free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 04/09/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Herzog, Lynch, And A Baby With Two Penises Walk Into A Bar...

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | April 9, 2009 | Comments (49)

Werner Herzog and David Lynch have reportedly finished shooting their film collaboration, My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done. Details are sparse, but one thing is for certain: This movie will blow your fucking mind. (CHUD)

JESUS CHRIST. A baby in China was born with two penises. Guess where the second one is? If this kid doesn’t have a future in porn, then I don’t even know what. (WorldOfWonder)

John Williams gave me the head’s up on this list of the most cliched, hackneyed cinematic shots which should be forever banished from film vocabulary. (ReverseShot)

Sienna Miller clarifies her statements making fun of Pittsburgh while filming Mysteries of Pittsburgh, and surprise! She comes off like even more of an asshole. (Webster’s)

Before everyone totally hijacks Dan’s review of Observe and Report tomorrow debating on whether or not date rape is funny, here are some words from Seth Rogen and Anna Faris. Uhhh, I don’t know if they’re helping. (Jezebel)

Someone was decidedly unimpressed with the tagline for Crank 2. (AgentBedhead)

Would we rather Universal make a third “Riddick” film or Serentiy 2? Is that even like, a question? (RopeOfSilicon)

Here’s a book about everything you ever wanted to know about baseball but were afraid to ask. I’m usually not afraid to ask, though, because my total sport ignorance is more or less assumed. (SecondPass)

After seeing this trailer for a documentary of grown men obsessed with Tiffany, it kind of makes me rethink singing “I Think We’re Alone Now” at karaoke ever again. (WeAreMovieGeeks)

Why would anyone think to take a scan of their sandwich? Wouldn’t that get your scanner messy? Well regardless, it makes for a good stomach rumble-inducing website. Thanks, Snath! (Scanwiches)

Here’s a bunch of screenshots from the upcoming X-Men Origins movie including Ryan Reynolds as that fruity, whatever-he-plays mutant. I hope Hugh Jackman doesn’t cry because I posted these. (FilmSchoolRejects)

Oh, snap! Kellogg’s is instigating a straight up nerd rumble by putting out a Star Trek cereal that’s similar to a — gasp!! — Star Wars cereal. (ImpulsiveBuy)

JP sent me this trailer yesterday, since he hadn’t seen it posted in trade news which was apparently because Dustin had nothing to say about it. Not a single word. I admit, they almost fail me as well. Charlie Murphy playing a scientist? A basketball playing Frankenstein? I bring you Frankenhood:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Sadly, the kid has no porn future. If you read the article, you'll see they removed the extra dick.
(Though there is at least one guy in the world with two dicks in the usual place - he can pee in stereo!)

If by 'fruity card-throwing mutant' you mean Gambit, it's not Ryan Reynolds, it's Taylor Kitsch.

Posted by: Tarn at April 9, 2009 1:16 PM

Two penises = rear simultaneous penetration, opens up many hooker billing alternatives.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 9, 2009 1:16 PM

Here’s a bunch of screenshots from the upcoming X-Men Origins movie including Ryan Reynolds as that fruity card-throwing mutant.

*twitch*

Posted by: Snath at April 9, 2009 1:18 PM

including Ryan Reynolds as that fruity card-throwing mutant.

Oh boy...*cue Quantum Leap intro*

Posted by: branded at April 9, 2009 1:20 PM

If by 'fruity card-throwing mutant' you mean Gambit

How else would one describe him?

Posted by: Jay at April 9, 2009 1:20 PM

I'll say it, Snath.

Ryan is not the fruity card-throwing one. Ryan's character has swords and guns and abs and liquid sex and will kill you.

Posted by: Sean at April 9, 2009 1:21 PM

David Lynch and Werner Herzog
Joss Wheadon and Ira Glass

It's as if somewhere a film producer was reading a Pajiba comment diversion of what people we'd like to see work together.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 9, 2009 1:21 PM

Thanks, Sean.

Posted by: Snath at April 9, 2009 1:24 PM

You know what? I'm happy having just one penis attached to me, thank you very much. I'd rather not have a second one on my back.

And yeah, Taylor Kitsch is Gambit, not RR. And don't be talking smack about Gambit now!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at April 9, 2009 1:27 PM

Not entirely sure, but I think Gambit is the card throwing one. You should probably prepare for a lot of nerdy backlash.

