the_wakeful at April 23, 2008 1:41 AM

Also: I think we broke MightyGodKing's blog. Pay your bandwidth fees, man. I am bored and need something to look at.

Posted by: the_wakeful at April 23, 2008 1:46 AM

And here I thought she was already married. Oh what a confusing place the internet is.

Posted by: Jay at April 23, 2008 7:30 AM

How do you know she isn't already married? Just because she makes reference to a boyfriend? Why I have have been happily married for seven years and I still have boyfriends all over the place. There's Mr. Clooney in Italy, Mr. Bale and Mr. Eccleston in England, Mr. Socalled if he ever dumps the spambot to get back together with me, and also, my nascent crush on you Jay via Doctor Who love. It's what makes the Internet a healthy place.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 23, 2008 8:59 AM

Greer: I'm with you. The top layer of a shepherd's pie should be mashed potato with nothing else on top. Gravy? Nah, that should be in with the meat already.

Actually, I make a vegetarian shepherd's pie that is to die for. It's much better than the meat versions I've had, which were always disappointing.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 23, 2008 9:24 AM

It's true. Although I'm not actually married, I do have quite the collection of imaginary TV boyfriends ranging from Lee Pace to Michael C. Hall.

Posted by: Stacey at April 23, 2008 10:14 AM

He is a cuttie, he is my favorite. I love him. Is he single now? I saw him on "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m " last week. Just curious.You can contact him on that site.

Posted by: Nana at April 23, 2008 11:02 AM

WHOwe boll?? if someone unheard of were to stop making movies, would it matter? It's kind of like that old tree falling in the woods with no one there to hear it thing. I could give him points for calling Michael Bay a retard, but he's wrong about Eli Roth. Roth is a fucking riot (note: I am a womand and a feminist saying this). I don't care if people don't get the humor. His characters are assholes and terrible things happen to them and it's funny. end of story.

Posted by: snarla at April 23, 2008 1:25 PM

Pie, schmie, there's bigger things afoot: The Impulsive Buy link's incorrect.

Posted by: ohgrl at April 23, 2008 2:50 PM

"Anybody else like ham loaf?"

Ham loaf is the food of Satan.

There are churches up here in the general Syracuse area that have special ham loaf dinners. And they pack them in. No lie. I'll never understand it. I have seen that stuff. I have watched people make it. Not pretty.

Posted by: greer at April 23, 2008 6:37 PM

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