Posted by: Shell'sBells at April 9, 2009 1:27 PM

It's actually Pajiba's beloved Taylor Kitsch that plays,"that fruity card-throwing mutant."

Posted by: perfectjargon at April 9, 2009 1:28 PM

You should probably prepare for a lot of nerdy backlash.

Isn't it just women that like him?

Posted by: Jay at April 9, 2009 1:28 PM

Whoah, all those comments were NOT there a second ago. I guess I wasn't the first to break the news.

Posted by: Shell'sBells at April 9, 2009 1:28 PM

It's always been my dream in life to grow three penises. All based around the same groinal area. So then I could braid them, like a braid.

I wonder if I could use them for different things at the same time. Like Zaphod Breebelbox could talk and chew gum at the same time, I could pee, have sex, and inappropriately expose myself to old ladies, all at the same time.

When they're not all braided together, like a braid, that is.

Posted by: Withnail at April 9, 2009 1:28 PM

When they're not all braided together, like a braid, that is.

I'm imagining some really unpleasant times as soon as you become aroused. Ouch.

Posted by: Snath at April 9, 2009 1:32 PM

Really, you guys? This surprises you? I once confused Star Trek for Star Wars.

Posted by: Stacey at April 9, 2009 1:38 PM

I was kind of thinking it might have been intentional, like Dustin sticking it to us again and again and again for being pathetic nerdlings.

But, you're one of the cool kids, and cool kids forget nerd stuff. You are forgiven.

This time.

Posted by: Snath at April 9, 2009 1:40 PM

Who gives a shit who RR plays in the movie? If his shirt comes off, I'm there.

Posted by: Kolby at April 9, 2009 1:46 PM

It's always been my dream in life to grow three penises. All based around the same groinal area. So then I could braid them, like a braid.

There are so many things WRONG with that, that I don't even know where to start. I think I'll start with the sobbing.

Posted by: figgy at April 9, 2009 1:49 PM

I never thought I'd write this, but I hope they can safely remove that penis without damaging the spine.

Posted by: George at April 9, 2009 1:51 PM

Another shot that needs to be banished?

Starts with a view of the Earth. And then it zooms in, and keeps zooming, past countries, cities, towns, houses, streets, a house, a room, the protagonist.

Overfuckingdone.

Posted by: figgy at April 9, 2009 1:53 PM

Also, Wolverine is wearing too many clothes in those photos.

Also also, Hugh Jackman's arm veins are kind of creepy.

Posted by: figgy at April 9, 2009 1:54 PM

*Cue Porno Groove*

"Paging Dr. Backcock....Dr. Backcock to the O.R. for Siamese Twin Surgery."

Posted by: admin at April 9, 2009 1:55 PM

Really, you guys? This surprises you? I once confused Star Trek for Star Wars.

Posted by: Stacey at April 9, 2009 1:38 PM

--------------------------------------------

That's cause you SUCK! you are a raging alcoholic.

LOSE. THE. HABIT.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 9, 2009 1:59 PM

Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, Nosek's perversions aside...I wish I had FIVE penises. That way I could pleasure myself upon my ho's by doing: tits, anal, oral, missionary and hand-job. AT THE SAME TIME.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 9, 2009 2:03 PM

Another film shot they missed was the X-wing attack run on the death star that showed up so many times in Star Wars and even was used in AI (godtopus what a waste of time that movie was) near the end. But expecting creativity from some directors is apparently too much.

And really, is it even a question worth asking, Serenity 2 vs Pitch Black anything?

Posted by: lordhelmet at April 9, 2009 2:09 PM

It's always been my dream in life to grow three penises. All based around the same groinal area. So then I could braid them, like a braid.

My students are taking a test. I laughed so hard when I read that that a third of them got up to come and see what I was reading. I have them seated now, but they aren't focused anymore.

Posted by: superEdna at April 9, 2009 2:13 PM

Harsh, Slim. Harsh and uncalled for.

Posted by: I Love Beets at April 9, 2009 2:18 PM

I could really go for one of those scanwiches right now... I'm starving.

Posted by: Treena at April 9, 2009 2:25 PM

Werner Herzog and David Lynch...

and Willem DaFoe and Chloe Sevigny! That's an orgy made in heaven.

A film orgy, people.

Posted by: Cindy at April 9, 2009 2:26 PM

Oh shit.

A non-porn film orgy.

Posted by: Cindy at April 9, 2009 2:27 PM

Let me quote Lincoln:

Send all complaints to my Gettysburg address.


PS: it's pretty much a given that 99.9999999% of those who are here have alcohol issues. So thank you for killing the fun and make sure you post some links for AA.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 9, 2009 2:27 PM

Oh yeah, and BLOW ME.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 9, 2009 2:29 PM

I laughed so hard when I read that that a third of them got up to come and see what I was reading.

Awww, why couldn't any of my teachers be Eloquents? *Pouting*

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at April 9, 2009 2:29 PM

I haven't had so much as a drop of beer in about two months, Slim. I have the opposite alcohol-related issues.

Responsibilities and poverty.

Posted by: Snath at April 9, 2009 2:30 PM

It was all in jest people, if anything I've been drinking since 5:00 am, in no way did I mean to imply that ANY of the fine folks here are ...whatever I say they are.

So, once again, I'm the asshole.

Enjoy your weekend :)

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 9, 2009 2:37 PM

Awww, why couldn't any of my teachers be Eloquents? *Pouting*

Because if they were, you would spend most of your class time trying to do them. We don't want you to fail Jeremy.

Posted by: admin at April 9, 2009 2:45 PM

Maybe Statham was 'mostly dead'.

Posted by: wsapnin at April 9, 2009 2:52 PM

Good to know I won't be seeing Observe and Report.

Posted by: SaBrina at April 9, 2009 2:59 PM

What if Werner Herzog and David Lynch made "Frankenhood" (which starred Ryan Reynolds as said 'Hood), and the story was written by Star Wars/Trek nerds and based upon a debate they had regarding whether Gambit or the double penised Chinese baby was fruitier and more "porn material" and ended with a shirtless Hugh Jackman crying?

Funnier than Paul Blart: Observes and Reports?

Posted by: JP (aka JapJay) at April 9, 2009 3:27 PM

Maybe Statham was 'mostly dead'.

That made me snort. Luckily, no beverages were in the vicinity of my mouth at the time.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at April 9, 2009 3:27 PM

I SAW "I Think We're Alone Now" and it was seriously fucked up. Like the craziest version of Intervention ever. One of the guys had a line of Tiffany pictures posted at eye level around his entire apartment. Over his refrigerator and cupboards and stuff. It was insane.

Posted by: Amandarin at April 9, 2009 3:53 PM

And to think some people would consider my decor strange.

Posted by: Jay at April 9, 2009 4:28 PM

That kid could add a whole nw meaning to " Riding Bareback"...
As for camera moves that could die, I vote to do away with anything "shaky" and "realistic".
There's a thing called a tripod, fuckers. Find it. Befriend it. Use it.

Posted by: Odnon at April 9, 2009 4:57 PM

Part of the fun of the Sienna Miller idiocy is that she tried to get into one of the South Side bars without an ID (she was under 21 at the time) and the doorman wouldn't let her in. She threw a full "don't-you-know-who-I-am" tantrum on the sidewalk (in front of her mom and dad, IIRC) that got her nowhere except to look like an even bigger asshole.

So ... she can say it was a joke, and somewhere on East Carson Street a doorman is laughing, but AT her, not WITH her.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at April 9, 2009 11:13 PM

At least Observe and Report let people know about the date-rape, so that people who would be offended by it won't have to wait until tomorrow to start bitching.

Also, Gambit is possibly the dumbest X-Man. "My cards explode, and I'm Cajun!" Get some fucking internal conflicts, asshole.

Posted by: Rob at April 9, 2009 11:29 PM

Re: "I Think We're Alone Now," the Tiffany stalking movie...

I saw this movie last year at Birmingham's Sidewalk Film Festival (I EXPECT PAJIBANS THIS SEPTEMBER!!), and it was phenomenal. It was alternately funny and just heartbreaking (the tranny body builder with Asperger's syndrome is just SOOO sad), It's definitely worth the watch, though Tiffany has no actual appearance in the film as a star.

It's interesting to note that the main whack-job in the movie has gone on now to stalking Alyssa Milano.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at April 10, 2009 1:14 AM

But Rob, he makes other things explode too! He's emotionally torn over which things to explode! So many things to explode! How will he ever make the right choice and explode the right things? It's heartbreaking to watch the agony of the decision in his eyes.

Posted by: Snath at April 10, 2009 9:51 AM

"My cards explode, and I'm Cajun!"

That sounds like one of these, which figgy found:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/lets-play-nicolas-cage/

Posted by: Jay at April 10, 2009 2:37 PM